NCIS Quotes
Gibbs: You first.
Tony: Ziva David, Mossad, she's here to stop you from whacking Ari. Yours?
Gibbs: Director Jenny Shepard, same mission.
Tony: Which agency?
Gibbs: Ours.
Tony: Yeah?
Tony: Ziva David, Mossad, she's here to stop you from whacking Ari. Yours?
Gibbs: Director Jenny Shepard, same mission.
Tony: Which agency?
Gibbs: Ours.
Tony: Yeah?
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Why me, Gibbs? Wasn't stopping one bullet enough for you? Why did I have to take two?
Gibbs: I-I don't know.
Kate: You don't know? Come on, Gibbs, what's that famous gut tell you? Why did I die instead of you?
Gibbs: I-I don't know.
Kate: You don't know? Come on, Gibbs, what's that famous gut tell you? Why did I die instead of you?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: That's a first.
McGee: He called me "Tim."
Tony: Patted my back.
McGee: It was kind of nice.
Tony: Nice? I don't want nice! It's not Gibbs if he's nice!
McGee: He called me "Tim."
Tony: Patted my back.
McGee: It was kind of nice.
Tony: Nice? I don't want nice! It's not Gibbs if he's nice!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: What can I do for you?... What?
Tony: You're weirder than Gibbs.
Abby: How so?
Tony: He's being nice.
Abby: Gibbs is always nice.
Tony: To you and Ducky, maybe; me, he growls at and smacks on the head.
Abby: Which makes you feel wanted.
Tony: Yeah!
Tony: You're weirder than Gibbs.
Abby: How so?
Tony: He's being nice.
Abby: Gibbs is always nice.
Tony: To you and Ducky, maybe; me, he growls at and smacks on the head.
Abby: Which makes you feel wanted.
Tony: Yeah!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: (lying on top of Abby): Are you hit?
Abby: (gasping): No... You're heavy!
Tony: Sorry.
Abby: (feeling his leg): My god, no wonder you're so heavy, Tony, you're all muscle!
Tony: Abby, shhh!!
Abby: You're packing a nice booty too!
Tony: Hey! Is this how you deal with getting shot at?
Abby: I don't know, it's my first time.
Abby: (gasping): No... You're heavy!
Tony: Sorry.
Abby: (feeling his leg): My god, no wonder you're so heavy, Tony, you're all muscle!
Tony: Abby, shhh!!
Abby: You're packing a nice booty too!
Tony: Hey! Is this how you deal with getting shot at?
Abby: I don't know, it's my first time.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Your mother should have washed your mind out with soap. Gibbs leaves with a woman and your only thought is 'nooner'.
Tony: Was not.
Kate: Was too. I've always known what you were thinking, Tony. What? What are you up to? Tony, I just died and you're having a sexual fantasy?
Tony: Can't help it.
Kate: DiNozzo!
Tony: Sometimes I used to picture you naked. [notices Ziva watching him] I'll call you back. [pretends to hang up his speakerphone] Hi. I was just...
Ziva: Having phone sex?
Tony: Phone sex? No. Umm... Charades.
Ziva: Charades? Like uh... [gestures]
Tony: You've played.
Ziva: Never on the telephone.
Tony: Yeah. My partner and I were coming up with quotes for Saturday night.
Ziva: You play charades on Saturday night?
Tony: To kill time before I go clubbing. Who are you?
Ziva: Ziva David, Mossad.
Tony: You're Israeli?
Ziva: Very good. The way you've made that connection. Mossad, Israeli.
Tony: What can I do for you, miss David.
Ziva: Nothing. I'm here to see special agent Gibbs.
Tony: How do you know I'm not Gibbs?
Ziva: Gibbs?
Tony: He'll be back in an hour. You're sure I can't help you?
Ziva: I don't think so.
Tony: We got off to a bad start. I'm special agent Tony DiNozzo. I wasn't playing charades, I was remembering my partner.
Ziva: Naked?
Tony: No. Yes. I was just... Look, I'm not the only man who does it.
Ziva: Oh, women do it to. [deliberately looks him over] With handsome men. And even an occasional woman.
Tony: Now you're teasing me.
Ziva: Didn't your partner tease you?
Tony: No
Tony: Was not.
Kate: Was too. I've always known what you were thinking, Tony. What? What are you up to? Tony, I just died and you're having a sexual fantasy?
Tony: Can't help it.
Kate: DiNozzo!
Tony: Sometimes I used to picture you naked. [notices Ziva watching him] I'll call you back. [pretends to hang up his speakerphone] Hi. I was just...
Ziva: Having phone sex?
Tony: Phone sex? No. Umm... Charades.
Ziva: Charades? Like uh... [gestures]
Tony: You've played.
Ziva: Never on the telephone.
Tony: Yeah. My partner and I were coming up with quotes for Saturday night.
Ziva: You play charades on Saturday night?
Tony: To kill time before I go clubbing. Who are you?
Ziva: Ziva David, Mossad.
Tony: You're Israeli?
Ziva: Very good. The way you've made that connection. Mossad, Israeli.
Tony: What can I do for you, miss David.
Ziva: Nothing. I'm here to see special agent Gibbs.
Tony: How do you know I'm not Gibbs?
Ziva: Gibbs?
Tony: He'll be back in an hour. You're sure I can't help you?
Ziva: I don't think so.
Tony: We got off to a bad start. I'm special agent Tony DiNozzo. I wasn't playing charades, I was remembering my partner.
Ziva: Naked?
Tony: No. Yes. I was just... Look, I'm not the only man who does it.
Ziva: Oh, women do it to. [deliberately looks him over] With handsome men. And even an occasional woman.
Tony: Now you're teasing me.
Ziva: Didn't your partner tease you?
Tony: No
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: You're a mess, girl. Red eyes, no makeup. If ever there was a time for black lipstick, it's now.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Remember when we first met? I couldn't believe you were a Forensic Scientist! I always thought goths had bats for pets, and vise-versa.
Abby: I really liked you, Kate. A lot.
Kate: Don't start that again. Wear your pigtails, I love you pigtails!
Abby: I really liked you, Kate. A lot.
Kate: Don't start that again. Wear your pigtails, I love you pigtails!
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: That's better. You were persistent, Abs. First the black lipstick, then the black nail-polish. Next thing you know, I have a tat on my bum.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: I'm dead now, Ducky. Shouldn't be. Could have killed Ari right here in autopsy.
Ducky: Why did you hesitate?
Kate: His eyes. There was something in his eyes that made me not want to kill him.
Ducky: His eyes were ice to me.
Ducky: Why did you hesitate?
Kate: His eyes. There was something in his eyes that made me not want to kill him.
Ducky: His eyes were ice to me.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I don't want you to get pissed...
Gibbs: I thought you wanted me pissed.
Tony: I did...It was kind of weird when you were being nice, not that you're not nice... I mean, ah...
Gibbs: I thought you wanted me pissed.
Tony: I did...It was kind of weird when you were being nice, not that you're not nice... I mean, ah...
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: What is with this music?
Abby: I am playing it out of respect for Kate.
McGee: Well, I thought you were from New Orleans.
Abby: So?
McGee: Well don't they play Jazz at funerals?
Abby: Coming from the cemetery, after the body has been buried. On the way to the cemetary we play a dirge. Do you know what a dirge is, Timmy?
McGee: Creepy music?
Abby: Can you go back to the squad room and let me do my job?
McGee: I can't.
Abby: Why?
McGee: Gibbs...Gibbs told me to watch over you.
Abby: Ohhh… (It looks like Abby is mad) That is so sweet!
Abby: I am playing it out of respect for Kate.
McGee: Well, I thought you were from New Orleans.
Abby: So?
McGee: Well don't they play Jazz at funerals?
Abby: Coming from the cemetery, after the body has been buried. On the way to the cemetary we play a dirge. Do you know what a dirge is, Timmy?
McGee: Creepy music?
Abby: Can you go back to the squad room and let me do my job?
McGee: I can't.
Abby: Why?
McGee: Gibbs...Gibbs told me to watch over you.
Abby: Ohhh… (It looks like Abby is mad) That is so sweet!
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: I can't believe you would give up field work for rubber chicken dinners.
Jen: I don't think they serve that dish at Palena's.
Gibbs: Never heard of it.
Jen: Why would you? It isn't take out.
Jen: I don't think they serve that dish at Palena's.
Gibbs: Never heard of it.
Jen: Why would you? It isn't take out.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: I won't be bringing him in.
Tom: Anyway, you're not my problem anymore, Jethro.
Gibbs: You firing me, sir?
Tom: I have been offered a Deputy Director's position at Homeland Security.
Gibbs: You'd leave NCIS, sir?
Tom: The agency could use some younger blood.
Gibbs: Well, who would be replacing you, sir?
Tom: Anyway, you're not my problem anymore, Jethro.
Gibbs: You firing me, sir?
Tom: I have been offered a Deputy Director's position at Homeland Security.
Gibbs: You'd leave NCIS, sir?
Tom: The agency could use some younger blood.
Gibbs: Well, who would be replacing you, sir?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Not me!
Tom: No… as much as I like you Jethro, I would not shoot NCIS in the head.
Tom: No… as much as I like you Jethro, I would not shoot NCIS in the head.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: If Ziva leads me to Ari?
Gibbs: Shadow him and call me.
Tony: So you can bring him in?
Gibbs: Yeah, so I can bring him -- to autopsy.
Gibbs: Shadow him and call me.
Tony: So you can bring him in?
Gibbs: Yeah, so I can bring him -- to autopsy.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Why don't you visualize her naked? Does she intimidate you?
Tony: A woman hasn't been born yet who can intimidate Anthony DiNozzo.
Kate: You're forgetting your mother.
Tony: Mothers don't count.
Kate: And that lawyer. Marla?
Tony: Divorce attorney. Worse than mothers.
Kate: Well, Ziva's not your mother. She's not a divorce lawyer. She definitely intimidates you.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.
Tony: A woman hasn't been born yet who can intimidate Anthony DiNozzo.
Kate: You're forgetting your mother.
Tony: Mothers don't count.
Kate: And that lawyer. Marla?
Tony: Divorce attorney. Worse than mothers.
Kate: Well, Ziva's not your mother. She's not a divorce lawyer. She definitely intimidates you.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.
TV Show: NCIS
Gerald: I've never driven a stick.
Abby: Are you serious?
McGee: What, you can drive a stick?
Abby: Yeah, since I was like ten.
Gerald: What were you driving when you were ten?
Abby: A red '47 Ford half-ton pickup with four on the floor and Bubba riding shotgun.
McGee: Bubba?
Abby: Best damn coon dog in Jefferson Parish.
Abby: Are you serious?
McGee: What, you can drive a stick?
Abby: Yeah, since I was like ten.
Gerald: What were you driving when you were ten?
Abby: A red '47 Ford half-ton pickup with four on the floor and Bubba riding shotgun.
McGee: Bubba?
Abby: Best damn coon dog in Jefferson Parish.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: From now on, we're going to use phonetics like we did in the Corps.
Abby: Golf India Bravo Bravo Sierra?
Gibbs: What is it, Abs?
Abby: Can I please go back to my lab? I'm flipping out up here with nothing to do.
Gibbs: Okay, but don't leave the --
Abby: Don't leave the building. I know. Bravo Yankee Echo.
Abby: Golf India Bravo Bravo Sierra?
Gibbs: What is it, Abs?
Abby: Can I please go back to my lab? I'm flipping out up here with nothing to do.
Gibbs: Okay, but don't leave the --
Abby: Don't leave the building. I know. Bravo Yankee Echo.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: How long have you known I was --
Ziva: Following me? Since I left the Navy Yard.
Tony: I don't think so.
Ziva: Blue sedan. You laid behind a white station wagon for a while, then a telephone van. You lost me at the traffic circle on --
Tony: Okay, okay. You knew.
Ziva: [handing him a cup of coffee] Take it. It's chilly out here. You shouldn't feel bad. I was trained by the best.
Tony: You know, that's what I like about Mossad.
Ziva: Our training?
Tony: Modesty.
Ziva: Following me? Since I left the Navy Yard.
Tony: I don't think so.
Ziva: Blue sedan. You laid behind a white station wagon for a while, then a telephone van. You lost me at the traffic circle on --
Tony: Okay, okay. You knew.
Ziva: [handing him a cup of coffee] Take it. It's chilly out here. You shouldn't feel bad. I was trained by the best.
Tony: You know, that's what I like about Mossad.
Ziva: Our training?
Tony: Modesty.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [after Ziva tells him about her sister's death] Is that why you joined Mossad?
Ziva: I was Mossad long before Tali's death. Old...
Tony: Family tradition?
Ziva: Israeli sense of duty.
Tony: So come on. Who recruited you? Father? Uncle? Brother? Boyfriend?
Ziva: Aunt. Sister. Lesbian lover.
Ziva: I was Mossad long before Tali's death. Old...
Tony: Family tradition?
Ziva: Israeli sense of duty.
Tony: So come on. Who recruited you? Father? Uncle? Brother? Boyfriend?
Ziva: Aunt. Sister. Lesbian lover.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I'm pregnant, McGee. Twins. I haven't told the father yet. It's Gibbs. I know it's wrong, but there's something about his silver hair that gets me all tingly inside.
Tony: Excuse me, I think I'm going to vomit.
Abby: I'm joking, Tony. Except for the part about Gibbs's hair. That is really hot.
Tony: What seems to be the problem Abs?
Abby: McGee's ignoring me!
Tony: Easily fixable. [slaps McGee on the back of the head]
McGee: Ow! What was that for?
Tony: Don't ignore Abby; she's sensitive.
Tony: Excuse me, I think I'm going to vomit.
Abby: I'm joking, Tony. Except for the part about Gibbs's hair. That is really hot.
Tony: What seems to be the problem Abs?
Abby: McGee's ignoring me!
Tony: Easily fixable. [slaps McGee on the back of the head]
McGee: Ow! What was that for?
Tony: Don't ignore Abby; she's sensitive.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Well, that's nice. You know what's even nicer? My current view [looks down Paula's blouse] Victoria's Secret? Agent Cassidy.
Paula: Well you enjoy it as long as you can Agent DiNozzo [Gibbs walks up behind her and Tony sees him and shys away] Cuz that's as close as you're gonna get.
Gibbs: Agent Cassidy. Go see how many victims Abby id'd from the scrapbook
[Paula leaves]
Tony: I'll go help her. [gets up]
Gibbs: Wait.
[Paula enters the elavator, the door closes and Gibbs headslaps Tony]
Tony: What was that for?!
Gibbs: Letting her get to you!
Tony: Boss, I was not letting her get to- It won't happen again.
Paula: Well you enjoy it as long as you can Agent DiNozzo [Gibbs walks up behind her and Tony sees him and shys away] Cuz that's as close as you're gonna get.
Gibbs: Agent Cassidy. Go see how many victims Abby id'd from the scrapbook
[Paula leaves]
Tony: I'll go help her. [gets up]
Gibbs: Wait.
[Paula enters the elavator, the door closes and Gibbs headslaps Tony]
Tony: What was that for?!
Gibbs: Letting her get to you!
Tony: Boss, I was not letting her get to- It won't happen again.
TV Show: NCIS
Boone: He's carving your name on her back right now.
Gibbs: Game's over. Back to the death row.
Boone: Gibbs! Gibbs! The governor call yet? 'Cause they're not gonna kill me now. I'm the only one who can identify the killer. Hey, you think she screamed when he cut out her tongue, Jethro?
Gibbs: I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself? [Paula Cassidy enters the corridor and Boone's eyes widen]
Paula: I'm afraid your lawyer's gonna miss your execution tomorrow.
Tony: He's kinda dead. [Boone is speechless]
Gibbs: Enjoy hell.
Gibbs: Game's over. Back to the death row.
Boone: Gibbs! Gibbs! The governor call yet? 'Cause they're not gonna kill me now. I'm the only one who can identify the killer. Hey, you think she screamed when he cut out her tongue, Jethro?
Gibbs: I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself? [Paula Cassidy enters the corridor and Boone's eyes widen]
Paula: I'm afraid your lawyer's gonna miss your execution tomorrow.
Tony: He's kinda dead. [Boone is speechless]
Gibbs: Enjoy hell.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I stand corrected. I guess he didn't know. [muttered] I feel like a donkey's butt.
McGee: A donkey's butt?
Tony: I think she means horse's ass.
Ziva: Yes, that too.
McGee: A donkey's butt?
Tony: I think she means horse's ass.
Ziva: Yes, that too.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: You might want to do something about your hair... it's sticking up like a porcuswine... no, thats not the word... a porcu... pig? (Tony gives her a funny look as McGee comes in) The little animal with the little spikies!?
McGee: Porcupine?
Ziva: 'Porcupine'! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.
McGee: Porcupine?
Ziva: 'Porcupine'! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: You want something to read?
Ziva: What do you have?
Tony: [pulls out a magazine] GSM. It's a men's magazine. Most women find it objectifies them.
Ziva: [pulls out same magazine in Hebrew] I read it on the plane. I especially liked the article on page fifty-seven. In my experience, it works every time.
Tony: [checks his copy] I-I always thought that was an urban legend.
Ziva: What do you have?
Tony: [pulls out a magazine] GSM. It's a men's magazine. Most women find it objectifies them.
Ziva: [pulls out same magazine in Hebrew] I read it on the plane. I especially liked the article on page fifty-seven. In my experience, it works every time.
Tony: [checks his copy] I-I always thought that was an urban legend.
TV Show: NCIS