NCIS Quotes
Ziva: I'm driving you home. [jangles Tonys keys and smiles]
Tony: Probie. [looks hoping to McGee]
McGee: Ah, Ziva, actually I should probably drive him home tonight.
Ziva: Why is that?
Abby: Maybe he wants to live.
Tony: Probie. [looks hoping to McGee]
McGee: Ah, Ziva, actually I should probably drive him home tonight.
Ziva: Why is that?
Abby: Maybe he wants to live.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Someone's setting me up.
Gibbs: Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?
Tony: Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
Ziva: Wouldn't they all have grudges?
Tony: You see my dilemma.
McGee: [reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?
Gibbs: He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.
Tony: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
Abby: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
Tony: I didn't arrest him, Abby.
Abby: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
Gibbs: Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?
Tony: Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
Ziva: Wouldn't they all have grudges?
Tony: You see my dilemma.
McGee: [reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?
Gibbs: He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.
Tony: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
Abby: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
Tony: I didn't arrest him, Abby.
Abby: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [to Ziva, teasing] You set this up, didn't you?
Ziva: I would never...! Okay, maybe I would, but I didn't.
Ziva: I would never...! Okay, maybe I would, but I didn't.
TV Show: NCIS
Sacks: Do you realise the kind of trouble you're in here, DiNozzo?
Tony: Oh, believe me. I do. Do you realise that you have an enormous clump of something green between your teeth?
[After the interrogation]
Sacks: This guy is implicated in a homicide and he's making jokes!
Fornell: You've never worked with NCIS before, have you, Agent Sacks?
Tony: Oh, believe me. I do. Do you realise that you have an enormous clump of something green between your teeth?
[After the interrogation]
Sacks: This guy is implicated in a homicide and he's making jokes!
Fornell: You've never worked with NCIS before, have you, Agent Sacks?
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: We've been barking up the wrong tree the entire investigation.
Tony: Bush.
Ziva: Sorry. Barking up the wrong... bush?
Tony: [grins] Tree.
Tony: Bush.
Ziva: Sorry. Barking up the wrong... bush?
Tony: [grins] Tree.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony is in a jail cell, going crazy rambling about his case]
Tony: You know, I've been thinking. I'm a federal prosecutor's dream.
[...]
Tony: Because I'm angry, and I'm immature, and I like control!
[...]
Tony: Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a federal agent who investigates crime scenes, but, you know, those are the breaks when you're a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women's remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?
[...]
Tony: I'm not getting out of this one, am I, boss?
[Gibbs gestures him over, then slaps him upside the head]
Tony: Thank you, boss.
Tony: You know, I've been thinking. I'm a federal prosecutor's dream.
[...]
Tony: Because I'm angry, and I'm immature, and I like control!
[...]
Tony: Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a federal agent who investigates crime scenes, but, you know, those are the breaks when you're a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women's remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?
[...]
Tony: I'm not getting out of this one, am I, boss?
[Gibbs gestures him over, then slaps him upside the head]
Tony: Thank you, boss.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [slams Petri against the wall] We have a warrant now.
Petri: For what? I didn't do anything wrong.
Ziva: No? I can think of at least two things. Framing an NCIS agent for murder, and really, really, really pissing him off. [nods toward Gibbs]
Petri: For what? I didn't do anything wrong.
Ziva: No? I can think of at least two things. Framing an NCIS agent for murder, and really, really, really pissing him off. [nods toward Gibbs]
TV Show: NCIS
Jen: What are you thinking about?
Gibbs: Paris.
Jen: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.
Gibbs: Paris.
Jen: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.
TV Show: NCIS
Jethro: Can somebody tell me what is going on here?! First, Abby's lab nerd frames Tony for murder, now McGee kills a cop... did someone break a mirror?
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Halligan's on the goat. Oh, no! Not goat. Sheep?
McGee: Lam?
Ziva: That’s it.
Tony: He’s on the lam. There’s no “B” in that, by the way.
Ziva: Thank you.
McGee: Lam?
Ziva: That’s it.
Tony: He’s on the lam. There’s no “B” in that, by the way.
Ziva: Thank you.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: I killed a cop arresting a drug lord?
Ziva: His goose is cooked.
Tony: You would get that one right.
Ziva: His goose is cooked.
Tony: You would get that one right.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop, Gibbs was a Marine sniper, Kate protected the President of the United States... God only knows what Ziva did with Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent.
Tony: The first time I shot at someone... I wet my pants.
McGee: Really?
Tony: Really.
[McGee lets out a little laugh.]
Tony: If you tell anyone that, I will slap you silly.
Tony: The first time I shot at someone... I wet my pants.
McGee: Really?
Tony: Really.
[McGee lets out a little laugh.]
Tony: If you tell anyone that, I will slap you silly.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [Referring to Ziva teasing him] You're enjoying this a lot, aren't you?
Ziva: Oh... Yes.
Ziva: Oh... Yes.
TV Show: NCIS
Jen: [on the phone to Gibbs] Gibbs, where are you?
Gibbs: [opening Director's office door behind Jen] Right behind you.
Jen: I really hate it when you do that. [she hangs up]
Gibbs: [opening Director's office door behind Jen] Right behind you.
Jen: I really hate it when you do that. [she hangs up]
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Okay, you want me to help fix this? Then get me that reporter's number.
Jen: You're going to apologize?
Gibbs: No, ask her to dinner.
Jen: You're going to apologize?
Gibbs: No, ask her to dinner.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [referring to a model] You really find her attractive?
Tony: Yeah?
Ziva: Well, I want to shoot her!
Tony: Yeah?
Ziva: Well, I want to shoot her!
TV Show: NCIS
Cesar Bernal: [To McGee] You've been watching too many cop shows.
McGee: Well, you've been watching too many... gang... person shows.
(from observation)
Tony: I don't think McGee watches enough cop shows.
Ziva: McGee is a capable interrogator. He can be quite intimidating when he wants to be.
McGee: Well, you've been watching too many... gang... person shows.
(from observation)
Tony: I don't think McGee watches enough cop shows.
Ziva: McGee is a capable interrogator. He can be quite intimidating when he wants to be.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [catches Ziva laughing at a reality TV show] I thought this show was just mindless entertainment?
Ziva: It's called research, Tony, and I am merely looking for a lead.
Tony: Well, this is just the beginning. Before you know it, you'll be sitting at home, eating a large box of chocolates, watching the Food Network on your 50 inch plasma.
Ziva: We're not all so easily corrupted. Take McGee for example. He's been raised in America for his entire life and he barely turns the television on. Tell him, McGee!
Tony: Yeah, tell him, McGee.
McGee: Well, it depends on what you consider rarely. I might watch 20 minutes here or there.
Tony: Tell her what you do the rest of the time, probie.
McGee: That's not TV.
Tony: He pretends to be a fairy in an online computer game.
Ziva: [shocked]
McGee: It's an elf lord.
Tony: [laughing] Whatever.
Gibbs: Keller didn't commit suicide, he was murdered. [looks at Ziva and Tony] What the hell are you two doing?! Find out why!
McGee: Boss, I think I might have something.
Gibbs: ...Are you waiting for me to guess, elf lord?
Ziva: It's called research, Tony, and I am merely looking for a lead.
Tony: Well, this is just the beginning. Before you know it, you'll be sitting at home, eating a large box of chocolates, watching the Food Network on your 50 inch plasma.
Ziva: We're not all so easily corrupted. Take McGee for example. He's been raised in America for his entire life and he barely turns the television on. Tell him, McGee!
Tony: Yeah, tell him, McGee.
McGee: Well, it depends on what you consider rarely. I might watch 20 minutes here or there.
Tony: Tell her what you do the rest of the time, probie.
McGee: That's not TV.
Tony: He pretends to be a fairy in an online computer game.
Ziva: [shocked]
McGee: It's an elf lord.
Tony: [laughing] Whatever.
Gibbs: Keller didn't commit suicide, he was murdered. [looks at Ziva and Tony] What the hell are you two doing?! Find out why!
McGee: Boss, I think I might have something.
Gibbs: ...Are you waiting for me to guess, elf lord?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I'm bra-less.
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone they're bars.
Ziva: Don’t you have anything better to do than correct my English?
Ziva: I'm bra-less.
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone they're bars.
Ziva: Don’t you have anything better to do than correct my English?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Why are you on top of me?
Ziva: I'm protecting you, Tony.
Tony: Don't.
Ziva: Well, you didn't seem to mind when we were undercover.
Tony: That might have something to do with the fact that you were naked.
Ziva: Perhaps if it were warmer in here, hmm?
Tony: Let me rephrase the question: why are you still on top of me? [Ziva smiles]
Ziva: I'm protecting you, Tony.
Tony: Don't.
Ziva: Well, you didn't seem to mind when we were undercover.
Tony: That might have something to do with the fact that you were naked.
Ziva: Perhaps if it were warmer in here, hmm?
Tony: Let me rephrase the question: why are you still on top of me? [Ziva smiles]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Hey, if this thing goes off-
Ziva: This is not your fault, I know.
Tony: No, I was going to say...your life would have more meaning if you'd slept with me.
Ziva: If you'd had anything else on your mind, I might have.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: No.
Ziva: This is not your fault, I know.
Tony: No, I was going to say...your life would have more meaning if you'd slept with me.
Ziva: If you'd had anything else on your mind, I might have.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: No.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I can't tell where we are going.
Tony: There are only three ways we are going to get there: Train --
Ziva: That's quaint. We could be like those homos in those old movies
Tony: Hobos! Not homos.
Tony: There are only three ways we are going to get there: Train --
Ziva: That's quaint. We could be like those homos in those old movies
Tony: Hobos! Not homos.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me...
McGee: Where are you going?
Ziva: I've been locked in a box with Tony all day. The ladies' room!
McGee: Where are you going?
Ziva: I've been locked in a box with Tony all day. The ladies' room!
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony and Ziva in plain clothes get caught by a gun-holding security officer while searching a suspect's house]
Tony: Relax, quickdraw, we're Feds.
Security Officer: Yeah? What agency?
Tony/Ziva: NCIS.
Security Officer: Never heard of it.
Ziva: Naval Criminal Investigative...
Security Officer: Never-heard-of-it.
Tony: [sighs] Never actually get used to that. You think you will, but you never do.
Tony: Relax, quickdraw, we're Feds.
Security Officer: Yeah? What agency?
Tony/Ziva: NCIS.
Security Officer: Never heard of it.
Ziva: Naval Criminal Investigative...
Security Officer: Never-heard-of-it.
Tony: [sighs] Never actually get used to that. You think you will, but you never do.
TV Show: NCIS
Security Officer: [speaking into his radio] Central? Got two suspects claiming to be Feds.
Tony: [glances at the radio] No little red light on the radio means the radio not working.
Tony: [glances at the radio] No little red light on the radio means the radio not working.
TV Show: NCIS
[Ziva escapes her cuffs and subdues the obnoxious Security Officer, aiming her gun at him.]
Tony: Nobody's going to shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
Ziva: He called me a dirtbag.
Security Officer: [whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Ziva: [angrier] "Ma'am"?
[Tony facepalms]
Tony: Nobody's going to shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
Ziva: He called me a dirtbag.
Security Officer: [whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Ziva: [angrier] "Ma'am"?
[Tony facepalms]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: You haven’t met our hacker.
Ross Logan: He’s good?
Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
Ross Logan: He’s good?
Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Tony: She’s Israeli.
Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
TV Show: NCIS