NCIS Quotes
Ziva: The target's name was Abdul Wazir. A Syrian wanted for crimes against the state of Israel. Terminated by this man, Mossad Officer Namir Eschel, my former teammate when I was stationed in Paris.
Gibbs: Who's supposed to be dead.
Ziva: Apparently he's gotten better.
Gibbs: Who's supposed to be dead.
Ziva: Apparently he's gotten better.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Things are bad enough for NCIS as it is, Tony. You can't --
Tony: [interrupting] I don't remember asking your opinion, Officer David.
Ziva: You see? He's been completely insufferable since you left.
Gibbs: That true, Tony?
Tony: When I need to be.
Gibbs: Yeah? Maybe you were the right man for the job.
Tony: [interrupting] I don't remember asking your opinion, Officer David.
Ziva: You see? He's been completely insufferable since you left.
Gibbs: That true, Tony?
Tony: When I need to be.
Gibbs: Yeah? Maybe you were the right man for the job.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: I got this little girl who wants to go home to her dad, and that’s not gonna happen without your help. So... please?
Tony: Did Gibbs just say...?
McGee: (stunned) Mm-hmm.
Tony: Did Gibbs just say...?
McGee: (stunned) Mm-hmm.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Oh, okay. I understand.
Tony: Understand what?
Ziva: You feel a little threatened now that Gibbs is back.
Tony: I do not!
Ziva: You have been whining like a little snitch all week!
Tony: The term is 'bitch'.
Ziva: I know. I was being polite.
Tony: Understand what?
Ziva: You feel a little threatened now that Gibbs is back.
Tony: I do not!
Ziva: You have been whining like a little snitch all week!
Tony: The term is 'bitch'.
Ziva: I know. I was being polite.
TV Show: NCIS
[McGee is upset that Tony still calls him 'Probie']
Gibbs: McGee, how long have I been an NCIS Special agent?
McGee: Almost... sixteen years.
Gibbs: Wanna take a wild guess at what my first partner still calls me?
Gibbs: McGee, how long have I been an NCIS Special agent?
McGee: Almost... sixteen years.
Gibbs: Wanna take a wild guess at what my first partner still calls me?
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Don't move. Drop your weapon! Or, if you'd prefer, I can shoot you in the spine. Would you rather be a para- or quadriplegic?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Okay, I got used to being in charge!
Ziva: You better get unused to being in charge before Gibbs decides to shoot you.
Ziva: You better get unused to being in charge before Gibbs decides to shoot you.
TV Show: NCIS
[Abby and McGee are asleep at their computers. Gibbs walks in.]
Gibbs: [whispers to Abby] Your computer's on fire.
Abby: [wakes up] AHH! McGee! My baby's french-frying! [starts typing furiously]
McGee: [wakes and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!
[after a few seconds, Abby turns around]
Abby: That is so not funny, Gibbs!
Gibbs: [whispers to Abby] Your computer's on fire.
Abby: [wakes up] AHH! McGee! My baby's french-frying! [starts typing furiously]
McGee: [wakes and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!
[after a few seconds, Abby turns around]
Abby: That is so not funny, Gibbs!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [to a suspect who has grabbed her butt] Remove your hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!
TV Show: NCIS
[using a computer program that predicts the features of a couple's children, Tony and Abby combine Gibbs and Jenny and produce a hypothetical daughter.]
Tony: Wow... even with Gibbs as a father, I'd date her.
Gibbs: Never more than once, DiNozzo.
Abby: Aw, you and the Director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs.
Tony: Wow... even with Gibbs as a father, I'd date her.
Gibbs: Never more than once, DiNozzo.
Abby: Aw, you and the Director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs.
TV Show: NCIS
Jenny: You're turning down a promotion because of Gibbs' mustache?
Tony: He called Ziva 'Kate' yesterday
Tony: He called Ziva 'Kate' yesterday
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Tell me you found a match on our suspect's prints, Abs.
Abby: Negative. Still processing. But what we do have is $73.65. That's what the victim was carrying. And there's no pennies. He probably threw them out. A lot of people do. I mean I don't but other people do. Do you know how many pennies are thrown out or put into jars every year?
Gibbs: Enlighten me.
Abby: 3.5 Billion. Billion, Gibbs! That's like 35 million dollars. That's a lot of pennies in any language.
Gibbs: Including Russian?
Abby: No, Russians don't have pennies, they have kopeks.
Abby: Negative. Still processing. But what we do have is $73.65. That's what the victim was carrying. And there's no pennies. He probably threw them out. A lot of people do. I mean I don't but other people do. Do you know how many pennies are thrown out or put into jars every year?
Gibbs: Enlighten me.
Abby: 3.5 Billion. Billion, Gibbs! That's like 35 million dollars. That's a lot of pennies in any language.
Gibbs: Including Russian?
Abby: No, Russians don't have pennies, they have kopeks.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: [about the missing case file on Operation Sunburst] Check the log; who booked it out last?
Tony: The CIA. So I guess that's not a who, it's more of an it.
Gibbs: Who was the NIS case agent?
[Tony pulls up the file, and sees Mike Franks.]
Tony: What time is it in Mexico right now?
Gibbs: Cantina time.
Tony: The CIA. So I guess that's not a who, it's more of an it.
Gibbs: Who was the NIS case agent?
[Tony pulls up the file, and sees Mike Franks.]
Tony: What time is it in Mexico right now?
Gibbs: Cantina time.
TV Show: NCIS
[McGee and Ziva are trying to find a bullet in pile of vomit]
McGee: Well, we could toss a coin. [Ziva gives him a look] Or not. All right, give me some gloves.
Ziva: You didn't pack the gloves.
McGee: I thought you packed the gloves.
Ziva: [laughs] I didn't pack the gloves.
McGee: Well, we could toss a coin. [Ziva gives him a look] Or not. All right, give me some gloves.
Ziva: You didn't pack the gloves.
McGee: I thought you packed the gloves.
Ziva: [laughs] I didn't pack the gloves.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Ziva thinks that all men are liars.
Tony: Really? Ha, so if I were to lie to you, you would be able to tell?
Ziva: Particularly you.
Tony: [grins] You think?
McGee: Wouldn't go there, Tony.
Tony: Oh, watch and weep. True or false: I had eggs for breakfast this morning.
Ziva: True.
Tony: Lucky guess. Last night, I had a date with a very beautiful woman.
Ziva: False.
Tony: She's good. My first car was a shiny new red Corvette.
Ziva: False. Strike three. I win.
Tony: [looks bothered] How did -- how did you do that?
Ziva: When you said you had a red Corvette, you looked down and to your left. A tell-tale sign when people lie.
Tony: And the date?
Ziva: Tony, if you had gone out with a beautiful woman last night, you would have talked about it all day.
Tony: I would?
McGee: Oh yeah.
Tony: Okay, but how could you possibly know that I had eggs for breakfast this morning?
Gibbs: Gear up! Got a message from a dead guy.
Tony: Ready to roll, boss!
Gibbs: [walks past as the team grabs their stuff] DiNozzo?
Tony: Yeah, boss?
Gibbs: You got egg on your shirt.
Ziva: Not just your shirt...
Tony: Really? Ha, so if I were to lie to you, you would be able to tell?
Ziva: Particularly you.
Tony: [grins] You think?
McGee: Wouldn't go there, Tony.
Tony: Oh, watch and weep. True or false: I had eggs for breakfast this morning.
Ziva: True.
Tony: Lucky guess. Last night, I had a date with a very beautiful woman.
Ziva: False.
Tony: She's good. My first car was a shiny new red Corvette.
Ziva: False. Strike three. I win.
Tony: [looks bothered] How did -- how did you do that?
Ziva: When you said you had a red Corvette, you looked down and to your left. A tell-tale sign when people lie.
Tony: And the date?
Ziva: Tony, if you had gone out with a beautiful woman last night, you would have talked about it all day.
Tony: I would?
McGee: Oh yeah.
Tony: Okay, but how could you possibly know that I had eggs for breakfast this morning?
Gibbs: Gear up! Got a message from a dead guy.
Tony: Ready to roll, boss!
Gibbs: [walks past as the team grabs their stuff] DiNozzo?
Tony: Yeah, boss?
Gibbs: You got egg on your shirt.
Ziva: Not just your shirt...
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Women want men to lie to them.
Ziva: Not true.
Tony: [In feminine voice] "Honey, does my butt look big in these pants to you?" [In masculine voice] "Actually, yes, sweetheart. Your butt looks as big as Alabama. Didn't want to say anything, but you got the 'Bama butt going on."
Ziva: Not true.
Tony: [In feminine voice] "Honey, does my butt look big in these pants to you?" [In masculine voice] "Actually, yes, sweetheart. Your butt looks as big as Alabama. Didn't want to say anything, but you got the 'Bama butt going on."
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: [Describing a carpet] Looks like sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't matt, trap dust, build static, makes it ideal for carpeting. Personally, I prefer a good shag. [stares from everyone, while Palmer grins widely] From a purely forensic standpoint, I mean.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: We [Him and McGee] watched the sunrise together. It was very Brokeback Mountain.
McGee: He had me at "howdy."
McGee: He had me at "howdy."
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: [gasps] You shaved your mustache! I liked you with a little hair on your face.
Gibbs: I've still got my eyebrows.
Abby: Good point.
Gibbs: I've still got my eyebrows.
Abby: Good point.
TV Show: NCIS
Rick: What’s going on? Hey! Hey! Stop pointing the gun at my wife!
Ziva: She tried to rat on us.
Tony: She means rabbit.
Ziva: Rabbit, yes!
Ziva: She tried to rat on us.
Tony: She means rabbit.
Ziva: Rabbit, yes!
TV Show: NCIS
Jody: ...and I can only think of one explanation. It was the hand of God!
Ziva: [to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
Tony: I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.
Ziva: [to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
Tony: I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: The boy saw a car leaving the scene that looked like a "Karuma." I'm not familiar with the model.
Gibbs: "Karuma" is Japanese for "car," Ziva.
Tony: Your description of the car is "car." Nice work, Officer David.
McGee: The Karuma's the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto III. It's a Chrysler Sebring Sedan.
Tony: McGeek with the save!
Gibbs: "Karuma" is Japanese for "car," Ziva.
Tony: Your description of the car is "car." Nice work, Officer David.
McGee: The Karuma's the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto III. It's a Chrysler Sebring Sedan.
Tony: McGeek with the save!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Look, I know what I saw. Someone policed the brass and tried to wipe up the blood.
Tony: Who, Probie-- the crime scene fairies? There's no one here!
Tony: Who, Probie-- the crime scene fairies? There's no one here!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Something just touched my foot. Something's under the couch!
McGee: Maybe it's the, uh, crime scene fairy, Tony.
Tony: I hate Halloween
McGee: Maybe it's the, uh, crime scene fairy, Tony.
Tony: I hate Halloween
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Marital problems?
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt’s not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And you wonder why I have a problem with your language.
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt’s not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And you wonder why I have a problem with your language.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: You know what they say about a mother bear and her cubs.
Ziva: They eat them when the food runs out. I saw it in this documentary that Tony forced me to watch; Grizzly Man?
Ducky: Yes, well, I was referring to the mother bear's protective instincts when her cubs are threatened. There is no more dangerous creature in the world.
Ziva: I agree. They also ate the man who shot the footage, and his girlfriend.
Ducky: Well, that's perfectly dreadful.
Ziva: That's what I said to Tony!
Ducky: What does Gibbs think?
Ziva: I don't know. He isn't speaking to me.
Ducky: Well, chin up, my dear. It could be worse.
Ziva: How?
Ducky: He could be a bear.
Ziva: They eat them when the food runs out. I saw it in this documentary that Tony forced me to watch; Grizzly Man?
Ducky: Yes, well, I was referring to the mother bear's protective instincts when her cubs are threatened. There is no more dangerous creature in the world.
Ziva: I agree. They also ate the man who shot the footage, and his girlfriend.
Ducky: Well, that's perfectly dreadful.
Ziva: That's what I said to Tony!
Ducky: What does Gibbs think?
Ziva: I don't know. He isn't speaking to me.
Ducky: Well, chin up, my dear. It could be worse.
Ziva: How?
Ducky: He could be a bear.
TV Show: NCIS
(Ducky and Palmer drive up with the car splattered with eggs)
Ziva: What happened to them?
Tony: I told you, it's Halloween.
Ducky: Sorry we're late, we had a run-in with some local youths.
Gibbs: Yeah, I can see that.
McGee: Did you get a good look at 'em?
Ducky: Oh, we did better than that. (to Palmer) Release the captives!
(Palmer slides open the door and three ninjas stumble out of the car)
Ninjas: Where are we? We said we're sorry!
Tony: Nice work, Palmer!
Palmer: Oh, it wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them three blocks!
Ziva: What happened to them?
Tony: I told you, it's Halloween.
Ducky: Sorry we're late, we had a run-in with some local youths.
Gibbs: Yeah, I can see that.
McGee: Did you get a good look at 'em?
Ducky: Oh, we did better than that. (to Palmer) Release the captives!
(Palmer slides open the door and three ninjas stumble out of the car)
Ninjas: Where are we? We said we're sorry!
Tony: Nice work, Palmer!
Palmer: Oh, it wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them three blocks!
TV Show: NCIS