NCIS Quotes
Ducky: From what I hear, Timothy, in your next novel, L.J. Tibbs has a love interest. Yes. I hear that it's an Army...
McGee: Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that.
Gibbs: Army what? McGee?
McGee: [reluctantly] Lieutenant... Colonel. Lieutenant colonel.
McGee: Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that.
Gibbs: Army what? McGee?
McGee: [reluctantly] Lieutenant... Colonel. Lieutenant colonel.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I sure wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall up there. [Ziva looks confused] Never mind.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What've you got, Abs?
Abby: Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.
Abby: Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Have you ever seen anyone walk that quickly in heels?
Tony: Only at the end of a really hairy date.
Tony: Only at the end of a really hairy date.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my eyesight.
Ziva: You'd adapt.
McGee: What if I didn't?
Ziva: You'd fall into a deep depression and eventually you would die.
McGee: Remind me not to come to you for a pep-talk anytime soon.
Ziva: You'd adapt.
McGee: What if I didn't?
Ziva: You'd fall into a deep depression and eventually you would die.
McGee: Remind me not to come to you for a pep-talk anytime soon.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What's he hiding?
McGee: For the most part, not a whole lot. It's about the most boring diary I've ever read. An obsession with Kelly Clarkson... wondering why he can't find a girlfriend...
Abby: He didn't make the connection between those two things?
McGee: For the most part, not a whole lot. It's about the most boring diary I've ever read. An obsession with Kelly Clarkson... wondering why he can't find a girlfriend...
Abby: He didn't make the connection between those two things?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Abby's processing evidence from his office. She nearly bit my head off when I poked it into her lab to check on her.
McGee: Quit drinking caffeine.
Ziva: Abby?!
Tony: Abby Sciuto?
McGee: Quit drinking caffeine.
Ziva: Abby?!
Tony: Abby Sciuto?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: How long were you guys there?
Ziva: Long enough. So, you are getting a new roommate?
Tony: We're discussing it.
Ziva: What is there to discuss?
Tony: It's complicated.
Ziva: Complicated, complicated, complicated. You know, in America I have noticed the use of that word as a code for 'if I explain it, you would not agree, therefore I will use the word "complicated" and hopefully you will stop asking!'
Tony: That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I'm going to go see what Abby wants...
Ziva: Tony.
Tony: Ziva... if you're going to give me advice on dating, I'm going to need to get something out of my system first, okay? [laughs heartily]
Ziva: Stop laughing or I will hurt you.
Ziva: Long enough. So, you are getting a new roommate?
Tony: We're discussing it.
Ziva: What is there to discuss?
Tony: It's complicated.
Ziva: Complicated, complicated, complicated. You know, in America I have noticed the use of that word as a code for 'if I explain it, you would not agree, therefore I will use the word "complicated" and hopefully you will stop asking!'
Tony: That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I'm going to go see what Abby wants...
Ziva: Tony.
Tony: Ziva... if you're going to give me advice on dating, I'm going to need to get something out of my system first, okay? [laughs heartily]
Ziva: Stop laughing or I will hurt you.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I know what you're doing. You're hiding behind all these jokes, and I know what you're hiding from.
Tony: Really? What's that?
Ziva: What everyone who is afraid to love hides from: getting hurt.
Tony: It's not just me that I'm worried about hurting, Ziva.
Ziva: That's because you're a good person.
Tony: Really? What's that?
Ziva: What everyone who is afraid to love hides from: getting hurt.
Tony: It's not just me that I'm worried about hurting, Ziva.
Ziva: That's because you're a good person.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I love you, McGee. Not like "love you" love you. Not that I don't love you, because I do, kind of. You know, like the way I love puppies.
McGee: I could have done without that comparison.
Abby: But I love puppies.
McGee: I could have done without that comparison.
Abby: But I love puppies.
TV Show: NCIS
Jenny: [calling from Paris] Is the agency intact?
Gibbs: I cut it up into small bitsy pieces and sold it to the three-letter boys.
Gibbs: I cut it up into small bitsy pieces and sold it to the three-letter boys.
TV Show: NCIS
Jenny: Is the agency still intact after a week with Gibbs in charge?
Cynthia: Mmm... we survived.
Jenny: [chuckles] Did Gibbs?
Cynthia: Barely.
Cynthia: Mmm... we survived.
Jenny: [chuckles] Did Gibbs?
Cynthia: Barely.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What were you doing for 21 hours, Jenny?
Jenny: What we used to do, ever so well.
Gibbs: When you lie, your right eye twitches. It always has.
Jenny: What we used to do, ever so well.
Gibbs: When you lie, your right eye twitches. It always has.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?
Jenny: You sound like a jealous husband.
Gibbs: How would you know?
Jenny: You sound like a jealous husband.
Gibbs: How would you know?
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Unless you're a spy.
Ziva: Why're you looking at me?!
Ducky: I'm trying to lighten the atmosphere with a little humor.
Ziva: Why're you looking at me?!
Ducky: I'm trying to lighten the atmosphere with a little humor.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: [speaking to her computers and devices] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Okay, I know you guys have been working really hard lately, and I promised that you could have the weekend off, but this sounds like an emergency, so I need everybody to get those electrons flowing! If anybody is not up to it, I need to know now, not when the Director arrives. Something's wrong. [walks up to her stereo and turns up music, then heads back to her computer and breathes in deeply] Ready.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva / McGee: What're you doing here?
Ziva: I asked first.
McGee: Well technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to the test you'd find that it was too close to call. But, since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I was defragging my computers.
Ziva: Liar.
Ziva: I asked first.
McGee: Well technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to the test you'd find that it was too close to call. But, since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I was defragging my computers.
Ziva: Liar.
TV Show: NCIS
Jenny: His cover is teaching film online in American university.
Ziva: Tony, a teacher?
McGee: No wonder he's been compromised. Who's bright idea was that?
Jenny: Mine.
Ziva: Tony, a teacher?
McGee: No wonder he's been compromised. Who's bright idea was that?
Jenny: Mine.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: What was that for?
Tony: Believing I was dead.
McGee: Hey, I never believed that you were dead. Ziva was the one that gave up on you.
Ziva: Don't even think about the headslap.
Tony: Believing I was dead.
McGee: Hey, I never believed that you were dead. Ziva was the one that gave up on you.
Ziva: Don't even think about the headslap.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: Tony! I knew you'd be alright, I knew it! Everybody else gave you up for dead, even Ziva!
Ziva: OK, so I may have acted a little... hastily.
Tony: That's my letter opener!
Ziva: Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it.
Tony: (checks his desk) Where's my American Pie coffee mug?
Abby: Palmer.
Tony: Mighty Mouse stapler?
Abby: Ducky. (looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ducky!
[Tony turns and sees Ducky, caught in the act of trying to replace Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler.]
Ducky: My dear fellow... I never believed it for a moment!
Ziva: OK, so I may have acted a little... hastily.
Tony: That's my letter opener!
Ziva: Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it.
Tony: (checks his desk) Where's my American Pie coffee mug?
Abby: Palmer.
Tony: Mighty Mouse stapler?
Abby: Ducky. (looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ducky!
[Tony turns and sees Ducky, caught in the act of trying to replace Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler.]
Ducky: My dear fellow... I never believed it for a moment!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: You ever lie to someone you love, Ziva?
Ziva: Yes.
Tony: They ever forgive you?
Ziva: They never found out.
Tony: Mine found out.
Ziva: Yes.
Tony: They ever forgive you?
Ziva: They never found out.
Tony: Mine found out.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I'm just being curious.
McGee: About when I lost my virginity.
Ziva: No, you misunderstood. I'm not asking when you lost your virginity but if you lost it.
McGee: About when I lost my virginity.
Ziva: No, you misunderstood. I'm not asking when you lost your virginity but if you lost it.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [Seeing Tony working at his desk] What's wrong with this picture?
McGee: You mean, beside Tony being here before us? And actually working?
Tony: I can hear you, you know.
McGee: You mean, beside Tony being here before us? And actually working?
Tony: I can hear you, you know.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I am here if you'd like to talk.
Tony: About what?
Ziva: I know how much you cared about her.
Tony: I'm fine, Ziva.
Ziva: All right. But I thought maybe you'd need a little cheering up.
Tony: If I needed to be cheered up, I would've put superglue on McGee's keyboard.
McGee: You put superglue on my keyboard!
Tony: About what?
Ziva: I know how much you cared about her.
Tony: I'm fine, Ziva.
Ziva: All right. But I thought maybe you'd need a little cheering up.
Tony: If I needed to be cheered up, I would've put superglue on McGee's keyboard.
McGee: You put superglue on my keyboard!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: All right. I think I know what happened here.
Tony: Oh, twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again.
McGee: The GPS coordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee.
Tony: Oh, twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again.
McGee: The GPS coordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
Gibbs: I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I'm not working. Just... drinking. Heidi! Uno mas, s'il vous plait.
Michael Locke: You're mixing your languages.
Ziva: And my liquors.
Michael Locke: You're mixing your languages.
Ziva: And my liquors.
TV Show: NCIS
Locke: What's it like to shoot someone?
Ziva: It is what it is. It is what you have to do.
Ziva: It is what it is. It is what you have to do.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Is that pastrami?
Tony: [nods] Mm-hmm.
McGee: Can I have a bite?
Tony: Nuh-uh. This is my dinner. You can have the pickle.
McGee: I don't like pickles.
Tony: I know.
McGee: I hope you choke on that sandwich.
Tony: [nods] Mm-hmm.
McGee: Can I have a bite?
Tony: Nuh-uh. This is my dinner. You can have the pickle.
McGee: I don't like pickles.
Tony: I know.
McGee: I hope you choke on that sandwich.
TV Show: NCIS
[Ziva confronts Tony in the men's room]
Tony: You know, I saw this on Cinemax once.
Ziva: So what happens now?
Tony: They play some funky music and you say, "I have been watching you from afar."
Ziva: Well, I've been watching you from afar, Tony, which is why I know how much you cared for Jeanne.
Tony: Oh, your timing is impeccable, Ziva.
Ziva: And how much it hurt when she left. So, what happens now?
Tony: I said I'm fine.
Ziva: You are not fine. You are still deeply troubled.
Tony: Even if I was, this bothers you because...?
Ziva: Because you are my partner. And because you made a grave error in judgment falling in love with that girl.
Tony: If this is a pep-talk, I give you a D-minus.
Ziva: And right now, it is very clear you are still hanging onto her.
Tony: I see the confusion. These are called "feelings," Ziva.
Ziva: Feelings you need to let go.
Tony: That easy, huh?
Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time, to leave your entire life behind for her? You did not think this through.
Tony: Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?
Ziva: No. Actually, I didn't.
Tony: Well, it does.
Ziva: Well, it shouldn't.
Tony: Really. This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking.
Ziva: You crossed the line, Tony.
Tony: Oh, I crossed the line?
Tony: You know, I saw this on Cinemax once.
Ziva: So what happens now?
Tony: They play some funky music and you say, "I have been watching you from afar."
Ziva: Well, I've been watching you from afar, Tony, which is why I know how much you cared for Jeanne.
Tony: Oh, your timing is impeccable, Ziva.
Ziva: And how much it hurt when she left. So, what happens now?
Tony: I said I'm fine.
Ziva: You are not fine. You are still deeply troubled.
Tony: Even if I was, this bothers you because...?
Ziva: Because you are my partner. And because you made a grave error in judgment falling in love with that girl.
Tony: If this is a pep-talk, I give you a D-minus.
Ziva: And right now, it is very clear you are still hanging onto her.
Tony: I see the confusion. These are called "feelings," Ziva.
Ziva: Feelings you need to let go.
Tony: That easy, huh?
Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time, to leave your entire life behind for her? You did not think this through.
Tony: Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?
Ziva: No. Actually, I didn't.
Tony: Well, it does.
Ziva: Well, it shouldn't.
Tony: Really. This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking.
Ziva: You crossed the line, Tony.
Tony: Oh, I crossed the line?
TV Show: NCIS