NCIS Quotes
Tony: What are you doing?
Ziva: I'm checking into Locke's missing girlfriend. You?
Tony: Same.
Ziva: What? Why?
[...]
Tony: Checking her medical records.
Ziva: Why? Do you think she's been lying in some hospital unable to communicate?
Tony: No, I think she's been lying in a shallow grave unable to communicate.
Ziva: Medical records are privileged information. You need a subpoena.
Tony: Not if you have an IOU from a county clerk with a very expressive poker face.
Ziva: I'm checking into Locke's missing girlfriend. You?
Tony: Same.
Ziva: What? Why?
[...]
Tony: Checking her medical records.
Ziva: Why? Do you think she's been lying in some hospital unable to communicate?
Tony: No, I think she's been lying in a shallow grave unable to communicate.
Ziva: Medical records are privileged information. You need a subpoena.
Tony: Not if you have an IOU from a county clerk with a very expressive poker face.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Look. If you're going to give me a lecture on my bad judgment, I don't need to hear it.
Gibbs: Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgment?
Ziva: I should've moved earlier.
Gibbs: You would've if you could've.
Ziva: I left it too late.
Gibbs: You still took him out.
Ziva: I almost died.
Gibbs: But you didn't. You've got to trust your judgment, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be "almost."
Gibbs: Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgment?
Ziva: I should've moved earlier.
Gibbs: You would've if you could've.
Ziva: I left it too late.
Gibbs: You still took him out.
Ziva: I almost died.
Gibbs: But you didn't. You've got to trust your judgment, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be "almost."
TV Show: NCIS
[McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble]
Tony: Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.
McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.
Tony: [chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?
Ziva: It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.
McGee: Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.
Tony: [chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.
McGee: [smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.
Ziva: You peeked!
McGee: Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.
Tony: You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.
[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]
McGee: [frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.
Ziva: [smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.
Tony: You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.
McGee: No....
Ziva: [laughs] Sixty-two points!!!
Tony: Jedi wins.
McGee: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: [walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.
[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]
McGee: Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.
Tony: So he didn't actually lose.
McGee: Correct!<
Tony: Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.
McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.
Tony: [chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?
Ziva: It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.
McGee: Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.
Tony: [chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.
McGee: [smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.
Ziva: You peeked!
McGee: Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.
Tony: You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.
[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]
McGee: [frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.
Ziva: [smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.
Tony: You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.
McGee: No....
Ziva: [laughs] Sixty-two points!!!
Tony: Jedi wins.
McGee: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: [walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.
[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]
McGee: Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.
Tony: So he didn't actually lose.
McGee: Correct!<
TV Show: NCIS
[Ziva is confusing Tony as they talk at the crime scene.]
Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: [confused look] Done... what?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.
Tony: We've gotta figure out what he was doing here.
Ziva: And with whom he was doing it.
Tony: Doing what with?
Ziva: Whatever it was he was doing when he was undone.
Tony: [confused look] Done... what?
Ziva: Done!
Ducky: In, my dear fellow. Done in. Don't you understand the Queen's English?
Tony: Not this queen.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Jimmy, I have no doubt that you have it in you to die a hero's death. But until then, I would greatly appreciate your assistance here.
TV Show: NCIS
Palmer: How do you do it?
Gibbs: Hmm?
Palmer: Block out fear.
Gibbs: You don't. It's what you do with it.
Gibbs: Hmm?
Palmer: Block out fear.
Gibbs: You don't. It's what you do with it.
TV Show: NCIS
[Palmer follows the team in his car.]
Gibbs: What are you doing here?!
Palmer: I thought I could help...
Gibbs: What part of "stay" don't you understand?! Stay! Palmer, you stay in the car!
Gibbs: What are you doing here?!
Palmer: I thought I could help...
Gibbs: What part of "stay" don't you understand?! Stay! Palmer, you stay in the car!
TV Show: NCIS
[Palmer stops the suspect fleeing by crashing his car.]
Gibbs: What the hell were you thinking?!
Palmer: I did not get out of the car.
Gibbs: What the hell were you thinking?!
Palmer: I did not get out of the car.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: We could have made it.
Tony: The needle is below E, E stands for empty, we have less than empty, and we don't even know where it is!
Ziva: We could have made it.
Ziva and Tony: [at same time] What!
Tony: slightly annoyed, gets out of the car and starts pumping gas Why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What?
Tony: I said, why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What do you want me to do? Hold your nozzle?
Tony: Get us a map [Ziva makes a face, gets out of the car and starts walking to the store] ...And some white powder doughnuts and the blue ice gatorade. [she pauses, smacks her ass and keeps walking without turning around.]
Tony: The needle is below E, E stands for empty, we have less than empty, and we don't even know where it is!
Ziva: We could have made it.
Ziva and Tony: [at same time] What!
Tony: slightly annoyed, gets out of the car and starts pumping gas Why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What?
Tony: I said, why don't you make yourself useful?
Ziva: What do you want me to do? Hold your nozzle?
Tony: Get us a map [Ziva makes a face, gets out of the car and starts walking to the store] ...And some white powder doughnuts and the blue ice gatorade. [she pauses, smacks her ass and keeps walking without turning around.]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: She doesn't want us involved. If there's one thing I learned about the Director's private wars, it's that it's best to stay away -- for her and for us! She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, it's probably a coincidence anyway, and she's behind one of those expensive windows munching on over-priced cashews courtesy of Mr. Out-of-Town.
TV Show: NCIS
Franks: Might be hard to believe, but I was in love once. Her name was Maggie. She had it all, quick as a fox, great curves, trusted her with my life.
Shepard: What happened?
Franks: Traded for a Harley-Davidson when the transmission blew.
Shepard: What happened?
Franks: Traded for a Harley-Davidson when the transmission blew.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Paris. That's when it must have happened.
Ziva: The two of them alone in another world.
Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands every day.
Ziva: Not to mention the long nights.
Tony: It was inevitable.
Ziva: Nothing is inevitable.
Ziva: The two of them alone in another world.
Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands every day.
Ziva: Not to mention the long nights.
Tony: It was inevitable.
Ziva: Nothing is inevitable.
TV Show: NCIS
Vance: Did you know Mike Franks was involved in this?
Tony/Ziva: No./Yes.
Vance: Want to take a moment to get your stories straight?
Tony/Ziva: Yes./No.
Vance: Whose side are you on?
Tony/Ziva: [together] Gibbs.
Vance: Well, you finally got your story straight.
Tony/Ziva: No./Yes.
Vance: Want to take a moment to get your stories straight?
Tony/Ziva: Yes./No.
Vance: Whose side are you on?
Tony/Ziva: [together] Gibbs.
Vance: Well, you finally got your story straight.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Mr. Palmer, tell Gibbs he can send in the B-team.
Gibbs: Implies there's an A-team, Duck.
Ducky: Isn't there?
Gibbs: Implies there's an A-team, Duck.
Ducky: Isn't there?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Anything else?
Abby: A number.
Gibbs: One, two, six?
Abby: One hundred and twenty six. That is the number of days that Tony, McGee and Ziva have been gone. I really didn't think you'd let it get into triple digits, Gibbs! But now it's way more! It's like a third of a whole year! I miss them!
Gibbs: Abby, you had lunch with McGee yesterday.
Abby: It's not the same. I miss them collectively, as a group. My three musketeers.
Abby: A number.
Gibbs: One, two, six?
Abby: One hundred and twenty six. That is the number of days that Tony, McGee and Ziva have been gone. I really didn't think you'd let it get into triple digits, Gibbs! But now it's way more! It's like a third of a whole year! I miss them!
Gibbs: Abby, you had lunch with McGee yesterday.
Abby: It's not the same. I miss them collectively, as a group. My three musketeers.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [talking on the webcam to McGee, he puts on a pirate-ish Irish accent] Ah, life in the ocean blue, me hearties. If the scurvy don't get you, the pox will. And tell me this, me little McShipmate, how is that scurrilous, blackhearted, pirate king of ours, Captain One-Shot Gibbs?
Gibbs: [walking on-sceen so that Tony can see him] I'm just fine, DiNozzo.
Tony: [startled] Oh! Um... ah. [headslaps himself] There you go, boss. Welcome aboard.
Gibbs: Got work to do.
Tony: I'm on it, boss. What am I on, McGee?
McGee: Are you alone?
Tony: Oh, yeah! Just me and 5000 of my closest friends. I AM NEVER ALONE! [looks over shoulder, then whispers] I really need to come home, boss.
Gibbs: Working on it.
Gibbs: [walking on-sceen so that Tony can see him] I'm just fine, DiNozzo.
Tony: [startled] Oh! Um... ah. [headslaps himself] There you go, boss. Welcome aboard.
Gibbs: Got work to do.
Tony: I'm on it, boss. What am I on, McGee?
McGee: Are you alone?
Tony: Oh, yeah! Just me and 5000 of my closest friends. I AM NEVER ALONE! [looks over shoulder, then whispers] I really need to come home, boss.
Gibbs: Working on it.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Is this hacking, McGee? Are we hacking?
McGee: We are not hacking, Tony.
Tony: But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
McGee: We are not hacking, Tony.
Tony: But it is illegal, right? Don't answer that. I know it's illegal. I'm having fun.
TV Show: NCIS
Eli David: You know, Leon, sometimes, those who know me ask me directly -- the brave among them -- but most of the time the others, I can feel them looking at me and silently wondering, how can a father possibly raise his daughter to be a professional killer?
Vance: A question that I've never asked you because I know the answer.
Eli David: Every day is a fight to survive. It is my dream that my daughter will not have to make that decision with her sons and her daughters; I would like my grandchildren to be doctors and architects, to live a happy life, to grow fat and old. [pause] You want her back, don't you.
Vance: Yes, Eli, I want her back.
Eli David: Tell me, Leon, are we winning?
Vance: I don't know, Eli.
Eli David: I like to think we are... and then there's something else: a bombing, a kidnapping, an atrocity. Use her well, Leon. Ziva is the sharp end of the spear.
Vance: Thank you, Eli.
Vance: A question that I've never asked you because I know the answer.
Eli David: Every day is a fight to survive. It is my dream that my daughter will not have to make that decision with her sons and her daughters; I would like my grandchildren to be doctors and architects, to live a happy life, to grow fat and old. [pause] You want her back, don't you.
Vance: Yes, Eli, I want her back.
Eli David: Tell me, Leon, are we winning?
Vance: I don't know, Eli.
Eli David: I like to think we are... and then there's something else: a bombing, a kidnapping, an atrocity. Use her well, Leon. Ziva is the sharp end of the spear.
Vance: Thank you, Eli.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Looks like we found the murder weapon. Toy guitar?
McGee: That is not a toy guitar. That is a guitar controller. Used to play Lords of Rock, video game. That particular model is called an axe.
Ziva: So our killer is an axe murderer.
McGee: That is not a toy guitar. That is a guitar controller. Used to play Lords of Rock, video game. That particular model is called an axe.
Ziva: So our killer is an axe murderer.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: Well, Ducky was right. It's snot.
McGee: It's not what?
Abby: It's snot.
McGee: It's not?
Abby: Yeah, it is.
McGee: It's what?
Abby: Snot. The substance found in Lindsey Evans hair. It's snot.
McGee: Well, why didn't you just say that?
McGee: It's not what?
Abby: It's snot.
McGee: It's not?
Abby: Yeah, it is.
McGee: It's what?
Abby: Snot. The substance found in Lindsey Evans hair. It's snot.
McGee: Well, why didn't you just say that?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: What?
Ziva: You seem, um... different.
Tony: Taller? Hotter?
Ziva: Older.
Tony: Well, it's been over four months.
Ziva: You still beating yourself up over Jenny?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
Ziva: Drinking?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
[Ziva touches his shoulder]
Ziva: You could have called.
Ziva: You seem, um... different.
Tony: Taller? Hotter?
Ziva: Older.
Tony: Well, it's been over four months.
Ziva: You still beating yourself up over Jenny?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
Ziva: Drinking?
Tony: Not as much as I used to.
[Ziva touches his shoulder]
Ziva: You could have called.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: McGee was specifically told to destroy those photos.
Tony: Guess he forgot.
Ziva: Then perhaps I should remind him.
Tony: Go easy on the lad, he's had a rough summer.
Ziva: Well, we all have.
Tony: I think it was especially difficult for McGeek. Doesn't handle change well, never has.
Ziva: He seems fine.
Tony: [scoffs] Please, cooped up in that techno-basement for four months? You know how much he loves pounding the pavement, working leads, interrogating.
Ziva: [laughs] McGee?
Tony: Yeah, not to mention Gibbs, Duckster, you and me, Abs... I mean, everyone knows how close those two are.
Ziva: McGee was in the sub-basement, Tony. They had lunch every week.
Tony: It's not the same. You get used to seeing someone every day, talking to them, relying on them, and suddenly they're not there...
Ziva: It's all part of the job.
Tony: Doesn't make it any easier... for McGee.
Tony: Guess he forgot.
Ziva: Then perhaps I should remind him.
Tony: Go easy on the lad, he's had a rough summer.
Ziva: Well, we all have.
Tony: I think it was especially difficult for McGeek. Doesn't handle change well, never has.
Ziva: He seems fine.
Tony: [scoffs] Please, cooped up in that techno-basement for four months? You know how much he loves pounding the pavement, working leads, interrogating.
Ziva: [laughs] McGee?
Tony: Yeah, not to mention Gibbs, Duckster, you and me, Abs... I mean, everyone knows how close those two are.
Ziva: McGee was in the sub-basement, Tony. They had lunch every week.
Tony: It's not the same. You get used to seeing someone every day, talking to them, relying on them, and suddenly they're not there...
Ziva: It's all part of the job.
Tony: Doesn't make it any easier... for McGee.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Kaplan is the only one who can identify Evans's killer.
Ziva: And he overdoses.
Tony: Hell of a coinky-dink.
Ziva: What's a kwinkadink?
Tony: Coincidence.
Ziva: You believe this is a dwinkakwink?
Tony: Sarcasm, Ziva; you're back in America, flip the switch.
Ziva: And he overdoses.
Tony: Hell of a coinky-dink.
Ziva: What's a kwinkadink?
Tony: Coincidence.
Ziva: You believe this is a dwinkakwink?
Tony: Sarcasm, Ziva; you're back in America, flip the switch.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: What's going on here?
McGee: Don't know. Don't care. None of my business DiNosey.
Ziva: You are such a control geek.
Tony: Freak.
Ziva: Yes, that too.
McGee: Don't know. Don't care. None of my business DiNosey.
Ziva: You are such a control geek.
Tony: Freak.
Ziva: Yes, that too.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: So you stayed at Ab's last night, huh? You guys sleep in the same room?
Ziva: It is a one-bedroom apartment.
Tony: One bedroom, one bed? One coffin?
Ziva: You want the truth?
Tony: Yeah, [as Jack Nicholson] I think I can handle the truth.
Ziva: My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over... on the couch... in my pajamas.
Tony: Come on, work with me! Couldn't you lie just a little bit?
Ziva: It is a one-bedroom apartment.
Tony: One bedroom, one bed? One coffin?
Ziva: You want the truth?
Tony: Yeah, [as Jack Nicholson] I think I can handle the truth.
Ziva: My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over... on the couch... in my pajamas.
Tony: Come on, work with me! Couldn't you lie just a little bit?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: So what's up with El Jefe? Yesterday he leaves the crime scene with no explanation. Today he knew the Admiral had a problem with the victim. Where'd he get that?
McGee: Maybe he's bluffing.
Tony: Uh-uh. It was on the nose.
Ziva: Whose nose?
Tony: On the money. Bullseye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You've reverted.
McGee: Maybe he's bluffing.
Tony: Uh-uh. It was on the nose.
Ziva: Whose nose?
Tony: On the money. Bullseye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You've reverted.
TV Show: NCIS