NCIS Quotes
McGee: Hey. You looking for me, Tony?
Abby: No, I am. Do you think I'm an idiot?
McGee: No.
Abby: What, you thought I wouldn't figure it out?
McGee: What is she talking about?
Ziva: The cupcake.
Abby: You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat finger print.
McGee: Oh, come on, you think I'm that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.
Abby: You didn't. You used latex gloves. Brand new box, McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.
McGee: You said you were going gluten-free.
Abby: Where is it, McGee?
McGee: I was saving you from yourself, Abby.
Abby: Where did you save it, McGee?
McGee: Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.
Tony: [hugs McGee] What were you thinking, McGee? She's a world-class forensic scientist. [dope-slaps him]
Ziva: I bought the cupcake for Abby. [dope-slaps him]
Abby: So, how was it?
McGee: It was life-changing.
Abby: No, I am. Do you think I'm an idiot?
McGee: No.
Abby: What, you thought I wouldn't figure it out?
McGee: What is she talking about?
Ziva: The cupcake.
Abby: You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat finger print.
McGee: Oh, come on, you think I'm that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.
Abby: You didn't. You used latex gloves. Brand new box, McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.
McGee: You said you were going gluten-free.
Abby: Where is it, McGee?
McGee: I was saving you from yourself, Abby.
Abby: Where did you save it, McGee?
McGee: Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.
Tony: [hugs McGee] What were you thinking, McGee? She's a world-class forensic scientist. [dope-slaps him]
Ziva: I bought the cupcake for Abby. [dope-slaps him]
Abby: So, how was it?
McGee: It was life-changing.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I'll call Tony.
McGee: I'll call Abby. [they both run]
Ziva & McGee: [via webcam] Gibbs has a father!
Tony & Abby: Tell me everything!
McGee: I'll call Abby. [they both run]
Ziva & McGee: [via webcam] Gibbs has a father!
Tony & Abby: Tell me everything!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Do you feel that?
McGee: [digging through trash] What? Week-old bananas?
Ziva: No. We are being watched.
McGee: How do you do that?
McGee: [digging through trash] What? Week-old bananas?
Ziva: No. We are being watched.
McGee: How do you do that?
TV Show: NCIS
[Flashback to 1976 when Gibbs meets his wife, Shannon, for the first time]
Gibbs: Are you waiting for the train, too? [she nods] We could sit together.
Shannon: I don't know. It's a long ride, but I guess you're not a lumberjack.
Gibbs: No.
Shannon: I have a rule. It's either rule number one or number three: never date a lumberjack.
Gibbs: You got a rule for everything?
Shannon: I'm working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What's your name?
Gibbs: Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Shannon: I'm just gonna call you Gibbs.
Gibbs: You can call me anything you want.
Shannon: I'm Shannon.
Gibbs: Are you waiting for the train, too? [she nods] We could sit together.
Shannon: I don't know. It's a long ride, but I guess you're not a lumberjack.
Gibbs: No.
Shannon: I have a rule. It's either rule number one or number three: never date a lumberjack.
Gibbs: You got a rule for everything?
Shannon: I'm working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What's your name?
Gibbs: Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Shannon: I'm just gonna call you Gibbs.
Gibbs: You can call me anything you want.
Shannon: I'm Shannon.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You enjoying yourself, Abs?
Abby: Yes!!! [looking at Gibbs] But you're not. Sorry.
Abby: Yes!!! [looking at Gibbs] But you're not. Sorry.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Thanks, Abs. You can go back to your mold now.
Abby: Aw, Gibbs. You say the sweetest things.
Abby: Aw, Gibbs. You say the sweetest things.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: What do you see?
McGee: Um, french vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
Abby: Interesting. [flipping to another picture] What now?
McGee: Um.
Abby: You can say it. We're grown-ups, McGee. Say it.
McGee: Sex.
Abby: Mold sex, actually. Practically mold porn.
McGee: Why are you showing me mold porn?
McGee: Um, french vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
Abby: Interesting. [flipping to another picture] What now?
McGee: Um.
Abby: You can say it. We're grown-ups, McGee. Say it.
McGee: Sex.
Abby: Mold sex, actually. Practically mold porn.
McGee: Why are you showing me mold porn?
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I'm intrigued by how intrigued you are by this, Tony.
Tony: And I am curious that you are curious that I am intrigued.
Tony: And I am curious that you are curious that I am intrigued.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [as Norman Bates] My mother isn’t quite herself today... [to Ziva, explaining] Psycho.
Ziva: You certainly have your moments!
Tony: A movie, Ziva.
[...]
Tony: [as Norman Bates] Blood, blood!
Ziva: [to Gibbs] Psycho.
Gibbs: He has his moments.
Ziva: You certainly have your moments!
Tony: A movie, Ziva.
[...]
Tony: [as Norman Bates] Blood, blood!
Ziva: [to Gibbs] Psycho.
Gibbs: He has his moments.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Hey, you haven’t forgotten about the screen saver, have you, Ziva?
Ziva: Actually, I had, thanks for reminding!
Tony: What are friends for?!
Ziva: Actually, I had, thanks for reminding!
Tony: What are friends for?!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Nice girl, wasn't my type though.
Ziva: Really? She was breathing.
Tony: Oh, I have standards, Ziva, otherwise I’d be dating you.
Ziva: Really? She was breathing.
Tony: Oh, I have standards, Ziva, otherwise I’d be dating you.
TV Show: NCIS
Agent Wilson: How's Gibbs to work for?
Tony: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.
Tony: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Dwayne Wilson...
Gibbs: He’s a baby agent.
Ducky: And I’m looking at his personnel report because...?
Gibbs: That’s your thing!
Ducky: My thing? [pause] Ah, I take it that Agent Wilson is alive.
Gibbs: Oh yeah.
Ducky: So you don’t want me to do an autopsy, which leaves my other thing. Psychological profile?
Gibbs: He’s a baby agent.
Ducky: And I’m looking at his personnel report because...?
Gibbs: That’s your thing!
Ducky: My thing? [pause] Ah, I take it that Agent Wilson is alive.
Gibbs: Oh yeah.
Ducky: So you don’t want me to do an autopsy, which leaves my other thing. Psychological profile?
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: I got it.
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: That’s why I’m going fast forward now.
McGee: Hey, just... let me do is. Let me do it! Please? Okay? You handle this like you handle your car!
Ziva: And if you want to handle anything ever again remove your hand from my mouse!
Ziva: I got it.
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: That’s why I’m going fast forward now.
McGee: Hey, just... let me do is. Let me do it! Please? Okay? You handle this like you handle your car!
Ziva: And if you want to handle anything ever again remove your hand from my mouse!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: It's like when you bring a date home you want them to like you. You dont introduce them to your weird uncle Jethro till like the fifth date!
Gibbs: Since when are you an excpert on fifth dates DiNozzo?
Tony: You are very right Boss.
Gibbs: Since when are you an excpert on fifth dates DiNozzo?
Tony: You are very right Boss.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I do not understand. If you want someone dead, you knock on their door. They answer, you shoot them. Easy.
[Gibbs smiles]
McGee: [shocked] For some.
[Gibbs smiles]
McGee: [shocked] For some.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I had a bad feeling about that guy. His teeth sparkled.
Ziva: Meaning?
Tony: Meaning no one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
Ziva: Meaning?
Tony: Meaning no one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: What is this place?
Soldier: It's classified.
Tony: Classified? What have you got in there? Aliens? Bigfoot? Ark of the Covenant? That only leaves one thing.
Ziva and McGee: [in unison] Unicorn!
Soldier: It's classified.
Tony: Classified? What have you got in there? Aliens? Bigfoot? Ark of the Covenant? That only leaves one thing.
Ziva and McGee: [in unison] Unicorn!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [hiding with Tony in a closet] Stop breathing! [Tony stops breathing as guard walks past]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Didn't we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration?
Ziva: Look, I, too, had hoped things would be different by now.
Tony: I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind.
Ziva: The way you're losing it, I don't think you have enough to spare!
Tony: I'd take that toothpick of his and shove it up the SecNav's cigar.
Ziva: You have had enough of this job, then.
Tony: I like the job. I don't like the politics. Wasn't kidding about that part earlier.
Ziva: If you had ever had some military training, then maybe you would have learned to follow orders.
Tony: What, like you? We were given a direct order not to engage. I recall that you were the first one to throw a punch.
Ziva: It was a reflex!
Tony: Hmm. Really? Then what happened after? The last thing I remember before the lights went out was you Kimbo Slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?
Ziva: Yes! It was! Gunshot went off. I saw you -- [long pause]
Tony: I'm tired of pretending.
Ziva: So am I.
Ziva: Look, I, too, had hoped things would be different by now.
Tony: I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind.
Ziva: The way you're losing it, I don't think you have enough to spare!
Tony: I'd take that toothpick of his and shove it up the SecNav's cigar.
Ziva: You have had enough of this job, then.
Tony: I like the job. I don't like the politics. Wasn't kidding about that part earlier.
Ziva: If you had ever had some military training, then maybe you would have learned to follow orders.
Tony: What, like you? We were given a direct order not to engage. I recall that you were the first one to throw a punch.
Ziva: It was a reflex!
Tony: Hmm. Really? Then what happened after? The last thing I remember before the lights went out was you Kimbo Slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?
Ziva: Yes! It was! Gunshot went off. I saw you -- [long pause]
Tony: I'm tired of pretending.
Ziva: So am I.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Wonder what they are doing up there.
Tony: Does the Navy still hang people?
Abby: Tony!
McGee: Well, it is treason, Abby.
Abby: McGeeeehee!
Tony: What else can they do? There’s no way she walks out of here.
Ziva: No way.
Lee: Good night everyone! [Walks out]
Tony: Does the Navy still hang people?
Abby: Tony!
McGee: Well, it is treason, Abby.
Abby: McGeeeehee!
Tony: What else can they do? There’s no way she walks out of here.
Ziva: No way.
Lee: Good night everyone! [Walks out]
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [getting navigation set up for Tony and Ziva to go after a lead] There is a built in compass so you don't get lost.
Tony: Don't worry, McScout. We've got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes.
Ziva: [growls]
Tony: Don't worry, McScout. We've got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes.
Ziva: [growls]
TV Show: NCIS
[McGee is on the phone with Tony, concerned he's lost their signal]
Tony: Define 'lost', McGee. I know exactly where we are. We're between a tree and a bush, directly underneath the earth's sun.
McGee: Well you're not showing up on the map, let me restart the scan.
Tony: You might wanna hurry. Ziva's turning in circles; either the trail's gone cold, or she's about to mark her territory.
Tony: Define 'lost', McGee. I know exactly where we are. We're between a tree and a bush, directly underneath the earth's sun.
McGee: Well you're not showing up on the map, let me restart the scan.
Tony: You might wanna hurry. Ziva's turning in circles; either the trail's gone cold, or she's about to mark her territory.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony has taken his picture on his computer]
McGee: I'm not even going to ask.
Ziva: Allow me. [To Tony] What are you doing, Tony?
Tony: Best deep in thought face.
Ziva: I guess there's a first time for everything.
Tony: [As the computer displays his picture] Nailed it. All right, Strawdog24. Beat this one. [Puts it on the webpage] Yeah, baby.
McGee: [Reading the website name] Ibeatyou.com. The place to compete online with anyone at anything.
Tony: Yeah. It's very fun. Very addictive. Look at this guy. Best air guitar. Look at that guy. Best "do the Hustle." [McGee walks back to his desk] I mean, you name it, they got it.
Ziva: The Hustle?
Tony: The Hustle. Saturday Night Fever? Travolta. [Mimics dancing in his chair]
Ziva: [Laughs sarcastically] What is the point?
Tony: What is the point of any dance? It's about letting loose. It's, you know, having a good time.
Ziva: I meant the web site, Tony.
Tony: It's... fun. It is... amusement. Light-hearted pleasure.
Ziva: I know what you're doing. I know how to have fun, Tony.
Tony: Really? Do tell.
Ziva: The Hustling and the deep thinking photos. Those are all just, you know. Child's play. Tell him, McGee. [Tony looks over in McGee's direction, as does Ziva. Both look at him oddly] McGee?
[Cut to McGee making a contorted face]
McGee: [on the same web site] Uh, I'm just working on my best psycho face here.
Tony: It's not bad, Probie. Just need to work a little bit more with the eyebrow. See what I'm saying? [Holds his hand in front of McGee as he continues making the contorted look] See ho
McGee: I'm not even going to ask.
Ziva: Allow me. [To Tony] What are you doing, Tony?
Tony: Best deep in thought face.
Ziva: I guess there's a first time for everything.
Tony: [As the computer displays his picture] Nailed it. All right, Strawdog24. Beat this one. [Puts it on the webpage] Yeah, baby.
McGee: [Reading the website name] Ibeatyou.com. The place to compete online with anyone at anything.
Tony: Yeah. It's very fun. Very addictive. Look at this guy. Best air guitar. Look at that guy. Best "do the Hustle." [McGee walks back to his desk] I mean, you name it, they got it.
Ziva: The Hustle?
Tony: The Hustle. Saturday Night Fever? Travolta. [Mimics dancing in his chair]
Ziva: [Laughs sarcastically] What is the point?
Tony: What is the point of any dance? It's about letting loose. It's, you know, having a good time.
Ziva: I meant the web site, Tony.
Tony: It's... fun. It is... amusement. Light-hearted pleasure.
Ziva: I know what you're doing. I know how to have fun, Tony.
Tony: Really? Do tell.
Ziva: The Hustling and the deep thinking photos. Those are all just, you know. Child's play. Tell him, McGee. [Tony looks over in McGee's direction, as does Ziva. Both look at him oddly] McGee?
[Cut to McGee making a contorted face]
McGee: [on the same web site] Uh, I'm just working on my best psycho face here.
Tony: It's not bad, Probie. Just need to work a little bit more with the eyebrow. See what I'm saying? [Holds his hand in front of McGee as he continues making the contorted look] See ho
TV Show: NCIS