NCIS Quotes
Man on Ship: You the Navy Cops?
Tony: Yeah, my seahorse is double-parked outside. You ought to see the lights.
Tony: Yeah, my seahorse is double-parked outside. You ought to see the lights.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shemer Rubenstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did Shemer Rubenstein do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did Shemer Rubenstein do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Look, everybody enjoys a good book, but don't you ever have the urge to just act a little...
Ziva: Childish?
Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?
Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.
Ziva: Childish?
Tony: Silly. Stupid. Brainless.
Ziva: Like you?
Tony: Exactly.
Ziva: Tony, you and I come from two totally different places. In my world, you grow up. Fast. You have no choice.
Tony: Now you do.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Something wrong, Jethro?
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. [hands Ducky a file] His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh, dear. [chuckles] Someone's in trouble. [looks at the certificate] I signed it?!
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. [hands Ducky a file] His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh, dear. [chuckles] Someone's in trouble. [looks at the certificate] I signed it?!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I like everything about Christmas. Except for that Chipmunk song. And shopping... I never know what to get anyone. Especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy who has nothing and wants... nothing.
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.
Abby: [startles, looking behind her] Hi, Gibbs!
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.
Abby: [startles, looking behind her] Hi, Gibbs!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: (on the phone with his mechanic) ...So, how much?
Tony: One octave or two?
Ziva: Two.
McGee: [high-pitched] $600?!
Tony: One octave or two?
Ziva: Two.
McGee: [high-pitched] $600?!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Her name is Hannah, and she's asked me out to lunch, twice.
Tony: You? [blinks and considers]
Ziva: Did your rocketship just take a nosedive?
Tony: No. It just landed on a different planet.
Tony: You? [blinks and considers]
Ziva: Did your rocketship just take a nosedive?
Tony: No. It just landed on a different planet.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: There is no doubt in my mind you will get that confession, McGee.
McGee: [looks from her to Tony and smiles] Thank you, Ziva. [leaves]
Tony: He's toast, isn't he?
Ziva: Oh, yes. Burnt toast.
McGee: [looks from her to Tony and smiles] Thank you, Ziva. [leaves]
Tony: He's toast, isn't he?
Ziva: Oh, yes. Burnt toast.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: They haven't hurt McGee, have they?
Ziva: We have not heard anything.
Tony: [holds evidence box] Got something for ya from Trimble's apartment, Abby. We need to figure all this stuff out before sunset.
Abby: Define 'before sunset'!
Tony: Before the sun goes down.
Abby: [looks frustrated and sighs, grabbing the box and heads to table]
Abby: The sun sets at around 5: 02. So, does that mean we have until five oh one?
Ziva: Before sunset.
Abby: That could be now. Not good enough! I can't take this. Every time you guys go out, and I never know if you're gonna make it back, [Tony and Ziva exchange a look as she mutters] and it's killing me. I can't sleep at night and I'm developing this sort of weird twitch.
Ziva: Our work is sometimes dangerous, Abby.
Abby: Then get a safer job.
Tony: Then you wouldn't see us at all.
Abby: [frowns] True. Still...sucks!
Ziva: We have not heard anything.
Tony: [holds evidence box] Got something for ya from Trimble's apartment, Abby. We need to figure all this stuff out before sunset.
Abby: Define 'before sunset'!
Tony: Before the sun goes down.
Abby: [looks frustrated and sighs, grabbing the box and heads to table]
Abby: The sun sets at around 5: 02. So, does that mean we have until five oh one?
Ziva: Before sunset.
Abby: That could be now. Not good enough! I can't take this. Every time you guys go out, and I never know if you're gonna make it back, [Tony and Ziva exchange a look as she mutters] and it's killing me. I can't sleep at night and I'm developing this sort of weird twitch.
Ziva: Our work is sometimes dangerous, Abby.
Abby: Then get a safer job.
Tony: Then you wouldn't see us at all.
Abby: [frowns] True. Still...sucks!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: I checked Trimble's phone records, Gibbs. One person called him over 150 times last month. It was another prison guard by the name of Brenda Carter.
Tony: Five calls a day. I give her an eight on the DiNozzo psycho chick meter. Ten being Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. Look at those eyes; crazy eyes!
Tony: Five calls a day. I give her an eight on the DiNozzo psycho chick meter. Ten being Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. Look at those eyes; crazy eyes!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [on the phone with his mechanic] You told me my car would be ready by the end of today...
Tony: One octave or two?
McGee: Listen up, because this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take the first estimate and you're gonna reduce it by 10 percent. Then you're going to find my part, install my part and have my car parked upfront and ready for me when I walk out of this building in 32 minutes.
Tony: Wow. Who'd guess McGee would grow a pair in a women's prison?
McGee: I put away killers for a living, that's what I do. Now you do exactly as I told you and we won't have any problems, understood? Good, clock's ticking.
Abby: Wow, McGee, your time in the big house really changed you. I like it!
Tony: One octave or two?
McGee: Listen up, because this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take the first estimate and you're gonna reduce it by 10 percent. Then you're going to find my part, install my part and have my car parked upfront and ready for me when I walk out of this building in 32 minutes.
Tony: Wow. Who'd guess McGee would grow a pair in a women's prison?
McGee: I put away killers for a living, that's what I do. Now you do exactly as I told you and we won't have any problems, understood? Good, clock's ticking.
Abby: Wow, McGee, your time in the big house really changed you. I like it!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [seeing a large package on his desk] Oh, goody, they're here!
Tony: Goody? Who says goody?!
Ziva: What is it?
McGee: [opens box, pulling out an old computer] This is my Mac SE. Got it for my eleventh birthday. [lovingly] She's my first!
Tony: This is going to get really strange, isn't it?
Ziva: Going to?
Tony: Goody? Who says goody?!
Ziva: What is it?
McGee: [opens box, pulling out an old computer] This is my Mac SE. Got it for my eleventh birthday. [lovingly] She's my first!
Tony: This is going to get really strange, isn't it?
Ziva: Going to?
TV Show: NCIS
Palmer: You're very calm.
Abby: I am. If I keep going to Crazytown every time one of you gets hurt, I'm going to have to have my mail forwarded.
Abby: I am. If I keep going to Crazytown every time one of you gets hurt, I'm going to have to have my mail forwarded.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: The last thing she said was "You killed my brother". Any idea why she would've said that?
Ducky: Probably because I killed her brother.
Ducky: Probably because I killed her brother.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony and Ziva yelling into their desk telephones]
Tony: I already rebooted the system, Frank! Twice!
Ziva: Four hours! Four hours! That is how long I waited for your cable repairman! Four hours!
Tony: You already said that! No! I will not reboot again! I will never reboot it again!
Ziva: Reschedule?! So you can waste another Saturday?!
Tony: Just tell me you have no idea how to fix the problem, then we can both get on with our lives!
[Tony and Ziva slam their phones down in disgust]
Ziva: Someone will die today.
Tony: I already rebooted the system, Frank! Twice!
Ziva: Four hours! Four hours! That is how long I waited for your cable repairman! Four hours!
Tony: You already said that! No! I will not reboot again! I will never reboot it again!
Ziva: Reschedule?! So you can waste another Saturday?!
Tony: Just tell me you have no idea how to fix the problem, then we can both get on with our lives!
[Tony and Ziva slam their phones down in disgust]
Ziva: Someone will die today.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: You have to tell him the truth.
Tony: Maybe. Not until I'm absolutely sure lying won't work.
Tony: Maybe. Not until I'm absolutely sure lying won't work.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: We're trying to make a connection between Jennings and his killer.
Ziva: Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.
Tony: No pun intended?
Ziva: Actually, it was.
Tony: Well, in that case, nicely done.
Ziva: Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.
Tony: No pun intended?
Ziva: Actually, it was.
Tony: Well, in that case, nicely done.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: It's like I said, it's always the maid.
Ziva: No. You have said it is always the janitor, or the butler, or anyone assigned to work in Abby's lab, but you have never once said maid.
Tony: Anyone ever tell you that your memory can be a real buzz kill?
[...]
Tony: Who do you think she's working for? Chinese? Russians?
Ziva: Cubans. After all, she is Cuban.
Tony: That's way too obvious. Haven't I taught you anything?
Ziva: No. You have said it is always the janitor, or the butler, or anyone assigned to work in Abby's lab, but you have never once said maid.
Tony: Anyone ever tell you that your memory can be a real buzz kill?
[...]
Tony: Who do you think she's working for? Chinese? Russians?
Ziva: Cubans. After all, she is Cuban.
Tony: That's way too obvious. Haven't I taught you anything?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Melinda. [looks into his little black book, then prevents Ziva from taking it]
Ziva: How many Melinda's do you have in that thing?
Tony: It could be the girl I talk to at the gym.
Ziva: You don't go to the gym.
Tony: Well maybe it was the girl I talked to at the dog park.
McGee: You don't have a dog.
Tony: Oh, it could have been that girl I met at the concession stand while my date was in the bathroom.
Ziva: You need a secretary.
McGee: Or a therapist.
Gibbs: Or both.
Ziva: How many Melinda's do you have in that thing?
Tony: It could be the girl I talk to at the gym.
Ziva: You don't go to the gym.
Tony: Well maybe it was the girl I talked to at the dog park.
McGee: You don't have a dog.
Tony: Oh, it could have been that girl I met at the concession stand while my date was in the bathroom.
Ziva: You need a secretary.
McGee: Or a therapist.
Gibbs: Or both.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Beretta's, 9mm?
Staff Sgt. Medina: Feel free.
Ziva: Do you mind?
Medina: Not at all, ma'am. Do your best.
Tony: [sighs] Oh, God.
Medina: Stand by at station two for live fire.
Ziva: [fires once and clears the round] I prefer the Sig.
Medina: A lot of women have trouble with the Beretta. Think it has too much of a kick.
Ziva: Your sight is a few millimeters off.
Medina: Really?
Tony: [shows Medina the target with a bullet hole in the head] Really.
Staff Sgt. Medina: Feel free.
Ziva: Do you mind?
Medina: Not at all, ma'am. Do your best.
Tony: [sighs] Oh, God.
Medina: Stand by at station two for live fire.
Ziva: [fires once and clears the round] I prefer the Sig.
Medina: A lot of women have trouble with the Beretta. Think it has too much of a kick.
Ziva: Your sight is a few millimeters off.
Medina: Really?
Tony: [shows Medina the target with a bullet hole in the head] Really.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Popeye Carmano? NCIS. Are we all listening to the same song? Let me guess. Ricky Martin fans, Livin' La Vida Loca.
Carmano: You gotta leave, man.
Tony: But we just got here!
Carmano: Yeah, but it's a very dangerous neighborhood.
Tony: That's why I brought her.
Carmano: La bonita es un Federale.
Rico: Federales es un buena.
Tony: La bonita will kick your ass.
Carmano: You gotta leave, man.
Tony: But we just got here!
Carmano: Yeah, but it's a very dangerous neighborhood.
Tony: That's why I brought her.
Carmano: La bonita es un Federale.
Rico: Federales es un buena.
Tony: La bonita will kick your ass.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Sit down
Carmano: I ain't sittin' down.
Ziva: Sientate! Or do you want la bonita to sit your ass down?
Carmano: I ain't sittin' down.
Ziva: Sientate! Or do you want la bonita to sit your ass down?
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Who would want to impersonate Tony?
Ziva: Perhaps Jack Nicholson? You know, impersonation revenge?
Ziva: Perhaps Jack Nicholson? You know, impersonation revenge?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Hey, talk to me, Abs! Here you go. [Hands her a Caf-Pow!]
Abby: Thank you, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby?
Abby: I was just examining the evidence from the murder scene, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby?
Abby: The room was, luckily, really clean, because, you know, hotel rooms, they can be a forensic scientists' biggest nightmare, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby! I'm not Gibbs!
Abby: Yes, you are, because if you're not, there's a problem. And after Sister Rosita spraining her ankle after the sixth frame, and Mr. Giggles escaping --
Tony: Mr. Giggles?!
Abby: Stay on topic, Gibbs.
Tony: Not Gibbs!
Abby: Okay. Tell me. I can take it.
Tony: Well, he's just upstairs --
Abby: Wait! I can't.
Tony: Rule 38. [Indicating that if it's your case, you're the boss]
Abby: Oh! [smiles brightly]
Abby: Thank you, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby?
Abby: I was just examining the evidence from the murder scene, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby?
Abby: The room was, luckily, really clean, because, you know, hotel rooms, they can be a forensic scientists' biggest nightmare, Gibbs.
Tony: Abby! I'm not Gibbs!
Abby: Yes, you are, because if you're not, there's a problem. And after Sister Rosita spraining her ankle after the sixth frame, and Mr. Giggles escaping --
Tony: Mr. Giggles?!
Abby: Stay on topic, Gibbs.
Tony: Not Gibbs!
Abby: Okay. Tell me. I can take it.
Tony: Well, he's just upstairs --
Abby: Wait! I can't.
Tony: Rule 38. [Indicating that if it's your case, you're the boss]
Abby: Oh! [smiles brightly]
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: So Tony is in charge again.
Ziva: Yes.
McGee: How do you feel about it?
Ziva: Tony is a competent, capable investigator and a good leader. You do not agree?
McGee: Yeah, I agree, it's just that he's kind of irritating when he's not the boss. When he is, he walks around with that peacock strut and that smirk. It's like -- he's behind me, isn't he?
Tony: Smirking.
Ziva: Yes.
McGee: How do you feel about it?
Ziva: Tony is a competent, capable investigator and a good leader. You do not agree?
McGee: Yeah, I agree, it's just that he's kind of irritating when he's not the boss. When he is, he walks around with that peacock strut and that smirk. It's like -- he's behind me, isn't he?
Tony: Smirking.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: He got scared. He found out his partner was going to meet with the agent from the original case. It wasn't DiNozzo but the killer didn't know that. If I'm him I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a federal agent. Hmmm. Maybe he's going to flip on me. He can't if he's dead. There's our motive we just need our killer.
Tony: May of just found him. Abby just matched a print from Renny's hotel room to one of his former coworkers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear Up. (Ziva and McGee stare at Gibbs blankly)
Gibbs: What?
McGee: We've just never heard you say that much at one time.
Ziva: Or in a week.
Gibbs: Wasn't my job before. Come on.
Tony: May of just found him. Abby just matched a print from Renny's hotel room to one of his former coworkers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear Up. (Ziva and McGee stare at Gibbs blankly)
Gibbs: What?
McGee: We've just never heard you say that much at one time.
Ziva: Or in a week.
Gibbs: Wasn't my job before. Come on.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: A law firm in London wants me to call them. Says it's important.
Ziva: What could they want?
Tony: I don't know. Maybe it's about my Uncle Clive. You remember that funeral I went to last month?
Ziva: Your uncle really died? I thought you were making that up to get some time off.
Ziva: What could they want?
Tony: I don't know. Maybe it's about my Uncle Clive. You remember that funeral I went to last month?
Ziva: Your uncle really died? I thought you were making that up to get some time off.
TV Show: NCIS