NCIS Quotes
Abby: I only take orders from one person: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unless he asks me to do it, it doesn't get done!
Sportelli: I think that's going to change, honey!
Abby: Gibbs! Make this awful man go away!
Sportelli: I think that's going to change, honey!
Abby: Gibbs! Make this awful man go away!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Being stuck at that desk has given me a lot of time to think. Being a visitor here is wrong.
Gibbs: What does that mean, Ziva?
Ziva: I need your signature on this. I want to be an NCIS agent.
Gibbs: I don't even know if that's possible. You would have to resign from Mossad.
Ziva: Already have. Sent my father an email.
Gibbs: Hmm. Now what's he think about that?
Ziva: It does not matter.
Gibbs: What does that mean, Ziva?
Ziva: I need your signature on this. I want to be an NCIS agent.
Gibbs: I don't even know if that's possible. You would have to resign from Mossad.
Ziva: Already have. Sent my father an email.
Gibbs: Hmm. Now what's he think about that?
Ziva: It does not matter.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gi -- [looks around the room quickly]
Tony: [chuckles] You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.
Tony: [chuckles] You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Are you following orders?
Gibbs: Your father, Ziva. He's not a good guy. He's dirty.
Ziva: You cannot say no to him. Not a second time.
Gibbs: [to Ben-Gidon] Go! Get out of here! Run! You tell Eli David to stay away. She is off limits!
Ben-Gidon: I failed you, Ziva. I am sorry.
Ziva: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness.
Gibbs: Your father, Ziva. He's not a good guy. He's dirty.
Ziva: You cannot say no to him. Not a second time.
Gibbs: [to Ben-Gidon] Go! Get out of here! Run! You tell Eli David to stay away. She is off limits!
Ben-Gidon: I failed you, Ziva. I am sorry.
Ziva: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: [hands Ziva a letter indicating that she is now an NCIS agent] Get to work, probie.
TV Show: NCIS
Neighborhood kid: Korby was awesome. He came up with new practical jokes every Halloween. Nothing dangerous. I mean, no razor blades. He'd freeze all kinds of stuff, blow things up. It was funny.
Ted Rogers: And illegal!
Ziva: And you are?
Ted: Ted Rogers. I live across the street. First he drove us crazy with his pranks, now he dies in his driveway!
Tony: Well, it sounds like you've got a problem in your neighborhood, Mr. Rogers. That's a nice sweater, by the way.
Ted Rogers: And illegal!
Ziva: And you are?
Ted: Ted Rogers. I live across the street. First he drove us crazy with his pranks, now he dies in his driveway!
Tony: Well, it sounds like you've got a problem in your neighborhood, Mr. Rogers. That's a nice sweater, by the way.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Look at this. [watching video of teenagers T-Ping a tree] Two ply, double roll, top tuck with a thirty foot vertical climb. This kid has got an arm! Perfect drapage and good trunk to top ratio. It's very impressive.
Ziva: I do not understand the humor or the art.
McGee: It's a cultural thing. Tony would tell you.
Ziva: I do not understand the humor or the art.
McGee: It's a cultural thing. Tony would tell you.
TV Show: NCIS
Mr. Rogers: [after Ziva knocks on his door] There's no candy here!
Ziva: NCIS! We don't want any candy!
Tony: Speak for yourself, David. Open up or we'll send the kids in!
Ziva: NCIS! We don't want any candy!
Tony: Speak for yourself, David. Open up or we'll send the kids in!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.
Gibbs: The case, Abbs. The case.
Gibbs: The case, Abbs. The case.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: [walks to Tony's desk, holding a coffee cup] You know, Tony, I have been thinking, and I would like to acknowledge my place as a new agent and your place as-
Tony: Your superior in every way.
Ziva: [takes a deep breath] Yes. But for my sanity, could you not call me probie?
Tony: I say it with love.
[Long pause.]
Tony: And if I refuse?
Ziva: You are senior field agent and I am entirely at your mercy.
Tony: As you should be!
[He accepts the coffee and sips, looking surprised.]
Tony: Mmm! Mmm-.mm!
[He chuckles appreciatively, while Ziva looks very pleased at how much he likes it... until he grins, showing his teeth have been stained blue.]
Tony: Your superior in every way.
Ziva: [takes a deep breath] Yes. But for my sanity, could you not call me probie?
Tony: I say it with love.
[Long pause.]
Tony: And if I refuse?
Ziva: You are senior field agent and I am entirely at your mercy.
Tony: As you should be!
[He accepts the coffee and sips, looking surprised.]
Tony: Mmm! Mmm-.mm!
[He chuckles appreciatively, while Ziva looks very pleased at how much he likes it... until he grins, showing his teeth have been stained blue.]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Are you studying to become a naturalized American citizen?
Ziva: I have to if I want to become an agent.
McGee: Good for you, Ziva.
Tony: Who says we want her as an American?
Ziva: Who says you have a say?
Tony: A little thing called the Constitution!
Ziva: [sarcastically] Really? Where?
Tony: It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids.
McGee: That's Dr. Strangelove.
Ziva: I have to if I want to become an agent.
McGee: Good for you, Ziva.
Tony: Who says we want her as an American?
Ziva: Who says you have a say?
Tony: A little thing called the Constitution!
Ziva: [sarcastically] Really? Where?
Tony: It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids.
McGee: That's Dr. Strangelove.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: That's --
Abby: Uh-huh!
McGee: It's no longer in --
Abby: Nuh-uh!
Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!
Abby: Uh-huh!
McGee: It's no longer in --
Abby: Nuh-uh!
Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [walks into Gibbs' house] Hello?
Franks: [pointing a gun at Tony's head] DiNozzo! You should have told me you were coming!
Tony: I called and you didn't pick up.
Franks: I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
Tony: So what do you want me to do?!
Franks: Knock!
Tony: Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Franks: Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Tony: Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Franks: Because there's no lock on the door!
Franks: [pointing a gun at Tony's head] DiNozzo! You should have told me you were coming!
Tony: I called and you didn't pick up.
Franks: I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
Tony: So what do you want me to do?!
Franks: Knock!
Tony: Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Franks: Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Tony: Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Franks: Because there's no lock on the door!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removeable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removeable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.
Ziva: Like an elephant.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association --
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker spaniel Ruphus.
Ziva: [snatches the paper away] It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well. Look at those come hither eyes, those perfect kiss me now lips. No wonder Vance is obsessed. Kai's killing me and I'm just looking at her. You and Kai are probably a lot more alike than you think.
Ziva: I do not follow.
Tony: Really? A couple of pretty ladies, both trained assassins.
Ziva: You annoy me sometimes.
Tony: Sometimes?
Ziva: Most of the time!
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker spaniel Ruphus.
Ziva: [snatches the paper away] It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well. Look at those come hither eyes, those perfect kiss me now lips. No wonder Vance is obsessed. Kai's killing me and I'm just looking at her. You and Kai are probably a lot more alike than you think.
Ziva: I do not follow.
Tony: Really? A couple of pretty ladies, both trained assassins.
Ziva: You annoy me sometimes.
Tony: Sometimes?
Ziva: Most of the time!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [knocks] Ms. DeMarco, NCIS. We need to speak with you.
Tony: Ms. DeMarco, open up. We want to talk to you. [sounds of a shotgun being pumped cause Tony and McGee to take cover, then a shot is fired through the door] Federal agents! Drop it!
DeMarco: Did that piece of filth Serro send you?! Because I've got a message for him! You can tell him -- [peeks out the door] -- did you say federal agents?
Tony: Yes, federal agents!
McGee: Serro's dead! Put the weapon down!
DeMarco: Okay. [puts gun on the ground]
Tony: Hands in the air!
DeMarco: Okay. Sorry.
Tony: Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?!
Tony: Ms. DeMarco, open up. We want to talk to you. [sounds of a shotgun being pumped cause Tony and McGee to take cover, then a shot is fired through the door] Federal agents! Drop it!
DeMarco: Did that piece of filth Serro send you?! Because I've got a message for him! You can tell him -- [peeks out the door] -- did you say federal agents?
Tony: Yes, federal agents!
McGee: Serro's dead! Put the weapon down!
DeMarco: Okay. [puts gun on the ground]
Tony: Hands in the air!
DeMarco: Okay. Sorry.
Tony: Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: What are you hiding? [Gibbs pulls a Caf-Pow! from behind his back] Oh, no! It's too late, I can't! [pulls a NoCaf-Pow! from behind his back] Gibbs, you are an enabler and I love you for it!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Do you see this? Nine hours, 21 minutes! [shoves his watch in Ziva's face]
Ziva: Has it been that long? [takes the watch away and breaks it]
McGee: Why did you do that??
Ziva: Because it was either you or the watch!
McGee: It's just, what's taking so long, you know?
Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.
Tony: [from outside the elevator] I heard that! I find it very interesting that the two of you left together late last night!
Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.
Ziva: Has it been that long? [takes the watch away and breaks it]
McGee: Why did you do that??
Ziva: Because it was either you or the watch!
McGee: It's just, what's taking so long, you know?
Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.
Tony: [from outside the elevator] I heard that! I find it very interesting that the two of you left together late last night!
Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What've you got?
Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.
Gibbs: Are you all right?
Abby: No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have?
Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby: I'll get some corpses!
Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.
Gibbs: Are you all right?
Abby: No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have?
Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby: I'll get some corpses!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I finally IDed the tire tracks to the SwiftCast getaway car. I got the make and model. It only took me 72 times longer than it usually does. How did people survive before there was pattern recognizing sparse representation algorithms?
TV Show: NCIS
[The team's search leads them to a storage container, which they find being used as an office crammed full of technology, supplies, and weapons]
McGee: Wow, this is like the TARDIS.
Tony: The Tar-what?
McGee: Wow, this is like the TARDIS.
Tony: The Tar-what?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Baby, I'm amazed. A maze of maize.
Ziva: What?!
Tony: Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
Ziva: The Indian word for corn is maki.
Tony: Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Ziva: Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
Tony: [laughs] They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.
Ziva: What?!
Tony: Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
Ziva: The Indian word for corn is maki.
Tony: Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Ziva: Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
Tony: [laughs] They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your -- I'm ready, sir.
Gibbs: [hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.
Abby: I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?
Gibbs: Not sure I'm going.
Abby: What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!
Gibbs: [hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.
Abby: I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?
Gibbs: Not sure I'm going.
Abby: What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!
TV Show: NCIS
Krista Dalton: We sold battle scenarios to game designers in China! They paid a lot.
Ziva: You and your sister Debra?
Krista: Yes. Debra made contacts through her trips to Asia for her firm.
Gibbs: C Ten Dynamics?
Krista: We took some of the money, Debra and I, the rest we gave to families! Stattler made a ton of money off those kids, never gave anything back! It was old information! Useless!
Ziva: Frequency jamming signals.
Krista: For Balistic Winter. That system was being phased out.
Gibbs: It's still classified.
Krista: Technically, but --
Ziva: Which makes it technically treason.
Ziva: You and your sister Debra?
Krista: Yes. Debra made contacts through her trips to Asia for her firm.
Gibbs: C Ten Dynamics?
Krista: We took some of the money, Debra and I, the rest we gave to families! Stattler made a ton of money off those kids, never gave anything back! It was old information! Useless!
Ziva: Frequency jamming signals.
Krista: For Balistic Winter. That system was being phased out.
Gibbs: It's still classified.
Krista: Technically, but --
Ziva: Which makes it technically treason.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Let her go.
Gregg Norvell: [sees Gibbs, Ziva and Tony with their pistols pointed at him] Back off! I'll kill her!
Gibbs: Angela, look at me.
Norvell: Move back! Now!
Gibbs: Ziva?
Ziva: Got it.
Norvell: She'll miss.
Gibbs: What's the probability of that?
Angela Kelp: Based on the temperature and humidity, no wind, half moon, good light, 97.6%.
Gibbs: Last chance, Norvell.
Norvell: Move or I'll do it.
Gibbs: [to Ziva] Take it. (She does - and gets the head shot she was aiming for)
Gregg Norvell: [sees Gibbs, Ziva and Tony with their pistols pointed at him] Back off! I'll kill her!
Gibbs: Angela, look at me.
Norvell: Move back! Now!
Gibbs: Ziva?
Ziva: Got it.
Norvell: She'll miss.
Gibbs: What's the probability of that?
Angela Kelp: Based on the temperature and humidity, no wind, half moon, good light, 97.6%.
Gibbs: Last chance, Norvell.
Norvell: Move or I'll do it.
Gibbs: [to Ziva] Take it. (She does - and gets the head shot she was aiming for)
TV Show: NCIS