NCIS Quotes
Ducky: A toast! Close friends and dear family all. A bountiful thanks and good things for Fall!
Abby: And to all a good night! [pause] Wrong holiday.
Abby: And to all a good night! [pause] Wrong holiday.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: It's freezing this morning.
Tony: Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
McGee: Well I've got hand warmers.
Tony: Give me one.
McGee: No.
Ziva: I'm not cold at all.
Tony: The coldblooded David, like a lady Komodo dragon; ice queen, frigid and deadly.
Ziva: And I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you fifty bucks for it right now.
Ziva: It wouldn't fit. You're too big.
Tony: [desperately] It'll stretch. Turn 'em over.
Tony: Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
McGee: Well I've got hand warmers.
Tony: Give me one.
McGee: No.
Ziva: I'm not cold at all.
Tony: The coldblooded David, like a lady Komodo dragon; ice queen, frigid and deadly.
Ziva: And I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you fifty bucks for it right now.
Ziva: It wouldn't fit. You're too big.
Tony: [desperately] It'll stretch. Turn 'em over.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Hey, boss, good news: a guy fitting Malloy's description just paid cash for a ticket to Glasgow.
Royal Marine Major Malloy: It wasn't me.
Ziva: Gibbs, where did you find him?
Gibbs: I didn't. He found me. Ziva, you watch him. You watch him like Syria, not Switzerland.
Royal Marine Major Malloy: It wasn't me.
Ziva: Gibbs, where did you find him?
Gibbs: I didn't. He found me. Ziva, you watch him. You watch him like Syria, not Switzerland.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Tony, I have a question.
Tony: Shoot.
Ziva: If and when you meet my friend, and I emphasize 'if', what will you say?
Tony: Be careful. [chuckles insecurely] Um, handle with care; contents priceless.
Ziva: Goodnight, Tony.
Tony: Goodnight, Ziva.
Tony: Shoot.
Ziva: If and when you meet my friend, and I emphasize 'if', what will you say?
Tony: Be careful. [chuckles insecurely] Um, handle with care; contents priceless.
Ziva: Goodnight, Tony.
Tony: Goodnight, Ziva.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massager.
McGee: Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Tony: Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
Ziva: You stole them?
Tony: The doorstep is considered a common area. I would never steal mail, that's a federal offense. Oh! Hold the phone Malone! A little bit of lingerie! Nice! What do you get for the shrew who has everything?
Ziva: Is this for the secret Santa?
Tony: How did I end up with Dolores Brahmstead from Human Resources? She's a miserable grinch of a woman.
McGee: I can't argue with you there. I once wished her a happy Valentine's Day and she claimed sexual harassment.
Tony: Have you ever seen her smile?
McGee: No.
Ziva: Stop it both of you! She is a single, middle aged, lonely woman. Have some compassion!
Tony: It must be tough, living up there on Mount Crumpet. Plotting to take Christmas away from poor Cindy Loo Who.
McGee: Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Tony: Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
Ziva: You stole them?
Tony: The doorstep is considered a common area. I would never steal mail, that's a federal offense. Oh! Hold the phone Malone! A little bit of lingerie! Nice! What do you get for the shrew who has everything?
Ziva: Is this for the secret Santa?
Tony: How did I end up with Dolores Brahmstead from Human Resources? She's a miserable grinch of a woman.
McGee: I can't argue with you there. I once wished her a happy Valentine's Day and she claimed sexual harassment.
Tony: Have you ever seen her smile?
McGee: No.
Ziva: Stop it both of you! She is a single, middle aged, lonely woman. Have some compassion!
Tony: It must be tough, living up there on Mount Crumpet. Plotting to take Christmas away from poor Cindy Loo Who.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: These chocolates are delicious!
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age. It's nothing a post-holiday cleanse won't cure.
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age. It's nothing a post-holiday cleanse won't cure.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.
Tony: And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Ziva: Over there. That's him.
Tony: With his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl?
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.
Tony: And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Ziva: Over there. That's him.
Tony: With his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Boss, I've been running bank records on each Marine in Ellis' unit. So far only two Marines, including First Sergeant Tibbins, accepted a bribe: four grand a piece.
Gibbs: Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
Ziva: All the money was drawn from the same overseas account and deposited around the same time.
Gibbs: It's a dummy corp.
Tony: Interpol's checking into it.
Gibbs: Tell them to check faster.
Tony: You do it. Not you, boss. You! I mean, how many languages do you speak, anyway?
Ziva: Including the language of love, ten.
Gibbs: Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
Ziva: All the money was drawn from the same overseas account and deposited around the same time.
Gibbs: It's a dummy corp.
Tony: Interpol's checking into it.
Gibbs: Tell them to check faster.
Tony: You do it. Not you, boss. You! I mean, how many languages do you speak, anyway?
Ziva: Including the language of love, ten.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: The August 1928 issue of Amazing Stories first stirred the national imagination. It featured the Skylark of Space on the cover, and then you've got Buck Rogers.
Abby: What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the eleventh time you've heard it.
Abby: What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the eleventh time you've heard it.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I've heard the saying "he got blown out of his shoes", but I never thought I'd see it.
Ducky: Now if the explosion had knocked his socks off, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?
Ducky: Now if the explosion had knocked his socks off, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I get it. It must have been tough. Your wife dies and you're left with an eight year old kid, but your solution, Dad, was to warehouse me in boarding schools and summer camps, and half the time I never knew where you were or what you were doing. I needed a closer relationship.
DiNozzo, Sr.: You forget, we took some great vacations together.
Tony: Like the trip to Maui where you left me in a hotel room for two days and I was twelve years old?!
DiNozzo, Sr.: You forget, we took some great vacations together.
Tony: Like the trip to Maui where you left me in a hotel room for two days and I was twelve years old?!
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: Okay, so how many amendments to the Constitution?
Gibbs: The Bill of Rights is the first ten, prohibition is eighteen. I'm guessing twenty-three.
Ziva: Twenty-seven!
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smartass, David.
Ziva: Why do I have to study all this and you don't?!
Gibbs: I was born here!
Gibbs: The Bill of Rights is the first ten, prohibition is eighteen. I'm guessing twenty-three.
Ziva: Twenty-seven!
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smartass, David.
Ziva: Why do I have to study all this and you don't?!
Gibbs: I was born here!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: It's not as bad as it looks. It's actually an ancient form of meditation, it's a good thing.
Prince Sayed: Agent Gibbs, have you had breakfast?
Gibbs: (takes Tony's hat) Party's over. (hits Tony on the head with the hat several times)
Tony: Ow, ow,ow,ow,ow!
Gibbs: Explain!
Prince Sayed: Agent Gibbs, have you had breakfast?
Gibbs: (takes Tony's hat) Party's over. (hits Tony on the head with the hat several times)
Tony: Ow, ow,ow,ow,ow!
Gibbs: Explain!
TV Show: NCIS
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's on your mind?
Gibbs: Your son.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's junior done now?
Gibbs: Tony likes to hide behind the face of a clown, but he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.
DiNozzo, Sr.: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Gibbs: When was the last time you talked to him? I mean really talked to him.
DiNozzo, Sr.: We keep in touch.
Gibbs: Four years ago your son came very close to dying from pneumonic plague. I expected to see you. You didn't show then. Why are you here now?
DiNozzo, Sr.: He never told me he was sick.
Gibbs: Oh, so you don't keep in touch.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's your point?
Gibbs: Tony inherited his personality from you, but I get the feeling there's a lot about your life you don't share.
Gibbs: Your son.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's junior done now?
Gibbs: Tony likes to hide behind the face of a clown, but he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.
DiNozzo, Sr.: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Gibbs: When was the last time you talked to him? I mean really talked to him.
DiNozzo, Sr.: We keep in touch.
Gibbs: Four years ago your son came very close to dying from pneumonic plague. I expected to see you. You didn't show then. Why are you here now?
DiNozzo, Sr.: He never told me he was sick.
Gibbs: Oh, so you don't keep in touch.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's your point?
Gibbs: Tony inherited his personality from you, but I get the feeling there's a lot about your life you don't share.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I have to break one of your rules, boss. Number six: never say you're sorry. I let things get out of control in the hotel room.
Gibbs: Ah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.
Tony: Oh, yeah. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?
Gibbs: No. You've been distracted by your father.
Tony: It's that obvious?
Gibbs: Ah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.
Tony: Oh, yeah. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?
Gibbs: No. You've been distracted by your father.
Tony: It's that obvious?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I just sort of feel like you can use negative space to push the image, you know? It's sort of like a geometrical thing with the light coming across. I was trying to use these geometric lines and spacing. Sometimes I think maybe I should have done something more creative with my life.
Nora Williams: No, I think you're in the right profession.
Tony: All right, Annie Leibowitz, what's wrong with my pictures?
Nora: Well, they're sort of soulless. Analytical. They look like postcards or --
Ziva: Crime scene photos.
Nora: You just need people in them. happy people-
Ziva: living people.
Nora Williams: No, I think you're in the right profession.
Tony: All right, Annie Leibowitz, what's wrong with my pictures?
Nora: Well, they're sort of soulless. Analytical. They look like postcards or --
Ziva: Crime scene photos.
Nora: You just need people in them. happy people-
Ziva: living people.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: A team of Homeland Security officers will be waiting for us when we land. Outside the terminal an NCIS detail will take over.
Marshall Neeley: Not taking any chances in case your new hitman tries something on the ground, huh?
Ziva: Which is why we must consider the possibility they may try something on the plane, where Nora is more vulnerable.
Neeley: You have reason to believe they're on board?
Ziva: Stationary target. Closed quarters.
Neeley: A modern day Orient Express.
Ziva: The killer would just need an inconspicuous weapon.
Neeley: Like what? Listen, I've been doing this for a long while and I doubt that there's anything --
Ziva: Headphone cables make for a perfect garrote, and plastic silverware is not as safe as you might think. I once killed a man using a credit card.
Marshall Neeley: Not taking any chances in case your new hitman tries something on the ground, huh?
Ziva: Which is why we must consider the possibility they may try something on the plane, where Nora is more vulnerable.
Neeley: You have reason to believe they're on board?
Ziva: Stationary target. Closed quarters.
Neeley: A modern day Orient Express.
Ziva: The killer would just need an inconspicuous weapon.
Neeley: Like what? Listen, I've been doing this for a long while and I doubt that there's anything --
Ziva: Headphone cables make for a perfect garrote, and plastic silverware is not as safe as you might think. I once killed a man using a credit card.
TV Show: NCIS
Nora: You are so direct. So honest. So different from him.
Ziva: Tony and I have different approaches.
Nora: You're complimentary. You're sure you two never --
Ziva: No. Positive. Definitely no. Why do you keep on asking about Tony and I?
Nora: You're like me and Daniel. A good fit. Besides, Paris is a romantic city and you two shared a room, so I --
Ziva: I took the couch. Otherwise Tony would have whined the entire flight about his back. [smiles]
...
McGee: Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?
Tony: Me. We flipped a coin.
McGee: Tough break. (walks away)
Ziva: Why did you just lie to McGee?
Tony: Why did you lie to Nora?
Ziva: Tony and I have different approaches.
Nora: You're complimentary. You're sure you two never --
Ziva: No. Positive. Definitely no. Why do you keep on asking about Tony and I?
Nora: You're like me and Daniel. A good fit. Besides, Paris is a romantic city and you two shared a room, so I --
Ziva: I took the couch. Otherwise Tony would have whined the entire flight about his back. [smiles]
...
McGee: Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?
Tony: Me. We flipped a coin.
McGee: Tough break. (walks away)
Ziva: Why did you just lie to McGee?
Tony: Why did you lie to Nora?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Nora was right. I found my favorite picture, and it's the only one with someone in it.
Ziva: [looks down at the picture and smiles, almost blushing]
Tony: Very french new wave, don't you think?
Ziva: Maybe. I think it would look better in black and white.
Ziva: [looks down at the picture and smiles, almost blushing]
Tony: Very french new wave, don't you think?
Ziva: Maybe. I think it would look better in black and white.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: First the plague, now radiation poisoning. I'm starting to think someone really has it in for me.
McGee: I was there, too, near the car, you know.
Ziva: We all were.
McGee: But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.
Tony: This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you?! I mean, sure, Tim, your kids are going to be smart, [Ziva rolls her eyes and walks away] but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.
McGee: I was there, too, near the car, you know.
Ziva: We all were.
McGee: But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.
Tony: This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you?! I mean, sure, Tim, your kids are going to be smart, [Ziva rolls her eyes and walks away] but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.
TV Show: NCIS
Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.
Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.
Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: McGee, you're with me.
McGee: Where we going?
Gibbs: To go look for the bomb.
Tony: Don't make me say it, McGee.
McGee: We'll be careful, Tony.
McGee: Where we going?
Gibbs: To go look for the bomb.
Tony: Don't make me say it, McGee.
McGee: We'll be careful, Tony.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Get Ziva and DiNozzo out of bed.
McGee: What?!
Gibbs: Wake 'em up.
McGee: Oh. Oh, right. Get them out of bed because it's the middle of the night and they're asleep.
Gibbs: [looks at McGee like he's gone mad] Yes.
McGee: Individual beds. Get them out of individual beds. I was confused. I thought we were talking --
Gibbs: Need some sleep yourself, do you, McGee?
McGee: What?!
Gibbs: Wake 'em up.
McGee: Oh. Oh, right. Get them out of bed because it's the middle of the night and they're asleep.
Gibbs: [looks at McGee like he's gone mad] Yes.
McGee: Individual beds. Get them out of individual beds. I was confused. I thought we were talking --
Gibbs: Need some sleep yourself, do you, McGee?
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [opens his eyes to see Tony and Ziva standing in front of his desk] I'm awake.
Ziva: We didn't say anything, McGee.
McGee: But you did something, didn't you? What'd you do?! Did you try and put my hand in this water?
Tony: That's a little juvenile.
McGee: You drew on my face, didn't you? You drew on my face! [looks at his face]
Tony: No. I suggested stripping you naked, putting a tag on your toe and dragging you down to autopsy so that when you woke up you would think you were dead, but Ziva thought it was in poor taste.
McGee: Well, thank you, Ziva.
Ziva: We didn't say anything, McGee.
McGee: But you did something, didn't you? What'd you do?! Did you try and put my hand in this water?
Tony: That's a little juvenile.
McGee: You drew on my face, didn't you? You drew on my face! [looks at his face]
Tony: No. I suggested stripping you naked, putting a tag on your toe and dragging you down to autopsy so that when you woke up you would think you were dead, but Ziva thought it was in poor taste.
McGee: Well, thank you, Ziva.
TV Show: NCIS
Szwed: All right. She's a triple digit ride, big old pumpkins in there, but don't get tempted. We gotta get on the big slab and you stay to the granny lane and you keep it under the double nickel, even while you're runnin' deadhead. And bird dog on the dash so you don't get shot in the back by bears, you got it?
Werth: 10-4.
Szwed: All right, lets roll!
Werth: Hey, we gotta pit stop. [Zwed turns around and looks at Werth]
Werth: Three quarters of a tank... I don't like to take chances.
Lucas: GPS tracking puts them in Front Royal in a few hours.
Szwed: Let's make it quick.
Ziva: Umm, what language was that?
Werth: He says she's fast, but not to push her, even when we're drivin' empty. And to uh, watch out for cops.
Ziva: So the truck is a she?
Werth: Let's go rob someone.
Werth: 10-4.
Szwed: All right, lets roll!
Werth: Hey, we gotta pit stop. [Zwed turns around and looks at Werth]
Werth: Three quarters of a tank... I don't like to take chances.
Lucas: GPS tracking puts them in Front Royal in a few hours.
Szwed: Let's make it quick.
Ziva: Umm, what language was that?
Werth: He says she's fast, but not to push her, even when we're drivin' empty. And to uh, watch out for cops.
Ziva: So the truck is a she?
Werth: Let's go rob someone.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: All right, McNosy, what do you got?
McGee: From what I can gather, Gibbs and JoAnn Fielding are very estranged.
Ziva: The woman lost her daughter and granddaughter. Now her fiancé died in her arms and her former son-in-law is investigating! Show some sympathy!
Tony: Maybe she's cursed! Like a Kennedy!
McGee: Minus the grassy knoll.
Ziva: I heard about that! The shooter was really in the book suppository!
Tony: Depository.
Ziva: That's what I said.
McGee: From what I can gather, Gibbs and JoAnn Fielding are very estranged.
Ziva: The woman lost her daughter and granddaughter. Now her fiancé died in her arms and her former son-in-law is investigating! Show some sympathy!
Tony: Maybe she's cursed! Like a Kennedy!
McGee: Minus the grassy knoll.
Ziva: I heard about that! The shooter was really in the book suppository!
Tony: Depository.
Ziva: That's what I said.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Ooh. It smells like a French whorehouse in here.
Palmer: [referring to his new cologne] That's me.
Gibbs: What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?
Palmer: [referring to his new cologne] That's me.
Gibbs: What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?
TV Show: NCIS