NCIS Quotes
Gibbs: Did I say both of you?
Kate: Well, you didn't not say both of us, Gibbs.
Tony: Yes, she's kinda got a point there, boss.
Kate: Well, you didn't not say both of us, Gibbs.
Tony: Yes, she's kinda got a point there, boss.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.
[Later on in the investigation]
Abby: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.
Gibbs: How much did all this power cost us?
Abby: Around fifteen hundred.
Gibbs: Fifteen hundred DOLLARS???
[Later on in the investigation]
Abby: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.
Gibbs: How much did all this power cost us?
Abby: Around fifteen hundred.
Gibbs: Fifteen hundred DOLLARS???
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [naked, to an Iguana that crawled into bed with him, with gun drawn] Halt!
[Kate and Gibbs hear him and rush in the room, guns drawn until noticing what happened]
Kate: [speechless]
Gibbs: I need coffee.
[Kate and Gibbs hear him and rush in the room, guns drawn until noticing what happened]
Kate: [speechless]
Gibbs: I need coffee.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I think Sa'id copied Paula's key without her knowing it.
Gibbs: Now which brain is thinking that, DiNozzo?
Tony: (visibly angry with Gibbs) I'm hitting the rack.
Gibbs: Now which brain is thinking that, DiNozzo?
Tony: (visibly angry with Gibbs) I'm hitting the rack.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Why is that women always want to fix what doesn't need fixing?
Kate: Makes us feel all warm inside.
Gibbs: So does scotch, but it doesn't cost you a house.
Kate: Makes us feel all warm inside.
Gibbs: So does scotch, but it doesn't cost you a house.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Gibbs'll get in. He's got clearance that'll let him see the dead aliens buried in Area 51.
Kate: Because he probably killed them.
Kate: Because he probably killed them.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: What's your clearance?
Tony: Confidential.
Kate: Confidential? What'd you do? Kill someone in high school?
Tony: Hah. Funny, Kate. They screwed up my paperwork with another agent.
Gibbs: Yeah, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Tony: They yanked my clearance and now I have to take a physical to get it back.
Kate: Why is that?
Tony: To prove that I'm still alive.
Tony: Confidential.
Kate: Confidential? What'd you do? Kill someone in high school?
Tony: Hah. Funny, Kate. They screwed up my paperwork with another agent.
Gibbs: Yeah, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Tony: They yanked my clearance and now I have to take a physical to get it back.
Kate: Why is that?
Tony: To prove that I'm still alive.
TV Show: NCIS
[At the shooting range Gibbs tapes Tony's hat on his target]
Tony: [protesting] Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.
Kate: Then don't shoot it.
Gibbs: Back this up? [tapes Kate's PDA to her target]
Kate: [protests] Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.
Gibbs: Then don't shoot it. [walks away]
Kate: [to Tony] If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.
Tony: What?
Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.
Tony: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Gibbs: Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.
Tony: I'll bring the lighter fluid.
Kate: Deal.
[Later]
Abby: Very cool. Where can I get one of these? [admires Tony's bullet hole ridden cap]
Tony: You can have that one.
Tony: [protesting] Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.
Kate: Then don't shoot it.
Gibbs: Back this up? [tapes Kate's PDA to her target]
Kate: [protests] Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.
Gibbs: Then don't shoot it. [walks away]
Kate: [to Tony] If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.
Tony: What?
Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.
Tony: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Gibbs: Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.
Tony: I'll bring the lighter fluid.
Kate: Deal.
[Later]
Abby: Very cool. Where can I get one of these? [admires Tony's bullet hole ridden cap]
Tony: You can have that one.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: The eyes need to be bigger.
Kate: The eyes are fine, the nose needs to be bigger.
Tony: Fine, I'll put out an APB for Pinocchio.
Gibbs: Welcome to my world, Abby.
Kate: The eyes are fine, the nose needs to be bigger.
Tony: Fine, I'll put out an APB for Pinocchio.
Gibbs: Welcome to my world, Abby.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: What does he want the LES for?
Tony: Kate, that's NCIS 101.
Kate: You have no idea.
Tony: Not a clue.
Tony: Kate, that's NCIS 101.
Kate: You have no idea.
Tony: Not a clue.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Is he really sleeping or is that just an act?
Tony: Oh, he's sleeping.
Kate: How can you tell?
Tony: He looks peaceful.
[Later]
Gibbs: Morning. Sleep well?
Kate: If you consider throwing up violently all night and being thrown around like a couple of rag dolls...
Tony: ...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.
Tony: Oh, he's sleeping.
Kate: How can you tell?
Tony: He looks peaceful.
[Later]
Gibbs: Morning. Sleep well?
Kate: If you consider throwing up violently all night and being thrown around like a couple of rag dolls...
Tony: ...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Fell asleep working on your boat again?
Gibbs: Why'd you say that, DiNozzo?
Tony: Boss, I know the farm report when I hear it.
Gibbs: Why'd you say that, DiNozzo?
Tony: Boss, I know the farm report when I hear it.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.
Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?
Tony: Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.
Abby: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.
Tony: You have a chastity belt?
Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know about Abby.
Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?
Tony: Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.
Abby: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.
Tony: You have a chastity belt?
Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know about Abby.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Tests? On a Navy ship?
Tony: If I heard there were gonna be tests on a Navy ship you think we'd still be standing here?
Gibbs: Oh, forgot. Your minds work concurrently.
Tony: If I heard there were gonna be tests on a Navy ship you think we'd still be standing here?
Gibbs: Oh, forgot. Your minds work concurrently.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: You remember when I stayed with you that time when it didn't really go so well.
Gibbs: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo.
Tony: Well, I was younger then, immature, a little unfocused.
Gibbs: It was six months ago, Tony.
Gibbs: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo.
Tony: Well, I was younger then, immature, a little unfocused.
Gibbs: It was six months ago, Tony.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: [on cell phone] No you will not put her picture on TV. I want whoever did this to think she's still dead. No, Kate, no. Our priority is finding the bomb. [closes phone] She's bonded.
Tony: Kate and Jane Doe?
Gibbs: Oh yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet, 'Her eyes they just pleaded for help'.
Tony: Love that look in a woman.
Tony: Kate and Jane Doe?
Gibbs: Oh yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet, 'Her eyes they just pleaded for help'.
Tony: Love that look in a woman.
TV Show: NCIS
Executive: Please tell me Suzanne is not dead.
Tony: Suzanne is not dead.
Executive: [stops typing]
Gibbs: Woops.
Tony: Big woops.
Tony: Suzanne is not dead.
Executive: [stops typing]
Gibbs: Woops.
Tony: Big woops.
TV Show: NCIS
Detective: You're telling me the stooge from Hoover didn't save the man?
Tony: Hell no it was N-C-I-us.
Detective: Not according to the TV reports.
Tony: When do they get it right?
Tony: Hell no it was N-C-I-us.
Detective: Not according to the TV reports.
Tony: When do they get it right?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: We gotta do something, boss.
Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
Tony: According to you or me?
Gibbs: You.
Tony: Yeah.
Gibbs: Could anyone make you feel better?
Tony: No.
Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
Tony: According to you or me?
Gibbs: You.
Tony: Yeah.
Gibbs: Could anyone make you feel better?
Tony: No.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: [To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?
Gibbs: (grinning) Shrinkage.
Gibbs: (grinning) Shrinkage.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I don't know what you just said, I don't care what you just said, just give me the number. Why is there an asterisk?
McGee: Ummmm, not sure.
Tony: [gives him a look]
McGee: ...sir?
Tony: That wasn't an "add a sir" look. That was a "you better find out why" look.
McGee: Oh.
Tony: 's alright. Rookie mistake.
McGee: Ummmm, not sure.
Tony: [gives him a look]
McGee: ...sir?
Tony: That wasn't an "add a sir" look. That was a "you better find out why" look.
McGee: Oh.
Tony: 's alright. Rookie mistake.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: [sees Tony coming in Ducky's uniform] Oh my god.
Tony: Don't even, okay.
Kate: Did I say anything?
Tony: You were. I know you were.
Kate: They're a touch small, but other than that, it's fine. And the bonus - no belt.
Tony: Hmmf!
Tony: Don't even, okay.
Kate: Did I say anything?
Tony: You were. I know you were.
Kate: They're a touch small, but other than that, it's fine. And the bonus - no belt.
Tony: Hmmf!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: You're on the air.
Gibbs: Hey Abbs.
Abby: Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?
Gibbs: Spooks, Abby, spooks.
Abby: I can never get that straight.
Gibbs: Hey Abbs.
Abby: Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?
Gibbs: Spooks, Abby, spooks.
Abby: I can never get that straight.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You still in touch with that old NASA boyfriend?
Abby: He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.
Gibbs: You do?
Abby: Oh yeah.
Gibbs: That's good, right?
Abby: It's very good.
[Later, during a video-conference call]
Ashton (Boytoy): Greetings from NASA, NCIS.
Abby: Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.
Ashton: Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.
Abby: He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.
Gibbs: You do?
Abby: Oh yeah.
Gibbs: That's good, right?
Abby: It's very good.
[Later, during a video-conference call]
Ashton (Boytoy): Greetings from NASA, NCIS.
Abby: Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.
Ashton: Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: ...and she plays golf left handed.
Kate: Whoa, wait, you could see that the clubs were left handed with just a passing glance?
Gibbs: My second wife played golf left handed.
Kate: So?
Tony: When someone tries to split your skull with a seven iron, it's not a club you soon forget.
Kate: Whoa, wait, you could see that the clubs were left handed with just a passing glance?
Gibbs: My second wife played golf left handed.
Kate: So?
Tony: When someone tries to split your skull with a seven iron, it's not a club you soon forget.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: [referring to Tony refusing to answer a woman's calls] Talk to her.
Tony: She'll get the message.
Gibbs: [small smile and nod]
Kate: You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.
Gibbs: Actually that wasn't it at all.
Kate: So what was it, then?
Gibbs: Seven iron.
Tony: She'll get the message.
Gibbs: [small smile and nod]
Kate: You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.
Gibbs: Actually that wasn't it at all.
Kate: So what was it, then?
Gibbs: Seven iron.
TV Show: NCIS