NCIS Quotes
Kate: [about Gibbs] Three red-headed ex-wives shows his judgment is a little questionable.
Tony: None of them were murder suspects. Although... I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.
Tony: None of them were murder suspects. Although... I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.
TV Show: NCIS
Receptionist: Can I help you?
Tony: [pouring on the charm] I'm sure you can. I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS. You can call me Tony. We'd like to talk to Dr. Chalmers, uh, [leans in very close to read her name tag] Darlene.
Receptionist: [melting] Okay.
Kate: Why don't you just give her a breast exam?
Tony: In good time.
Tony: [pouring on the charm] I'm sure you can. I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS. You can call me Tony. We'd like to talk to Dr. Chalmers, uh, [leans in very close to read her name tag] Darlene.
Receptionist: [melting] Okay.
Kate: Why don't you just give her a breast exam?
Tony: In good time.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: You really like small towns?
Kate: Peace and quiet. A place where people know you by name. No Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner. What's not to like?
Tony: Too quiet, everybody knows your name, there's no Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner.
Kate: Big cities just can't give you what small towns can, Tony. It's a simpler way of life, a slice of Americana.
Tony: One that doesn't include fifty yard line seats to the Redskins or women with full sets of teeth.
Kate: Yeah it always comes back to that doesn't it?
Tony: See... You do get me.
Kate: Peace and quiet. A place where people know you by name. No Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner. What's not to like?
Tony: Too quiet, everybody knows your name, there's no Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner.
Kate: Big cities just can't give you what small towns can, Tony. It's a simpler way of life, a slice of Americana.
Tony: One that doesn't include fifty yard line seats to the Redskins or women with full sets of teeth.
Kate: Yeah it always comes back to that doesn't it?
Tony: See... You do get me.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What do you have?
Tony: A six letter word for a reason to commit a crime...
Gibbs: DiNozzo...
Tony: That's seven letters.
Gibbs: Works for me. What do you got?
Tony: A six letter word for a reason to commit a crime...
Gibbs: DiNozzo...
Tony: That's seven letters.
Gibbs: Works for me. What do you got?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Hey DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment, except for that minty fresh urine smell.
Tony: Hey for your information I have a maid now.
Gibbs: You can afford a maid?
Tony: It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.
Tony: Hey for your information I have a maid now.
Gibbs: You can afford a maid?
Tony: It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: You think he told him a fast one?
Tony: I doubt it.
Kate: Why?
Tony: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
Tony: I doubt it.
Kate: Why?
Tony: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Anything Abby?
Abby: This is the left rear tire off Commander Julius's car. Notice anything unusual?
Gibbs: It's inflated.
Abby: Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going with this?
Gibbs: What do you think?
Abby: Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you.
Gibbs: Why don't you just tell me?
Abby: So you don't know.
Gibbs: I want to make sure you know.
Abby: Hmmmm.
Gibbs: Hmmmm.
Abby: We should play poker sometime.
Gibbs: Yeah, we should.
Abby: This is the left rear tire off Commander Julius's car. Notice anything unusual?
Gibbs: It's inflated.
Abby: Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going with this?
Gibbs: What do you think?
Abby: Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you.
Gibbs: Why don't you just tell me?
Abby: So you don't know.
Gibbs: I want to make sure you know.
Abby: Hmmmm.
Gibbs: Hmmmm.
Abby: We should play poker sometime.
Gibbs: Yeah, we should.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Do all Marines build boats?
Tony: Only the ones who've been married a few times.
Kate: Why's that?
Tony: The rest of them can afford to buy one.
Tony: Only the ones who've been married a few times.
Kate: Why's that?
Tony: The rest of them can afford to buy one.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony, Kate, and Gibbs are sitting in wait against their car after Gibbs claims he saw a bomb in the house they were searching]
Tony: Are you sure it was a bomb, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Yes, DiNozzo. For the last time... I'm sure it was a bomb.
Tony: If you say so. EOD sure taking their sweet time getting here.
[Van arrives with Ducky and Gerald]
Ducky: Sorry we're late. Gerald got us lost several times.
Gerald: Me? You had the map.
Gibbs: We have our own problems here, Ducky.
Ducky: Yeah, I can see that. FBI take over our crime scene again?
Kate: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Gibbs: [annoyed] What do you mean 'thought'?
Kate: Do I really have to say it?
Gibbs: Say what?
Ducky: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Kate: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[behind them, the house suddenly explodes, sending everyone exclaiming to the ground]
Gibbs: [slowly lifting his head] Sorry. I didn't quite catch that last part...
Tony: Are you sure it was a bomb, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Yes, DiNozzo. For the last time... I'm sure it was a bomb.
Tony: If you say so. EOD sure taking their sweet time getting here.
[Van arrives with Ducky and Gerald]
Ducky: Sorry we're late. Gerald got us lost several times.
Gerald: Me? You had the map.
Gibbs: We have our own problems here, Ducky.
Ducky: Yeah, I can see that. FBI take over our crime scene again?
Kate: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Gibbs: [annoyed] What do you mean 'thought'?
Kate: Do I really have to say it?
Gibbs: Say what?
Ducky: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Kate: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[behind them, the house suddenly explodes, sending everyone exclaiming to the ground]
Gibbs: [slowly lifting his head] Sorry. I didn't quite catch that last part...
TV Show: NCIS
FBI Agent Charles: You're under arrest.
Gibbs: For what?
Charles: Pissing off the FBI.
Gibbs: Get used to it.
Gibbs: For what?
Charles: Pissing off the FBI.
Gibbs: Get used to it.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Where the hell are you? Fornell's here with a warrant for your arrest.
Gibbs: Well, good thing I'm not there then.
Gibbs: Well, good thing I'm not there then.
TV Show: NCIS
Ari Haswari: You tried to trick me Dr. Mallard.
Ducky: That wasn't a condition.
Ari: It is now.
Ducky: That wasn't a condition.
Ari: It is now.
TV Show: NCIS
Gerald: I never figured anyone who could sleep in a coffin could have a phobia but it's the kind of kinky thing Abby would get.
Ari: She slept in a coffin?
Ducky: She's goth.
[Ari shudders]
Ari: She slept in a coffin?
Ducky: She's goth.
[Ari shudders]
TV Show: NCIS
Ari: How do you alert visitors when conducting an infectious autopsy?
Ducky: We hang a decomposing body in the corridor.
Ducky: We hang a decomposing body in the corridor.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I need all the evidence I signed in this morning, Charlene.
Evidence Clerk Charlene: What?
Tony: The evidence I signed in. NOW!
Evidence Clerk Charlene: What?
Tony: The evidence I signed in. NOW!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: The car that hit Gordon was definitely a Taurus.
Gibbs: You're positive?
Abby: Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable.
Gibbs: You're positive?
Abby: Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: 40-mile zone ended 2 miles back, Boss. Limit’s 65... I only mention it because you usually drive slightly faster than Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon.
Gibbs: OK, stop.
Gibbs: OK, stop.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I don't know. Guys have all sorts of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date just so he can be pumped.
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: Does Tony know that you know?
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: Does Tony know that you know?
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: Hey Gibbs. Do you have any fetishes?
Gibbs: I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.
Gibbs: I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Guy was really interested in reality shows. Real World, Simple Life, Punk'd...
Gibbs: Punk'd?
Kate: Geez, Gibbs. Even I know what Punk'd is.
Tony: It's an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.
Gibbs: Like Candid Camera.
Tony: What's Candid Camera?
Gibbs: Punk'd?
Kate: Geez, Gibbs. Even I know what Punk'd is.
Tony: It's an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.
Gibbs: Like Candid Camera.
Tony: What's Candid Camera?
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [As Tommy Lee Jones] Ladies and gentlemen. I want a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, doghouse and outhouse in the area. You got that? Good! Now turn off those cameras and get out of the way!
McGee: Accent's still not right.
Tony: Damn.
McGee: Accent's still not right.
Tony: Damn.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: He could have gone to a vet.
Kate: Tony's marking that territory.
Tony: Ha-ha. Cute.
Kate: Tony's marking that territory.
Tony: Ha-ha. Cute.
TV Show: NCIS