NCIS Quotes
Tony: I knew this girl once. She squeaked. She made this little squeaking...
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: (focusing on strippers behind) How's that?
Abby: Well it's art but we kinda need a shot of her face.
Abby: Well it's art but we kinda need a shot of her face.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: (To Witness) Look, there is always something you remember about every woman, something you'll remember in twenty years time... something small and subtle... a piece of jewelry, a laugh... a smell.
Kate: Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein Ad.
Kate: Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein Ad.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: (To Kate and Tony) We need to look a little deeper. There is clearly a latent sibling rivalry here, being expressed by your adolescent and sexually-charged bickering. It all stems from a desperate desire to please a father figure, and I think we all know who that is!
Kate: What has this got to do with my tuna fish sandwich?
Kate: What has this got to do with my tuna fish sandwich?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You tell Abby I want her.
Abby[entering the room from behind him] Oh Gibbs, I never knew!
Abby[entering the room from behind him] Oh Gibbs, I never knew!
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: I hate to say it, but that was actually smart, Tony.
Gibbs: What was, Kate?
Kate: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.
Gibbs: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?
Gibbs: What was, Kate?
Kate: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.
Gibbs: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: We need a mediator Ducky or I'm going to have to go to Employee Relations.
Tony: Which would be tattling!
Kate: No, Employee Relations is not tattling!
Tony: It's the adult version of I'm telling mummy.
Kate: You're so juvenile!
Tony: Am not.
Kate: Are so!
Tony: Am not!
Kate: We need an unofficial mediator Ducky.
Ducky: Well, did you try Gibbs?
Kate: Ugh...
Ducky: Good point.
Kate: We thought of McGee.
Tony: But, we have no respect for him.
Kate: And then we thought of you!
Ducky: I see, third on the short list. Well, at least I beat out Abby.
Tony: Well, we just came from there.
Kate: She turned us down.
Ducky: Oh.
Tony: Which would be tattling!
Kate: No, Employee Relations is not tattling!
Tony: It's the adult version of I'm telling mummy.
Kate: You're so juvenile!
Tony: Am not.
Kate: Are so!
Tony: Am not!
Kate: We need an unofficial mediator Ducky.
Ducky: Well, did you try Gibbs?
Kate: Ugh...
Ducky: Good point.
Kate: We thought of McGee.
Tony: But, we have no respect for him.
Kate: And then we thought of you!
Ducky: I see, third on the short list. Well, at least I beat out Abby.
Tony: Well, we just came from there.
Kate: She turned us down.
Ducky: Oh.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I didn't think you would notice!
Kate: Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!
Tony: It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.
Kate: It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!
Tony: See you just said it was sharing!
Ducky: Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.
Tony: That was before Kate got here.
Kate: Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!
Tony: It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.
Kate: It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!
Tony: See you just said it was sharing!
Ducky: Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.
Tony: That was before Kate got here.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Suspect claims he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls, too. At night, some guy seems all dark and gnarly, and then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works at a bank.
McGee: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real and you don't disappoint me.
Abby: That happens to girls, too. At night, some guy seems all dark and gnarly, and then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works at a bank.
McGee: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real and you don't disappoint me.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: (to suspect) You went home with one woman and woke up with another.
Tony: I hate it when that happens...
Tony: I hate it when that happens...
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: I need the condoms tested.
Abby: Not what you want to hear first thing in the morning...
Abby: Not what you want to hear first thing in the morning...
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Are you done yet? (Standing over McGee, eating a cookie. Wipes crumbs off of McGee's head)
TV Show: NCIS
(Tony watching a singer/dancer at the club, nodding his head up and down with the music)
Gibbs: Tony stop jumping up and down. We can't see.
Gibbs: Tony stop jumping up and down. We can't see.
TV Show: NCIS
Willie: I dunno about you, but I've slept with a lot of women.
Tony: I wouldn't know anything about that Willy, I'm a Mormon.
Tony: I wouldn't know anything about that Willy, I'm a Mormon.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: I'm flattered that you would entrust your relationship to me. It will be rather like.... marriage counseling. (smiles, Tony and Kate give a look)
Tony: Oh, let's not use those words.
Tony: Oh, let's not use those words.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Are you done?
Tony: Almost.
Gibbs: Done or fired. Those are your options.
Tony: Done.
Tony: Almost.
Gibbs: Done or fired. Those are your options.
Tony: Done.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: DiNozzo!
(Tony is snoring)
Kate: I'll wake him up.
Gibbs: No. I got a better idea. (Speeds up then slams on the brakes. Tony is now awake)
Kate: Bad dream, DiNozzo?!
Tony: I... wha... uh... wha...
(Tony is snoring)
Kate: I'll wake him up.
Gibbs: No. I got a better idea. (Speeds up then slams on the brakes. Tony is now awake)
Kate: Bad dream, DiNozzo?!
Tony: I... wha... uh... wha...
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: A dead transsexual sailor, his spook instructor and a pair of human eyes walk into a bar, what's the punchline Kate?
Kate: Whatever it is, it involves this girl and Paraguay.
Tony: That's true, but not very funny. Probie! Make me laugh!
McGee: Okay, the bartender doesn't believe it so he asks the spook instructor 'what the hell is going on?' And the guy says 'what, guy can't have a drink with his pupils?'
Kate: Whatever it is, it involves this girl and Paraguay.
Tony: That's true, but not very funny. Probie! Make me laugh!
McGee: Okay, the bartender doesn't believe it so he asks the spook instructor 'what the hell is going on?' And the guy says 'what, guy can't have a drink with his pupils?'
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Gibbs will get over it
McGee: When?
Kate: Well, let's see. Last year Tony spilled his coffee and he warmed up to him... oh, about an hour ago. So, roughly eight to ten months.
McGee: When?
Kate: Well, let's see. Last year Tony spilled his coffee and he warmed up to him... oh, about an hour ago. So, roughly eight to ten months.
TV Show: NCIS
Lt. Col. Bushnell: I got your email, Special Agent Gibbs, and to tell you the truth, I was shocked - when did you learn to use a computer?
TV Show: NCIS
[After Abby fails to detect where Gibbs is hiding after sneaking into her lab]
Abby: You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Gibbs: Not to mention better-looking.
Abby: You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Gibbs: Not to mention better-looking.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Look all I am trying to say is that it is very unprofessional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he paid for his shirt.
Tony: That's because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistent since the late 70's.
Gibbs: [entering] We have a body in Virginia. McGee?
McGee: Yeah.
Gibbs: Call Ducky.
McGee: Got it.
Tony: Hey, uh, boss? Have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you?
Gibbs: No, I haven't, DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.
Tony: That's because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistent since the late 70's.
Gibbs: [entering] We have a body in Virginia. McGee?
McGee: Yeah.
Gibbs: Call Ducky.
McGee: Got it.
Tony: Hey, uh, boss? Have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you?
Gibbs: No, I haven't, DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Give him 5 seconds.
McGee: Until what?
Kate: Until he notices there's a ...
Tony: Bikini contest?!
McGee: Until what?
Kate: Until he notices there's a ...
Tony: Bikini contest?!
TV Show: NCIS