NCIS Quotes
Gibbs: What about his prints?
Abby: I compared them to the prints that Tony and McGee got from the beach restroom. They didn't jive.
McGee: Must have lifted hundreds of prints. You sure you ran them all?
Abby: [nonchalantly] No McGee, about midway through I got tired so I was just like "screw it".
Abby: I compared them to the prints that Tony and McGee got from the beach restroom. They didn't jive.
McGee: Must have lifted hundreds of prints. You sure you ran them all?
Abby: [nonchalantly] No McGee, about midway through I got tired so I was just like "screw it".
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: [to Tony and McGee] If you two don't start working, I will show you hazing, and the Marine Corps does not do wedgies or noogies or melvins.
Tony: Thank you, boss.
Tony: Thank you, boss.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony emails Kate an old picture of her winning a wet t-shirt contest.]
Kate: Where did you get this?!
Tony: Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
Kate: Oh, my God...
Tony: Yeah, I was going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name!
Kate: You wouldn't dare!
Tony: Oh?
Kate: Where did you get this?!
Tony: Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
Kate: Oh, my God...
Tony: Yeah, I was going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name!
Kate: You wouldn't dare!
Tony: Oh?
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Make sure he didn't do any of that virus goat rope crap to my thing [gesturing to his computer after Fornell has been using it]
McGee: Goat rope?
Tony: Marine term, Probie.
Kate: It means half way between FUBAR and SNAFU.
McGee: Okay, uh, what's FUBAR?
Kate/Tony: You are!
McGee: Goat rope?
Tony: Marine term, Probie.
Kate: It means half way between FUBAR and SNAFU.
McGee: Okay, uh, what's FUBAR?
Kate/Tony: You are!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: See this? [Holds up bandaged finger]
Gibbs: Yes.
Abby: I cut myself today installing a graphics card in my computer.
Gibbs: Okay. Do you want me to kiss it or something?
Abby: That would be really nice, but it's not my point.
Gibbs: Yes.
Abby: I cut myself today installing a graphics card in my computer.
Gibbs: Okay. Do you want me to kiss it or something?
Abby: That would be really nice, but it's not my point.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: So what's the plan? Good cop/bad cop?
Kate: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
McGee: Which one is which?
Kate: You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.
Kate: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
McGee: Which one is which?
Kate: You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: What kind of interrogation technique is that?
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty but it's effective.
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty but it's effective.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie... we're going back to college!
Kate: Your problem, Tony, is you never left.
Kate: Your problem, Tony, is you never left.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Is Gibbs still mad at me?
Tony: About what, probie? Dead marine on campus? Missing petty officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really... But sending Gibbs on a panty raid?
Kate: He's going to kill you.
Tony: About what, probie? Dead marine on campus? Missing petty officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really... But sending Gibbs on a panty raid?
Kate: He's going to kill you.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You find my hacker yet?
Tony: McGee's upstairs working on it.
Gibbs: I didn't ask McGee. I asked my Senior Field Agent. I want that damn hacker! [walks out the room]
Tony: Did you hear that, Palmer?
Palmer: He sounded pretty upset.
Tony: No. [smiles] He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally.
Tony: McGee's upstairs working on it.
Gibbs: I didn't ask McGee. I asked my Senior Field Agent. I want that damn hacker! [walks out the room]
Tony: Did you hear that, Palmer?
Palmer: He sounded pretty upset.
Tony: No. [smiles] He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: You guys are just in time for McGee's crisis of faith. He's starting to realize that there may be someone on this planet who's smarter than he is.
Kate: Oh, I'm looking at one right now.
Tony: Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the senior field agent, but I think it's an experience that...
Kate: I was talking about Abby, dodo-head.
Abby: [Fake curtsies] Thank you, Kate!
Kate: Oh, I'm looking at one right now.
Tony: Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the senior field agent, but I think it's an experience that...
Kate: I was talking about Abby, dodo-head.
Abby: [Fake curtsies] Thank you, Kate!
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [while attempting to guess what McGee's first car was, McGee starts to reply] If you say Datsun Honeybee, I'm gonna come over there and smack you.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Never had allergies. Never had a cold.
Kate: Never had a cold?
Gibbs: Nope! Never had the flu either.
Kate: Why do I believe that?
Tony[sotto voice]: If you were a bug, would you attack Gibbs?
Kate: Never had a cold?
Gibbs: Nope! Never had the flu either.
Kate: Why do I believe that?
Tony[sotto voice]: If you were a bug, would you attack Gibbs?
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Tony, Please, we're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out, I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say, and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal?
Tony: Deal.
Kate: Thank you.
Tony: Deal.
Kate: Thank you.
TV Show: NCIS
[In the showers.]
Tony: Who would send me a letter with anthrax?
Kate: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.
Tony: That's not funny, Kate.
Kate: Yeah, I know.
Tony: This is serious.
Kate: I know, Tony! I'm sorry.
Tony: At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!
McGee: You know, it might not be anthrax.
Tony: I like the sound of that, Probie!
McGee: It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...
Tony: Probie!
McGee: ...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...
Tony: Honeydust!
McGee: "Honeydust"?
Tony: Honeydust. I give it to girls.
[Kate glares at him but she knows Tony can't see it. He knows it.]
Tony: Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.
Kate: [chuckles] You don't use the whole chicken?
McGee: I never heard of honeydust.
Kate: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.
Gibbs: It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.
[Everybody pokes their heads out of their showers and look at Gibbs']
Gibbs: Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.
Tony: Ah... I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...
[Tony is cut off by Kate]
Kate: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?
McGee: Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, i
Tony: Who would send me a letter with anthrax?
Kate: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.
Tony: That's not funny, Kate.
Kate: Yeah, I know.
Tony: This is serious.
Kate: I know, Tony! I'm sorry.
Tony: At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!
McGee: You know, it might not be anthrax.
Tony: I like the sound of that, Probie!
McGee: It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...
Tony: Probie!
McGee: ...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...
Tony: Honeydust!
McGee: "Honeydust"?
Tony: Honeydust. I give it to girls.
[Kate glares at him but she knows Tony can't see it. He knows it.]
Tony: Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.
Kate: [chuckles] You don't use the whole chicken?
McGee: I never heard of honeydust.
Kate: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.
Gibbs: It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.
[Everybody pokes their heads out of their showers and look at Gibbs']
Gibbs: Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.
Tony: Ah... I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...
[Tony is cut off by Kate]
Kate: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?
McGee: Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, i
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: So, tell me doc. What have I got?
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
TV Show: NCIS
[Gibbs slaps Tony]
Tony: If I get anthrax, how will you feel?
Gibbs: Not as bad as you, DiNozzo.
Tony: If I get anthrax, how will you feel?
Gibbs: Not as bad as you, DiNozzo.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: The SWAK doesn't mean our bitch can't be a bastard!
Abby: You're so right, Gibbs! I have this friend who is a transvestite and her lips could out-SWAK Angelina Jolie's. Remember McGee, you met her at my birthday party?
McGee: Oh, yeah. The low-cut red dress with the built-in plastic...
[Gibbs smacks McGee.]
Abby: I saw that!
Gibbs: Work, or you'll feel it!
Abby: Not while you're down there!
Gibbs: What?!
Abby: You're so right, Gibbs! I have this friend who is a transvestite and her lips could out-SWAK Angelina Jolie's. Remember McGee, you met her at my birthday party?
McGee: Oh, yeah. The low-cut red dress with the built-in plastic...
[Gibbs smacks McGee.]
Abby: I saw that!
Gibbs: Work, or you'll feel it!
Abby: Not while you're down there!
Gibbs: What?!
TV Show: NCIS
[Gibbs brings Tony back to the office, who had been recovering from y.pestis, and is puzzled by Kate and McGee ignoring him]
Tony: [watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.
Gibbs: [stands next to him] You feel that?
Tony: [glances at Gibbs] What?
[Gibbs headslaps him as Tony winces and gives him a dumbfounded look]
Gibbs: [smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.
Tony: [watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.
Gibbs: [stands next to him] You feel that?
Tony: [glances at Gibbs] What?
[Gibbs headslaps him as Tony winces and gives him a dumbfounded look]
Gibbs: [smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Damn it Tony I should just take you home and just get you into bed...
[Ducky and Tony look at each other and then back to Kate]
[Ducky and Tony look at each other and then back to Kate]
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Come on, DiNozzo. We've got problems - someone's trying to kill us again.
Tony: '[to a concerned Abby] I'm sure he didn't mean that.
[Later]
Tony: So someone really is trying to kill us?!
Tony: '[to a concerned Abby] I'm sure he didn't mean that.
[Later]
Tony: So someone really is trying to kill us?!
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: You get Fornell in here.
DiNozzo: What should I tell him?
Gibbs: Tell him he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life!
[Later]
Fornell: My second biggest mistake, Jethro? That’s very dramatic. What was the first?
Gibbs: When you married my second wife.
Fornell: You could have warned me!
Gibbs: I did!
DiNozzo: What should I tell him?
Gibbs: Tell him he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life!
[Later]
Fornell: My second biggest mistake, Jethro? That’s very dramatic. What was the first?
Gibbs: When you married my second wife.
Fornell: You could have warned me!
Gibbs: I did!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Is it me, or did he take the whole Ari situation really well?
Tony: That's because he's looking forward to it.
McGee: Looking forward to what?
Tony: To finally getting to kill him.
Tony: That's because he's looking forward to it.
McGee: Looking forward to what?
Tony: To finally getting to kill him.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: One has to wonder what made him such a sadist.
Gibbs: I don't give a damn! I just want to kill the bastard!
Gibbs: I don't give a damn! I just want to kill the bastard!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: Why are you baiting Gibbs?
Tony: Trying to get him to stop being nice.
Tim: I like him nice.
Tony: Trying to get him to stop being nice.
Tim: I like him nice.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: Protection detail's over, Kate.
Tony: You did good.
Gibbs: For once DiNozzo's right
Kate: [stands up] Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever heard...
[Suddenly, a single gunshot bullet emerges from nowhere, slicing through the air before hitting Kate in the forehead and she falls to the ground, dead. Her blood sprays onto DiNozzo's face, and Gibbs then begins looking for the shooter)
Ari Haswari: [on distant rooftop, coldly, looking up from his sniper rifle] Sorry, Caitlin...
[Camera then shows Kate lying on the rooftop, dead, her eyes wide open and a small pool of blood building up behind her. DiNozzo then looks at her for a second before glancing at the warehouse opposite them. Gibbs follows DiNozzo's gaze]
Gibbs: Ari...
Tony: You did good.
Gibbs: For once DiNozzo's right
Kate: [stands up] Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever heard...
[Suddenly, a single gunshot bullet emerges from nowhere, slicing through the air before hitting Kate in the forehead and she falls to the ground, dead. Her blood sprays onto DiNozzo's face, and Gibbs then begins looking for the shooter)
Ari Haswari: [on distant rooftop, coldly, looking up from his sniper rifle] Sorry, Caitlin...
[Camera then shows Kate lying on the rooftop, dead, her eyes wide open and a small pool of blood building up behind her. DiNozzo then looks at her for a second before glancing at the warehouse opposite them. Gibbs follows DiNozzo's gaze]
Gibbs: Ari...
TV Show: NCIS