One Foot in the Grave Quotes
Margaret Meldrew: That's it! Tomorrow morning, I'm going back to work. I'm going back to work for a bloody *rest*!
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave
[first lines]
Radio Announcer: So, on line two we have Patrick. Good evening to you, Patrick, and what's your question for Mimsy Berkovitz?
Patrick: Well, it's a bit of a tricky one, but, uh, put simply my wife and I live next door to a man that... if I tell you a few weeks ago he put a specially trained crab up my shorts while I was a asleep in the garden, and that I had to be rushed to hospital with it hanging between my legs like a passenger on a tube train, uh, you'll get some idea of the problem; and what's tricky is that they've invited us round the house tomorrow for a meal to try and patch things up. I just wonder if we should risk it.
Radio Announcer: So, on line two we have Patrick. Good evening to you, Patrick, and what's your question for Mimsy Berkovitz?
Patrick: Well, it's a bit of a tricky one, but, uh, put simply my wife and I live next door to a man that... if I tell you a few weeks ago he put a specially trained crab up my shorts while I was a asleep in the garden, and that I had to be rushed to hospital with it hanging between my legs like a passenger on a tube train, uh, you'll get some idea of the problem; and what's tricky is that they've invited us round the house tomorrow for a meal to try and patch things up. I just wonder if we should risk it.
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave
[first lines]
Victor Meldrew: The absolute limit that was. You wouldn't believe that anyone could pick their nose all the way through 'Dances with Wolves', would you? Three and a half hours I had to sit next to that. And always the right nostril; he never touched the left one. Always the one at *my* side! You'd think he was digging the channel tunnel. Really. Come on, what's the matter? I'm ruddy freezing out here.
Margaret Meldrew: It won't turn! It's jammed again, bloody thing!
Victor Meldrew: You're joking, surely. Here, give it here. I managed it this morning by jiggling slightly to the... Little bugger! Turn for God's sake!
Margaret Meldrew: Two hundred and sixty pounds we paid for this. A complete set of new locks so secure that even we can't get in! Good old Yellow Pages.
Victor Meldrew: The absolute limit that was. You wouldn't believe that anyone could pick their nose all the way through 'Dances with Wolves', would you? Three and a half hours I had to sit next to that. And always the right nostril; he never touched the left one. Always the one at *my* side! You'd think he was digging the channel tunnel. Really. Come on, what's the matter? I'm ruddy freezing out here.
Margaret Meldrew: It won't turn! It's jammed again, bloody thing!
Victor Meldrew: You're joking, surely. Here, give it here. I managed it this morning by jiggling slightly to the... Little bugger! Turn for God's sake!
Margaret Meldrew: Two hundred and sixty pounds we paid for this. A complete set of new locks so secure that even we can't get in! Good old Yellow Pages.
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave
[last lines]
Mrs Warboys: I'd better dash. As I say, I'd rather all this didn't go any further if you would. Because a lot of it was told to me in the strictest confidence, so... All the best to you both, then. Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Nice woman.
Lady in Tea Shop: Yes. Wonder who she was.
Mrs Warboys: I'd better dash. As I say, I'd rather all this didn't go any further if you would. Because a lot of it was told to me in the strictest confidence, so... All the best to you both, then. Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Bye.
Lady in Tea Shop: Nice woman.
Lady in Tea Shop: Yes. Wonder who she was.
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave
[last lines]
Victor Meldrew: You were always my first choice.
Margaret Meldrew: Was I? You've never said that before.
Victor Meldrew: No, well.
Margaret Meldrew: Oh, I suppose there's lots of things you never say. That you think about saying and something always crops up. Life goes on. Somehow you never quite get round to putting it into words.
Victor Meldrew: You were always my first choice.
Margaret Meldrew: Was I? You've never said that before.
Victor Meldrew: No, well.
Margaret Meldrew: Oh, I suppose there's lots of things you never say. That you think about saying and something always crops up. Life goes on. Somehow you never quite get round to putting it into words.
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave
[last lines]
Victor Meldrew: Oh, God, I'm bloody ravenous now. I can't last a moment longer. It's no good. I'm afraid there's only one thing for it: we'll have to eat Mrs Warboys. I know she's a bit gristly but these are desperate times, and as a close friend of the family I'm sure she will agree to do the decent thing and shoot herself. It's either that, or...
Mrs Warboys: Or what, Mr Meldrew?
Victor Meldrew: Or... [sighs deeply]
Victor Meldrew: Where's the sucky sweets?
Victor Meldrew: Oh, God, I'm bloody ravenous now. I can't last a moment longer. It's no good. I'm afraid there's only one thing for it: we'll have to eat Mrs Warboys. I know she's a bit gristly but these are desperate times, and as a close friend of the family I'm sure she will agree to do the decent thing and shoot herself. It's either that, or...
Mrs Warboys: Or what, Mr Meldrew?
Victor Meldrew: Or... [sighs deeply]
Victor Meldrew: Where's the sucky sweets?
TV Show: One Foot in the Grave