Outnumbered Quotes
Pete: You got yourself a coffee?
Jake: Yeah. Double espresso.
Pete: A double espresso?
Jake: Well, you're one who's telling me to like, try new things all the time.
Pete: Yeah but I meant vegetables and stuff, not stimulants, you've never had caffeine before, I -
Jake: Don't get in a state. I only drank half of it.
Pete: Oh. Okay.
Jake: Ben drank the other half.
Pete: (pauses) You let Ben drink a double espresso??
Ben: It tasted horrible to begin with, but then I added five spoonfuls of sugar and now I feel all zingy zangy zongy!
Pete: Zingy. Zangy. Zongy.
Ben: I feel like lightning!
Pete: Oh my god.
Jake: Yeah. Double espresso.
Pete: A double espresso?
Jake: Well, you're one who's telling me to like, try new things all the time.
Pete: Yeah but I meant vegetables and stuff, not stimulants, you've never had caffeine before, I -
Jake: Don't get in a state. I only drank half of it.
Pete: Oh. Okay.
Jake: Ben drank the other half.
Pete: (pauses) You let Ben drink a double espresso??
Ben: It tasted horrible to begin with, but then I added five spoonfuls of sugar and now I feel all zingy zangy zongy!
Pete: Zingy. Zangy. Zongy.
Ben: I feel like lightning!
Pete: Oh my god.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Pete: Did you know he had the knife?
Sue: No, I didn't know he had the knife. Or the fish skeleton. Or the doll's head with the little hermit crab in it.
Sue: No, I didn't know he had the knife. Or the fish skeleton. Or the doll's head with the little hermit crab in it.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Draxi: Looks like buffalo. Very strong, very cool! Is this what girl at school say? (Ben nods) You no worry Ben, she is bitch!
TV Show: Outnumbered
Karen: One time I woke up and I only had four fingers like the Simpsons, and I went into Ben's room and he had - he had my finger sellotaped on, so he had - (counts quickly under her breath) he had six fingers all in one hand.
Pete: Are you sure that's a dream? That does sound like something Ben might do.
Pete: Are you sure that's a dream? That does sound like something Ben might do.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Granddad: (flipping through television channels) This is crap. So's that. That really IS crap! Good God Almighty! What's that woman doing? Why is she staring at the contents of that bloke's toilet?
Jake: That's Dr. Gillian McKeith, granddad.
Granddad: Eh?
Jake: That's what she does. She looks down other people's toilets.
Jake: That's Dr. Gillian McKeith, granddad.
Granddad: Eh?
Jake: That's what she does. She looks down other people's toilets.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Pete: We need to talk to Granddad about grown-up stuff.
Karen: Is it about how to make a baby?
Karen: Is it about how to make a baby?
TV Show: Outnumbered
Granddad: Who's your favourite Beatle?
Ben: Ringo Starr.
Granddad: Why?
Ben: He's called Ringo Starr!
Ben: Ringo Starr.
Granddad: Why?
Ben: He's called Ringo Starr!
TV Show: Outnumbered
Karen: How can you not like somebody you've never met?
Sue: Good point, Karen.
Karen: Yes, you should only hate people you know.
Sue: Ye... er...
Karen: Like Miss Braybrook.
Sue: But you love Miss Braybrook! She's the reason you're Christian!
Karen: Not any more, that's all rubbish.
Pete: Rubbish is a bit harsh.
Karen: I don't believe in God anymore, I'm a Satanist.
Pete: I think that's an atheist. Satanists...do things to goats.
Sue: Good point, Karen.
Karen: Yes, you should only hate people you know.
Sue: Ye... er...
Karen: Like Miss Braybrook.
Sue: But you love Miss Braybrook! She's the reason you're Christian!
Karen: Not any more, that's all rubbish.
Pete: Rubbish is a bit harsh.
Karen: I don't believe in God anymore, I'm a Satanist.
Pete: I think that's an atheist. Satanists...do things to goats.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Pete: You have to treat everybody's views whatever they believe with equal respect don't you?
Karen: What? Even idiots?
Karen: What? Even idiots?
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: What would happen if the queen and the prime minister had a fight?
Pete: Well, constitutionally -
Ben: No, no, no, no, no, no, no - if there was an actual FIGHT between the queen and the prime minister. You know, she might be old but she might be able to stick her finger in his only eye.
Pete: What, I don't think Gordon Brown -
Ben: In some pictures it looks like Gordon Brown's got two eyes. Do they paint the other one on?
Pete: Well, constitutionally -
Ben: No, no, no, no, no, no, no - if there was an actual FIGHT between the queen and the prime minister. You know, she might be old but she might be able to stick her finger in his only eye.
Pete: What, I don't think Gordon Brown -
Ben: In some pictures it looks like Gordon Brown's got two eyes. Do they paint the other one on?
TV Show: Outnumbered
Sue: You can't take money that people have put in the fountain, because it's not your money!
Karen: No but it's not theirs any more, it's the fountain's, and the fountain can't do anything if I take it!
Sue: No! Those people -
Karen: They're idiots! You're allowed to take money from idiots!
Karen: No but it's not theirs any more, it's the fountain's, and the fountain can't do anything if I take it!
Sue: No! Those people -
Karen: They're idiots! You're allowed to take money from idiots!
TV Show: Outnumbered
Karen: The National Gallery was rubbish too.
Pete: What about the lovely Van Goghs?
Karen: It was all wiggly and he should have gone over it! And the stars were all...wiggly and sprouty, it's like he was crazy or something.
Pete: What about the lovely Van Goghs?
Karen: It was all wiggly and he should have gone over it! And the stars were all...wiggly and sprouty, it's like he was crazy or something.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Jake: Ben! Ben, Mum said you have to come downstairs.
Ben: But it was him!
Jake: Ben, Barack Obama does not drive a number forty-two bus!
Ben: He's the leader of the free world. He can do what he wants.
Ben: But it was him!
Jake: Ben, Barack Obama does not drive a number forty-two bus!
Ben: He's the leader of the free world. He can do what he wants.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Karen: How do they decide which laws to make?
Pete: Well they read the Daily Mail... and do what it says.
Pete: Well they read the Daily Mail... and do what it says.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Sue: I was sorting out the computer after it crashed, and I noticed that someone had downloaded an inappropriate image. Was it you?
Ben: Well, it could be. Was it the farting nun?
Sue: No Ben, it was not the farting nun.
Ben: Was it the tree man?
Sue: Ben -
Ben: Or was it that creepy dude who can lift things up with his mind, that's cool, or is it that evil clown song -
Sue: Ben!
Ben: Oh, I know! Was it the Pekingese dog on the lawnmower? Because that made me want to throw up.
Ben: Well, it could be. Was it the farting nun?
Sue: No Ben, it was not the farting nun.
Ben: Was it the tree man?
Sue: Ben -
Ben: Or was it that creepy dude who can lift things up with his mind, that's cool, or is it that evil clown song -
Sue: Ben!
Ben: Oh, I know! Was it the Pekingese dog on the lawnmower? Because that made me want to throw up.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Pete: Don't cherry-pick the muesli!
Ben: There aren't any cherries in the muesli.
Ben: There aren't any cherries in the muesli.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Karen: What would Tony Blair have said if he knew you lied to a four year old?!
Pete: Uh, well done?
Pete: Uh, well done?
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: Why is your face grey?
Pete: I've just -
Ben: You look like somebody shaded you in with a pencil.
Pete: I've just -
Ben: You look like somebody shaded you in with a pencil.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: When are you going to the hospital so the doctors can put the camera up your bottom?
Pete: Erm, Monday. Why?
Ben: Well, can you ask if you can keep the film? Only I'd like to take it into class for show and tell.
Pete: Erm, Monday. Why?
Ben: Well, can you ask if you can keep the film? Only I'd like to take it into class for show and tell.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: So your husband's black.
Woman: Yes.
Ben: You're white. So your baby could be black or white?
Woman: Erm, most likely something in between -
Ben: But not stripy?
Woman: Yes.
Ben: You're white. So your baby could be black or white?
Woman: Erm, most likely something in between -
Ben: But not stripy?
TV Show: Outnumbered
Brick: Now... I don't need to be a therapist to see that there's an elephant in this room.
Karen: An elephant?!
Karen: An elephant?!
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: Why's that man wearing a dress?
Jake: It's not a dress and it's the Pope. It's his robe.
Ben: That can't be the Pope, because the Pope wears barbed wire pants and kills anybody who knows that Jesus had children.
Jake: It's not a dress and it's the Pope. It's his robe.
Ben: That can't be the Pope, because the Pope wears barbed wire pants and kills anybody who knows that Jesus had children.
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: Who's that woman with the black thing over her head?
Jake: That's the burka, Ben. She wears it because she's a Muslim.
Ben: Do boys wear 'em? Because it'd be cool if you were at school 'cos you could like - text under there and you could like, change your pants and nobody would know!
Jake: That's the burka, Ben. She wears it because she's a Muslim.
Ben: Do boys wear 'em? Because it'd be cool if you were at school 'cos you could like - text under there and you could like, change your pants and nobody would know!
TV Show: Outnumbered
Ben: Urgh, God! What the hell is that? Urgh!
Jake: It's just a special kind of kiss. A French kiss, that's all.
Ben: I'm never going to France if they do that there! What the hell is wrong with him, is he a vampire?
Jake: It's just a special kind of kiss. A French kiss, that's all.
Ben: I'm never going to France if they do that there! What the hell is wrong with him, is he a vampire?
TV Show: Outnumbered