Oz Quotes
Beecher: Rats in the garden, catch'em Tauser, cows in the cornfield, run boys run, cats in the creampot, stop her now, sir! Fire on the mountain, run boys run!
TV Show: Oz
Officer Metzger: Listen up and listen good: some friends of mine are very upset that you tried to pin a certain murder on them. For that, you're a dead man.
Richie: Oh, Christ!
Officer Metzger: However, they are offering you an alternative: since you're already in here for one killing, they suggest you also confess to Alexander Vogel's murder. Take your chances with the courts. At best, you get life. At worst, you get the Death Penalty. If you get life, my friends will let you live. If not, you're dead anyway. So choose.
Richie: Tell Glynn I need to see him. I have a confession to make.
Officer Metzger: Good boy.
Richie: Oh, Christ!
Officer Metzger: However, they are offering you an alternative: since you're already in here for one killing, they suggest you also confess to Alexander Vogel's murder. Take your chances with the courts. At best, you get life. At worst, you get the Death Penalty. If you get life, my friends will let you live. If not, you're dead anyway. So choose.
Richie: Tell Glynn I need to see him. I have a confession to make.
Officer Metzger: Good boy.
TV Show: Oz
Judge Grace Lema: I can't tell if I gave You a fair Trial or not.And now seeing You like this,I think maybe the punishment exceeded the crime.And I'm...
Beecher: You're what? Sorry? Your honor, you used all your power to crush Me. But the truth is I did kill Kathy Rockwell, and as much as I tried to manipulate the system to get off, I took her life. According to the law, each crime is worth a certain number of Years. You gave me a maximum of fifteen years in this fuckhole. Is that too much? Too harsh? Not Enough? I don't know. You say you're wanted by what you did? Well so am I. If you came here for me to forgive you, you came to the wrong man. He ceased to exist the same day Kathy Rockwell did. You're not get anymore peace out of him than I do out of her.
Beecher: You're what? Sorry? Your honor, you used all your power to crush Me. But the truth is I did kill Kathy Rockwell, and as much as I tried to manipulate the system to get off, I took her life. According to the law, each crime is worth a certain number of Years. You gave me a maximum of fifteen years in this fuckhole. Is that too much? Too harsh? Not Enough? I don't know. You say you're wanted by what you did? Well so am I. If you came here for me to forgive you, you came to the wrong man. He ceased to exist the same day Kathy Rockwell did. You're not get anymore peace out of him than I do out of her.
TV Show: Oz
Hill: I know what you're thinking. "Boy Meets Girl", that's one boring fucking story. It always goes the same way. But there are variations on the theme, like "Boy meets dog, boy loses dog, boy buys new dog" or "girl meets psychiatrist, girl goes to therapy for the next ten years", or in Oz there's always "boy meets boy".
TV Show: Oz
Keller: The way I see it, you and me, we're not like the rest of them. The Muslims, the Homeboys, the Aryans. See, they all got each other. But you and me are sitting out there with our dicks swinging in the wind. We gotta be able to rely on each other. You know, trust each other.
Beecher: It's hard for me to trust people.
Keller: Me too. But we got a long fucking time together, so why don't we see what happens?
Beecher: It's hard for me to trust people.
Keller: Me too. But we got a long fucking time together, so why don't we see what happens?
TV Show: Oz
Hill: Families! Our families determine who we are, determine what we're not. How we relate to other people is based on the way we relate to the members of our families. No wonder the world's so fucked up.
TV Show: Oz
Adebisi: Little Nino, when you say things like that, it hurts. I just wanna be friends.
Peter Schibetta: Friends, huh? Okay, pal-o-mine, how's about you go into the kitchen and get me a chocolate bar?
Peter Schibetta: Friends, huh? Okay, pal-o-mine, how's about you go into the kitchen and get me a chocolate bar?
TV Show: Oz
Alvarez: El Cid, it's an honor, man.
El Cid: Tu es Latino?
Alvarez: Si.
El Cid: You're lying to me, man. You're too fucking white to be Latino. Get the fuck out of my face.
El Cid: Tu es Latino?
Alvarez: Si.
El Cid: You're lying to me, man. You're too fucking white to be Latino. Get the fuck out of my face.
TV Show: Oz
Hill: Hey Schillinger.
Schillinger: What do you want?
Hill: How much would it cost to mail me out of here?
Schillinger: Mail you? What are you talking about?
Hill: I've been trying to think of ways to get out of here.
Schillinger: Escape from Oz?
Hill: Yeah. And I figured, you know, you could box me up in a crate and mail me to my wife overnight express, Priority Mail, whatever. How much would that cost? Postage, shipping, handling, et cetera?
Schillinger: Are you serious?
Hill: Yeah.
Schillinger: Then you're nuts.
Hill: Is that a no?
Schillinger: Yeah. No. No, yeah, it's a no. Get the fuck out of here before I tip you over.
Hill: All right, Vern, I ain't mad at you. You can't help it if you're ugly and stupid.
Schillinger: What do you want?
Hill: How much would it cost to mail me out of here?
Schillinger: Mail you? What are you talking about?
Hill: I've been trying to think of ways to get out of here.
Schillinger: Escape from Oz?
Hill: Yeah. And I figured, you know, you could box me up in a crate and mail me to my wife overnight express, Priority Mail, whatever. How much would that cost? Postage, shipping, handling, et cetera?
Schillinger: Are you serious?
Hill: Yeah.
Schillinger: Then you're nuts.
Hill: Is that a no?
Schillinger: Yeah. No. No, yeah, it's a no. Get the fuck out of here before I tip you over.
Hill: All right, Vern, I ain't mad at you. You can't help it if you're ugly and stupid.
TV Show: Oz
Busmalis: Relax. You're suffering from PBS.
Rebadow: PBS?
Busmalis: Pre-Bunny Syndrome. It happens quite often in my line of work. You dig and dig and dig, and just before you have to make like a little bunny and go through the hole, you panic.
Rebadow: This is real? Pre-Bunny Syndrome?
Busmalis: Oh, yeah. I mean, I made the name up, but sure.
Rebadow: PBS?
Busmalis: Pre-Bunny Syndrome. It happens quite often in my line of work. You dig and dig and dig, and just before you have to make like a little bunny and go through the hole, you panic.
Rebadow: This is real? Pre-Bunny Syndrome?
Busmalis: Oh, yeah. I mean, I made the name up, but sure.
TV Show: Oz
Alvarez: They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.
Officer Rivera: The fuck you talking about?
Alvarez: Nice to see you.
Officer Rivera: The fuck you talking about?
Alvarez: Nice to see you.
TV Show: Oz
Said: Beecher, don't do this.
Beecher: Do what?
Said: Drink.
Beecher: You like to dabble in peoples' lives, huh? Because you're so much better than us, because you've seen the light. You've seen the face of God. So you wave your dick around trying to help us lowly mortals. Hill, Mershah, Groves, Jefferson Keane. Fuck, you helped Jefferson Keane right into a lethal injection. So in the end, when all is said and done, who have you really fucking helped? Other than yourself?
Said: (proudly) Poet.
Beecher: Poet? I just saw on the news, he killed a man. He's coming back to Oz.
Beecher: Do what?
Said: Drink.
Beecher: You like to dabble in peoples' lives, huh? Because you're so much better than us, because you've seen the light. You've seen the face of God. So you wave your dick around trying to help us lowly mortals. Hill, Mershah, Groves, Jefferson Keane. Fuck, you helped Jefferson Keane right into a lethal injection. So in the end, when all is said and done, who have you really fucking helped? Other than yourself?
Said: (proudly) Poet.
Beecher: Poet? I just saw on the news, he killed a man. He's coming back to Oz.
TV Show: Oz
Coushaine: I say we institute a "no swearing" rule.
El Cid: Fuck you.
Hill: Suck my dick.
Wangler: Asswipe.
O'Reily: Cocksucker.
Pancamo: You stupid cunt.
Hoyt: Putz.
McManus: If nobody has anything more intelligent to say, this meeting is adjourned.
El Cid: Fuck you.
Hill: Suck my dick.
Wangler: Asswipe.
O'Reily: Cocksucker.
Pancamo: You stupid cunt.
Hoyt: Putz.
McManus: If nobody has anything more intelligent to say, this meeting is adjourned.
TV Show: Oz
Hill: Everybody wants to escape from Oz. But the truth is, there is no escape. Let's say you manage to sneak out. Then you gotta run and keep running. A life of running away ain't no life at all. Better to deal with where you live. The real measure of a man is not where he lives, but how; how he makes the best of it.
TV Show: Oz
Hill: The name on the street for the Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary. Only, big news: They've changed the name. It's now called the Oswald State Correctional Facility, level four. I don't know what the difference is. Leo Glynn is still warden, Sister Peter Marie is still in psych, Tim McManus is still unit manager of Emerald City, and I know for damn sure none of us have changed. Beecher is still in the hospital after Schillinger and Keller broke his bones. Alvarez is still in solitary after blinding a CO. Adebisi, still in the loony ward, after changing hats. Maybe it's truth in advertising. Maybe by getting rid of the word "penitentiary" the state is finally admitting that nobody's penitent. Nobody's sorry. Nobody.
TV Show: Oz
O'Reilly: I'd fucking airhole him but he's always got the Aryans or the bikers around him. I just can't get fucking close.
Poet: Unless...
O'Reilly: Unless... Who knew? You think like I do.
Poet: That's a scary thought.
Poet: Unless...
O'Reilly: Unless... Who knew? You think like I do.
Poet: That's a scary thought.
TV Show: Oz
Shirley: Show me your prick.
Richie: What?
Shirley: You show me your prick, and I'll show you my pussy.
Richie: I'm gay.
Shirley: I don't care if you're Portuguese. I don't want to die without ever seeing another prick again. Show me, please show me. (He does) Wow, you must've made some boy very, very happy.
Richie: What?
Shirley: You show me your prick, and I'll show you my pussy.
Richie: I'm gay.
Shirley: I don't care if you're Portuguese. I don't want to die without ever seeing another prick again. Show me, please show me. (He does) Wow, you must've made some boy very, very happy.
TV Show: Oz
Keller: Look, I know there's no reason for you to believe me, but, um...
Beecher: You're sorry?
Keller: Yeah.
Beecher: And you promise you'll never do it again?
Beecher: You're sorry?
Keller: Yeah.
Beecher: And you promise you'll never do it again?
TV Show: Oz
Hill: Truth is a powerful thing. It can right a wrong, or make a bad thing worse. In Oz the truth is, if the facts don't fit the truth, fuck the facts.
TV Show: Oz
McManus: At Attica, you organized a boxing program, right?
Murphy: Yeah.
McManus: Maybe we could try something like that here.
Murphy: Great, now all we need is time, gloves, and a good insurance policy.
Murphy: Yeah.
McManus: Maybe we could try something like that here.
Murphy: Great, now all we need is time, gloves, and a good insurance policy.
TV Show: Oz
Schillinger: (upon hearing that Keller was stabbed in the back) Mr. Keller's got about three or four assholes now!
TV Show: Oz