Peep Show Quotes
Jeremy Osborne: Stop pissing on my bonfire.
Mark Corrigan: There is no bonfire!
Jeremy Osborne: That's because you keep pissing on it!
Mark Corrigan: There is no bonfire!
Jeremy Osborne: That's because you keep pissing on it!
Movie: Peep Show
Jeremy Osborne: [after having finished jury duty] So finally justice is served. Well, not actual justice, just what I wanted. Which is basically the same thing
Movie: Peep Show
Jeremy Osborne: [thinks] ****, what's she talking about? Nod. Look serious. I'm Di, she's Bashir.
Movie: Peep Show
Mark Corrigan: [Mark has just shot down a pheasant] I got it! I got one, I got one!
Jeremy Usborne: [Disdainfully] Congratulations. You've killed a sentient being.
Ian Chapman: Well done, Mark. But you only winged it. [the pheasant is lying on the ground, twitching]
Mark Corrigan: Oh, is that not...?
Ian Chapman: No, you've got to finish it off.
Mark Corrigan: Oh, right. [He points his shotgun at it]
Ian Chapman: No, don't shoot it! God!
Mark Corrigan: [Raising his foot above it] What, shall I?
Ian Chapman: Don't stamp on it! Jesus. Wring its neck.
Mark Corrigan: Its neck?
Ian Chapman: Yes, wring its neck, it's suffering.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] This is the ultimate good impression test. If I can do this, I'll never have to carve a chicken or discuss spark plugs or prove I love his daughter. [He picks up the pheasant]
Ian Chapman: Now, be careful you don't... [Mark accidentally wrenches the bird's head off. Blood spurts out]
Ian Chapman: Oh, Mark. You've pulled its bloody head off.
Mark Corrigan: [horrified] There's blood all over me! [Sophie appears with a bag]
Sophie Chapman: Teas, coffees for the huntsmen!
Jeremy Usborne: No teas for the beastmaster, thanks. He feasts on the blood of his prey.
Jeremy Usborne: [Disdainfully] Congratulations. You've killed a sentient being.
Ian Chapman: Well done, Mark. But you only winged it. [the pheasant is lying on the ground, twitching]
Mark Corrigan: Oh, is that not...?
Ian Chapman: No, you've got to finish it off.
Mark Corrigan: Oh, right. [He points his shotgun at it]
Ian Chapman: No, don't shoot it! God!
Mark Corrigan: [Raising his foot above it] What, shall I?
Ian Chapman: Don't stamp on it! Jesus. Wring its neck.
Mark Corrigan: Its neck?
Ian Chapman: Yes, wring its neck, it's suffering.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] This is the ultimate good impression test. If I can do this, I'll never have to carve a chicken or discuss spark plugs or prove I love his daughter. [He picks up the pheasant]
Ian Chapman: Now, be careful you don't... [Mark accidentally wrenches the bird's head off. Blood spurts out]
Ian Chapman: Oh, Mark. You've pulled its bloody head off.
Mark Corrigan: [horrified] There's blood all over me! [Sophie appears with a bag]
Sophie Chapman: Teas, coffees for the huntsmen!
Jeremy Usborne: No teas for the beastmaster, thanks. He feasts on the blood of his prey.
Movie: Peep Show
Mark Corrigan: He's not moving into the compound. We don't need any of your orgones here, Super Hans. He's staying where he belongs.
Super Hans: You're gonna stay in the Death Star with Captain Haddock? He doesn't value you, he thinks you're a dickhead.
Mark Corrigan: Just because he's a dickhead doesn't mean I'm not his friend. I'm a better friend than you've ever been.
Super Hans: He may be a dickhead, but I'm showing him how to stop being a dickhead.
Jeremy Usborne: Could you please stop agreeing that I'm a dickhead? I'm not a dickhead.
Super Hans: You're gonna stay in the Death Star with Captain Haddock? He doesn't value you, he thinks you're a dickhead.
Mark Corrigan: Just because he's a dickhead doesn't mean I'm not his friend. I'm a better friend than you've ever been.
Super Hans: He may be a dickhead, but I'm showing him how to stop being a dickhead.
Jeremy Usborne: Could you please stop agreeing that I'm a dickhead? I'm not a dickhead.
Movie: Peep Show
Jez (This is fucking wicked. I'm almost definitely a musical genius. Maybe a tattoo... on my chest... but... of my face. Yeahh! Double me! Feel it!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Women don't like your hands under their bottoms, Mark. That's been established, that's a given.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Those kids have no idea whatsoever of what went on at Stalingrad. Although I can't compare my reading of the book with the struggle of the Red Army; it has been a very big read.)
TV Show: Peep Show
TV: I'm basically looking to meet someone like myself.
Mark: (Pfftt. That's exactly the opposite of what I'm looking for.)
Mark: (Pfftt. That's exactly the opposite of what I'm looking for.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Now I know how whatshisname felt when he finished the Mona Lisa... Knackered.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: What does your sister do?
Toni: Not much. She's got leukaemia.
Mark: (That's what you get for trying to flirt.)
Mark: That's terrible. I'm so sorry. I suppose... I mean, at least it's not cancer.'
Toni: It's a form of cancer.
Mark: Shit. That's terrible. My gran... died of cancer. Although, hopefully, your sister... won't. Obviously. Listen, let's talk about something else. Something fun.'
Toni: Not much. She's got leukaemia.
Mark: (That's what you get for trying to flirt.)
Mark: That's terrible. I'm so sorry. I suppose... I mean, at least it's not cancer.'
Toni: It's a form of cancer.
Mark: Shit. That's terrible. My gran... died of cancer. Although, hopefully, your sister... won't. Obviously. Listen, let's talk about something else. Something fun.'
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (You can have good relationships with people who scare you. Just look at me and dad.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: You know Kerry, cancer Kerry, I need to find out, for a friend, the name of that Chinese doctor she was raving about, do you remember?
Jez: Sure. It was Doctor Ying Fu Yip... Wang Shong... Pang Fang Wang... Dang Dong Ning Po Ku.
Mark: Oh right. I see. I get it. You were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon.
Jez: Sure. It was Doctor Ying Fu Yip... Wang Shong... Pang Fang Wang... Dang Dong Ning Po Ku.
Mark: Oh right. I see. I get it. You were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Oh what? So... Mr... Ocean Colour Pants doesn't get it? Well, quelle fucking surprise.
TV Show: Peep Show
Boy: Hey look, it's clean shirt.
Mark: (Clean shirt? What does that even mean? Isn't that good?)
...
Boy: Fuck off clean shirt!
Mark: (Clean shirt? What does that even mean? Isn't that good?)
...
Boy: Fuck off clean shirt!
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: You're a posh spaz.
Mark: Oh really? Well I'd love to know in what way I am a posh spaz.
Jez: In the way that you do posh, spazzy things like... tidying up and... ironing your socks.
Mark: I do not iron my socks!
Jez: Socks, shirts, whatever!
Mark: Oh really? Well I'd love to know in what way I am a posh spaz.
Jez: In the way that you do posh, spazzy things like... tidying up and... ironing your socks.
Mark: I do not iron my socks!
Jez: Socks, shirts, whatever!
TV Show: Peep Show
Toni: I tell you, you find out who your real friends are when you set fire to Hampton Court maze because you can't take any more of your husband's shit.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Jesus. How did I get trapped with her? She's definitely the most boring person here.) [Looks at group of people] (I mean, they look great, they're probably talking about how they're going to make a real life porn movie with a proper story and everything... I could do the music.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (I mean, you can't catch cancer... I'd have heard... Someone would've said...)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Listen to you, you beautiful... crazy thing... I meant, the cancer.
Paula: I'm sorry? Which cancer?
Jez: The bloody cancer! Eating you away!
Paula: Ok... Would you like it if I did have cancer?
Paula: I'm sorry? Which cancer?
Jez: The bloody cancer! Eating you away!
Paula: Ok... Would you like it if I did have cancer?
TV Show: Peep Show
[Leaving Sophie on the bus, having failed miserably to woo Toni the previous night]
Mark: (Yeah that's the way, Sophie is the one. Toni is Russia: Vast, mysterious, unconquerable. Sophie is Poland: Manageable... won't put up too much of a fight.)
Mark: (Yeah that's the way, Sophie is the one. Toni is Russia: Vast, mysterious, unconquerable. Sophie is Poland: Manageable... won't put up too much of a fight.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: See, by the winter of 42, the whole city was surrounded by the massed 6th army, it was pressing and pressing, the Russians couldn't hold on much longer, many wanted to submit...
Toni: Mark, you know I just don't bang anyone, yeah. I'm not some kind of next-door fuck jar.
Mark: No, no, of course not, what I mean is that the German supply lines were stretched, Zhukov countered and the siege was broken. And that's the story of Stalingrad.
Toni: Mark, you know I just don't bang anyone, yeah. I'm not some kind of next-door fuck jar.
Mark: No, no, of course not, what I mean is that the German supply lines were stretched, Zhukov countered and the siege was broken. And that's the story of Stalingrad.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: [Putting on socks.] (I wonder what kind of socks Sophie wears. Do women wear socks? Well, yes, sometimes, is the answer to that. Socks before or after trousers, but never socks before pants, that’s the rule. Makes a man look scary – like a chicken.) [Jeremy walks by, wearing only socks.] (He just does not give one solitary shit.)
TV Show: Peep Show