Peep Show Quotes
Sophie: [to Mark and her father] Hey, nice to see you two getting on. What are you two talking about?
Mark: Oh, just...metal. (And the fact that I don't really love you)
Mark: Oh, just...metal. (And the fact that I don't really love you)
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: Bye. Love you!
Mark: I love you, too. (It's okay, everyone says it. I say I love Häagen-Dazs and my broadband provider, and I like Sophie more than them. In most respects.)
Mark: I love you, too. (It's okay, everyone says it. I say I love Häagen-Dazs and my broadband provider, and I like Sophie more than them. In most respects.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Hi, Alan, you wanted to talk about... oh!
Johnson: Don't be alarmed, Mark, it's just Tai Chi. Take a seat and I'll just power through. Should take 45 minutes, I'm done in ten. Stick that up your dojo.
Mark: Great.
Johnson: Don't be alarmed, Mark, it's just Tai Chi. Take a seat and I'll just power through. Should take 45 minutes, I'm done in ten. Stick that up your dojo.
Mark: Great.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I do sort of like it when he's rude to me. Hopefully that's more of a psychological defect, not a weird sexual thing.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Johnson: Tonight should be a free-fire idea zone. Watch a DVD, eat some pizza, fuck each other. I'm serious. Fuck a chicken if that's what it takes. Watch a chicken fucking a horse. What? You think the guys who invented Google sat around watching Trumpton?
Mark: (Oh he is good. Taboo busting, semi-incomprehensible pep-talk.)
Mark: (Oh he is good. Taboo busting, semi-incomprehensible pep-talk.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Johnson: In business, Jeremy, you learn that every man has his price, and I judge yours to be... £530.
TV Show: Peep Show
[about Indecent Proposal]
Jez: (Is this a terrible idea? It can't be. It's in a film. They wouldn't put a terrible idea in a film, they'd get sued.)
Jez: (Is this a terrible idea? It can't be. It's in a film. They wouldn't put a terrible idea in a film, they'd get sued.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Big Suze: Sounds like you want to pimp me out.
Jez: Pimp me out. Pimp my ride. There's a new climate.
Jez: Pimp me out. Pimp my ride. There's a new climate.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (God! I only asked her to be a hooker. It's not like I wanted her to work in telesales.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: ...and I was quite shocked when you called Kathy a knucklehead, Mark.
Mark: No, I didn't.
Sophie: Yes, you did. You said she was a knucklehead and she should knuckle down or you'd knuckle her fat head. Then you stamped on Gerrard's foot.
Mark: That was an accident.
Sophie: No it wasn't.
Mark: But it could have been. I was careful to make sure that it could have been.
Mark: No, I didn't.
Sophie: Yes, you did. You said she was a knucklehead and she should knuckle down or you'd knuckle her fat head. Then you stamped on Gerrard's foot.
Mark: That was an accident.
Sophie: No it wasn't.
Mark: But it could have been. I was careful to make sure that it could have been.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Sit down. Clear your tubes. 'Cause you and me are gonna chow down on the biggest hairy motherfucking business shit-storm since Enron.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Suppose I can always roll Gerrard out for the sympathy vote. He's my dark secret... my elephant man.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Oh right, so, now she's finished with you, suddenly you're in love with her again?
Jez: Exactly. Duh! That's how love works Mark.
Jez: Exactly. Duh! That's how love works Mark.
TV Show: Peep Show
Big Suze: Jeremy?! What the hell are you doing here?
Jez: Me? Oh. Nothing. I was just passing through... Kettering... And I thought, hey I know someone who's gone to Kettering for the weekend.
Jez: Me? Oh. Nothing. I was just passing through... Kettering... And I thought, hey I know someone who's gone to Kettering for the weekend.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Look, Suze. Being black isn't about the colour of your skin. It's about vibe, hanging out, kicking back, smoking a number. Fighting prejudice and negative stereotypes wherever you find them! Yeah? I'm down with all that! Is Johnson? I mean, what's Johnson done for black people lately?!
Big Suze: You mean... apart from his mentoring and community work?
Jez: ...Yeah, apart from that!
Big Suze: You mean... apart from his mentoring and community work?
Jez: ...Yeah, apart from that!
TV Show: Peep Show
Big Suze: You tried to sell my body! I don't want to talk to you. Goodbye
[Suze leaves, the Barman stares at Jeremy]
Jeremy: I did not try to sell her body. I tried to rent out her sexual organs [beat] on a one-use basis.
[Suze leaves, the Barman stares at Jeremy]
Jeremy: I did not try to sell her body. I tried to rent out her sexual organs [beat] on a one-use basis.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh God. This is horrible. Ughh, she's touching the tube! That can't be hygenic...)
TV Show: Peep Show
[While getting a lap dance in a strip club.]
Mark: (Oh, great! Here we go. I'm just another cock getting wired into the global economy. Uhhh, how should I look like? Bond-like neutrality? As though I'm so used to real-life naked women? Or, don't want to be rude... smiling encouragement? That's not a leer is it? Got to avoid the leer at all costs. And the dribble. Oh God, she looks amazing. This really should not be allowed. This is what men want and we shouldn't be allowed to have it because it's horrible and it make you feel sick! Oh great, now I'm getting an erection. How grimly predictable.)
Mark: (Oh, great! Here we go. I'm just another cock getting wired into the global economy. Uhhh, how should I look like? Bond-like neutrality? As though I'm so used to real-life naked women? Or, don't want to be rude... smiling encouragement? That's not a leer is it? Got to avoid the leer at all costs. And the dribble. Oh God, she looks amazing. This really should not be allowed. This is what men want and we shouldn't be allowed to have it because it's horrible and it make you feel sick! Oh great, now I'm getting an erection. How grimly predictable.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Stripper: You should try and sum up all your aims in the first line.
Mark: Right, look, this is a very complex business proposal so I really don't think you could sum up all the aims in one line.
Stripper: If you can't sum up all the aims in the first line then they're too diffuse.
Mark: Look, my aims are not too fucking diffuse, ok?!
Stripper: Fine! Jesus! They just might be too diffuse. That was all I was saying...
Mark: (Great... Now I'm getting an angry lap dance... Brilliant...)
Mark: Right, look, this is a very complex business proposal so I really don't think you could sum up all the aims in one line.
Stripper: If you can't sum up all the aims in the first line then they're too diffuse.
Mark: Look, my aims are not too fucking diffuse, ok?!
Stripper: Fine! Jesus! They just might be too diffuse. That was all I was saying...
Mark: (Great... Now I'm getting an angry lap dance... Brilliant...)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I'm about to walk into a boardroom gang bang and get fucked by the biggest swinging dicks in corporate strategy.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Maybe you should run away.
Mark: Right, thanks Jez.
Jez: Well, I mean, people say it like it's a bad thing, you know, running away from your problems. But if your problems never catch up with you, what's the hitch?
Mark: Right, well, in this case there would be repercussions.
Jez: What do you care? You'd be in the woods, playing the ukulele with the rabbits and the squirrels!
Mark: I suppose I could... run away.
Jez: Do it man!! (I think that was good advice... I mean, I didn't actually expect him to do it... Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... But... yep, there he goes.)
Mark: (God, I'm running away! This is brilliant! Maybe I'll go to KFC and have a whole bargain bucket!)
Mark: Right, thanks Jez.
Jez: Well, I mean, people say it like it's a bad thing, you know, running away from your problems. But if your problems never catch up with you, what's the hitch?
Mark: Right, well, in this case there would be repercussions.
Jez: What do you care? You'd be in the woods, playing the ukulele with the rabbits and the squirrels!
Mark: I suppose I could... run away.
Jez: Do it man!! (I think that was good advice... I mean, I didn't actually expect him to do it... Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... But... yep, there he goes.)
Mark: (God, I'm running away! This is brilliant! Maybe I'll go to KFC and have a whole bargain bucket!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I've really done it this time. This isn't a late report or a misspelled memo. This is going feral. Rejecting society and living like an animal. That's not going to look good on my quarterly review)
TV Show: Peep Show
Johnson: I'd just like to assure everyone that Mr. Corrigan will indeed be dead within a month.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Mark, are you having some sort of mental breakdown?
Mark: I'm just joining the gym. Get some exercise, and some time... not away from Sophie, just... without her.
Jez: .....
Mark: You should join too. You get a free pen!
Mark: I'm just joining the gym. Get some exercise, and some time... not away from Sophie, just... without her.
Jez: .....
Mark: You should join too. You get a free pen!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Ugh, why did they have to put the bikes right in front of the sexualiser? Be so demeaning to get a bonk-on while exercising.)
TV Show: Peep Show