Peep Show Quotes
Jez: (This is amazing. I wasn't meant to be out 'till eleven, and it's not even nine. I've time travelled. I've made time! I could do anything. I'm golden!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: You know Jez... I've started to get this feeling that I'm totally, totally fucked... You know, I fucked up my wedding, I fucked up my only relationship. Everything's just completely fucked.
Jez: You have been thinking this for a while, haven't you?
Jez: You have been thinking this for a while, haven't you?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark mentions he'd like to be a scout master. Jeremy smirks
Mark: What? You don't have to be a paedophile to want to work with children.
Jeremy: But it probably helps.
Mark: I spent five happy years in the scouts! And never once...
Jeremy: [Interupting] You told me kinky Leyton was all over you.
Mark: Yeah, alright Leyton was a bit of a paedo. But it was old style paedoing. Before it got such a bad name. (Of course, Leyton only ever really had eyes for Duncan Carpenter, the doe-eyed little flirt).
Mark: What? You don't have to be a paedophile to want to work with children.
Jeremy: But it probably helps.
Mark: I spent five happy years in the scouts! And never once...
Jeremy: [Interupting] You told me kinky Leyton was all over you.
Mark: Yeah, alright Leyton was a bit of a paedo. But it was old style paedoing. Before it got such a bad name. (Of course, Leyton only ever really had eyes for Duncan Carpenter, the doe-eyed little flirt).
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark walks past two of Sophie's friends. They stop their conversation and give him nasty looks
Mark: (Ugh.. the gossip mill. That's right, stare at Hess; throw fruit at Hess, pacing his prison yard!)
Mark: (Ugh.. the gossip mill. That's right, stare at Hess; throw fruit at Hess, pacing his prison yard!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Mmmm. Why toast when you can roast?
Jez: Another roast? That's the third today.
Mark: What's nicer than a roast?
Jez: Yeah, but, chain-eating roasts?
Jez: Another roast? That's the third today.
Mark: What's nicer than a roast?
Jez: Yeah, but, chain-eating roasts?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Ugh no... Heartbreak Tuna! No, just bin it. But not literally - no need to be dramatic. Freeze it. See how I feel in six months.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: If she wants a PR War, then she can have a PR War... I'll Mandelson her! Nobody wanted New Labour, Jeremy, but now we all know how it works.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: [entering the office] (Walking into the jaws of death. Got to go past Sophie's desk. What I am going to say? Please save me, Jesus - I'll believe in you if you save me now ... The other way! She's looking the other way! Thank you, Jesus! ... Although it was fifty-fifty which way she'd be looking - might need a bit more to start believing.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Mmmm, Piggin' Tea Break. Cup of piggin' tea and work out my piggin' campaign strategy.
TV Show: Peep Show
Lisa: Erm, Mark, I just want to say about the wedding... that I think you're a real piece of shit.
Mark: Oh... OK. (That's fair. Lisa is a very fair person.)
Mark: Oh... OK. (That's fair. Lisa is a very fair person.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Hi Soph, how are you? How are you feeling?
Sophie: Well... I want to give things another go.
Mark: You... you do?
Sophie: No, of course I fucking don't!
Sophie: Well... I want to give things another go.
Mark: You... you do?
Sophie: No, of course I fucking don't!
TV Show: Peep Show
[Jeremy plays Barney's music to Super Hans]
Super Hans: Yeah, this is raw. Who is this, is this us?
Super Hans: Yeah, this is raw. Who is this, is this us?
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Shit, he's done something there. How's he done that?
Jez: I think that what's happening is maybe two or three different musical things, at the same time!
Jez: I think that what's happening is maybe two or three different musical things, at the same time!
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Have you read the Big Beat Manifesto lately?
Jez: Did we write it down?
Super Hans: The Big Beat Manifesto goes "Big Beats are the best, Get high all the time".
Jez: Right. At the time, it felt like a much more all-encompassing philosophy.
Jez: Did we write it down?
Super Hans: The Big Beat Manifesto goes "Big Beats are the best, Get high all the time".
Jez: Right. At the time, it felt like a much more all-encompassing philosophy.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: I think this is probably the best example of the sort of stuff we'd do we've ever had.
Jez: Oh yeah. 'cause sometimes it's really hard actually to do your own ideas.
Jez: Oh yeah. 'cause sometimes it's really hard actually to do your own ideas.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: By the way, is it possible to get a block on a couple of e-mail addresses?
Dobby: Why, what have you been getting?
Mark: Ah, just the usual... crap.
Dobby: [reading] You're a piece of shit. Shitter, Stuff your bollocks up your gob...
Mark: It's just mates and that.
Dobby: [still reading] Fuck off and shut up and die?
Mark: Yeah they're pretty funny.
Dobby: Arseholes.
Dobby: Why, what have you been getting?
Mark: Ah, just the usual... crap.
Dobby: [reading] You're a piece of shit. Shitter, Stuff your bollocks up your gob...
Mark: It's just mates and that.
Dobby: [still reading] Fuck off and shut up and die?
Mark: Yeah they're pretty funny.
Dobby: Arseholes.
TV Show: Peep Show
[after Dobby asks Mark to reach something high inside a closet room]
Mark: Ugh...you'll, you'll have to...move.
Dobby: Yeah, I should move, but...I might not move. [begins to rub her bottom against Mark's private area]
Mark: Ugh...you'll, you'll have to...move.
Dobby: Yeah, I should move, but...I might not move. [begins to rub her bottom against Mark's private area]
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I win because they all think I pissed myself, when they have no idea I came all in my pants!)
TV Show: Peep Show
[about Jeremey's show in the club Fuckbunker, after Dobby seduced Mark earlier in a closet]
Mark: I just wondered if you fancied coming down with me to the Fuckbunker.
Dobby: Is that what you call the stationery cupboard?
Mark: I just wondered if you fancied coming down with me to the Fuckbunker.
Dobby: Is that what you call the stationery cupboard?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Hmmm... women. There they are, walking around. And they've all got them. Under their clothes. Hiding there. But I know the secret. Vaginas.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: What's going on?
Super Hans: Barney's locked himself in the bathroom.
Jez: What did you do to him?
Super Hans: Nothing...jesus...
Barney: He's a fucker!
Jez: Has he been sucking you off?
Super Hans: No! Of course not...
Barney: Yes.
Super Hans: Well...maybe once...
Jez: What the fuck are we going to do!?!? We don't know how to play his mu...our music. We're the frontmen! I was planning on just waving a maraca and giving the hotties my sex eyes.
Super Hans: Barney's locked himself in the bathroom.
Jez: What did you do to him?
Super Hans: Nothing...jesus...
Barney: He's a fucker!
Jez: Has he been sucking you off?
Super Hans: No! Of course not...
Barney: Yes.
Super Hans: Well...maybe once...
Jez: What the fuck are we going to do!?!? We don't know how to play his mu...our music. We're the frontmen! I was planning on just waving a maraca and giving the hotties my sex eyes.
TV Show: Peep Show
Barney: I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
Jez: What's going on?
Super Hans: He wants to go home.
Jez: What's going on?
Super Hans: He wants to go home.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: [Discussing Barney] He's in a K-Hole right now, but in ten the speed'll kick in. Can a coke and a cig, he'll be right as rain.
TV Show: Peep Show