Peep Show Quotes
Jez: Me and this Gail, we're just eating from different sides of the plate. I play woodwind, she's on brass.
TV Show: Peep Show
Johnson: In, fire thirty percent of the workforce, new logo, boom, out. You are now a fully trained management consultant.
TV Show: Peep Show
Elena: Isn’t there a saying in life: “Whatever you don’t know makes you stronger”?
Mark: No.
Mark: No.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: I'm freezing. Could you throw me a rope?
Mark: I haven’t got a rope.
Jez: What do you mean, you haven’t got a rope?
Mark: I don't own a rope! I don't own a boat, or any cattle, or any of the things that ropes are useful for. What the hell would you do with a rope, anyway?
Jez: Climb up it!
Mark: Oh, sure. Climb up it, using your strength.
Jez: Well, you could pull me up.
Mark: Yeah, I could haul you up using my muscles.
Mark: I haven’t got a rope.
Jez: What do you mean, you haven’t got a rope?
Mark: I don't own a rope! I don't own a boat, or any cattle, or any of the things that ropes are useful for. What the hell would you do with a rope, anyway?
Jez: Climb up it!
Mark: Oh, sure. Climb up it, using your strength.
Jez: Well, you could pull me up.
Mark: Yeah, I could haul you up using my muscles.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: It'd be like picking off bystanders with a sniper rifle: fun at first, but it would quickly become a depressing chore.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Even a dried up, dessicated old branflake on toast like you should be able to see that!
Mark: (If I’m a branflake, he’s a slutty Sugar Puff!)
Mark: (If I’m a branflake, he’s a slutty Sugar Puff!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Johnson: Did you make the bed? You're not my wife, Mark. I had a wife, I don't need another bullet in the head...okay? Righty righty!
Mark: (I made his bed and got his tea, I am his wife!)
Mark: (I made his bed and got his tea, I am his wife!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: I’m like Raffles! No? No clothes for Raffles. Raffles doesn’t deserve clothes.
TV Show: Peep Show
Dobby: Hey Mark!!
Mark: Hi Dobbs. I just happened to be passing. I remember you were saying if I happened to be passing.. (Two buses here, three buses home. Five convenient buses.)
Mark: Hi Dobbs. I just happened to be passing. I remember you were saying if I happened to be passing.. (Two buses here, three buses home. Five convenient buses.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Oh God, I can't believe I'm having a party!
Jez: I am so proud of you. There was everyone thinking you were just this fusty, sweater-wearing, spirit-crushing no-fly-zone with ten foot carrot up his ass.
Mark: Yeah, obviously it is only a tactical party. I'm only having a party to eventually get sex.
Jez: This is only reason anyone in recorded history has had a party Mark!
Jez: I am so proud of you. There was everyone thinking you were just this fusty, sweater-wearing, spirit-crushing no-fly-zone with ten foot carrot up his ass.
Mark: Yeah, obviously it is only a tactical party. I'm only having a party to eventually get sex.
Jez: This is only reason anyone in recorded history has had a party Mark!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh god this could be a disaster. I want a night of edgy banter and tipsy indiscretions, he wants us all lying around in our pants flinging shit at each other.)
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Jez: Big of you, inviting him.
Mark: I thought it would look petty and vindictive not to, and as a petty and vindictive individual I have to take extra care not to appear petty or vindictive.
Mark: I thought it would look petty and vindictive not to, and as a petty and vindictive individual I have to take extra care not to appear petty or vindictive.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I need to get Gerrard incredibly fucked. Booze, drugs, whatever.
Jez: Chemical castration; classic.
Jez: Chemical castration; classic.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Will you excuse me? I've got to go and give that ill-looking man an enormous drink.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Only downside is no Dobby. If it peaks before Dobby gets here, I've wasted good party.
Jez: Maybe call her? Give her some flavour.
Mark: What, like start a message and then say "Stop it Julio. Get your own cocaine, I've got too much tit in my mouth."?
Jez: Exactly
Jez: Maybe call her? Give her some flavour.
Mark: What, like start a message and then say "Stop it Julio. Get your own cocaine, I've got too much tit in my mouth."?
Jez: Exactly
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Oh god, Elena.
Mark: ....
Jez: This is not all my chickens coming home to roost, Mark, all right? Don't stand there thinking it is.
Mark: I'm not Jez. (This is all his chickens coming home to roost. It's a roost-a-thon.)
Mark: ....
Jez: This is not all my chickens coming home to roost, Mark, all right? Don't stand there thinking it is.
Mark: I'm not Jez. (This is all his chickens coming home to roost. It's a roost-a-thon.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Big Suze: Mark - there's something wrong in the loo.
Mark: (God, she looks like she's witnessed a war crime.)
Mark: (God, she looks like she's witnessed a war crime.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: All right Jez.
Jez: Yeah, um, just an idea, would it be okay mate if you fucked off before I ram a wine bottle up your cock?
Jez: Yeah, um, just an idea, would it be okay mate if you fucked off before I ram a wine bottle up your cock?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Dobby, Come in. No need to explain what the hell you've been doing till this time.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Dobby mustn't see Gerrard. He's gone over the edge of reason. Get rid of him!
Jez: Aye aye, captain.
Jez: Aye aye, captain.
TV Show: Peep Show