Peep Show Quotes
Mark: (Ok, well, I'm here, so I'll just sit here and drink. No one can stop me doing that. Just drink myself to death.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[In a toilet cubicle with Toni, Jeremy and Valerie]
Mark: (I've got to take Jeremy's advice more often: I'm out on a date with a teenage goth, smoking pot in the Lazerbowl toilets... this is it. This is literally, it. This is the sort of thing people do when they're having a good time.)
Mark: (I've got to take Jeremy's advice more often: I'm out on a date with a teenage goth, smoking pot in the Lazerbowl toilets... this is it. This is literally, it. This is the sort of thing people do when they're having a good time.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: [Eating chicken wings] (This should be in the bag. Why isn't this in the bag? She looks like she hates me.) [Toni looks on in disgust]
Jez: What? It's eat as much as you can.
Toni: No, it's eat as much as you'd like. There's no competitive element involved.
Jez: At 3.99, I think I know who's winning.
Jez: What? It's eat as much as you can.
Toni: No, it's eat as much as you'd like. There's no competitive element involved.
Jez: At 3.99, I think I know who's winning.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I'm bowling all right, I'm bowling FRUIT! I've reached the next level, I've gone BEYOND!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: For the worst thing that could possibly happen, this is actually going extremely well.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeff: So Valerie, who's your favourite member of S Club?
Valerie: Oh, I'm not really into them. But I hear they have a big gay following. [mimes oral sex]
Valerie: Oh, I'm not really into them. But I hear they have a big gay following. [mimes oral sex]
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (She does look kind of great in my pajamas. That's sick. Why is that sick?)
TV Show: Peep Show
[Discussing politicians with Mark and Alan]
Jez: What I mean is that they should be more honest. I mean, at least Tony Adams from the IRA, he's like "Yeah, I shoot people, I like shooting people!" I mean, if they were more honest, then maybe people would vote and not switch straight over when the news comes on.
Jez: What I mean is that they should be more honest. I mean, at least Tony Adams from the IRA, he's like "Yeah, I shoot people, I like shooting people!" I mean, if they were more honest, then maybe people would vote and not switch straight over when the news comes on.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Mark likes Israel, I'm Palestine. Makes it much more interesting if you pick sides.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: You passed out after the love beans... thought the table was being ironic
TV Show: Peep Show
[In flash back of drug induced state]
Jez: (Floss is boss, Floss is boss).
[Begins to strangle Super Hans with dental floss]
Jez: FLOSS IS BOSS! FLOSS IS BOSS!.
Jez: (Floss is boss, Floss is boss).
[Begins to strangle Super Hans with dental floss]
Jez: FLOSS IS BOSS! FLOSS IS BOSS!.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Good old unfriendly Mr. Patel. Never says a word whether you're buying corn flakes, fabric softener... or gay porn.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: We're going to have parties that go beyond fun and actually get a bit nasty.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: The bad thing. That was the bad thing.
[Cut to shot of Super Hans performing oral sex on Jeremy the previous night]
Super Hans: Alright. My turn now.
[Cut to shot of Super Hans performing oral sex on Jeremy the previous night]
Super Hans: Alright. My turn now.
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: Are you sure you can get home from here?
Mark: Hmmm. (You can never go home again. Winters coming. Is this Stalingrad? Is this where it all ends?)
Mark: Hmmm. (You can never go home again. Winters coming. Is this Stalingrad? Is this where it all ends?)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Look mate, I'm next door. I heard you. Your... noise. Last night.
Super Hans: Oh, that. That was nothing. That was... press-ups.
Jez: Yep, well, you certainly seemed to enjoy the last few... a lot.
Super Hans: Oh, that. That was nothing. That was... press-ups.
Jez: Yep, well, you certainly seemed to enjoy the last few... a lot.
TV Show: Peep Show
[Entering Barbara's empty office late at night]
Mark: (Hey Barbara, thought we should have a follow up meeting Re: the phones thing... Oh you're not here,) [opening desk drawer] (well I'll just leave my new idea in your desk, give you time to think about it... yeah so my new idea is urine) [urinates into drawer] (loads and loads of urine, flooding your drawers. What do you think about that? Don't you think that would be just the ticket?) [urinates on a folder on the floor] (Yeah, you're getting some too!) [Phone Rings, Mark answers] JLB Credit, fuck off please!
Mark: (Hey Barbara, thought we should have a follow up meeting Re: the phones thing... Oh you're not here,) [opening desk drawer] (well I'll just leave my new idea in your desk, give you time to think about it... yeah so my new idea is urine) [urinates into drawer] (loads and loads of urine, flooding your drawers. What do you think about that? Don't you think that would be just the ticket?) [urinates on a folder on the floor] (Yeah, you're getting some too!) [Phone Rings, Mark answers] JLB Credit, fuck off please!
TV Show: Peep Show
Therapist: Often I like to kick things off with a bit of word association. It's kind of a fun way...
Mark: Is it therapy?
Therapist: Not really, no. I'll just say a word and you tell me the very first thing that pops into your mind.
Mark: (He's trying to therapise me.)
Therapist: Okay, let's start with an obvious one. Work.
Mark: (Snake-pit.) Snake... charmer.
Therapist: Just say the first thing that comes to mind. Money.
Mark: (Everything.) ...not everything.
Therapist: Children.
Mark: (Blind.) Uh, short.
Therapist: Father.
Mark: (Führer.) Football.
Therapist: Mother
Mark: (Sophie.) Fuck! No, not fuck!
Mark: Is it therapy?
Therapist: Not really, no. I'll just say a word and you tell me the very first thing that pops into your mind.
Mark: (He's trying to therapise me.)
Therapist: Okay, let's start with an obvious one. Work.
Mark: (Snake-pit.) Snake... charmer.
Therapist: Just say the first thing that comes to mind. Money.
Mark: (Everything.) ...not everything.
Therapist: Children.
Mark: (Blind.) Uh, short.
Therapist: Father.
Mark: (Führer.) Football.
Therapist: Mother
Mark: (Sophie.) Fuck! No, not fuck!
TV Show: Peep Show
Therapist: Have you ever done a Rorschach test? Just tell me what you see.
Mark: (A hairy twat. A hungry, devouring twat) ...a kitten?
Mark: (A hairy twat. A hungry, devouring twat) ...a kitten?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (This was definitely a good idea. There's no chance this wasn't a good idea.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (I've made a psycho call to the woman I love, I kicked a dog to death, and now I'm going to pepperspray an acquaintance. Something ... I mean, what's happened to me?)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (I'm gonna blow this gaff wide open.) Uh... yeah. I spent, uh, some time with Ray before he... went and I just wanted to say that, um, I think we should all remember that Ray, by the end... he loved Jesus. Now I know, Liz, there's no proof for Jesus, but then there's no proof for lots of things like science or the stock market and... we believe in them. Look, what I'm trying to say is that if I was dying and I decided that even though I'd never particularly been into say, uh... Enya before, but that now I really really was into Enya and that in fact I thought Enya was great and that Enya died for our sins and I wanted an Enya themed funeral with pictures of Enya and lots and lots of mentions of... Enya. Then I think it would be a bit bloody rich for my sister to ban all mention of Enya from my funeral! Yeah?
[Everyone applauds, Liz frowns]
[Everyone applauds, Liz frowns]
TV Show: Peep Show
[Discussing life and death with Mark]
Sophie: Sometimes, we're so wrapped up in the nonsense of life...
Mark: Right yeah... I mean, if I want an Xbox, why don't I just get an Xbox?
Sophie: [confused] ...yeah.
Mark: (You're losing her) It's a brief candle... a bloody brief candle.
Sophie: Sometimes, we're so wrapped up in the nonsense of life...
Mark: Right yeah... I mean, if I want an Xbox, why don't I just get an Xbox?
Sophie: [confused] ...yeah.
Mark: (You're losing her) It's a brief candle... a bloody brief candle.
TV Show: Peep Show