Peep Show Quotes
Mark: She's very ill. We need to get her to someone-
Jeremy: Who has more responsibility for her than us.
Mark: Exactly.
Jeremy: Who has more responsibility for her than us.
Mark: Exactly.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Do you really think if you give her back those papers, she's going to let you screw her?
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Jeremy: (If I was getting sectioned, I'd put up more of a fight. Downside: Could get lobotimised)
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Jeremy: That's your dream, isn't it? Everyone gray, on the bus, eating gray sludge.
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Jeremy: If YOU try to section me Mark you will have crossed a line and I will section you, so help me...
Doctor: Look guys. You've had your fun with the sectioning. There's going to be no more sectioning today.
Doctor: Look guys. You've had your fun with the sectioning. There's going to be no more sectioning today.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Oh Suze, it's not scary; you just lose your sense of who you are and all that shit.
Big Suze: Will I still be able to play the piano?
Jez: Of course! Suze, they're mushrooms; they're completely natural! Nothing natural ever hurt anybody, that's a scientific fact.
Big Suze: Will I still be able to play the piano?
Jez: Of course! Suze, they're mushrooms; they're completely natural! Nothing natural ever hurt anybody, that's a scientific fact.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: If people only did everything they wanted everyone would just spend all day sitting on the carpet watching the poker channel, wanking and eating those expensive German biscuits. Probably.
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Super Hans: Listen love, just a little tip alright? You're on the edge now and you need to pick the right way. One way's heaven, and the other... well... probably best not to think about that right now... but it's fuckin' 'orrible, yeah?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: You da man!
Mark: I'm a man!
Jez: It's you da man.
Mark: Whatever, Jeremy, let's not quibble. I'm a Man!
Mark: I'm a man!
Jez: It's you da man.
Mark: Whatever, Jeremy, let's not quibble. I'm a Man!
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Shit. We're so angry together. The righteous indignation of the common man! Maybe we can start a union... The Woodworkers and General Persons Union.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Maybe we'll become best mates and he'll train me up to be a carpenter like Jesus. And if I get crucified, he'll start a religion in my name. Jeremism. 'I'm a Jeremist.' Nice.)
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Jez: (It's not like I'm going to rape him. I could rape him... I'm not going to rape him.)
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Jez: I'm going to get us both really high and then try to put my hand up her jumper.
Mark: That's your plan is it?
Mark: That's your plan is it?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (This is the last friendship I have that's not backed up by a legally enforceable document.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh God. Can I do this? If I do this, even if I end up marrying Sophie and we live in a detached house in Surrey and we buy a holiday home in Umbria, our children will always look up at the face of a man who once crapped in a takeaway bag. Plus... I'd have to hide it here, somewhere in my room next to one of my things. I could throw it out the window. No, that's what they want you to do. That's where society's headed. People shitting in bags and throwing it out the window at each other. Well, I'm not going to be the first. Not in my name!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Ooh yeah. These are the good times, love; after the initial nausea passes, but before the grinding comedown. Lovely.
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Johnson: Is that normal pooing you're doing, Mark?
Mark: Yes, perfectly normal.
Johnson: Doesn't sound normal... Doesn't smell normal. This is bollocks, Mark! You know the credo: illness equals weakness. You're off the team.
Mark: Yes, perfectly normal.
Johnson: Doesn't sound normal... Doesn't smell normal. This is bollocks, Mark! You know the credo: illness equals weakness. You're off the team.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: So this is my big evening, is it? Me, tripping my nuts off, watching you do endless pooing.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Nothing means anything to you, does it? Friendship, loyalty - they're just fusty old words like sixpence and codpiece to you, aren't they?
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Mark: (Looking at porn is like lying to Parliament. It used to be wrong but now it's all a big laugh.)
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Mark: (Oh my God. I've fallen in love with her. Of course. Brilliant. How incredibly predictable. What a total fucking dope.)
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Mark: Promise me you will not try to sleep with her.
Jez: I promise I will try not to sleep with her.
Jez: I promise I will try not to sleep with her.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: So. You slept with her. You promised.
Jez: I promised to try not to.
Mark: Yeah, well you didn't try very hard did you.
Jez: Mark, I tried incredibly hard. It just turns out it was literally impossible not to.
Jez: I promised to try not to.
Mark: Yeah, well you didn't try very hard did you.
Jez: Mark, I tried incredibly hard. It just turns out it was literally impossible not to.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (How can Mark be in love with Big Suze? It's like Swaziland trying to invade China - it's a bloody political joke.)
TV Show: Peep Show