Peep Show Quotes
Mark: [Whilst jogging] (Hey! Wow, I'm actually good at this. Maybe I'm a natural - yeah, I'm a jogger! Of course, there had to be a sport for me, I just never realised. Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch - fuck, I'm gonna be sick, I need to walk. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: I've got loads of really important stuff to do this weekend.
Mark: Jeremy, a carton of Mars Bar Milk, a small bag of marijuana, and a pirated DVD of Anchorman are not important things.
Mark: Jeremy, a carton of Mars Bar Milk, a small bag of marijuana, and a pirated DVD of Anchorman are not important things.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wankers.
Mark: Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality.
Mark: Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: It's probably some young black kid who's been accused of stealing a bun, and I'm going to set him free.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: No smoke without fire? Is that what 1000 years of British Judicial Law has come down to? No smoke without fire?!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Saying 'I Love You' is like firing first in a duel; if you miss, you're fucked!
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Sometimes I tell them I love them early on on a first date just to get things off to a good start.
Mark: Doesn't that... devalue it a bit?
Jez: No. Maybe. A bit. Who cares, it works.
Mark: Doesn't that... devalue it a bit?
Jez: No. Maybe. A bit. Who cares, it works.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: You'd be the first to admit that you're not the most rational thinker.
Jez: No I wouldn't!
Mark: You still don't understand what happens in Ocean's Eleven.
Jez: It's a complicated film.
Mark: It really isn't.
Jez: No I wouldn't!
Mark: You still don't understand what happens in Ocean's Eleven.
Jez: It's a complicated film.
Mark: It really isn't.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Oh that is typical. "Jeremy can't be trusted to judge the woman he's sleeping with but ... Tony Blair can?"
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Look Mark, I'm a musician, in case you'd forgotten. Yeah? I answer to a higher law. The law of "if it feels good, do it".
Mark: Oh, that's a great law isn't it? What's that, Gaddafi's law?
Jez: It's the musician's law. Colonel Gaddafi could not lay down a bass hook, Mark. That should be clear even to you!
Mark: Oh, that's a great law isn't it? What's that, Gaddafi's law?
Jez: It's the musician's law. Colonel Gaddafi could not lay down a bass hook, Mark. That should be clear even to you!
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (I'm in Twelve Angry Men. I'm the only one who's not angry. I'm horny. That's much nicer.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: So, a candle stuck in a wine bottle apparently doesn't cut it anymore. Now for a special night you have to have Class-A drugs and... fisting.
TV Show: Peep Show
[About ecstasy]
Jez: Jesus Mark, why didn't you bang one?
Mark: Because I don't want to wake up dribbling in a phone box with a trucker's penis in my ear!
Jez: Jesus Mark, why didn't you bang one?
Mark: Because I don't want to wake up dribbling in a phone box with a trucker's penis in my ear!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (How did my house become a rave? This is probably how a squat starts. They'll never leave and eventually they'll brick me up in my room and ownership will pass to them because a high court judge will rule me to be officially not living life to the max.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: While we’re at it, there are systems for a reason in this world. Economic stability, interest rates, growth. It’s not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, alright? It’s only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you’re not lying in your own shit, dying at 43 with rotten teeth. And a little pill with a chicken on it is not going to change that. Now come on... fuck off.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (Oh yeah. Justice is done. Not actual justice, but, what I wanted to happen. Which is basically the same thing.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[to Jez playing darts]
Mark: Are you aiming for the bulls-eye?
Jez: Yeah, 'course I am, it's the best thing on the board!
Mark: No, it isn't.
Jez: Mark, just look at it. It's tiny, it's red, it's right in the bloody middle. 'Course it's the best thing on the board!
Mark: Are you aiming for the bulls-eye?
Jez: Yeah, 'course I am, it's the best thing on the board!
Mark: No, it isn't.
Jez: Mark, just look at it. It's tiny, it's red, it's right in the bloody middle. 'Course it's the best thing on the board!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh great, she posted the guide book. I suppose I'm supposed to think that's incredibly charming and French. Well it's not, it's a waste of £8.99.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (She's looking for company after a minute of uncomfortable silence. Well, get used to it, baby. There'll be a lot more where that came from when we're married.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: We'll be going to bed when Mark's getting his morning horn off the FT
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Right well, let's crack on.
Super Hans: Don't. Say. Crack, Jez. Yeah? Please. Not now. 'Cause you saying crack makes me think about crack and I love crack. So can you not say crack?
Super Hans: Don't. Say. Crack, Jez. Yeah? Please. Not now. 'Cause you saying crack makes me think about crack and I love crack. So can you not say crack?
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: I've got a Monkey on My back the Size of King Kong.I am being Fucked by King Kong!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: We're not going to be two of those idiots you hear about who go up a mountain in Flip Flops and Sombreros and have to be rescued.
Jeremy: Would you rather be one of those idiots they find frozen to death, drinking his own piss while badgers chew on his corpse?
Jeremy: Would you rather be one of those idiots they find frozen to death, drinking his own piss while badgers chew on his corpse?
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie: And have I lived enough? I mean, I've only slept with four men. Is that enough?
Jez: Four?... Oh... Yeah. (Jesus. I've had sex with more men than that, and I basically only sleep with women.)
Jez: Four?... Oh... Yeah. (Jesus. I've had sex with more men than that, and I basically only sleep with women.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (This is almost definitely a terrible idea, but I won't know for certain until I've actually done it...[Jez and Sophie kiss]... No I was right, that was a terrible idea. That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life... Although... Maybe actually screwing each other will kind of make it weirdly better.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[about Jez and Sophie being nice to Mark after he walked in on them almost having sex]
Mark: (Why are they being so nice? Maybe they've had a big chat about me and they're suddenly realised I was right about North Korea, I was right about the European Constitution, and by God I think I'm right about the congestion charge!)
Mark: (Why are they being so nice? Maybe they've had a big chat about me and they're suddenly realised I was right about North Korea, I was right about the European Constitution, and by God I think I'm right about the congestion charge!)
TV Show: Peep Show