Peep Show Quotes
Mark: You know what this piece of paper says, Jeremy?
Jez: Is it something to do with history? Have they stopped history books?
Jez: Is it something to do with history? Have they stopped history books?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: [Dividing up his chocolate] There's seven segments, so that three each and one left over which is mine since... it's all mine.
Jeremy: Oh, the spirit of the The Blitz lives on. Fuckin' hell.
Jeremy: Oh, the spirit of the The Blitz lives on. Fuckin' hell.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: (She's so Beautiful and Fancy. If there weren't a junkie in my room shitting and retching and hurling, it would be just like Pride and Prejudice)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: (I'm so tired. She's gonna have a hell of a job coaxing a hard-on out of me. But I bet she'll manage)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Yes, this me-not-loving-her business will sort of put me in a position of power in our marriage. Yes. I win.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: I'd probably be very angry with you right now, if I weren't so incredibly high.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Super Hans, are you trying to skin up with your feet again? Because it doesn't work, does it? It just makes a mess.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Why were you phoning me anyway, you big idiot?
Mark: Well, I wanted to talk some stuff through with someone didn't I? You big.. dick.
Jeremy: What stuff? You're not having gay feelings again Mark?
Mark: No, one time that happened.
Mark: Well, I wanted to talk some stuff through with someone didn't I? You big.. dick.
Jeremy: What stuff? You're not having gay feelings again Mark?
Mark: No, one time that happened.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: She’s good for me, Jez, She’s dragging me into the twenty-first century with its meaningless logos and ironic veneration of tyrants. It’s all good, my friend.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: But what's Blair going to do?
Super Hans: Maybe he'll become an ethical porn star.
Jeremy: Or maybe he'll form a political supergroup. Blair, Bono on vocals, Clinton on sax.
Super Hans: Yeah, that's definitely going to happen. Geldof's gonna shit.
Super Hans: Maybe he'll become an ethical porn star.
Jeremy: Or maybe he'll form a political supergroup. Blair, Bono on vocals, Clinton on sax.
Super Hans: Yeah, that's definitely going to happen. Geldof's gonna shit.
TV Show: Peep Show
Sophie's mother: Oh, you grew a beard. Makes you look handsome, like a policeman.
Mark: Thank you. You're obviously very attractive, too. (Ugh! What am I going to do next? Tell her she's got lovely tits?)
Mark: Thank you. You're obviously very attractive, too. (Ugh! What am I going to do next? Tell her she's got lovely tits?)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (It's almost like a moral decision, but not really 'cause nobody will find out.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Well, this isn't what I expected. You think you're going to play Simpsons Monopoly, and you end up an arsonist.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Mark, we're out with a man who has guns! You're chucking his daughter and I've shagged his wife. Tonight is going, if a bit weird, extremely fucking well for us.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Well... I did see him throw a petrol bomb but I thought it might just have been a joke.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: This zip... There's no pocket to this zip!
Sophie: So?
Mark: (So that's the way it is? Let's just put a zip here, a swastika there. Who knows what these things once stood for? Who the hell even cares?)
Sophie: So?
Mark: (So that's the way it is? Let's just put a zip here, a swastika there. Who knows what these things once stood for? Who the hell even cares?)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: (To Sophie's father) He can't hear... Can you, you big fox-hunting, badger baiting, tweed-shirt bumfuck homophobe!
TV Show: Peep Show
[to Jez, smiling smuttily]
Penny: Get yourself a nice tank of petrol. Come back soon.
Jez: (Yeah, right, so your husband can kill me and your son can worship my stuffed corpse and you can wheel me out for a fuck. No thank you.)
Penny: Get yourself a nice tank of petrol. Come back soon.
Jez: (Yeah, right, so your husband can kill me and your son can worship my stuffed corpse and you can wheel me out for a fuck. No thank you.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Please, no. Please tell me no.
Jez: What?
Mark: That. The smutty smile. Jeremy, please tell me that nothing's going on there.
Jez: Nothing is going on there.
Mark: Let's just say nothing's going on there.
Jez: Yeah. [Pause] Actually I did want to tell someone, I mean it was so cool, she had all this jam -
Mark: Oh my God, you didn't?! You fucked her! Jeremy, you need chemical castration, you're out of control! That's Sophie's mother!
Jez: She's hot.
Mark: She's not out of Hollyoaks, Jeremy, she probably had a ration book! Oh you're a piece of work aren't you? I'm down the pub putting the hours in with the dad, and you're back at the house banging the mum! That is not a good impression!
Jez: I dunno, I think I made a pretty good impression.
Mark: Jeremy, please, don't smile like that. You're not James Bond, you're disgusting.
Jez: (I am James Bond.)
Jez: What?
Mark: That. The smutty smile. Jeremy, please tell me that nothing's going on there.
Jez: Nothing is going on there.
Mark: Let's just say nothing's going on there.
Jez: Yeah. [Pause] Actually I did want to tell someone, I mean it was so cool, she had all this jam -
Mark: Oh my God, you didn't?! You fucked her! Jeremy, you need chemical castration, you're out of control! That's Sophie's mother!
Jez: She's hot.
Mark: She's not out of Hollyoaks, Jeremy, she probably had a ration book! Oh you're a piece of work aren't you? I'm down the pub putting the hours in with the dad, and you're back at the house banging the mum! That is not a good impression!
Jez: I dunno, I think I made a pretty good impression.
Mark: Jeremy, please, don't smile like that. You're not James Bond, you're disgusting.
Jez: (I am James Bond.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[Mark has just twisted a bird's head off whilst hunting]
Sophie: Teas, coffees for the huntsmen.
Jez: No teas for the beastmaster, thanks. He feasts on the blood of his prey.
Sophie: Teas, coffees for the huntsmen.
Jez: No teas for the beastmaster, thanks. He feasts on the blood of his prey.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: (Of course he's not allowed to shoot. He's Mark Chapman in the making and I'm very much a 21st century Lennon)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (He doesn't have anyone to talk to. He spends all day with the trees and animals. This is what happens when you live too far away from franchised coffee outlets)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh God, the first fiancé challenge and I've got a gun. An actual gun. It's OK, it's perfectly normal, this is the country. This is what farmers do. They go around shooting crows, and trespassers, and eventually, because of the EU, themselves.)
TV Show: Peep Show