Red vs. Blue Quotes
Simmons: No, I don't think that getting new rims for the jeep is a good idea.
Grif: Oh, come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kick-ass subs, hydraulics!
Tucker: I'm in.
Simmons: Why?
Grif: Uh, for style.
Tucker: For chicks!
Simmons: What chicks? There's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive!
Grif: What, suddenly you're a pessimist?
Tucker: Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on earth for them.
Grif: He's right.
Tucker: All my life, I've had girls tell me 'Not if you were the last man on earth!' [Laughs] Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on earth with a sweet-ass pimped-out ride, bitch!
Grif: Oh, come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kick-ass subs, hydraulics!
Tucker: I'm in.
Simmons: Why?
Grif: Uh, for style.
Tucker: For chicks!
Simmons: What chicks? There's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive!
Grif: What, suddenly you're a pessimist?
Tucker: Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on earth for them.
Grif: He's right.
Tucker: All my life, I've had girls tell me 'Not if you were the last man on earth!' [Laughs] Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on earth with a sweet-ass pimped-out ride, bitch!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle!
Grif: Oh, yeah, right. Here, let me try. [Starts car]
Sarge: Wait!
[Donut, under the jeep, screams]
Sarge: Donut, are you okay?
Donut: [sobbing] I was just… petting… the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can… and part of my hand went with it!
Tucker: Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.
Sarge: Donut, I told you not to touch anything! You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!
Grif: Oh, yeah, right. Here, let me try. [Starts car]
Sarge: Wait!
[Donut, under the jeep, screams]
Sarge: Donut, are you okay?
Donut: [sobbing] I was just… petting… the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can… and part of my hand went with it!
Tucker: Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.
Sarge: Donut, I told you not to touch anything! You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: But you guys think I'm your enemy, and I'm not preparing to do anything. Cept' get L.A.I.D.
Simmons: ...
Grif: ...
Tucker: Laid.
Grif: Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak.
Simmons: ...
Grif: ...
Tucker: Laid.
Grif: Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Doc: Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives.
O'Malley: Shut up. Get out of my head!
Doc: Technically it's my head. But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?
O'Malley: Shut up!
O'Malley: Shut up. Get out of my head!
Doc: Technically it's my head. But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?
O'Malley: Shut up!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Grif, Simmons, where've you two been?
Simmons: Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge.
Sarge: Did you find something? Wait a minute, where's the jeep?
Grif: Yeah...it's like this...
Sarge: Grif, I just built that jeep. I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed.
Grif: Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking. Or you can stop listening.
Sarge: Grif!
Simmons: No no no, it's not destroyed Sarge. The engine just quit.
Sarge: And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?
Grif: Duh, getting the jeep outta the ditch.
Sarge: What was the jeep doing in a ditch?
Grif: Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, and that's reenacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever. [Sarge moans in exasperation.] Simmons was driving.
Simmons: No I wasn't! I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!
[The three of them check out the Warthog.]
Sarge: Wait a second, this thing isn't busted. It's just outta gas.
Grif: It runs on gas?
Sarge: Of course not, moron. Where are we gonna get gasoline? I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy.
Simmons: So then why is it dead, sir?
Sarge: You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours. What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?
Grif: Well, I can tell you what we weren't doing...
Sarge: Ah, forget it.
Simmons: Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge.
Sarge: Did you find something? Wait a minute, where's the jeep?
Grif: Yeah...it's like this...
Sarge: Grif, I just built that jeep. I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed.
Grif: Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking. Or you can stop listening.
Sarge: Grif!
Simmons: No no no, it's not destroyed Sarge. The engine just quit.
Sarge: And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?
Grif: Duh, getting the jeep outta the ditch.
Sarge: What was the jeep doing in a ditch?
Grif: Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, and that's reenacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever. [Sarge moans in exasperation.] Simmons was driving.
Simmons: No I wasn't! I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!
[The three of them check out the Warthog.]
Sarge: Wait a second, this thing isn't busted. It's just outta gas.
Grif: It runs on gas?
Sarge: Of course not, moron. Where are we gonna get gasoline? I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy.
Simmons: So then why is it dead, sir?
Sarge: You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours. What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?
Grif: Well, I can tell you what we weren't doing...
Sarge: Ah, forget it.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tex: What took you guys so long to get here?
Simmons: There's six of us, and this is only a three seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap.
Donut: (excitedly) It was a great road trip. My favourite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-
Grif: (sighing) Please, let's not tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?
Simmons: There's six of us, and this is only a three seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap.
Donut: (excitedly) It was a great road trip. My favourite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-
Grif: (sighing) Please, let's not tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Tex is explaining O'Malley's fortress on the beach]
Tex: He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up.
Caboose: Oh! I like them! They were funny.
Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag.
Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.
Tucker: That's all they tried to do! There were no good things!
Caboose: That's okay, I have a really bad memory- WOW! LOOK, A BEACH!
Tex: He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up.
Caboose: Oh! I like them! They were funny.
Tucker: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag.
Caboose: I try not to remember the bad things about people.
Tucker: That's all they tried to do! There were no good things!
Caboose: That's okay, I have a really bad memory- WOW! LOOK, A BEACH!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tex: I've scouted a location inside the base where we can set it off and take the whole place down. I marked the spot with a big X.
Tucker: You scouted it.
Tex: Yeah.
Tucker: If you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets, and made it all the way in to the fortress, why didn't you just plant the bomb then instead of putting a big X on the floor?
Tex: (hesitantly) ...I can't carry it.
Grif: What?
Simmons: What was that?
Tex: It's too heavy, okay?! You happy?!
Grif: Yeah, kinda.
Tex: I need one of you idiots to carry it. I don't have the upper body strength to move it on my own.
Grif: See, girls act like they're so tough, but the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call? [Tex stares daggers at Grif.] Please don't kill me.
Tucker: You scouted it.
Tex: Yeah.
Tucker: If you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets, and made it all the way in to the fortress, why didn't you just plant the bomb then instead of putting a big X on the floor?
Tex: (hesitantly) ...I can't carry it.
Grif: What?
Simmons: What was that?
Tex: It's too heavy, okay?! You happy?!
Grif: Yeah, kinda.
Tex: I need one of you idiots to carry it. I don't have the upper body strength to move it on my own.
Grif: See, girls act like they're so tough, but the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call? [Tex stares daggers at Grif.] Please don't kill me.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Ah; go ahead and kill him, we can use his armor for spare parts. Here, this thing dosen't look so heavy. Look at the... (tries to lift the bomb) Whoa! That thing's not moving!
Caboose: I can carry it.
Tex: I guarantee you'll need two people.
Tucker: No, it's true, he has crazy strength. Church and I think it's God's way of compensating.
Caboose: (picks up bomb) See.
Sarge: Great Paul Bunyan! He's like an ox!
Caboose: But I have no horns... or lumberjack friends.
Grif: Come on, no way it can be that bad. Let me give it an... ah! (Caboose drops the bomb in Grif's hands and Grif falls to the ground) (Grif hands the bomb back to Caboose) Here you go, you can carry it.
Caboose: I can carry it.
Tex: I guarantee you'll need two people.
Tucker: No, it's true, he has crazy strength. Church and I think it's God's way of compensating.
Caboose: (picks up bomb) See.
Sarge: Great Paul Bunyan! He's like an ox!
Caboose: But I have no horns... or lumberjack friends.
Grif: Come on, no way it can be that bad. Let me give it an... ah! (Caboose drops the bomb in Grif's hands and Grif falls to the ground) (Grif hands the bomb back to Caboose) Here you go, you can carry it.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: She'll do anything for money.
Tex: That's not true.
Tucker: It's not? I'll give you ten bucks to tear off Grif's arm.
Tex: (eagerly) Which one's Grif?
Tucker: See? She's not even really on the Blue Team. She was just paid to come and help us.
Grif: (motioning towards Simmons and whispering) He's Grif.
Tex: That's not true.
Tucker: It's not? I'll give you ten bucks to tear off Grif's arm.
Tex: (eagerly) Which one's Grif?
Tucker: See? She's not even really on the Blue Team. She was just paid to come and help us.
Grif: (motioning towards Simmons and whispering) He's Grif.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Have her do this for you, and then you guys owe her a favor. That's how these freelancers get stuff done, right?
Tex: That'll work. I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me.
Simmons: Okay, we'll do it.
Grif: Wait just a second. What would we have to do?
Tex: It all depends.
Grif: Depends on what.
Tex: On...what I need...to do some future job.
Grif: But, it could be anything.
Tex: That's right, anything.
Grif: .........Like gay stuff?
Tex: ...I have no idea.
Grif: ...Well, can we rule out the gay stuff?
Donut: Hey, how come I never get to help?
Tex: That'll work. I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me.
Simmons: Okay, we'll do it.
Grif: Wait just a second. What would we have to do?
Tex: It all depends.
Grif: Depends on what.
Tex: On...what I need...to do some future job.
Grif: But, it could be anything.
Tex: That's right, anything.
Grif: .........Like gay stuff?
Tex: ...I have no idea.
Grif: ...Well, can we rule out the gay stuff?
Donut: Hey, how come I never get to help?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: OK, listen up dirtbags. If we’re gonna invade this fortress, we need a good game plan. I’ve got two options we can use. Number one, we all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs. [scene goes black and white and shows everyone running in slow motion toward windmill while yelling]. The enemy will be so flabbergasted, by the time they have a chance to regroup, we’ll already be inside.
Tucker: Oh yeah, right, they’re not gonna get surprised, they’re just gonna start mowing us down.
Sarge: That’s the inherent beauty of the single file line. They can only kill the person in front, [scene goes black and white and shows them all in a line being shot with a sniper rifle], so if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front and me being in the back, then we just might make it through.
Simmons: Don’t you think Caboose should be in the back since he’s the one carrying the bomb?
Sarge: Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in the back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working.
Tucker: How are you going to know if it’s not working?
Sarge: If Caboose dies, I’ll know we’re in trouble and immediately abort.
Caboose: I think that’s a good plan.
Grif: Sarge, while that’s the most retarded idea I’ve ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line.
Sarge: Don’t get misty, Francine. We’ll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill.
[shows windmill rotating upward with Grif’s body on it]
Grif: Blaaargh!.
Sarge: I think we can all agree given our current situation it’s the perfect plan.
[everyone stares at him silently]
Sarge: Well let me tell you about my other plan, using parts from the warth
Tucker: Oh yeah, right, they’re not gonna get surprised, they’re just gonna start mowing us down.
Sarge: That’s the inherent beauty of the single file line. They can only kill the person in front, [scene goes black and white and shows them all in a line being shot with a sniper rifle], so if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front and me being in the back, then we just might make it through.
Simmons: Don’t you think Caboose should be in the back since he’s the one carrying the bomb?
Sarge: Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in the back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working.
Tucker: How are you going to know if it’s not working?
Sarge: If Caboose dies, I’ll know we’re in trouble and immediately abort.
Caboose: I think that’s a good plan.
Grif: Sarge, while that’s the most retarded idea I’ve ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line.
Sarge: Don’t get misty, Francine. We’ll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill.
[shows windmill rotating upward with Grif’s body on it]
Grif: Blaaargh!.
Sarge: I think we can all agree given our current situation it’s the perfect plan.
[everyone stares at him silently]
Sarge: Well let me tell you about my other plan, using parts from the warth
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Tucker spots a sniper rilfe]
Tucker: Ooh! A sniper rifle!
Tex: I got it! [Picks it up]
Tucker: Fuck.
Tucker: Ooh! A sniper rifle!
Tex: I got it! [Picks it up]
Tucker: Fuck.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: You know what? I miss the old days, when we didn't risk our lives, and you guys were just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Church.
Grif: It's okay. We hate you too, man.
Grif: It's okay. We hate you too, man.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Simmons: (on radio) Copy that Sarge.
Sarge: You and the two bullet magnets go up to the right side and cause some kind of distraction.
Simmons: Any suggestions?
Sarge: As long as it draws attention away from us and towards you I-don't-care. (Donut walks behind Sarge)
Donut: (on radio) Try some dance moves-Oh-you could do a musical number!
Sarge: Get off the radio Donut!
Sarge: You and the two bullet magnets go up to the right side and cause some kind of distraction.
Simmons: Any suggestions?
Sarge: As long as it draws attention away from us and towards you I-don't-care. (Donut walks behind Sarge)
Donut: (on radio) Try some dance moves-Oh-you could do a musical number!
Sarge: Get off the radio Donut!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Why do I have to go up against a machine gun and you guys get to go play hide and seek?
Simmons: The guy we’re seeking has a rocket launcher.
Tucker: Ohh, right. Have fun doing that
Simmons: The guy we’re seeking has a rocket launcher.
Tucker: Ohh, right. Have fun doing that
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Simmons: Okay, Grif, we just need to jump through here.
Grif: Okay, go for it.
Simmons: Me? Why me first?
Grif: Because, I don't wanna die?
Simmons: But this thing's moving super slow. See?
Grif: Okay, go for it.
Simmons: Me? Why me first?
Grif: Because, I don't wanna die?
Simmons: But this thing's moving super slow. See?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Church meets the computer in the past]
Computer: HELLO. YOU ARE EARLY. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR ANOTHER 1,856 YEARS.
Church: What is this place?
Computer: THIS IS THE HOUSING FACILITY FOR THE GREAT WEAPON. I AM THE KEEPER OF THE GREAT WEAPON. YOU ARE THE GREAT DESTROYER. YOU WILL DEMOLISH THIS FACILITY, KILL ME, STEAL THE GREAT WEAPON, AND BRING ABOUT THE GREAT DOOM FOR BILLIONS OF PEOPLE. ...WELCOME! HOW MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?
Church: What're you talking about?
Computer: YOUR COMING HAS BEEN FORETOLD BY THE GREAT PROPHECY.
Church: Does your society have any other adjectives besides great?
Computer: HELLO. YOU ARE EARLY. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR ANOTHER 1,856 YEARS.
Church: What is this place?
Computer: THIS IS THE HOUSING FACILITY FOR THE GREAT WEAPON. I AM THE KEEPER OF THE GREAT WEAPON. YOU ARE THE GREAT DESTROYER. YOU WILL DEMOLISH THIS FACILITY, KILL ME, STEAL THE GREAT WEAPON, AND BRING ABOUT THE GREAT DOOM FOR BILLIONS OF PEOPLE. ...WELCOME! HOW MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?
Church: What're you talking about?
Computer: YOUR COMING HAS BEEN FORETOLD BY THE GREAT PROPHECY.
Church: Does your society have any other adjectives besides great?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Tucker shows off his new weapon to Donut.]
Donut: And you found that in a hole?
Tucker: Yeah, dude. I was just walking along, following Tex, not really paying attention you know. I fell in some hole. And uh, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's when I found this.
Donut: You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes it sound a little better.
Tucker: Yeah but, you know, that's not really my style.
Donut: Man, I've never found something that cool in a hole. And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!
Tucker: Hey dude, do me a favor and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing.
Donut: And you found that in a hole?
Tucker: Yeah, dude. I was just walking along, following Tex, not really paying attention you know. I fell in some hole. And uh, Tex didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's when I found this.
Donut: You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes it sound a little better.
Tucker: Yeah but, you know, that's not really my style.
Donut: Man, I've never found something that cool in a hole. And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!
Tucker: Hey dude, do me a favor and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Captain Flowers: I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentlemen. Apathy. Pacivity. Indifference. Oh, an those red guys too.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Captain Flowers: [proudly] Men, your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy.
Church: Uh… thank God for the chain of command?
Church: Uh… thank God for the chain of command?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sheila: Target locked. [Fires main cannon]
Donut: Hey, what are you guys doing up here? [Several gunshots are aimed by Future Church to get Donut's head but he misses every time]
Future Church: OH MY GOD! How the hell did I miss?!
Grif: That chick with black armor is back.
Donut: What chick? You mean the chick that stuck the gernade to my head? [Church misses again]
Future Church: God damn it!
Simmons: That's the one.
Donut: Oooh, oh I've been waiting for this. [Donut runs over to the edge of the base that faces Tex.] HEY BITCH, REMEMBER ME?! I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA! [Donut throws a sticky grenade at Tex. Everybody watches the grenade fly slowly threw the sky while Future Church tries to shoot it down but misses every shot.]
Future Church: FUCK, SHIT, HORSE, SHIT!
Tucker: Man, that girl has a really good arm.
Tex: [The gernade land on her] Aw, crap.
Future Church: Alright, that's it. I quit. I'm going to go live in a cave. [Church runs toward the caves. And Tex blows up.]
Church: DIOS MIO NO!!
Donut: Hey, what are you guys doing up here? [Several gunshots are aimed by Future Church to get Donut's head but he misses every time]
Future Church: OH MY GOD! How the hell did I miss?!
Grif: That chick with black armor is back.
Donut: What chick? You mean the chick that stuck the gernade to my head? [Church misses again]
Future Church: God damn it!
Simmons: That's the one.
Donut: Oooh, oh I've been waiting for this. [Donut runs over to the edge of the base that faces Tex.] HEY BITCH, REMEMBER ME?! I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA! [Donut throws a sticky grenade at Tex. Everybody watches the grenade fly slowly threw the sky while Future Church tries to shoot it down but misses every shot.]
Future Church: FUCK, SHIT, HORSE, SHIT!
Tucker: Man, that girl has a really good arm.
Tex: [The gernade land on her] Aw, crap.
Future Church: Alright, that's it. I quit. I'm going to go live in a cave. [Church runs toward the caves. And Tex blows up.]
Church: DIOS MIO NO!!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Um, maybe somebody should say something.
Tucker: Okay, go ahead.
Church: Not me jackass. I'm not going to eulogize myself.
Tucker: What, why not? I eulogize myself all the time. Wait. (pause) I think I don't know what the word eulogize means.
Caboose: Wait, I know how to do this! Dearly Beloved we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of Tex, and Church, in eternalness together, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!
Tucker: Okay, go ahead.
Church: Not me jackass. I'm not going to eulogize myself.
Tucker: What, why not? I eulogize myself all the time. Wait. (pause) I think I don't know what the word eulogize means.
Caboose: Wait, I know how to do this! Dearly Beloved we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of Tex, and Church, in eternalness together, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: [Church runs into several other Church's who have failed to change the sequence of events leading to episode 49] What the hell is all of this?
Church 2: Dear God in heaven.
Church 3: Oh here he is, late again.
Church: Who are you guys?
Church 3: We're you, dumbass! We just keep screwing up and being blown back to the computer terminal. Than we teleport here to try again.
Church 2: I know that man, you told me last time!
Church 3: I'm not talking to you I'm talking to the new you.
Church 2: Oh right, sorry I'm still getting used to all this.
Church 4: Dumbass,
Church 2: Hey shut up.
Church: How did all you guys screw up?
Church 4: Well when Tucker points the rocket launcher at us, I try to explain the situation to everybody and oddly Caboose was the only one who understood it right away. Anyway by the time I got finished answering questions the bomb went off and I went back in time.
Church 5: Right, then I teleported back to Sidewinder and thought if I could shoot Wyoming before he shoots Tucker I could fix everything. But I shoot Wyoming then Tucker shot me, the bomb went off anyway, and I got sent back in time.
Church 2: Then I teleported back and just decided to kill everybody that I could see.
Church: Why'd you do that?
Church 2: Well... I don't know, it seemed like fun. I think I went a little nuts there for awhile.
Church: Well then what did you do?
Yellow Armored Church: Dude don't ask, trust me it... it didn't work.
Church 4: So now we all come back here beforehand to discuss we did and to see if we can collectively figure out a better plan beforehand.
Church 2: You said beforehand twice.
Church: Well in that case what I was thinking about doi
Church 2: Dear God in heaven.
Church 3: Oh here he is, late again.
Church: Who are you guys?
Church 3: We're you, dumbass! We just keep screwing up and being blown back to the computer terminal. Than we teleport here to try again.
Church 2: I know that man, you told me last time!
Church 3: I'm not talking to you I'm talking to the new you.
Church 2: Oh right, sorry I'm still getting used to all this.
Church 4: Dumbass,
Church 2: Hey shut up.
Church: How did all you guys screw up?
Church 4: Well when Tucker points the rocket launcher at us, I try to explain the situation to everybody and oddly Caboose was the only one who understood it right away. Anyway by the time I got finished answering questions the bomb went off and I went back in time.
Church 5: Right, then I teleported back to Sidewinder and thought if I could shoot Wyoming before he shoots Tucker I could fix everything. But I shoot Wyoming then Tucker shot me, the bomb went off anyway, and I got sent back in time.
Church 2: Then I teleported back and just decided to kill everybody that I could see.
Church: Why'd you do that?
Church 2: Well... I don't know, it seemed like fun. I think I went a little nuts there for awhile.
Church: Well then what did you do?
Yellow Armored Church: Dude don't ask, trust me it... it didn't work.
Church 4: So now we all come back here beforehand to discuss we did and to see if we can collectively figure out a better plan beforehand.
Church 2: You said beforehand twice.
Church: Well in that case what I was thinking about doi
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church 3: So what did you do?
Yellow Armored Church: Aw man, it seemed like such a good idea at the time.
Yellow Armored Church: Aw man, it seemed like such a good idea at the time.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: I learned a very valuable lesson on my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem...
Caboose: They could be worse?
Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching.
Caboose: Where have you been?
Church: You want the long version or the short version?
Caboose: I will take the easy version please.
Tucker: I want to hear the long version but can I hear it in 3 parts?
Caboose: They could be worse?
Church: Nope, no matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it Nancy. Quit yer bitching.
Caboose: Where have you been?
Church: You want the long version or the short version?
Caboose: I will take the easy version please.
Tucker: I want to hear the long version but can I hear it in 3 parts?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: Time... line? Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
(After hearing a Distress signal from the radio that Simmons gets credit for)
Simmons: I just think it's important to receive credit for working while some people are in the back seat monkeying about.
Grif: Okay, first of all, monkeying 'about'? Second, I don't think sitting in the jeep and listening to the radio counts as working, and thirdly, monkeying 'about'?
Simmons: I just think it's important to receive credit for working while some people are in the back seat monkeying about.
Grif: Okay, first of all, monkeying 'about'? Second, I don't think sitting in the jeep and listening to the radio counts as working, and thirdly, monkeying 'about'?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue