Rescue Me Quotes
Sean: [gasps] You banged my sweet cousin, Angie?
Franco: No.
Sean: Oh, Jesus.
Franco: I banged your sister.
Sean: Missy? Franco she was like 17.
Franco: I know. I waited a year.
Franco: No.
Sean: Oh, Jesus.
Franco: I banged your sister.
Sean: Missy? Franco she was like 17.
Franco: I know. I waited a year.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Michael: I'm an old man. So they put me in jail. That could be two weeks for all we know.
Uncle Teddy: That could be one week.
Michael: Thanks, asshole.
Uncle Teddy: Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter.
Michael: I had first dibs.
Tommy: Did you just say dibs?
Uncle Teddy: That could be one week.
Michael: Thanks, asshole.
Uncle Teddy: Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter.
Michael: I had first dibs.
Tommy: Did you just say dibs?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: Seriously, this whole Katy thing is freaking me out. I can't shake it.
Lou: So you believe in heaven?
Sean: Of course.
Lou: With people standing around on clouds all day?
Sean: Well, yeah.
Lou: With wings?
Sean: We---I don't know about wings. That seems a little stupid.
Lou: But people standing around all day on water vapor. That's perfectly reasonable?
Sean: Look, all I'm saying is that there is a heaven, okay? I've always believe that. What it is exactly, that's up to each individual person. You know? Like, my heaven, for example, I mean, there's clouds.
Lou: We've established that.
Sean: But there's a lot of downtime, y'know? And you can play video games all day. Oh, and the best part is, if you, like want a Mountain Dew or somethin', you don't have to go and get it and open the can, y'know? You just-- You think it, and then taste just...appears in you mouth, and you're quenched. You know, your thirst.
Lou: So you believe in heaven?
Sean: Of course.
Lou: With people standing around on clouds all day?
Sean: Well, yeah.
Lou: With wings?
Sean: We---I don't know about wings. That seems a little stupid.
Lou: But people standing around all day on water vapor. That's perfectly reasonable?
Sean: Look, all I'm saying is that there is a heaven, okay? I've always believe that. What it is exactly, that's up to each individual person. You know? Like, my heaven, for example, I mean, there's clouds.
Lou: We've established that.
Sean: But there's a lot of downtime, y'know? And you can play video games all day. Oh, and the best part is, if you, like want a Mountain Dew or somethin', you don't have to go and get it and open the can, y'know? You just-- You think it, and then taste just...appears in you mouth, and you're quenched. You know, your thirst.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: [After talking to Katy] You had to be there, Lou. It was eerie.
Mike: Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.
Sean: Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.
Mike: She didn't. I was watching.
Lou: You know, guys, she's a little girl. Whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.
Mike: Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.
Sean: Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.
Mike: She didn't. I was watching.
Lou: You know, guys, she's a little girl. Whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Katy: I miss my brother.
Sean: Yeah, I'll bet. But you know what, Katy? You just uh...just gotta remember that you're gonna see him again someday, you know, up in heaven. (Katy is silent, Sean whispers to Mike) You gonna help me out here? Say somethin'. Say somethin'. Say somethin'!
Mike: Um, see, Katy, um where he is right now, there's no pain. He's happy and he, um, doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that go away.
Sean: Is that true?
Mike: That's what I heard.
Sean: Wow. Wow. (they turn their attention back to Katy) Listen, Katy, you just gotta remember that Connor's fine and you're gonna see him again.
Katy: No, I won't.
Sean: Yes, you will, sweetie. I promise.
Katy: No, I won't, because there's no heaven.
Mike: Of course there's a heaven, honey.
Katy: Prove it.
[Mike and Sean glance at each other, and whisper]
Sean: You see, y-you just have to...believe.
Sean: Yeah, I'll bet. But you know what, Katy? You just uh...just gotta remember that you're gonna see him again someday, you know, up in heaven. (Katy is silent, Sean whispers to Mike) You gonna help me out here? Say somethin'. Say somethin'. Say somethin'!
Mike: Um, see, Katy, um where he is right now, there's no pain. He's happy and he, um, doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that go away.
Sean: Is that true?
Mike: That's what I heard.
Sean: Wow. Wow. (they turn their attention back to Katy) Listen, Katy, you just gotta remember that Connor's fine and you're gonna see him again.
Katy: No, I won't.
Sean: Yes, you will, sweetie. I promise.
Katy: No, I won't, because there's no heaven.
Mike: Of course there's a heaven, honey.
Katy: Prove it.
[Mike and Sean glance at each other, and whisper]
Sean: You see, y-you just have to...believe.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Johnny: [About Tommy]I hope to Christ he doesn't fall off the wagon.
Uncle Teddy: I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.
Uncle Teddy: I wouldn't blame the guy if he drove the wagon right through the liquor store window and drank the entire inventory.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: Probie, do you know anything about this chick Garrity's been seeing?
Mike: No, he's been pretty tight-lipped about it. I know she's older, though.
Franco: Yeah, how much older?
Mike: Like a lot older-she was watching Monday Night Football the night they announced John Lennon got shot.
Franco: Yeah, that was, like, 1980, right? She couldn't have been, like, five years old.
Mike: She had a bet on the game.
Mike: No, he's been pretty tight-lipped about it. I know she's older, though.
Franco: Yeah, how much older?
Mike: Like a lot older-she was watching Monday Night Football the night they announced John Lennon got shot.
Franco: Yeah, that was, like, 1980, right? She couldn't have been, like, five years old.
Mike: She had a bet on the game.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sheila: I need you to talk to Damian. I found a box of condoms in his room.
Tommy: Look, he’s almost 18 years old. There’s porn all over the internet, okay – hardcore, softcore, midgets blowing sheep. I think he’s probably pretty up to date.
Tommy: Look, he’s almost 18 years old. There’s porn all over the internet, okay – hardcore, softcore, midgets blowing sheep. I think he’s probably pretty up to date.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: Let me get this straight--
Damian: I'm bangin' my science teacher.
Tommy: Mrs. Turbody, she's obviously married.
Damian: No, no actually she's widowed. That's kinda how we connected. You know, the grieving processes, the different stages, blah blah blah.
Tommy: Blah blah blah.
Damian: Yeah, I got that from you.
Tommy: This is some serious stuff. This-- this could scar you for life.
Damian: Yeah. I sure as hell hope so.
Tommy: No. Literally, I mean you could end up being my age and still have the mental images from this-- y'know, in the front of your brain.
[Damian cheers]
Damian: I'm bangin' my science teacher.
Tommy: Mrs. Turbody, she's obviously married.
Damian: No, no actually she's widowed. That's kinda how we connected. You know, the grieving processes, the different stages, blah blah blah.
Tommy: Blah blah blah.
Damian: Yeah, I got that from you.
Tommy: This is some serious stuff. This-- this could scar you for life.
Damian: Yeah. I sure as hell hope so.
Tommy: No. Literally, I mean you could end up being my age and still have the mental images from this-- y'know, in the front of your brain.
[Damian cheers]
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [trying to convince Damian to stop dating his teacher] Alright, here's the deal. You ever look behind your mom's TV set, where the home entertainment system is and all that stuff is. You ever look behind there?
Damian: Uh, no.
Tommy: Well, if you did, you'd see a whole gaggle of wires back there with connections and stuff-- there's inputs and there's outputs, and-- and it's kinda like your interior pleasure center. Like, your brain is wired directly to your penis, okay? So, you have all these inputs and outputs and if you put the wrong input in the wrong output, next thing y'know your brain is sending the wrong signal to your dick and you can get completely screwed up, okay? So it's okay now when you're 18 years old and you're bangin' a hot 38 year old Mrs. Turbody-- but then you can turn into a 45 year old man-- my age, and then all of a sudden you wanna bang... 70 year old broads, okay? You want that, huh?
Damian: No.
Tommy: You ever seen your grandmother naked?
Damian: Hell no.
Tommy: Well, I'm talkin' about seein' her and wantin' to bang her. You want that?
Damian: Uh, no.
Tommy: Well, if you did, you'd see a whole gaggle of wires back there with connections and stuff-- there's inputs and there's outputs, and-- and it's kinda like your interior pleasure center. Like, your brain is wired directly to your penis, okay? So, you have all these inputs and outputs and if you put the wrong input in the wrong output, next thing y'know your brain is sending the wrong signal to your dick and you can get completely screwed up, okay? So it's okay now when you're 18 years old and you're bangin' a hot 38 year old Mrs. Turbody-- but then you can turn into a 45 year old man-- my age, and then all of a sudden you wanna bang... 70 year old broads, okay? You want that, huh?
Damian: No.
Tommy: You ever seen your grandmother naked?
Damian: Hell no.
Tommy: Well, I'm talkin' about seein' her and wantin' to bang her. You want that?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Janet: [to Tommy, about their dead son] You know the only thing good outta this? Is that I don't have to watch Connor grow up and turn out exactly like you.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sheila: Hey, here comes the cake! [sings] Happy birthday...
Michael: Shut your hole! Now, I'm warnin' each and everyone of ya right now, anyone who comes up with that happy birthday bullshit, I'm droppin' my pants and taking a leak on this cake and walking the hell outta here.
Michael: Shut your hole! Now, I'm warnin' each and everyone of ya right now, anyone who comes up with that happy birthday bullshit, I'm droppin' my pants and taking a leak on this cake and walking the hell outta here.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [After Colleen tells him that she's a born again Christian] So what's the deal with these born again people?
Colleen: Well, it means that I accept Jesus---
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, I know all that. I'm talking about when it comes to [whispers] sex.
Colleen: What?
Tommy: When it comes to y'know [whispers] sex.
Colleen: Oh, um, no sex until marriage.
Tommy: Really? [Colleen nods] Cool I'm in.
Colleen: But wait don't you wanna know about--
Tommy: No, I'm good. One other thing, who's your mom datin'?
Colleen: I can't tell you.
Tommy: I'm pretty sure there's something in the Bible where Jesus says you should honor your father and your mother, and I think Jesus wants you to tell me who your mom is seein'.
Colleen: Well, it means that I accept Jesus---
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, I know all that. I'm talking about when it comes to [whispers] sex.
Colleen: What?
Tommy: When it comes to y'know [whispers] sex.
Colleen: Oh, um, no sex until marriage.
Tommy: Really? [Colleen nods] Cool I'm in.
Colleen: But wait don't you wanna know about--
Tommy: No, I'm good. One other thing, who's your mom datin'?
Colleen: I can't tell you.
Tommy: I'm pretty sure there's something in the Bible where Jesus says you should honor your father and your mother, and I think Jesus wants you to tell me who your mom is seein'.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Colleen: Dad, when you want information you ask first then you offer the bribe. That's how it works, you did it the wrong way around this time.
Tommy: Duh. I was trying to be nice.
Colleen: And oh, by the way, you're gonna have to gimme another hundred to keep me from tellin' Mom about you gettin' Katy sick.
Tommy: Dream on. I'm not givin' you another dime.
Colleen: Then I'm callin' her right now.
Tommy: Go ahead. See if I care.
[Colleen walks away, Tommy hears her dialing on the phone]
Tommy: Ugh! Alright. And you call yourself a Christian. [hands her the money] Unbelievable.
Tommy: Duh. I was trying to be nice.
Colleen: And oh, by the way, you're gonna have to gimme another hundred to keep me from tellin' Mom about you gettin' Katy sick.
Tommy: Dream on. I'm not givin' you another dime.
Colleen: Then I'm callin' her right now.
Tommy: Go ahead. See if I care.
[Colleen walks away, Tommy hears her dialing on the phone]
Tommy: Ugh! Alright. And you call yourself a Christian. [hands her the money] Unbelievable.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: I thought the hot new thing at school was blow jobs?
Colleen: Blow jobs were so last year, c'mon Dad, catch up.
Katy: What's a blow job?
Tommy: Uh, nothin', it's, uh, a hair cut...thing.
Colleen: Blow jobs were so last year, c'mon Dad, catch up.
Katy: What's a blow job?
Tommy: Uh, nothin', it's, uh, a hair cut...thing.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: You know, she looks like my mom.
Tommy: What did you say?
Sean: That lady, she, she reminds me of my mom.
Tommy: Shit.
Jerry: Your mom is that hot?
Sean: Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean, hotter.
Franco: Really? Your mom has that kind of face? Those lips? That kind of rack?
Sean: Yeah, well, my mom's rack is a little bigger actually.
Tommy: Where do you come off mentioning your mom and the word 'rack' in the same sentence?
Sean: I'm just saying, my mom she's, she's got like a large set of... of uh, you know, she's really...
Tommy: Enough! Jesus Christ!
Sean: What?
Tommy: Goddamnit... I was, I was gonna go over and talk to that chick! Let me correctify that. She's not a chick. In a room full of self-involved, young titless little chicks, she's a woman, okay? A real woman. Probably a very witty and wonderful woman...
Franco: With a great rack.
Tommy: The rack was secondary, okay? It doesn't matter now. But the point being, I can't go over there and talk to her now.
Sean: But why, why not?
Tommy: Because even if I went over to talk to her and got her to come home with me somehow, and got her to reveal the afore-mentioned great rack, all I would be thinking about is your mom's rack, and how great your mom's rack is. Not that I ever thought of your mom's rack before, but that's all I can think of now! Your mom's rack!
Sean: Hey, woah. You know what, my mom's married pal, okay?
[Jerry laughs, and Tommy leaves]
Sean: What?
Franco: Forbidden fruit, ball face.
Sean: You mean, like, melons?
Tommy: What did you say?
Sean: That lady, she, she reminds me of my mom.
Tommy: Shit.
Jerry: Your mom is that hot?
Sean: Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean, hotter.
Franco: Really? Your mom has that kind of face? Those lips? That kind of rack?
Sean: Yeah, well, my mom's rack is a little bigger actually.
Tommy: Where do you come off mentioning your mom and the word 'rack' in the same sentence?
Sean: I'm just saying, my mom she's, she's got like a large set of... of uh, you know, she's really...
Tommy: Enough! Jesus Christ!
Sean: What?
Tommy: Goddamnit... I was, I was gonna go over and talk to that chick! Let me correctify that. She's not a chick. In a room full of self-involved, young titless little chicks, she's a woman, okay? A real woman. Probably a very witty and wonderful woman...
Franco: With a great rack.
Tommy: The rack was secondary, okay? It doesn't matter now. But the point being, I can't go over there and talk to her now.
Sean: But why, why not?
Tommy: Because even if I went over to talk to her and got her to come home with me somehow, and got her to reveal the afore-mentioned great rack, all I would be thinking about is your mom's rack, and how great your mom's rack is. Not that I ever thought of your mom's rack before, but that's all I can think of now! Your mom's rack!
Sean: Hey, woah. You know what, my mom's married pal, okay?
[Jerry laughs, and Tommy leaves]
Sean: What?
Franco: Forbidden fruit, ball face.
Sean: You mean, like, melons?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Franco: So, Sean John, you gonna see your new girlfriend tonight?
Sean: Uh... yeah, maybe, I don't know.
Franco: Well, which one is it?
Sean: What?
Tommy: Yeah? Maybe? I don't know? Pick one.
Sean: Yeah, yeah.
Franco: Atta boy, is she good?
Sean: Yeah, yeah, she's doin' good. She's really good.
Franco: Nah, nah, nah, nah. I mean, is she good?
Sean: Uh... that's really, you know, really I'm not so comfortable discussin' that.
Tommy: Since when?
Franco: Yeah, I mean we talk about this shit all the time. It's pretty much all we talk about. Does she like it from the back? Hair pulled? Ass smacked?
Sean: You know what that's a little-- I'm tryin' to be respectful, I respect her-- She's respectable. C'mon, y'know. [pause, all silent]
Tommy: So, what you're sayin' is that you're pretty much all about... respect now?
Sean: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, tryin'. [Sean is really uncomfortable and leaves]
Franco: Jesus, Tom, this is even more fun then you said it would be.
Tommy: Told you.
Franco: Kid's dyin' inside.
Sean: Uh... yeah, maybe, I don't know.
Franco: Well, which one is it?
Sean: What?
Tommy: Yeah? Maybe? I don't know? Pick one.
Sean: Yeah, yeah.
Franco: Atta boy, is she good?
Sean: Yeah, yeah, she's doin' good. She's really good.
Franco: Nah, nah, nah, nah. I mean, is she good?
Sean: Uh... that's really, you know, really I'm not so comfortable discussin' that.
Tommy: Since when?
Franco: Yeah, I mean we talk about this shit all the time. It's pretty much all we talk about. Does she like it from the back? Hair pulled? Ass smacked?
Sean: You know what that's a little-- I'm tryin' to be respectful, I respect her-- She's respectable. C'mon, y'know. [pause, all silent]
Tommy: So, what you're sayin' is that you're pretty much all about... respect now?
Sean: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, tryin'. [Sean is really uncomfortable and leaves]
Franco: Jesus, Tom, this is even more fun then you said it would be.
Tommy: Told you.
Franco: Kid's dyin' inside.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Franco: Hey, you talk to T about Maggie yet?
Sean: No. Oh God, no. He seems kinda raw y'know, after the whole Johnny thing.
Franco: He seems fine to me.
Sean: Really?
Franco: Yeah been laughin', bullshittin' like normal.
Sean: Really? He was doing this whole bristling thing the other day, and in the kitchen he just threw me this really weird vibe. It kinda freaked me out.
Franco: He's bristlin'?
Sean: Yeah.
Franco: He knows.
Sean: Oh, shit. Really, ya think?
Franco: Yeah, you said he was bristling, right?
Sean: Yeah, well, I don't know, he coulda been stewing.
Franco: Well, Sean, there's a difference. If he's bristling he defiantly knows. If he's stewing it's up in the air.
Sean: Shit.
Franco: Well, maybe he's just waitin' for the right moment to bash your face in and set you on fire.
Sean: No way, I've been too careful, there's no way that he knows.
Franco: Ah, Sean. No offense, but being careful for you is like tempting fate for most.
Sean: No. Oh God, no. He seems kinda raw y'know, after the whole Johnny thing.
Franco: He seems fine to me.
Sean: Really?
Franco: Yeah been laughin', bullshittin' like normal.
Sean: Really? He was doing this whole bristling thing the other day, and in the kitchen he just threw me this really weird vibe. It kinda freaked me out.
Franco: He's bristlin'?
Sean: Yeah.
Franco: He knows.
Sean: Oh, shit. Really, ya think?
Franco: Yeah, you said he was bristling, right?
Sean: Yeah, well, I don't know, he coulda been stewing.
Franco: Well, Sean, there's a difference. If he's bristling he defiantly knows. If he's stewing it's up in the air.
Sean: Shit.
Franco: Well, maybe he's just waitin' for the right moment to bash your face in and set you on fire.
Sean: No way, I've been too careful, there's no way that he knows.
Franco: Ah, Sean. No offense, but being careful for you is like tempting fate for most.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Mrs Turbody: Listen, I'm gonna need you to go again once I'm done with this cigarette.
Tommy: Really?
Mrs Turbody: Oh, yeah. If you're gonna fill in for your nephew you better raise your game. Damian can go 3, 4 times in an hour. Can you keep up the pace or not?
Tommy: Well, I--I might need a sandwich...Mrs Turbody.
Tommy: Really?
Mrs Turbody: Oh, yeah. If you're gonna fill in for your nephew you better raise your game. Damian can go 3, 4 times in an hour. Can you keep up the pace or not?
Tommy: Well, I--I might need a sandwich...Mrs Turbody.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Alicia: You know, the first man that a little girl falls in love with is her daddy.
Tommy: Yeah.
Alicia: So then when she gets older and she gets married chances are that she's gonna pick somebody, just like her old man.
Tommy: I'm aware of this theory, and it's a buncha bullshit.
Alicia: Oh, so you don't have anything in common with your wife's father?
Tommy: No, nothing.
Alicia: Oh, nothing.
Tommy: No, he was in real estate first of all. He was a suit and tie guy he spend his whole life behind a desk and real estate was all he thought about. He got up every mornin' and thought about how to rip people off. He was a selfish, self-centered, greedy, lying, cheating... midget. He was like 5'2. I'm way taller than him, and not funny at all which is one of the things my wife said that she found attractive about me when she met me was that I was funny and her father was not funny.
Tommy: Yeah.
Alicia: So then when she gets older and she gets married chances are that she's gonna pick somebody, just like her old man.
Tommy: I'm aware of this theory, and it's a buncha bullshit.
Alicia: Oh, so you don't have anything in common with your wife's father?
Tommy: No, nothing.
Alicia: Oh, nothing.
Tommy: No, he was in real estate first of all. He was a suit and tie guy he spend his whole life behind a desk and real estate was all he thought about. He got up every mornin' and thought about how to rip people off. He was a selfish, self-centered, greedy, lying, cheating... midget. He was like 5'2. I'm way taller than him, and not funny at all which is one of the things my wife said that she found attractive about me when she met me was that I was funny and her father was not funny.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Ellie: All these goddamn faggotty politically correct assholes with their goddamn bibles, and their bumper stickers and their girl power bullshit. Nobody's accountable anymore. You get a drunk driver who kills a kid, it's not his fault 'cause he drank, it's his parents fault because they bullied him when he was a kid. I'm so sick of the people not facing up to the facts. Black people like fried foods. Chinese people, lousy goddamn drivers. Mexicans think that a pick-up truck holds 27 goddamn people. And that's just what I think.
Teddy: Will you marry me?
Teddy: Will you marry me?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: Hey, Garrity. Humpin' around last night?
Sean: [coughs] What? Humpin' around...uh, no. I was uh, only hump the one--I just--I just uh, make love to the girlfriend.
Tommy: So you're like a one woman guy now?
Sean: Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much.
Tommy: So when are we gonna meet the girlfriend?
Sean: Meet her? The girlfriend? Uh...she's, uh, soon. I don't know, she works a lot.
Tommy: Uh-huh.
Sean: Yeah, yeah. So y'know. Hey, that was some brew-ha-ha the other night, wasn't it? I mean not ha-ha funny just sorta...actually it wasn't funny at all... it was sickening, kinda.
Tommy: Yeah that's how we settle things in my family, y'know, we're Irish.
Sean: Yeah, well, hey, please, tell me about it. Garrity.
Tommy: No, I mean like we're real Irish. Not your generation fake, faggotity Irish. Y'know, what I mean? I know you guys are like 'my feelings' and y'know talk it out. We don't talk it out. We find out who's responsible, then we find the person and we beat the living shit outta them. My grandfather's best friend growin' up, he was friends with this guy for like 40 years and I guess the guy was flirtin' with my grandmother one day--- long story short my grandfather rearranged the guy's face and he can barely talk now.
Sean: Wow. Well, wha--what did the guy say to your grandma?
Tommy: Uh, good morning. [Tommy throws down his cigarette and makes Sean step on it] Don't tell anyone about that.
Sean: Hey, we all make mistakes, right?
Tommy: What?
Sean: You say somethin'? [Tommy leaves] I'm a dead man.
Sean: [coughs] What? Humpin' around...uh, no. I was uh, only hump the one--I just--I just uh, make love to the girlfriend.
Tommy: So you're like a one woman guy now?
Sean: Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much.
Tommy: So when are we gonna meet the girlfriend?
Sean: Meet her? The girlfriend? Uh...she's, uh, soon. I don't know, she works a lot.
Tommy: Uh-huh.
Sean: Yeah, yeah. So y'know. Hey, that was some brew-ha-ha the other night, wasn't it? I mean not ha-ha funny just sorta...actually it wasn't funny at all... it was sickening, kinda.
Tommy: Yeah that's how we settle things in my family, y'know, we're Irish.
Sean: Yeah, well, hey, please, tell me about it. Garrity.
Tommy: No, I mean like we're real Irish. Not your generation fake, faggotity Irish. Y'know, what I mean? I know you guys are like 'my feelings' and y'know talk it out. We don't talk it out. We find out who's responsible, then we find the person and we beat the living shit outta them. My grandfather's best friend growin' up, he was friends with this guy for like 40 years and I guess the guy was flirtin' with my grandmother one day--- long story short my grandfather rearranged the guy's face and he can barely talk now.
Sean: Wow. Well, wha--what did the guy say to your grandma?
Tommy: Uh, good morning. [Tommy throws down his cigarette and makes Sean step on it] Don't tell anyone about that.
Sean: Hey, we all make mistakes, right?
Tommy: What?
Sean: You say somethin'? [Tommy leaves] I'm a dead man.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Kenny: [about Mike's copy of The Tao of Pooh] Yeah, whatever. Hand it over.
Mike: Why?
Kenny: Because a firehouse is no place for sensitive souls, Probie.
Mike: You used to write poetry.
Kenny: Yeah, and it cost me my house, and my wife and a whole lot more so give it over.
Mike: You can't order me to stop reading.
Kenny: I'm not. I'm ordering you to stop filling your mind with this bullshit fortune cookie philosophy. You're taking life lessons from a semi-retarded bear, Mikey. And it's not even a real bear. Consider yourself fortunate that you're not burdened by an overactive mind. Stick to cartoons and coloring books.
Mike: I'm not stupid, y'know, I'm just simple-minded. The book says Pooh's like an uncarved block. Y'know, that's kind of how I feel.
Kenny: An uncarved block. That's hard to disagree with.
Mike: You're busting balls, but y'know, Winnie's as simple as they come. He just roams the woods, hangs with his pals, eats some honey, takes a nap. He doesn't care about understanding anything or even himself or the names that people call him. He just is. He accepts things as they are. That's the key to his happiness.
Kenny: And that's what this is, you're a little depressed about the fact that we're going to keep callin' you the probie. And that is the little problem that caused this little egxtensial life crisis. You don't know problems kid.
Mike: I'm just starting to realize that nobody's ever gonna have all the answers, y'know? You may think you know everything, but you don't. And you can't. And you never will. So you should just stop trying and life will get a lot easier.
Mike: Why?
Kenny: Because a firehouse is no place for sensitive souls, Probie.
Mike: You used to write poetry.
Kenny: Yeah, and it cost me my house, and my wife and a whole lot more so give it over.
Mike: You can't order me to stop reading.
Kenny: I'm not. I'm ordering you to stop filling your mind with this bullshit fortune cookie philosophy. You're taking life lessons from a semi-retarded bear, Mikey. And it's not even a real bear. Consider yourself fortunate that you're not burdened by an overactive mind. Stick to cartoons and coloring books.
Mike: I'm not stupid, y'know, I'm just simple-minded. The book says Pooh's like an uncarved block. Y'know, that's kind of how I feel.
Kenny: An uncarved block. That's hard to disagree with.
Mike: You're busting balls, but y'know, Winnie's as simple as they come. He just roams the woods, hangs with his pals, eats some honey, takes a nap. He doesn't care about understanding anything or even himself or the names that people call him. He just is. He accepts things as they are. That's the key to his happiness.
Kenny: And that's what this is, you're a little depressed about the fact that we're going to keep callin' you the probie. And that is the little problem that caused this little egxtensial life crisis. You don't know problems kid.
Mike: I'm just starting to realize that nobody's ever gonna have all the answers, y'know? You may think you know everything, but you don't. And you can't. And you never will. So you should just stop trying and life will get a lot easier.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Maggie: [about Sean] He's not my boyfriend.
Tommy: Well, he thinks he is.
Maggie: Listen, Tom, he's a sweet kid, dumb as a box of rocks and not the regular ones, the dumb ones. He's not bad in the sack and that's about all there is to it.
Tommy: So, you're not serious about him?
Maggie: Listen Tommy, including Garrity I got about 4 guys in line right now, no five. I just started this thing with the new super in my building. He's a cute Mexican guy, his name is Nacho. Y'know, like the snack.
Tommy: Yeah, that's cute. He's in love with you, you know.
Maggie: Nacho?
Tommy: Not Nacho. Garrity.
Maggie: Tell me somethin' I don't know. They're all in love with me, Tom. It's like moths to a flame.
Tommy: Well, he thinks he is.
Maggie: Listen, Tom, he's a sweet kid, dumb as a box of rocks and not the regular ones, the dumb ones. He's not bad in the sack and that's about all there is to it.
Tommy: So, you're not serious about him?
Maggie: Listen Tommy, including Garrity I got about 4 guys in line right now, no five. I just started this thing with the new super in my building. He's a cute Mexican guy, his name is Nacho. Y'know, like the snack.
Tommy: Yeah, that's cute. He's in love with you, you know.
Maggie: Nacho?
Tommy: Not Nacho. Garrity.
Maggie: Tell me somethin' I don't know. They're all in love with me, Tom. It's like moths to a flame.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [on the phone] Lemme ask you somethin'. When did it start? Was it after Connor died, and I asked you personally, as my brother to look after my own kids and my wife. Is that when it started, huh? Was it like a month, a coupla months, huh? Last week? When did it start?
Johnny: It was your Junior Prom when you brought Janet home in that dress so Mom and Dad could take pictures of her. She looked amazing in that dress, Tommy.
Johnny: It was your Junior Prom when you brought Janet home in that dress so Mom and Dad could take pictures of her. She looked amazing in that dress, Tommy.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: You know what, Tom, this is just you -- being you, y'know, overprotective and thinkin' I'm good enough for your sister.
Tommy: That is not the issue believe me.
Sean: Yes it is.
Tommy: Of course you're good enough for her.
Sean: Oh, really?
Tommy: Yeah. And so are the four other guys, the underwear and the sock guys.
Sean: Oh, very funny. [they get into a shoving match]
Tommy: My sister.
Sean: She's my girlfriend! [Sean starts walking away]
Tommy: And well, one other thing, asshole.
Sean: What?
Tommy: Don't tell her I mentioned this stuff to you, alright? Please? Sean?
Tommy: That is not the issue believe me.
Sean: Yes it is.
Tommy: Of course you're good enough for her.
Sean: Oh, really?
Tommy: Yeah. And so are the four other guys, the underwear and the sock guys.
Sean: Oh, very funny. [they get into a shoving match]
Tommy: My sister.
Sean: She's my girlfriend! [Sean starts walking away]
Tommy: And well, one other thing, asshole.
Sean: What?
Tommy: Don't tell her I mentioned this stuff to you, alright? Please? Sean?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Bum: [about who gets to commit suicide first] I'm homeless. I got nothin'! No friends, no family, my life is shit.
Lou: My life is bigger shit. My wife whom I love dearly left me for another man. She broke my heart and then she took nearly everything I own. Yeah, and then I met another woman, beautiful, young, gorgeous... hooker but one of the good ones because-- because she didn't make me pay until the end. And then at the end she took every penny that I had on Earth. Then get this-- I'm in a porn store the other day and who do I see on the cover of a triple X but her. So, not only is she a thief and a hooker but she's a porn star. I'm a joke, I'm a loser, I look in the mirror and I wanna puke.
Bum: Be my guest.
Lou: Excuse me?
Bum: You win, loser, you can go first.
Lou: Thanks.
Lou: My life is bigger shit. My wife whom I love dearly left me for another man. She broke my heart and then she took nearly everything I own. Yeah, and then I met another woman, beautiful, young, gorgeous... hooker but one of the good ones because-- because she didn't make me pay until the end. And then at the end she took every penny that I had on Earth. Then get this-- I'm in a porn store the other day and who do I see on the cover of a triple X but her. So, not only is she a thief and a hooker but she's a porn star. I'm a joke, I'm a loser, I look in the mirror and I wanna puke.
Bum: Be my guest.
Lou: Excuse me?
Bum: You win, loser, you can go first.
Lou: Thanks.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sheila: [as Tommy is going to a sperm bank] How do they remove it from you?
Tommy: The sperm? You know what, I think they go in right above the knee with-- with a little tube and suck the cum right outta your leg. I don't-- what do you think?
Sheila: No, I mean, do they hook you up to some device or...
Tommy: Yeah, they have a penis pump. No! I jerk off into--into a cup or y'know a plastic ice cube tray or something, I don't know.
...
Sheila: Look, I just have a little tiny question for you.
Tommy: What?
Sheila: When you're at the sperm bank and you're jerkin' off into a cup, could you, uh, think of me?
Tommy: Why?
Sheila: Because if we then decide to use the sperm at a later date to have a child, it would be sorta like we were actually...connected at the moment that it all started.
Tommy: The sperm? You know what, I think they go in right above the knee with-- with a little tube and suck the cum right outta your leg. I don't-- what do you think?
Sheila: No, I mean, do they hook you up to some device or...
Tommy: Yeah, they have a penis pump. No! I jerk off into--into a cup or y'know a plastic ice cube tray or something, I don't know.
...
Sheila: Look, I just have a little tiny question for you.
Tommy: What?
Sheila: When you're at the sperm bank and you're jerkin' off into a cup, could you, uh, think of me?
Tommy: Why?
Sheila: Because if we then decide to use the sperm at a later date to have a child, it would be sorta like we were actually...connected at the moment that it all started.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: Oh, now I'm an asshole. Why am I an asshole?
Tommy: You're an asshole because you told Maggie everything that I told you about Fred.
Sean: Okay, I'm a pussy if I don't say anything to Maggie and now I'm an asshole for openin' my big mouth. You're impossible to please.
Tommy: You wanna please me? Keep your hands outta my sister's pants. [Sean tries to go after him, but since they're in the truck, he's seatbelted in and can't reach Tommy]
Sean: She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and you ruined it.
Tommy: Look, I told you to talk to her, okay? You decided to break up with her. You live with that decision.
Sean: Yeah, well, you know what? Try this one out. I don't wanna be friends anymore.
Tommy: Yeah? And?
Sean: I don't want you to call me. It's over. We're breaking up.
Tommy: You're--you're break--?
Sean: Yes.
Tommy: Hey! You guys listening to this? Garrity's breaking up with me!
Sean: Yeah, it's over. I don't wanna hear from you, no dinner, no hangin' out, nothin'.
Tommy: He's breaking up with me. Unbelieveable. Oh my God. Your whole generation. Gay.
Tommy: You're an asshole because you told Maggie everything that I told you about Fred.
Sean: Okay, I'm a pussy if I don't say anything to Maggie and now I'm an asshole for openin' my big mouth. You're impossible to please.
Tommy: You wanna please me? Keep your hands outta my sister's pants. [Sean tries to go after him, but since they're in the truck, he's seatbelted in and can't reach Tommy]
Sean: She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and you ruined it.
Tommy: Look, I told you to talk to her, okay? You decided to break up with her. You live with that decision.
Sean: Yeah, well, you know what? Try this one out. I don't wanna be friends anymore.
Tommy: Yeah? And?
Sean: I don't want you to call me. It's over. We're breaking up.
Tommy: You're--you're break--?
Sean: Yes.
Tommy: Hey! You guys listening to this? Garrity's breaking up with me!
Sean: Yeah, it's over. I don't wanna hear from you, no dinner, no hangin' out, nothin'.
Tommy: He's breaking up with me. Unbelieveable. Oh my God. Your whole generation. Gay.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Maggie: You happy? I never thought you of all people would sabotage the least dysfunctional relationship of my entire life.
Tommy: I wasn't tryin' to sabotage. You're the one who's going out with like six different guys.
Maggie: No, five and I liked Sean the best. He happens to be very nice and he does everything I say, he's perfect.
Tommy: Then why are you cheatin' on him?
Maggie: A zebra can't change its stripes overnight.
Tommy: I wasn't tryin' to sabotage. You're the one who's going out with like six different guys.
Maggie: No, five and I liked Sean the best. He happens to be very nice and he does everything I say, he's perfect.
Tommy: Then why are you cheatin' on him?
Maggie: A zebra can't change its stripes overnight.
TV Show: Rescue Me