Rescue Me Quotes
Mickey: Alright, guys, the truth of the matter is, if you don't believe in some higher power, trusting something higher than yourself, you're gonna wind up counting days. You know, believe me, I was a priest, okay? And I find more god in these rooms, even this room than I ever did working for the church, y'know? Y'know, the ability to share your sins with other sinners, that's what's gonna get you through. Even, let's say, two minutes after we walk out of this apartment Tommy goes into the kitchen and opens up a kitchen cabinet and finds a brand spankin' new bottle of Maker's Mark, if he has faith and trust, he won't drink it.
Teddy: Holy shit.
Mickey: What?
Teddy: There's a bottle of Maker's Mark in one of these cabinets? [Elle smacks him] Ow! Goddamn it!
Teddy: Holy shit.
Mickey: What?
Teddy: There's a bottle of Maker's Mark in one of these cabinets? [Elle smacks him] Ow! Goddamn it!
TV Show: Rescue Me
Teddy: [as they are making a list of people they've hurt with their drinking] You're shittin' me, right?
Maggie: What?
Teddy: My name's not in your top three?
Maggie: Excuse me. How have I hurt you with my drinkin'? Give me one for instance.
Teddy: I had to leave the firehouse to come get you from that club from downtown. You puked all over the inside of my Cordova.
Maggie: You know, I was 14 years old and that was the first time I ever drank!
Teddy: All the more reason why I should be number one.
Maggie: Am I on your list?
Teddy: For what?
Maggie: Christmas, '86. You grabbed my left tit, Teddy!
Teddy: First of all, it was a slight graze. Second of all, I drank half a bowl of eggnog that night, through a straw! Third of all, most important of all, I would never, ever do such a thing.
Maggie: What?
Teddy: My name's not in your top three?
Maggie: Excuse me. How have I hurt you with my drinkin'? Give me one for instance.
Teddy: I had to leave the firehouse to come get you from that club from downtown. You puked all over the inside of my Cordova.
Maggie: You know, I was 14 years old and that was the first time I ever drank!
Teddy: All the more reason why I should be number one.
Maggie: Am I on your list?
Teddy: For what?
Maggie: Christmas, '86. You grabbed my left tit, Teddy!
Teddy: First of all, it was a slight graze. Second of all, I drank half a bowl of eggnog that night, through a straw! Third of all, most important of all, I would never, ever do such a thing.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: Hey, guys, I'm dyin', whoo! I can barely keep my eyes open, I got hammered last night. Those Long Island Iced Teas really do a number on 'ya, you know? Brutal. [Tommy and Kenny go to walk away] Hey, you wanna know how many I had? Two... and a half. Yeah, you know, it was hardcore, you know where I woke up this morning? My couch. It's pretty goddamn embarrassing, you know? I think I might have a problem.
Tommy: I have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. [hands him a pamphlet]
Sean: What's that?
Tommy: It's a little thing we like to call the 20 questions. It's from Alcoholics Anonymous, it's kinda like a booze exam if you'd like to take it.
Sean: Okay. [reads questions from it] 'Is drinking making your home life unhappy?' It's mostly her drinking, so no. 'Do you drink because your shy with other people?' No. 'Is drinking affecting your reputation?' No. No. No. No. Why are you supposed to have yes' for this? Because if it's no's I'm gonna ace this thing.
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: One time in the not so distant future my cousin Mike and I are gonna take out drinking. And if we notice you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the Shea cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.
Sean: Why's that?
Lou: Because we're all alcoholics, functioning yes, but blazin' alky's all the same.
Tommy: I have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. [hands him a pamphlet]
Sean: What's that?
Tommy: It's a little thing we like to call the 20 questions. It's from Alcoholics Anonymous, it's kinda like a booze exam if you'd like to take it.
Sean: Okay. [reads questions from it] 'Is drinking making your home life unhappy?' It's mostly her drinking, so no. 'Do you drink because your shy with other people?' No. 'Is drinking affecting your reputation?' No. No. No. No. Why are you supposed to have yes' for this? Because if it's no's I'm gonna ace this thing.
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: One time in the not so distant future my cousin Mike and I are gonna take out drinking. And if we notice you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the Shea cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.
Sean: Why's that?
Lou: Because we're all alcoholics, functioning yes, but blazin' alky's all the same.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about taking the Chief's daughter on a date] What if she gets interested?
Lou: Well, then you give her the whole: 'Look, I'm a mess, you're so great, and I can't give you what you need. So, I'm gonna have to do the horrible thing and walk away and think about you for the rest of my life, especially when I masturbate.'
Tommy: Yeah the famous Lou end to the relationship line.
Lou: Well, then you give her the whole: 'Look, I'm a mess, you're so great, and I can't give you what you need. So, I'm gonna have to do the horrible thing and walk away and think about you for the rest of my life, especially when I masturbate.'
Tommy: Yeah the famous Lou end to the relationship line.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Colleen: [about Wyatt] He kept me up all night last night, and I couldn't find a babysitter so I had to miss Tony's gig.
Tommy: Yeah, well, welcome to babyland. This is what it's like. You're finally learning, you're not ready, okay?
Colleen: My own kid will be completely different.
Tommy: Oh, really? How's that?
Colleen: 'Cause I will actually be in love with my own baby.
Tommy: Oh, right, right. Love. I forgot, you're an expert on love.
Colleen: Like you know. Like you're an expert on that.
Tommy: I do know. I am an expert on love. I know enough to tell you this, you the two of yous, what's his name?
Colleen: Tony.
Tommy: Tony, okay? You think you're in love but one of these days, the two of 'ya, are gonna wake up and one of 'ya's, maybe both of 'ya's at the same time are gonna look at the other and say, 'you know what, I'm outta here.' You know, you're 18 years old, he's your first boyfriend.
Colleen: Okay, well, you met mom in high school and she was 16.
Tommy: Okay, you know what? We... we didn't start having sex until, you know, later.
Colleen: She was pregnant with me before she even graduated.
Tommy: Right. We fell in love, and then we had sex, that's-- that's how it happened. It was real love. It wasn't this, y'know, Fake Babyhead, lead singer, rock and roll love. What? Listen to me, I know what I'm talkin' about. I wasn't the lead singer in a band, okay? I had a real job.
Tommy: Yeah, well, welcome to babyland. This is what it's like. You're finally learning, you're not ready, okay?
Colleen: My own kid will be completely different.
Tommy: Oh, really? How's that?
Colleen: 'Cause I will actually be in love with my own baby.
Tommy: Oh, right, right. Love. I forgot, you're an expert on love.
Colleen: Like you know. Like you're an expert on that.
Tommy: I do know. I am an expert on love. I know enough to tell you this, you the two of yous, what's his name?
Colleen: Tony.
Tommy: Tony, okay? You think you're in love but one of these days, the two of 'ya, are gonna wake up and one of 'ya's, maybe both of 'ya's at the same time are gonna look at the other and say, 'you know what, I'm outta here.' You know, you're 18 years old, he's your first boyfriend.
Colleen: Okay, well, you met mom in high school and she was 16.
Tommy: Okay, you know what? We... we didn't start having sex until, you know, later.
Colleen: She was pregnant with me before she even graduated.
Tommy: Right. We fell in love, and then we had sex, that's-- that's how it happened. It was real love. It wasn't this, y'know, Fake Babyhead, lead singer, rock and roll love. What? Listen to me, I know what I'm talkin' about. I wasn't the lead singer in a band, okay? I had a real job.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about the Jetta] You got any keys?
Impound Guy: Yeah. [hands him a screwdriver]
Tommy: You're kiddin' me.
Impound Guy: Well, look on the bright side, if you lose it, there's 200 just like it at TruValue.
Impound Guy: Yeah. [hands him a screwdriver]
Tommy: You're kiddin' me.
Impound Guy: Well, look on the bright side, if you lose it, there's 200 just like it at TruValue.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Black Shawn: Listen, man, real talk, deep down, you hate Tommy Gavin.
Mike: I do?
Black Shawn: Yeah, because he's taught you everything you know about being a firefighter and the fact that he's had to save your sorry ass on more than one occasion, but deep down, despite the fact that he's an ego-maniacal self-centered son of a bitch, you wanna be just like 'em. Yeah, you wanna be Tommy Gavin. You wanna be exactly what you hate, and that's some sad shit.
Mike: Screw you, Probie!
Mike: I do?
Black Shawn: Yeah, because he's taught you everything you know about being a firefighter and the fact that he's had to save your sorry ass on more than one occasion, but deep down, despite the fact that he's an ego-maniacal self-centered son of a bitch, you wanna be just like 'em. Yeah, you wanna be Tommy Gavin. You wanna be exactly what you hate, and that's some sad shit.
Mike: Screw you, Probie!
TV Show: Rescue Me
Girl: [about Tony, Colleen's boyfriend] You know, he can't even read music.
Tommy: Really?
Girl: Yeah. But, neither could John Lennon, by the way.
Tommy: Yeah. [to himself] Where's Mark David Chapman when you need 'em?
Tommy: Really?
Girl: Yeah. But, neither could John Lennon, by the way.
Tommy: Yeah. [to himself] Where's Mark David Chapman when you need 'em?
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about Colleen] She kicked me in the shins, three times. Unbelievable.
Lou: Tom, quick suggestion.
Tommy: Yeah.
Lou: If you wanna take steps to really, really improve your relationship with your daughter, not to mention your soon to be ex-wife, two words: shin guards.
Lou: Tom, quick suggestion.
Tommy: Yeah.
Lou: If you wanna take steps to really, really improve your relationship with your daughter, not to mention your soon to be ex-wife, two words: shin guards.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Lou: Baseball and life, one and the same. Everybody says that life is too short. Bullshit. Life, unless you get cancer, hit by a bus, or set on fire,+ takes forever. Just like Baseball. Its a series of long, mind bogglingly boring stretches of time where absolutely nothing happens. So, You take a nap. Then, after a little while, when that crisp crack of the bat hitting the ball, so crisp you can almost smell the wood burning. Jolts you awake and you open your eyes to see something so exciting and intricate. Possibly very, very meaningful has just happened. But you missed it because you were just so god damn bored in the first place. Oh you know, couple of hot dogs, throw in some beers, the occasional blow job and that's that.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Mike: [about his inheritance] I already promised it to the Cancer Society.
Sean: Ugh. The Cancer Society. What's the cancer society gonna cure with your measly $100,000?
Mike: $250,000 actually.
Franco: If you give it to those people, you know what they're gonna use it for?
Mike: Research?
Franco: Postage, to send letters out to other people to get more money. It's a vicious cycle, Mike. Not to mention, that they're never gonna find a cure, 'cause there isn't one. Cancer is God's disease, it's his way of thinning out the herd. And it's cruel, and mysterious and no one's ever gonna figure it out, 'cause that's the way that God likes it.
Sean: Ugh. The Cancer Society. What's the cancer society gonna cure with your measly $100,000?
Mike: $250,000 actually.
Franco: If you give it to those people, you know what they're gonna use it for?
Mike: Research?
Franco: Postage, to send letters out to other people to get more money. It's a vicious cycle, Mike. Not to mention, that they're never gonna find a cure, 'cause there isn't one. Cancer is God's disease, it's his way of thinning out the herd. And it's cruel, and mysterious and no one's ever gonna figure it out, 'cause that's the way that God likes it.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Mike: [about opening a bar] Well, if I'm providing the money, then what are you guys bringing to the table?
Sean: Dude, I got my associate's degree from Scranton... almost. I would provide the business savvy. You would be the money, I would be the brain's. Got it?
Franco: Wait a second, if your dumbass is the brains, then what the hell does that make me?
Sean: Well, we're gonna need a bouncer for sure. I mean, if Mike's the money, and I'm the brains, you would be the brawn.
Franco: Why do I gotta be the brawn?
Sean: Well, first of all, Lou told me what you did to that bum in the fire the other day. Secondly, you're Puerto Rican, kinda scary. I mean, who's gonna mess around at a bar with a big, giant scary, Puerto Rican guy standing at the door, y'know? Except maybe other Puerto Ricans, but let's be honest, we're not gonna let them in.
Franco: Whatever, man. Give me whatever title you want, I just wanna be around to watch you two humps sink this damn ship.
Sean: Alright, what do you say, Mike?
Mike: As long as I get to name the place.
Sean: ... No.
Mike: Okay. Deal.
Sean: Dude, I got my associate's degree from Scranton... almost. I would provide the business savvy. You would be the money, I would be the brain's. Got it?
Franco: Wait a second, if your dumbass is the brains, then what the hell does that make me?
Sean: Well, we're gonna need a bouncer for sure. I mean, if Mike's the money, and I'm the brains, you would be the brawn.
Franco: Why do I gotta be the brawn?
Sean: Well, first of all, Lou told me what you did to that bum in the fire the other day. Secondly, you're Puerto Rican, kinda scary. I mean, who's gonna mess around at a bar with a big, giant scary, Puerto Rican guy standing at the door, y'know? Except maybe other Puerto Ricans, but let's be honest, we're not gonna let them in.
Franco: Whatever, man. Give me whatever title you want, I just wanna be around to watch you two humps sink this damn ship.
Sean: Alright, what do you say, Mike?
Mike: As long as I get to name the place.
Sean: ... No.
Mike: Okay. Deal.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: Hey, Tom? Did you hear?
Tommy: What?
Sean: Mike, Franco and I, we're buyin' a bar.
Franco: Uh, correction. Mike bought the bar, and I'm watching Garrity screw it up.
Mike: It's gonna be awesome. And if you have any suggestions Tom, we're totally open.
Tommy: Uh, cool. Yeah, I got a couple. Build it on the edge of a cliff, go inside and start fixing it up and then pay somebody to come along and just push it over the side. It'll save you a lot of time and money.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's actually not gonna work 'cause we're opening it in the city.
Tommy: What?
Sean: Mike, Franco and I, we're buyin' a bar.
Franco: Uh, correction. Mike bought the bar, and I'm watching Garrity screw it up.
Mike: It's gonna be awesome. And if you have any suggestions Tom, we're totally open.
Tommy: Uh, cool. Yeah, I got a couple. Build it on the edge of a cliff, go inside and start fixing it up and then pay somebody to come along and just push it over the side. It'll save you a lot of time and money.
Mike: Yeah, well, that's actually not gonna work 'cause we're opening it in the city.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: Alright, quick quiz. You gotta pick one, you gotta lose one. Ball or eye?
Sean: Ball, or no eye. Or... ball. I mean, if you lose an eye, you can't even see your balls, so what's the point of that?
Franco: Pause, pause. I have the floor. Ball. It immediately cuts your chances of ball cancer in half.
Sean: That's a good point. I'm gonna go ball.
Tommy: What if you pick the wrong one?
Sean: Eye. Definitely eye.
Sean: Ball, or no eye. Or... ball. I mean, if you lose an eye, you can't even see your balls, so what's the point of that?
Franco: Pause, pause. I have the floor. Ball. It immediately cuts your chances of ball cancer in half.
Sean: That's a good point. I'm gonna go ball.
Tommy: What if you pick the wrong one?
Sean: Eye. Definitely eye.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Black Shawn: You and Tommy are tight, right?
Lou: Well, if you mean, we're close, then yeah. In terms of actual tightness, I can only speak for myself.
Black Shawn: So if Tommy were to find out that one of the guy's on the crew was doin' somethin' behind his back that he might not be--
Lou: Oh my God, you're sleeping with Colleen.
Black Shawn: How'd you know?
Lou: I'm right?
Black Shawn: So is that bad?
Lou: It-- It could only be worse if you were banging Katy. Tell me you're not banging Katy.
Black Shawn: Of course not. I'm not banging either one of them.
Lou: Wait a minute, you just said you were sleeping with Colleen.
Black Shawn: I am.
Lou: So?
Black Shawn: See, we're sleeping together but we're not like, y'know-- [makes a motion with his hand]
Lou: So you're not-- [makes a sex noise]
Black Shawn: No, no, no. And if we ever do, I pray it won't look or sound anything like that.
Lou: So, what's the deal? Tommy's gonna kill you anyway, for just seeing her, you might as well get a little piece before you go.
Black Shawn: Those days for me are over.
Lou: What getting laid days?
Black Shawn: Listen, Lou, there's somethin' that you need to know about your man, Shawn, I've tapped plenty of asses in my day, good ass, and usually pretty quick. The quicker I tap it, the quicker I'm out the door. I'm looking for a real relationship here. You know, I want the sex to have value.
Lou: Well, your life's on the line, that's valuable.
Black Shawn: Come on, you mean to tell me that you've never had a relationship where you waited to have sex?
Lou: Not on purpose.
Black Shawn: Well, this is on purpose. The next ass I tap, is the ass I m
Lou: Well, if you mean, we're close, then yeah. In terms of actual tightness, I can only speak for myself.
Black Shawn: So if Tommy were to find out that one of the guy's on the crew was doin' somethin' behind his back that he might not be--
Lou: Oh my God, you're sleeping with Colleen.
Black Shawn: How'd you know?
Lou: I'm right?
Black Shawn: So is that bad?
Lou: It-- It could only be worse if you were banging Katy. Tell me you're not banging Katy.
Black Shawn: Of course not. I'm not banging either one of them.
Lou: Wait a minute, you just said you were sleeping with Colleen.
Black Shawn: I am.
Lou: So?
Black Shawn: See, we're sleeping together but we're not like, y'know-- [makes a motion with his hand]
Lou: So you're not-- [makes a sex noise]
Black Shawn: No, no, no. And if we ever do, I pray it won't look or sound anything like that.
Lou: So, what's the deal? Tommy's gonna kill you anyway, for just seeing her, you might as well get a little piece before you go.
Black Shawn: Those days for me are over.
Lou: What getting laid days?
Black Shawn: Listen, Lou, there's somethin' that you need to know about your man, Shawn, I've tapped plenty of asses in my day, good ass, and usually pretty quick. The quicker I tap it, the quicker I'm out the door. I'm looking for a real relationship here. You know, I want the sex to have value.
Lou: Well, your life's on the line, that's valuable.
Black Shawn: Come on, you mean to tell me that you've never had a relationship where you waited to have sex?
Lou: Not on purpose.
Black Shawn: Well, this is on purpose. The next ass I tap, is the ass I m
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sean: I'm sorry, you bought a lezbo bar? What are you crazy?
Mike: Well, it was a lezbo bar a long time ago.
Sean: Well, Mike, the whole reason we're doin' this, the whole reason we're buyin' this bar is because of the pussy vibe.
Mike: And to make money, dude.
Franco: No, Sean-o's right, it's because of the pussy.
Sean: Yeah, and now you stuck us with a place that possibly has the wrong pussy vibe...
Black Shawn: Is there any pussy vibe that's wrong?
Mike: And you know what? The Realtor said that years ago this whole building was a gynecologist's office.
Sean: Okay, now, I gotta rethink the whole pussy vibe thing. Maybe it was a gynecologist's office longer than it was a lezbo bar. Which then, the good pussy vibe might counteract the bad.
Lou: I've waited my whole life for this. We're actually having a discussion about pussy Feng-Shui.
Mike: Well, it was a lezbo bar a long time ago.
Sean: Well, Mike, the whole reason we're doin' this, the whole reason we're buyin' this bar is because of the pussy vibe.
Mike: And to make money, dude.
Franco: No, Sean-o's right, it's because of the pussy.
Sean: Yeah, and now you stuck us with a place that possibly has the wrong pussy vibe...
Black Shawn: Is there any pussy vibe that's wrong?
Mike: And you know what? The Realtor said that years ago this whole building was a gynecologist's office.
Sean: Okay, now, I gotta rethink the whole pussy vibe thing. Maybe it was a gynecologist's office longer than it was a lezbo bar. Which then, the good pussy vibe might counteract the bad.
Lou: I've waited my whole life for this. We're actually having a discussion about pussy Feng-Shui.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Lou: Thomas, you're just in time for another in a series of gripping exchanges and deep thought and personal wisdom.
Tommy: What are we talkin' about?
Lou: Today's topic is the most number of times they've masturbated in one day.
Franco: Yeah, I'm 7, Sean's 4. Lou?
Lou: 3.
Sean: Just 3?
Lou: Well, it's only 8: 30, the day's young. I'd go for 4, but I'm doing food prep.
Sean: Well, yeah, but it takes a little longer now, I mean, the older you get... don't you need more time in between... you know...
Lou: Ejaculations?
Sean: Well, I mean, that's if you get technical, I was gonna say jizzes.
Tommy: We did have a kid in the old neighborhood, Bobby Morgan, claimed he jacked off 17 times in one 24 hour period.
Sean: No way.
Franco: 17 times, is that even possible?
Tommy: Well, even more amazing than that, it was a school day.
Sean: Shit, 17 times.
Tommy: Yeah, he said the last time, it pretty much just came out air.
Sean: So his cock farted? I mean, come on, if it comes out air, it's a fart.
Tommy: What are we talkin' about?
Lou: Today's topic is the most number of times they've masturbated in one day.
Franco: Yeah, I'm 7, Sean's 4. Lou?
Lou: 3.
Sean: Just 3?
Lou: Well, it's only 8: 30, the day's young. I'd go for 4, but I'm doing food prep.
Sean: Well, yeah, but it takes a little longer now, I mean, the older you get... don't you need more time in between... you know...
Lou: Ejaculations?
Sean: Well, I mean, that's if you get technical, I was gonna say jizzes.
Tommy: We did have a kid in the old neighborhood, Bobby Morgan, claimed he jacked off 17 times in one 24 hour period.
Sean: No way.
Franco: 17 times, is that even possible?
Tommy: Well, even more amazing than that, it was a school day.
Sean: Shit, 17 times.
Tommy: Yeah, he said the last time, it pretty much just came out air.
Sean: So his cock farted? I mean, come on, if it comes out air, it's a fart.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Black Shawn: I'm just waitin' for Tommy, I gotta talk to him.
Needles: Oh, about bangin' his daughter?
Black Shawn: What the hell! Who told you? ... Lou!
Needles: Lou's bangin' her, too?
Black Shawn: That's some bullshit, I cannot believe he told you. It's supposed to be top secret!
Needles: I heard it from Neills.
Black Shawn: Neills knows?
Needles: What are you so surprised about? People hear juicy gossip, they're gonna spread it around. This is a firehouse, you take away the rig, the gear and the testosterone, it's nothing but a goddamn sorority in here.
Needles: Oh, about bangin' his daughter?
Black Shawn: What the hell! Who told you? ... Lou!
Needles: Lou's bangin' her, too?
Black Shawn: That's some bullshit, I cannot believe he told you. It's supposed to be top secret!
Needles: I heard it from Neills.
Black Shawn: Neills knows?
Needles: What are you so surprised about? People hear juicy gossip, they're gonna spread it around. This is a firehouse, you take away the rig, the gear and the testosterone, it's nothing but a goddamn sorority in here.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about his dad] Teddy, his was 82, okay--
Teddy: What are you puttin' time limits on people now? Shut your mouth. Just because it's okay for you, doesn't mean it's goddamn okay for the rest of us.
Tommy: Who says it's okay for me?
Teddy: I seen 'ya, I seen 'ya at the funeral. I'm up there cryin' my eyes out like a bitch and you're sitting there like a goddamn stone. And then all that shit you said the other night after we watched the movies? You make me sick just to look at you. You're glad he's gone, you're glad because now you don't have to look at the kind of man that you'd never be.
Teddy: What are you puttin' time limits on people now? Shut your mouth. Just because it's okay for you, doesn't mean it's goddamn okay for the rest of us.
Tommy: Who says it's okay for me?
Teddy: I seen 'ya, I seen 'ya at the funeral. I'm up there cryin' my eyes out like a bitch and you're sitting there like a goddamn stone. And then all that shit you said the other night after we watched the movies? You make me sick just to look at you. You're glad he's gone, you're glad because now you don't have to look at the kind of man that you'd never be.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about his hearing] You know guys, I'm sure you're aware, if this doesn't go my way, which I'm sure it won't, they're gonna put me on immediate light duty and the odds are that I'm not gonna be comin' back to the firehouse. I just wanted to say--
Mike, Sean, Franco': [at the same time] Nah, nah, Tommy. We feel that same way. It's been an honor working with you.
Tommy: Lemme just get this out of the way, and say it out loud, as firefighters, it's like a football team, y'know our pluses and minuses balanced out and we made a great team, we really did. And I felt really safe working with you guys, and you saved my ass many times and vice versa. But... you know, I felt blessed, and the other thing that I wanted to say... [they all tell him he doesn't have to] Lemme just say this stuff, very quickly because it needs to be said, in case the guy that comes in and stands in my shoes doesn't put it out on the table, I'll do it for him. Number 1, you're a moron. [points to Sean] Don't argue with me, because you proved it in spades when you married my goddamn sister, okay? [Mike laughs] What are you laughin' about? Because if he's a moron, you're the king of the morons. Don't gimme the look... Do me a favor, spell 'moron'.
Mike: Okay, spell what? [they laugh]
Tommy: Franco, I really, wished you weren't the guy who laughed the hardest at that because, if you took one iota of energy that you spend everyday chasin' pussy and you put into somethin' good, like I don't know, helpin' man kind, I'm pretty sure at this point we'da stitched up the whole in the ozone layers, there'd be no more wars, and this party would be in a bar by owned by you and the planet Neptune. [to Black Shawn] You, can't really say too much about you, because I don't know well enough and it wouldn't be fair to judge you. But, life's unfair, so lemme get it out of the way, you probably
Mike, Sean, Franco': [at the same time] Nah, nah, Tommy. We feel that same way. It's been an honor working with you.
Tommy: Lemme just get this out of the way, and say it out loud, as firefighters, it's like a football team, y'know our pluses and minuses balanced out and we made a great team, we really did. And I felt really safe working with you guys, and you saved my ass many times and vice versa. But... you know, I felt blessed, and the other thing that I wanted to say... [they all tell him he doesn't have to] Lemme just say this stuff, very quickly because it needs to be said, in case the guy that comes in and stands in my shoes doesn't put it out on the table, I'll do it for him. Number 1, you're a moron. [points to Sean] Don't argue with me, because you proved it in spades when you married my goddamn sister, okay? [Mike laughs] What are you laughin' about? Because if he's a moron, you're the king of the morons. Don't gimme the look... Do me a favor, spell 'moron'.
Mike: Okay, spell what? [they laugh]
Tommy: Franco, I really, wished you weren't the guy who laughed the hardest at that because, if you took one iota of energy that you spend everyday chasin' pussy and you put into somethin' good, like I don't know, helpin' man kind, I'm pretty sure at this point we'da stitched up the whole in the ozone layers, there'd be no more wars, and this party would be in a bar by owned by you and the planet Neptune. [to Black Shawn] You, can't really say too much about you, because I don't know well enough and it wouldn't be fair to judge you. But, life's unfair, so lemme get it out of the way, you probably
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about Colleen and Shawn] But the kid's great, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, I got nothin' bad to say about the kid. Is he my first choice to date Colleen? No.
Lou: Yeah, and I think you're real lucky too about the deciding to not have sex thing.
Tommy: Yeah. ... What?
Lou: What you didn't know that?
Tommy: What? They're not havin' sex? Why would they not be havin' sex?
Lou: Oh, I dunno, I dunno.
Tommy: Why are they not havin' sex?
Lou: I don't know. [looks away]
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: No reason. [Tommy makes a face at him] They're waiting.
Tommy: Waiting for what?
Lou: Why don't we get this chair outta here?
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: Until they get married... [Tommy bites down on his glove as Black Shawn passes by]
Tommy: Oh, that sneaky little black son of a bitch!
Lou: Yeah, and I think you're real lucky too about the deciding to not have sex thing.
Tommy: Yeah. ... What?
Lou: What you didn't know that?
Tommy: What? They're not havin' sex? Why would they not be havin' sex?
Lou: Oh, I dunno, I dunno.
Tommy: Why are they not havin' sex?
Lou: I don't know. [looks away]
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: No reason. [Tommy makes a face at him] They're waiting.
Tommy: Waiting for what?
Lou: Why don't we get this chair outta here?
Tommy: Lou.
Lou: Until they get married... [Tommy bites down on his glove as Black Shawn passes by]
Tommy: Oh, that sneaky little black son of a bitch!
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: [about Colleen and Shawn waiting to have sex] She's not gettin' married, I'm tellin' you that. How did we go wrong? We purposefully raised her the wrong way, as a lapsed Catholic so now she enjoying herself on birth control, bangin' her brains out, but now she wants to reclaim her virginity and wait to have sex 'til she gets married. My daughter turned Amish on me, how's that possible? She's not gettin' married, she's not gonna end up like her mom, I'm tellin' 'ya.
Lou: Wh- What do you mean? Gorgeous, 40, and angry? She's Irish, she's gonna end up angry no matter what.
Tommy: She's not gettin' married, I'm tellin' 'ya. Too young!
Lou: Tommy, you keep that act up, she's gonna get married even sooner.
Tommy: I'm gonna tell 'ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to her, have a conversation with her, and she's gonna end up having sex with him, okay? She's gonna have lots of sex with him, she's gonna have so much sex, that it's gonna turn into what sex is supposed to be: Boring, monotonous chore, just like it is for everyone else who's in a long-term relationship, and then he's gonna get bored, and then he's gonna leave, and then we're all set, and the marriage is off.
Lou: Right. So lemme get this start, you're gonna have a conversation with your teenage daughter, telling her to have sex with her boyfriend?
Tommy: Yes, I am.
Lou: Can I sit in on that conversation? Because it's gonna be so creepy, it's gonna reset the high end of my creep-meter for the rest of my life.
Lou: Wh- What do you mean? Gorgeous, 40, and angry? She's Irish, she's gonna end up angry no matter what.
Tommy: She's not gettin' married, I'm tellin' 'ya. Too young!
Lou: Tommy, you keep that act up, she's gonna get married even sooner.
Tommy: I'm gonna tell 'ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna talk to her, have a conversation with her, and she's gonna end up having sex with him, okay? She's gonna have lots of sex with him, she's gonna have so much sex, that it's gonna turn into what sex is supposed to be: Boring, monotonous chore, just like it is for everyone else who's in a long-term relationship, and then he's gonna get bored, and then he's gonna leave, and then we're all set, and the marriage is off.
Lou: Right. So lemme get this start, you're gonna have a conversation with your teenage daughter, telling her to have sex with her boyfriend?
Tommy: Yes, I am.
Lou: Can I sit in on that conversation? Because it's gonna be so creepy, it's gonna reset the high end of my creep-meter for the rest of my life.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Mike: You know, uh, Frank, I got this Uncle out in Staten Island and he owns this company, they transport hazard waste. I was gonna work for him, but a couple days before, 9/11 happened. And uh, I watched the news, and I saw all the people postin' flyers around town lookin' for their loved one's, and I just really felt, like I'm sure everybody did, that I had to do something, y'know. ... So, I decided to become a firefighter. You know, how a lot of kids wanna be firemen when they get older, well, I wanted to be a superhero. Even after, I knew that they really didn't exist, I still wanted to be one, because I wanted to fight the bad guys, you know. Frank, what I'm tryin' to say is... that I became a firefighter because of the bad guys did on 9/11, and if you're tellin' me that there are other bad guys and that their our leaders, our people, the people who are supposed to watchin' out fo everybody, that's too scary. I can't even think about that. I mean, I understand that there's evil in this world, but I just feel a lot better if it comes from some place that I don't call home.
Franco: Yeah. ... You say you were gonna take up transporting hazardous waste?
Mike: Yeah, I was gonna be a driver.
Franco: Jesus. I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for 9/11. [they laugh]
Franco: Yeah. ... You say you were gonna take up transporting hazardous waste?
Mike: Yeah, I was gonna be a driver.
Franco: Jesus. I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for 9/11. [they laugh]
TV Show: Rescue Me
Colleen: What did you wanna talk to me about?
Tommy: Uh, I just wanted to say that, your mother and I... we're very proud of you, and we think Shawn's great.
Colleen: He is.
Tommy: Yes, and the being black thing, doesn't bother us at all. I mean, I think we've raised you kids with that color, creed, religion, you know... none of that stuff, you know, doesn't matter to us. And... you know, love, it's a big thing... it's... you know, it-- it, it just happens. And I think it's kinda important to... you know... What?
Colleen: What's the problem?
Tommy: There's no problem, honey, I just wanna... okay... If you were gonna buy a car, you'd test drive it, that's what I'm tryin' to say.
Colleen: Oh, my God.
Tommy: No, no, listen. If you were gonna test drive a car, you'd take it out and you'd drive it around, and you'd maybe take it on the highway...
Sean: [walks up]: Hey, Col, how are 'ya? You're gonna buy a car so I hear? Y'know my friend, Mark, is gettin' rid of this old--
Tommy: Y'know, she's all set, she's got a car. That's nice though. Thanks. [Sean walks off, Tommy continues his thought before Sean interrupted] Listen, I just think you know, it's important that the parts... fit.
Colleen: What parts?
Tommy: You know the parts, and don't make me say the parts, you--
Colleen: His penis in my vagina.
Sean: [overhearing]: You guys aren't talkin' about cars, are you? [Tommy makes a face, and Sean walks off]
Colleen: Are you actually tellin' me to have sex with Shawn?
Tommy: No... kinda... yeah. I'm just sayin' that I don't think it's such a bad idea for you to do it, okay? You don't have to do the whole thing... just y'know, do the Clinton thing, you don't have to go all the way--
Colleen: Oh,
Tommy: Uh, I just wanted to say that, your mother and I... we're very proud of you, and we think Shawn's great.
Colleen: He is.
Tommy: Yes, and the being black thing, doesn't bother us at all. I mean, I think we've raised you kids with that color, creed, religion, you know... none of that stuff, you know, doesn't matter to us. And... you know, love, it's a big thing... it's... you know, it-- it, it just happens. And I think it's kinda important to... you know... What?
Colleen: What's the problem?
Tommy: There's no problem, honey, I just wanna... okay... If you were gonna buy a car, you'd test drive it, that's what I'm tryin' to say.
Colleen: Oh, my God.
Tommy: No, no, listen. If you were gonna test drive a car, you'd take it out and you'd drive it around, and you'd maybe take it on the highway...
Sean: [walks up]: Hey, Col, how are 'ya? You're gonna buy a car so I hear? Y'know my friend, Mark, is gettin' rid of this old--
Tommy: Y'know, she's all set, she's got a car. That's nice though. Thanks. [Sean walks off, Tommy continues his thought before Sean interrupted] Listen, I just think you know, it's important that the parts... fit.
Colleen: What parts?
Tommy: You know the parts, and don't make me say the parts, you--
Colleen: His penis in my vagina.
Sean: [overhearing]: You guys aren't talkin' about cars, are you? [Tommy makes a face, and Sean walks off]
Colleen: Are you actually tellin' me to have sex with Shawn?
Tommy: No... kinda... yeah. I'm just sayin' that I don't think it's such a bad idea for you to do it, okay? You don't have to do the whole thing... just y'know, do the Clinton thing, you don't have to go all the way--
Colleen: Oh,
TV Show: Rescue Me
Black Shawn: Hey, Tommy? Did you tell Colleen to go down on me?
Tommy: What?
Black Shawn: She said you said somethin' about Bill Clinton. ... I just find that shit, very, very disturbing.
Tommy: I didn't say anything like that.
Black Shawn: Now, here I am a good brother, tryin' to keep it real, and here you are tellin' her to go down on me, and service me in an oral fashion.
Tommy: Wh-what? Wh--What? See? This is the reason you can't tell anybody anything any more, it gets blow out of proportion!
Black Shawn: I'm gonna stay strong, and focused, and give her that good lovin' on our weddin' night!
Tommy: Wh-- Al-alright, but you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it!
Tommy: What?
Black Shawn: She said you said somethin' about Bill Clinton. ... I just find that shit, very, very disturbing.
Tommy: I didn't say anything like that.
Black Shawn: Now, here I am a good brother, tryin' to keep it real, and here you are tellin' her to go down on me, and service me in an oral fashion.
Tommy: Wh-what? Wh--What? See? This is the reason you can't tell anybody anything any more, it gets blow out of proportion!
Black Shawn: I'm gonna stay strong, and focused, and give her that good lovin' on our weddin' night!
Tommy: Wh-- Al-alright, but you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it!
TV Show: Rescue Me
Black Shawn: You don't turn a ... hose on a black man.
Tommy: Yeah?
Black Shawn: Yeah, yeah, did you see the footage from Birmingham?
Tommy: See the footage? I was there.
Tommy: Yeah?
Black Shawn: Yeah, yeah, did you see the footage from Birmingham?
Tommy: See the footage? I was there.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Tommy: You’d better pray that if your Wall Street office, or your luxury, lonely loft that you’re always talkin’ about, if it’s full of smoke, that there’s a guy with balls as big as mine who jumps off a rig and runs in and carries you out. And I tell you what: If I do, if I happen to save your ass, or your ass, you know what I’m doin’ afterwards? When I get home, I’m gonna have a nice, big, tall, cold glass of vodka, or a nice, warm tumbler full of whisky. That’s what I’m gonna have. You guys got nothin’ for me? That’s what I’ve got for you. That’s my little message. I’m gonna spend the rest of my time on this particular planet drinking, and liking it. My suggestion to you: Try doin’ the same. Bottoms up, folks.
TV Show: Rescue Me
Sheila: How's the baby?
Janet: Oh, the baby's fine. [Sheila has a blank look on her face and sits back in her seat] Okay, okay, so what just happened? What was that?
Sheila: Hmm?
Janet: What? Th-That look on your face.
Sheila: Hm, what? Did I have a look?
Janet: Yeah.
Sheila: [looks to the side] Oh, you know what? It was probably the look of, um, disbelief.
Janet: Okay, you lost me.
Sheila: Yeah, it was disbelief in reaction to that, uh, strange little smile that crossed your face when I asked you about the baby. [Janet gives her a look] Don't even try to act like you didn't have a little smile on your sour little puss before you answered my question about the baby.
Janet: I-I don't even know why I bother to be nice to you.
Sheila: [laughs] I'm sorry. Was that you being nice to me? Why don't you go to hell, Janet?
Janet: Aren't you already there?
[Sheila stops and looks at Janet. Sheila then picks up her cell phone and sends a text to Janet. Janet's cell phone rings and she picks it up]
Janet: You spelled it wrong.
Sean: [walks in] Hey!
Janet: Hey.
Sean: Hey, ladies. Wow. Fancy meeting you two here. What are the odds that the two of you be here at exactly the same time? Huh? It's really-- [laughs and pauses] I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
Janet & Sheila: No.
Sean: Oh, good, good. Oh, hey! Is that the new cell phone everyone's talkin' about? That's awesome! [Sean picks up Janet's cell] What's a cunf? [Sean laughs nervously, they are all silent] I, uh, just came by to say hi to the guys, so, I'm actually late so I'm gonna-- I'm gonna pick up my watch-- I left it at the, uh.. It's good to see you both. So, you look great. Both of you.
Janet: Oh, the baby's fine. [Sheila has a blank look on her face and sits back in her seat] Okay, okay, so what just happened? What was that?
Sheila: Hmm?
Janet: What? Th-That look on your face.
Sheila: Hm, what? Did I have a look?
Janet: Yeah.
Sheila: [looks to the side] Oh, you know what? It was probably the look of, um, disbelief.
Janet: Okay, you lost me.
Sheila: Yeah, it was disbelief in reaction to that, uh, strange little smile that crossed your face when I asked you about the baby. [Janet gives her a look] Don't even try to act like you didn't have a little smile on your sour little puss before you answered my question about the baby.
Janet: I-I don't even know why I bother to be nice to you.
Sheila: [laughs] I'm sorry. Was that you being nice to me? Why don't you go to hell, Janet?
Janet: Aren't you already there?
[Sheila stops and looks at Janet. Sheila then picks up her cell phone and sends a text to Janet. Janet's cell phone rings and she picks it up]
Janet: You spelled it wrong.
Sean: [walks in] Hey!
Janet: Hey.
Sean: Hey, ladies. Wow. Fancy meeting you two here. What are the odds that the two of you be here at exactly the same time? Huh? It's really-- [laughs and pauses] I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
Janet & Sheila: No.
Sean: Oh, good, good. Oh, hey! Is that the new cell phone everyone's talkin' about? That's awesome! [Sean picks up Janet's cell] What's a cunf? [Sean laughs nervously, they are all silent] I, uh, just came by to say hi to the guys, so, I'm actually late so I'm gonna-- I'm gonna pick up my watch-- I left it at the, uh.. It's good to see you both. So, you look great. Both of you.
TV Show: Rescue Me