Robot Chicken Quotes
Barney the Dinosaur: I love you. You love me.
Girl: But I'm not in love with you.
Girl: But I'm not in love with you.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Fred: Eh Barney-boy, this is the life!
Barney: You said it, Fred! An entire civilization not wearin' underwear! Y'gotta love it!
Fred: [Door knocks] Now who could that be? [Barney laughs]
Delivery Man: Hi, I'm Mr. Rock from FedEx Stone. I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from Amazon Boulder.Com/Pebble. [sighs] Look, sometimes, the rock puns don't fit too well, buddy. Do you want the package or not?
Fred: [reads a letter that came with the package] "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough. Signed, Barney. P.S. I invented paper. Bitchin'!" [looks over to Barney who tries to sneak out with a box of Fruity Pebbles] Barney! My pebbles!
Barney: You said it, Fred! An entire civilization not wearin' underwear! Y'gotta love it!
Fred: [Door knocks] Now who could that be? [Barney laughs]
Delivery Man: Hi, I'm Mr. Rock from FedEx Stone. I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from Amazon Boulder.Com/Pebble. [sighs] Look, sometimes, the rock puns don't fit too well, buddy. Do you want the package or not?
Fred: [reads a letter that came with the package] "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough. Signed, Barney. P.S. I invented paper. Bitchin'!" [looks over to Barney who tries to sneak out with a box of Fruity Pebbles] Barney! My pebbles!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Barney: [burying Fred's corpse] Dammit, Fred, I just wanted some of your fucking cereal.
Bird: [being used as a shovel] Oh, his head always was full of rocks.
Barney: [gasps] A witness! [kills shovel-bird and runs back into the house] Witnesses! The dishwasher!
Octopus: My goodness Cretacious!
Barney: The record player!
Bird: He's off his rocker!
Barney: The bidet!
Turtle: Oh man, the things I've witnessed...
[The audience screams as Barney grabs the bird and pulls a pig's tail.]
Pig: Is he stone-cold crazy? You bet Jurassic!
Barney: No more puns! [he stuffs the bird into the pig's mouth and laughs evilly.]
Bird: [being used as a shovel] Oh, his head always was full of rocks.
Barney: [gasps] A witness! [kills shovel-bird and runs back into the house] Witnesses! The dishwasher!
Octopus: My goodness Cretacious!
Barney: The record player!
Bird: He's off his rocker!
Barney: The bidet!
Turtle: Oh man, the things I've witnessed...
[The audience screams as Barney grabs the bird and pulls a pig's tail.]
Pig: Is he stone-cold crazy? You bet Jurassic!
Barney: No more puns! [he stuffs the bird into the pig's mouth and laughs evilly.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Wilma: He's trying to sell me a tampon, but I said "It's just a rock!" and he says "Well duh, everything's a rock!"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Barney the Dinosaur: (now in a street at night standing next to a female smoker) I love you, you love me.
Smoker: Either way, it's 50 bucks.
Smoker: Either way, it's 50 bucks.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Barney the Dinosaur: [in prison; sobbing] I love you...*sniff* You love me...
Cellmate: Damn right.
Cellmate: Damn right.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Palpatine: Ha ha ha ha, so I threw the senate at him. The whole senate! True story!
First Guard: Oh my God, that is so funny!
Second Guard: You made it [Milk from the carton in his hand] come out of my nose!
Palpatine: [His phone rings] Go for papa Palpatine.
Operator: You have a collect call from - [Vader's voice]Darth Vader.
Palpatine: [Sighs.] Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just, slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! OH, FUCK!, FUCK! FUUUCK! Who's "they"?! What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?! [Sighs.] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you shitting me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet...wrapped...in...leathery...burnt...bacon. Oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have--do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [Phone rings.] Ah, hang on, I've got another call. [Switches line.] What?! I'm very busy right now! Oh. Oh, we-well where're they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a turkey club. Uh, cole slaw, I guess. I-I'm not even gonna eat it. W-w-what're you getting? No, see, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Okay, bye--wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [Switches back to Vader.] Sorry about that. [Sighs.] What? Oh-oh, "just rebuild it"? Oh, real fucking original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about "Padamamay" or "Panda Bear" or whatever the hell her name was! Oh geez, he's
First Guard: Oh my God, that is so funny!
Second Guard: You made it [Milk from the carton in his hand] come out of my nose!
Palpatine: [His phone rings] Go for papa Palpatine.
Operator: You have a collect call from - [Vader's voice]Darth Vader.
Palpatine: [Sighs.] Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just, slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! OH, FUCK!, FUCK! FUUUCK! Who's "they"?! What the hell is an "Aluminum Falcon"?! [Sighs.] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you shitting me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet...wrapped...in...leathery...burnt...bacon. Oh, oh, oh, I'm, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have--do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? [Phone rings.] Ah, hang on, I've got another call. [Switches line.] What?! I'm very busy right now! Oh. Oh, we-well where're they going? Oh. Alright, um, just get me a turkey club. Uh, cole slaw, I guess. I-I'm not even gonna eat it. W-w-what're you getting? No, see, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, no, I'll just stick with that. Okay, bye--wait, what? Oh, a Cherry Coke. Thanks. [Switches back to Vader.] Sorry about that. [Sighs.] What? Oh-oh, "just rebuild it"? Oh, real fucking original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about "Padamamay" or "Panda Bear" or whatever the hell her name was! Oh geez, he's
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Skeletor: Ahhhhh... Oh, massage chair, if we lived in Canada, I would make you my bride.
Mo-Larr: [calling] Skeletor!
Skeletor: Oh no! It's Mo-Larr, Eternian Dentist!
Mo-Larr: You missed your 10: 15 appointment!
Skeletor: I'm busy, Mo-Larr!
Mo-Larr: You have an infected wisdom tooth, Skeletor! It has to come out!
Skeletor: I'm a talking skull! What do I care if-- ah, you know what? To hell with this.
Mo-Larr: [calling] Skeletor!
Skeletor: Oh no! It's Mo-Larr, Eternian Dentist!
Mo-Larr: You missed your 10: 15 appointment!
Skeletor: I'm busy, Mo-Larr!
Mo-Larr: You have an infected wisdom tooth, Skeletor! It has to come out!
Skeletor: I'm a talking skull! What do I care if-- ah, you know what? To hell with this.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Grizzlor: [To Mo-Larr, after he gets stabbed in the eye with a dental drill.] How come Beast-Man got the dental floss, and I get the fucking drill in my eye?!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Announcer: Fight! [Johnny Cage and Kano begin fighting, Kano is about to knock out Johnny Cage] Finish him! [Kano punches Johnny's chest and takes his heart out; scene change to the hospital]
Nurse: Pressure's down to sixty...
Doctor: Dammit! He's losing too much blood! Don't you die on me, you hear, nurse get me more O-neg stat!
Nurse: Pressure's down to sixty...
Doctor: Dammit! He's losing too much blood! Don't you die on me, you hear, nurse get me more O-neg stat!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Kano: Feeling better?
Johnny: I feel great!
Announcer: Finish him! [Kano takes out Johnny's heart again]
Johnny: I feel great!
Announcer: Finish him! [Kano takes out Johnny's heart again]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Senator: Pan-Global Oil keeps dumping sludge into the Atlantic Ocean!
Ted Turner: That burns my ass!
Senator: Forget it, Ted, there's nothing you can do.
Ted Turner: Maybe I can't, but Captain Planet can! [One of the members show that Ted's crazy]
Captain Planet: [in restroom, Ted is changing into Captain Planet] Captain Planet... [man enters, sees Ted, then walks away]
Ted Turner: That burns my ass!
Senator: Forget it, Ted, there's nothing you can do.
Ted Turner: Maybe I can't, but Captain Planet can! [One of the members show that Ted's crazy]
Captain Planet: [in restroom, Ted is changing into Captain Planet] Captain Planet... [man enters, sees Ted, then walks away]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Captain Planet: CAPTAIN PLANET! [scene changes to the streets.] CAPTAIN PLANET!! [runs past a guy who is holding an aluminum can with a trash can and a recycling can near him; he throws the can in the trash; Captain Planet notices and kicks the man in the face.] CAPTAIN PLANET!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Senator 1: Where are we gonna dump our sludge next?
Senator 2: Well, the Grand Canyon could hold a lot of sludge.
Senator 1: Oh, it sure could.
Senator 2: Yeah, let's sludge the hell out of the Grand Canyon.
Senator 1: Yeah. [notices something offscreen] Hey, is that Ted Turner?
Senator 2: [also notices something, it is Captain Planet on a zipline headed for their office.] Yeah, what the hell is he doing?
Senator 1: I dunno, he's on one of those ziplines.
Senator 2: Oh, yeah, is that what they call "ziplines"?
Senator 1: Yeah, ziplines.
Senator 2: Oh, I never thought-- [Captain Planet breaks through the window, knocking away Senator 1 and embedding glass in Senator 2's eye.]
Captain Planet: CAPTAIN PLANET!
Senator 2: You got glass in my eye!
Captain Planet: And my foot in your balls! [kicks him in the balls] CAPTAIN PLANET! [holds the senator out the window threatening to drop him]
Senator 2: What do you want Mr. Turner?!
Captain Planet: To sign this agreement to not dump any more sludge and I'll let you go.
Senator 2: Okay, okay! [the senator signs the agreement]
Captain Planet: This appears to be in order. [drops him] CAPTAIN PLANET! [the senator falls, screaming, to the ground, where he lands in a dumpster and is killed instantly.]
Senator 2: Well, the Grand Canyon could hold a lot of sludge.
Senator 1: Oh, it sure could.
Senator 2: Yeah, let's sludge the hell out of the Grand Canyon.
Senator 1: Yeah. [notices something offscreen] Hey, is that Ted Turner?
Senator 2: [also notices something, it is Captain Planet on a zipline headed for their office.] Yeah, what the hell is he doing?
Senator 1: I dunno, he's on one of those ziplines.
Senator 2: Oh, yeah, is that what they call "ziplines"?
Senator 1: Yeah, ziplines.
Senator 2: Oh, I never thought-- [Captain Planet breaks through the window, knocking away Senator 1 and embedding glass in Senator 2's eye.]
Captain Planet: CAPTAIN PLANET!
Senator 2: You got glass in my eye!
Captain Planet: And my foot in your balls! [kicks him in the balls] CAPTAIN PLANET! [holds the senator out the window threatening to drop him]
Senator 2: What do you want Mr. Turner?!
Captain Planet: To sign this agreement to not dump any more sludge and I'll let you go.
Senator 2: Okay, okay! [the senator signs the agreement]
Captain Planet: This appears to be in order. [drops him] CAPTAIN PLANET! [the senator falls, screaming, to the ground, where he lands in a dumpster and is killed instantly.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Captain Planet: Protect the environment, or I'll fucking kill you! CAPTAIN PLANET!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Pikachu: Pikachu!
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff!
Pikachu: [defeats Jigglypuff with a Thunderbolt] Chu chu chu! Pika pika!
Ash: Back in your Poké Ball, Pikachu. [Pikachu goes back inside its Poké Ball]
Misty: I wonder what it's like inside those Poké Balls?
Ash: I wonder when you'll shut up and make my dinner!
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff!
Pikachu: [defeats Jigglypuff with a Thunderbolt] Chu chu chu! Pika pika!
Ash: Back in your Poké Ball, Pikachu. [Pikachu goes back inside its Poké Ball]
Misty: I wonder what it's like inside those Poké Balls?
Ash: I wonder when you'll shut up and make my dinner!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Gary: Would you ready to battle, Ass?
Ash: [growls] My name is Ash! Pikachu, I choose you! [echoes Pikachu, I choose you! You! You! You!]
Ash: [growls] My name is Ash! Pikachu, I choose you! [echoes Pikachu, I choose you! You! You! You!]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Charizard roars]
Ash: Go get 'em, Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pikachu. (Subtitle) Douche.
Ash: Go get 'em, Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pikachu. (Subtitle) Douche.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Elmer Phudd: I'm takin' you to school, call me the professor
You're sexually confused, 'cause you a cross-dresser.
You like to kiss men, that's real funny.
Call up Hugh Hefner, you a gay boy bunny.
Master of the stage. You need a map junkie.
You made a wrong left turn on Albuquerque.
I'm a pimp because my hunting apparel's hot son.
It was wiped by on your ho with my double barrel shotgun. [Really shoots B Rabbit with his double barrel shotgun]
You're sexually confused, 'cause you a cross-dresser.
You like to kiss men, that's real funny.
Call up Hugh Hefner, you a gay boy bunny.
Master of the stage. You need a map junkie.
You made a wrong left turn on Albuquerque.
I'm a pimp because my hunting apparel's hot son.
It was wiped by on your ho with my double barrel shotgun. [Really shoots B Rabbit with his double barrel shotgun]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Daffy Duck: Now hold on a second, man! It's not rabbit hunting season yet! See! [[Pints at the sign that says "Wabbit Season (Not Yet)"] Okay! [Gives the mic to B Rabbit] Your turn, B Rabbit!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
B Rabbit: Yeah, yeah. I know that you call me wascawwy wabbit.
Say your R's like W's that's a really bad habit.
It's room, not woom. Trees, not twees.
You replace so many R's, I thought you was Chinese.
You're so stuck on yourself, I'll call you Elmer's glue.
I got you some coffee, one lump or two?
Say your R's like W's that's a really bad habit.
It's room, not woom. Trees, not twees.
You replace so many R's, I thought you was Chinese.
You're so stuck on yourself, I'll call you Elmer's glue.
I got you some coffee, one lump or two?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
B Rabbit: I only dress like a girl, just to prove that you're gay.
Would you like a kiss handsome?
Would you like a kiss handsome?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
B Rabbit: Elmer packs "fudd". You heard what I said.
He's so bald, I'll put a "hare" on his head. [B Rabbit sits on Phudd's head]
I'll sit down on your head. Just like I was a thinker. Hmm.
[He farts while sitting down on his head] Ain't I a stinker?
He's so bald, I'll put a "hare" on his head. [B Rabbit sits on Phudd's head]
I'll sit down on your head. Just like I was a thinker. Hmm.
[He farts while sitting down on his head] Ain't I a stinker?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Frank: Did you finish that marketing proposal?
Jim: Nope.
Frank: I told you to give it to me today.
Jim: I could've sworn you said Thursday.
Frank: No, I said Wednesday.
Jim: I don't think so, Thursday!
Frank: Wednesday, douchebag!
Jim: Thursday, assface!
Frank: Wednesday, you fucking idiot!!
Boss: What is going on here?!
Frank: We're having a fight about the due date of the marketing proposal.
Boss: Well then there's only one one way to solve it.
[The scene changes to a Mortal Kombat-style fight]
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Jim: [Punches Frank in the face]
Frank: [Throws staplers at Jim] Stapler! Stapler!
Jim: [Throws papers at Frank] Post It! Post It! P-P-P-Post It!
Announcer: Finish him!
Jim: [Performs Fatality by smashing Jim with a cupboard]
Announcer: Level 2!
Nancy: You know that proposal was due on Wednesday, Jim!
Jim: Thursday, Nancy.
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Nancy: [Throws coffee at Jim] Hot coffee! Hot coffee!
Jim: [Stretches arms and touches Nancy's breasts] Sexual harassment!
Nancy: [Shows lawsuit papers to Jim] Lawsuit! Lawsuit!
Jim: [Stabs Nancy in the eye with a knife] Letter opener!
Announcer: Level 3!
Jim: Ryu from Street Fighter? I didn't know you worked here!
Ryu: I don't, but that proposal was definitely due on Wednesday!
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Ryu: Hadouken![Takes 85% off of Jim's life bar.]
Jim: I'll get right on it.
Jim: Nope.
Frank: I told you to give it to me today.
Jim: I could've sworn you said Thursday.
Frank: No, I said Wednesday.
Jim: I don't think so, Thursday!
Frank: Wednesday, douchebag!
Jim: Thursday, assface!
Frank: Wednesday, you fucking idiot!!
Boss: What is going on here?!
Frank: We're having a fight about the due date of the marketing proposal.
Boss: Well then there's only one one way to solve it.
[The scene changes to a Mortal Kombat-style fight]
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Jim: [Punches Frank in the face]
Frank: [Throws staplers at Jim] Stapler! Stapler!
Jim: [Throws papers at Frank] Post It! Post It! P-P-P-Post It!
Announcer: Finish him!
Jim: [Performs Fatality by smashing Jim with a cupboard]
Announcer: Level 2!
Nancy: You know that proposal was due on Wednesday, Jim!
Jim: Thursday, Nancy.
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Nancy: [Throws coffee at Jim] Hot coffee! Hot coffee!
Jim: [Stretches arms and touches Nancy's breasts] Sexual harassment!
Nancy: [Shows lawsuit papers to Jim] Lawsuit! Lawsuit!
Jim: [Stabs Nancy in the eye with a knife] Letter opener!
Announcer: Level 3!
Jim: Ryu from Street Fighter? I didn't know you worked here!
Ryu: I don't, but that proposal was definitely due on Wednesday!
Announcer: FIGHT!!
Ryu: Hadouken![Takes 85% off of Jim's life bar.]
Jim: I'll get right on it.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Doctor: Mr. President, your vitals seem to be all right, there is however one thing thought, your midi-chloriant count is extremely high.
Bush: Does that mean I'm one of them- whata call 'em- Jedis? [thinks then uses the force to pull down the doctors pants] Heheheheheheh.
[scene change to Bush and his wife in bed]
Laura Bush: Oh not tonight, I'm tired honey.
Bush: [mind trick] You're not tired, you wanna have a threesome.
Laura Bush: [eyes widen] I'm not tired, I want to have a threesome.
Bush: [picks up telephone] Get me Condi! Heheheheh.
[scene change to a parking lot at McDonalds; Bush is about to park when Bill Clinton takes his spot]
Clinton: Awww, sorry W, Big Mac attack! Yeeeeeeeheeeew! [Bush is angry and uses the force to drop Clinton and his car in a nearby lake] Hey, what the dilly?
Bush: Heheheheheheh!
[scene change to George Bush using lightsaber to carve the words "W wuz hear" into the Lincoln Memorial] Heheh, saber beats rock.
[statue lifts up revealing Abraham Lincoln]
Bush: What the hell?
Lincoln: Who dares disturb my slumber?
Bush: Who dares question my...daring...of...his dare?...Jerk!
Lincoln: It is I...I who freed the slaves...I who-
Bush: Boring! Let's fight! [Lincoln draws a lightsaber and they begin the fight, Bush corners Lincoln]
Lincoln: If you strike me down, I shall become-- [Bush raises his saber for the kill] No, wait a minute, lemme finish-- [gets sliced and dies like Obi-Wan Kenobi inA New Hope'] Agghhh!
Bush: That'll teach you, George Washington!
[scene change to Cloud City where Darth Vader tells Luke Skywalker he is his father]
Bush: Jenna, get
Bush: Does that mean I'm one of them- whata call 'em- Jedis? [thinks then uses the force to pull down the doctors pants] Heheheheheheh.
[scene change to Bush and his wife in bed]
Laura Bush: Oh not tonight, I'm tired honey.
Bush: [mind trick] You're not tired, you wanna have a threesome.
Laura Bush: [eyes widen] I'm not tired, I want to have a threesome.
Bush: [picks up telephone] Get me Condi! Heheheheh.
[scene change to a parking lot at McDonalds; Bush is about to park when Bill Clinton takes his spot]
Clinton: Awww, sorry W, Big Mac attack! Yeeeeeeeheeeew! [Bush is angry and uses the force to drop Clinton and his car in a nearby lake] Hey, what the dilly?
Bush: Heheheheheheh!
[scene change to George Bush using lightsaber to carve the words "W wuz hear" into the Lincoln Memorial] Heheh, saber beats rock.
[statue lifts up revealing Abraham Lincoln]
Bush: What the hell?
Lincoln: Who dares disturb my slumber?
Bush: Who dares question my...daring...of...his dare?...Jerk!
Lincoln: It is I...I who freed the slaves...I who-
Bush: Boring! Let's fight! [Lincoln draws a lightsaber and they begin the fight, Bush corners Lincoln]
Lincoln: If you strike me down, I shall become-- [Bush raises his saber for the kill] No, wait a minute, lemme finish-- [gets sliced and dies like Obi-Wan Kenobi inA New Hope'] Agghhh!
Bush: That'll teach you, George Washington!
[scene change to Cloud City where Darth Vader tells Luke Skywalker he is his father]
Bush: Jenna, get
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Ron: Harry, I'm scared!
Harry: You're always scared, you chicken shit!
Ron: I can’t help it! I’m a scared, pimple-faced, red-headed, chicken shit virgin!
Harry: You're always scared, you chicken shit!
Ron: I can’t help it! I’m a scared, pimple-faced, red-headed, chicken shit virgin!
TV Show: Robot Chicken