Robot Chicken Quotes
Wembley: I see a terrible thing coming! Fire and death! There's blood everywhere! Something very bad is coming!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Barfly: You know, like the rest of the world, soccer is called "football". [Two police officials attack the barfly] Hey! Hey-- Ow! Ow! What's goin' on? Why are you touching--?
Announcer: Hello, there. What you've just seen was a dramatization of the new Asshole laws enacted by Congress, which going to effect January 1st. It's now a federal offense to point out that soccer is actually called football.
Nerd: Uh, in fact, no Star Trek episode contains the words, "Beam me up, Scotty." Agh! Ow, ow, my arm! My-- argh! Ow! Ow-how! [It's the law, asshole!]
Civilian: You know, Iceland is actually green, and Greenland is actually icy. Argh! Agh, agh-ha! Oh, help me, help me, help, me, help! [It's the law, asshole!]
Worker: Heroes is way better, because it actually answers stuff. On Lost, they don't even know what they're doing. Oof! What are you doing? No, wait! Ooh, ugh, ooh, agh, oof, ugh! [It's the law, asshole!]
Announcer: Hello, there. What you've just seen was a dramatization of the new Asshole laws enacted by Congress, which going to effect January 1st. It's now a federal offense to point out that soccer is actually called football.
Nerd: Uh, in fact, no Star Trek episode contains the words, "Beam me up, Scotty." Agh! Ow, ow, my arm! My-- argh! Ow! Ow-how! [It's the law, asshole!]
Civilian: You know, Iceland is actually green, and Greenland is actually icy. Argh! Agh, agh-ha! Oh, help me, help me, help, me, help! [It's the law, asshole!]
Worker: Heroes is way better, because it actually answers stuff. On Lost, they don't even know what they're doing. Oof! What are you doing? No, wait! Ooh, ugh, ooh, agh, oof, ugh! [It's the law, asshole!]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Princess Adora: "Shut Up! Shut Up! SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUP!!!! What does it take to get a piece of quiet around here?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Army Corps of Engineers Smurf: "Papa Smurf Papa Smurf it's smurfing like a mothersmurfer. What if the dam breaks?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Papa Smurf " This is exactly why I'm Papa Smurf and you're just...uhhh...uh...uh which smurf are you?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Papa Smurf "That Dam was smurfed by the finest construction crew the forest has to offer."
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Grandpa Smurf: "I did't evacuate when them chipmonks went rabid, and that was bad. Sure as hell ain't evacuating for a little rain. [Flood water then crushes him]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Anderson Copper: "Destruction. Devestation. A community in ruins. How did it come to this? Why did the dam fail?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Gargamel: "I've spent my entire adult life trying to find the smurf village. How did Anderson (bleep)ing Copper find it in less than a day?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Anderson Copper: " And where is the king during the greatest crisis the forest has ever known?"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Brainy Smurf: "Papa Smurf says that the king doesn't care about blue people and Papa Smurf is always right because Papa Smurf..."
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Brainy Smurf: "Usually the other smurfs kick me out of the village when I start talking too much, but... there are no smurfs left!"
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Gargamel is on the phone ordering take-out looking deppresed " Hello it's Gargamel, yes the usual. Oh with fried rice please! For one." [Hangs up phone and sighs.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Orderly: Hey, what's on the menu today?
Chef: I thought the inmates would enjoy a nice change of pace. Broccoli, baked beans, coffee ice cream, and Red Bull.
Orderly: Oh, my God.
[After dinner, the inmates are rioting, beating themselves with trays, drawing on the walls, and farting incessantly. Switches to TiVo listing, with the following dialogue unseen]
Gary: I think I've had enough of that show. Delete
["Delete? Are you sure you want to delete: Robot Chicken: "Boo Cocky?" Yes No"]
Enrique: [highlights "No" and selects. Goes up and down the queue throughout] Hey, what are you doing?
Gary: I don't want Robot Chicken on the DVR.
Enrique: No, I love Robot Chicken.
Gary: It's all farting and retards.
Enrique: Well, I like it.
Gary: Tough titties.
Enrique: Ass! We split the cable bill.
Gary: TV doesn't have to be stupid...
Enrique: I want...
Gary: [cont'd] ...it can be challenging, even brainy...
Enrique: You want something brainy on the TV. [Gunshot! Blood splatters on the screen, and the queue stops] There! Ha ha ha! Oh, man. I ain't going to prison. [Another gunshot! More blood splattered.]
Friend: [sound of opening door] Oh, my God! Gary! Enrique! I better call 911! [Dials] But I might as well watch a little Robot Chicken while I wait for the cops. [Selects "Boo Cocky" and watches. Scene goes back to the rioting, farting inmates.]
Chef: I thought the inmates would enjoy a nice change of pace. Broccoli, baked beans, coffee ice cream, and Red Bull.
Orderly: Oh, my God.
[After dinner, the inmates are rioting, beating themselves with trays, drawing on the walls, and farting incessantly. Switches to TiVo listing, with the following dialogue unseen]
Gary: I think I've had enough of that show. Delete
["Delete? Are you sure you want to delete: Robot Chicken: "Boo Cocky?" Yes No"]
Enrique: [highlights "No" and selects. Goes up and down the queue throughout] Hey, what are you doing?
Gary: I don't want Robot Chicken on the DVR.
Enrique: No, I love Robot Chicken.
Gary: It's all farting and retards.
Enrique: Well, I like it.
Gary: Tough titties.
Enrique: Ass! We split the cable bill.
Gary: TV doesn't have to be stupid...
Enrique: I want...
Gary: [cont'd] ...it can be challenging, even brainy...
Enrique: You want something brainy on the TV. [Gunshot! Blood splatters on the screen, and the queue stops] There! Ha ha ha! Oh, man. I ain't going to prison. [Another gunshot! More blood splattered.]
Friend: [sound of opening door] Oh, my God! Gary! Enrique! I better call 911! [Dials] But I might as well watch a little Robot Chicken while I wait for the cops. [Selects "Boo Cocky" and watches. Scene goes back to the rioting, farting inmates.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Marv: (narrating) I flossed and brushed my teeth again. They say, "Only floss the ones you wanna keep"; I always liked that joke. Then I swished around some mouthwash; kills gingivitis. Damn gingivitis. Leading cause of gum disease. Saw an old lady tryin' to cross the street. Grandma couldn't have been less than 90-years-old; probably seen a lot over those years; lots of stories to tell and a family that loves her.
Marv: Let me help you out, granny. Stop the cars to make sure granny could cross, I'm walkin' here! I loved that line.
Marv: Then I saw some pussy that made my heart stop. Pussy was caught up in the tree; little kid cryin' for it. Poor kid, probably not old enough to tie his shoes in his damn kitten's life is in my hands.
Marv: Here you go, buddy.
Marv: Tipped the barista $5 for my soylatte. These latte's are good; good enough to kill for, but I never do that. Killing is bad, unless you're killing gingivitis.
Marv: Let me help you out, granny. Stop the cars to make sure granny could cross, I'm walkin' here! I loved that line.
Marv: Then I saw some pussy that made my heart stop. Pussy was caught up in the tree; little kid cryin' for it. Poor kid, probably not old enough to tie his shoes in his damn kitten's life is in my hands.
Marv: Here you go, buddy.
Marv: Tipped the barista $5 for my soylatte. These latte's are good; good enough to kill for, but I never do that. Killing is bad, unless you're killing gingivitis.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
(The sketch opens to Doc's workshop Doc is with Sprocket (his pet dog), and they have an exterminator investigating Fraggle Rock)
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Doc: Well, my dog is always barking at that hole. So I figured there must be something down there.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Exterminator: Rats, snakes. Could be any number of reasons to overbill you, but I've got something that'll fix the problem.
TV Show: Robot Chicken