Roseanne Quotes
Mr. Faber: [after Roseanne quits by dramatically punching out and tossing her time-card on the floor] Well, that was a wonderful performance, Roseanne, but if any of you are considering joining her, may I point out there are two doors to this room: one that pays and one that doesn't.
[following Roseanne's lead, Jackie punches out, quitting. One by one, Vonda, Sylvia, and Crystal do the same.]
Roseanne: I guess we're not going to make our quota today, Honey-bunch.
[following Roseanne's lead, Jackie punches out, quitting. One by one, Vonda, Sylvia, and Crystal do the same.]
Roseanne: I guess we're not going to make our quota today, Honey-bunch.
TV Show: Roseanne
Jackie: It's high time that we thank the woman responsible for our emancipation: my sister, ex-Wellman employee, and a heckuva woman in her own right....What was your name again?
Roseanne: Sally Field!
Roseanne: Sally Field!
TV Show: Roseanne
Dan: [Becky walks into kitchen all dressed up] Hold it! Could this woman be my little Becky?
Darlene: Not all of her. If I were you I would check upstairs for some missing Kleenex.
Darlene: Not all of her. If I were you I would check upstairs for some missing Kleenex.
TV Show: Roseanne
Darlene: Well, just as Becky completes the line, "I'd like to thank the student council for allowing me to speak my mind," it happened.
Roseanne: What happened?
Darlene: Becky. Cut. The cheese.
Roseanne: What happened?
Darlene: Becky. Cut. The cheese.
TV Show: Roseanne
Roseanne: I heard you laid down the law.
Becky: Who's told you?
Roseanne: It was on the news... Darlene told me.
Becky: Who's told you?
Roseanne: It was on the news... Darlene told me.
TV Show: Roseanne
Crystal: Lonny told me about Becky's unfortunate accident. I'm so sorry.
Roseanne: Yeah, we're thinking about putting? her to sleep
Roseanne: Yeah, we're thinking about putting? her to sleep
TV Show: Roseanne
Dan: Hey, we missing an offspring?
Roseanne: ? Yeah, where did ya think I got the bacon?
Roseanne: ? Yeah, where did ya think I got the bacon?
TV Show: Roseanne
Jackie: You act like some big high-and-mighty, self-righteous, pedestal-type person, and you poo-poo everything in my life.
Roseanne: Yeah, and you go right for your addictive behavior. Uh, because you cannot handle conflict. That is the whole thing: you cannot handle conflict. Remember, we saw that whole thing on Oprah: People who cannot handle conflict, so right away, they run for the alcohol.
[starts nibbling another pancake]
Jackie: Well, have another shot of pancake, Roseanne.
Roseanne: Yeah, and you go right for your addictive behavior. Uh, because you cannot handle conflict. That is the whole thing: you cannot handle conflict. Remember, we saw that whole thing on Oprah: People who cannot handle conflict, so right away, they run for the alcohol.
[starts nibbling another pancake]
Jackie: Well, have another shot of pancake, Roseanne.
TV Show: Roseanne
Dan: Okay, we have thirty minutes to make this house presentable.
Darlene: Rub a lamp.
Darlene: Rub a lamp.
TV Show: Roseanne
Roseanne: (after telling Dan he made her quit her job) The hell you did!
Dan: The hell I did!
Dan: The hell I did!
TV Show: Roseanne
[Becky is demonstrating to Darlene how to kiss]
Becky: Then you open your mouth a little bit.
Darlene: You open your mouth! For what?
Roseanne: [walking into the bedroom] So, you can slip him the tongue.
Becky: Then you open your mouth a little bit.
Darlene: You open your mouth! For what?
Roseanne: [walking into the bedroom] So, you can slip him the tongue.
TV Show: Roseanne
Becky: When you first met Dad, did you want to kiss him all the time?
Roseanne: Well, somebody had to do it. And you know me: work, work, work.
Roseanne: Well, somebody had to do it. And you know me: work, work, work.
TV Show: Roseanne
Jackie: Roseanne, do you remember Mrs. Osmand?
Roseanne: Oh yeah, she was scary.
Becky: Who's Mrs. Osmand?
Jackie: Oh, she was this madwoman over on Elm Ridge who had this black haggy hair and used to dress up like a vampire and jump out at us.
Roseanne: Too bad she never did it on Halloween.
Jackie: Hey, sis, didn't she wind up in jail for the criminally insane?
Roseanne: Yeah, and I think I read somewhere that she just got released.
Darlene: Do you think she'll come back to Lanford?
Roseanne: If she's truly insane she will.
Roseanne: Oh yeah, she was scary.
Becky: Who's Mrs. Osmand?
Jackie: Oh, she was this madwoman over on Elm Ridge who had this black haggy hair and used to dress up like a vampire and jump out at us.
Roseanne: Too bad she never did it on Halloween.
Jackie: Hey, sis, didn't she wind up in jail for the criminally insane?
Roseanne: Yeah, and I think I read somewhere that she just got released.
Darlene: Do you think she'll come back to Lanford?
Roseanne: If she's truly insane she will.
TV Show: Roseanne
Roseanne: (After hearing Becky's mean attitude) Geez, I thought I was the Wicked Witch.
TV Show: Roseanne
Becky: ( To Darlene popping her head up from looking in the fridge) Why don't you shut your thin lipped little mouth!
TV Show: Roseanne
Darlene: I don't want to be expressive! I couldn't care less about poetry! I just want to graduate high school so I can get on with my life, so I can get a job and get out of this hellhole town!
Roseanne: But if you could be expressive, what would you say?
Roseanne: But if you could be expressive, what would you say?
TV Show: Roseanne
[Darlene has to recite her poem aloud]
Darlene: To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate. To whom it concerns, my mom made me write this And I'm just a kid, so how could I fight this? To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment Maybe I'll get lucky, solitary confinement. To whom it concerns, Darlene's great with a ball But guys don't watch tomboys when they're cruising the hall. To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen Too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen. To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel When I get blindsided, my pain is quite real. I don't mean to squawk, but it really burns. I just thought I'd mention it, to whom it concerns.
Darlene: To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate. To whom it concerns, my mom made me write this And I'm just a kid, so how could I fight this? To whom it concerns, I lost my assignment Maybe I'll get lucky, solitary confinement. To whom it concerns, Darlene's great with a ball But guys don't watch tomboys when they're cruising the hall. To whom it concerns, I just turned thirteen Too short to be quarterback, too plain to be queen. To whom it concerns, I'm not made of steel When I get blindsided, my pain is quite real. I don't mean to squawk, but it really burns. I just thought I'd mention it, to whom it concerns.
TV Show: Roseanne
Nerd: Away, away, why do you stay? Fly away, bird. It looks at me and still it hops, and hops, and hops. Fly away.
Roseanne: Got a gun on ya?
Nerd: It spreads it's wings, and flies away, away, it does not look back. That's it.
Roseanne: Got a gun on ya?
Nerd: It spreads it's wings, and flies away, away, it does not look back. That's it.
TV Show: Roseanne
Becky: Mother, I haven't seen you all week. You're neglecting me.
Roseanne: I know honey, but it's nothing personal. I'm neglecting your brother and sister too.
Roseanne: I know honey, but it's nothing personal. I'm neglecting your brother and sister too.
TV Show: Roseanne
D.J.: What's going on?
Becky: Got me.
D.J.: Mom, what's going on?
Roseanne: We're playing a game.
D.J.: Can I play?
Dan: No, you're too mature to play this game.
Becky: Got me.
D.J.: Mom, what's going on?
Roseanne: We're playing a game.
D.J.: Can I play?
Dan: No, you're too mature to play this game.
TV Show: Roseanne
Roseanne: I need that job, and I hate like hell that I do, but I need it. And I'm not working there because I need an allowance. I'm paying for a mortgage and putting food on the table and buying clothes for three kids. I don't think you'd even understand that. I don't think you understand anything. You're not grown up enough yet to understand that your life doesn't always turn out the way you plan it to be, and sometimes you end up doing stuff you thought you'd never do in a million years, but you still have to do it 'cause there's nothing else you can do.
TV Show: Roseanne
Roseanne: For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!
Becky: Mom, everything I do... everything I feel, it's always "she's 14." I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, "Oh, well, she's 37."
Roseanne: 36 and a half.
Becky: Mom, everything I do... everything I feel, it's always "she's 14." I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, "Oh, well, she's 37."
Roseanne: 36 and a half.
TV Show: Roseanne
Becky: J-bird, you're an experienced woman, right?
Jackie: I'm not all that experienced.
Becky: But, you have dated a lot of boys.
Jackie: Yes, and a couple of men. At least one.
Jackie: I'm not all that experienced.
Becky: But, you have dated a lot of boys.
Jackie: Yes, and a couple of men. At least one.
TV Show: Roseanne
Dan: I've never washed dishes with another woman before.
Jackie: Ha-ha. How does it feel?
Dan: Cheap.
Jackie: Ha-ha. How does it feel?
Dan: Cheap.
TV Show: Roseanne