Seinfeld Quotes
Jerry: Good meeting?
George: There was no meeting. But it was quite a meeting. You are looking at the next director of Mets scouting. The only thing is, I have to get fired from the Yankees first.
Jerry: You can do that.
George: Of course. But I really wanna leave my mark this time. You know, uh, I wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying "Wow! Now that guy got canned!"
George: There was no meeting. But it was quite a meeting. You are looking at the next director of Mets scouting. The only thing is, I have to get fired from the Yankees first.
Jerry: You can do that.
George: Of course. But I really wanna leave my mark this time. You know, uh, I wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying "Wow! Now that guy got canned!"
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Attention, Steinbrenner and front office morons: your triumphs mean nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it and rotate!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: When do you start to worry about ear hair?
Jerry: When you hear like a soft rustling.
Jerry: When you hear like a soft rustling.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: So you're pretending to be a tourist?
George: It's beautiful. She makes all the plans. I'm not from around here, so it's okay if I'm stupid. And she knows I'm only in town visiting, so there's no messy breakups.
George: It's beautiful. She makes all the plans. I'm not from around here, so it's okay if I'm stupid. And she knows I'm only in town visiting, so there's no messy breakups.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Severance package...The Yankees are giving me three months full pay for doing nothing.
Jerry: They did it for three years. What's another few months?
Jerry: They did it for three years. What's another few months?
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: What is Holland?
Jerry: What do you mean, "What is it?" It's a country right next to Belgium.
George: No, that's the Netherlands.
Jerry: Holland is the Netherlands.
George: Then who are the Dutch?
Jerry: What do you mean, "What is it?" It's a country right next to Belgium.
George: No, that's the Netherlands.
Jerry: Holland is the Netherlands.
George: Then who are the Dutch?
TV Show: Seinfeld
[Elaine and Puddy going to Europe for a month.]
Kramer: A month in Europe with Elaine? That guy's coming home in a body bag.
Kramer: A month in Europe with Elaine? That guy's coming home in a body bag.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Dean Jones: I've been reviewing Darren's internship journal. Doing laundry, mending chicken wire, high tea with a Mr. Newman?
Kramer: Well, it all sounds pretty glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica.
Dean Jones: Far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is little more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.
Kramer: And with Darren's help, we'll get that chicken!
Kramer: Well, it all sounds pretty glamorous, but it's business as usual at Kramerica.
Dean Jones: Far as I can tell, your entire enterprise is little more than a solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.
Kramer: And with Darren's help, we'll get that chicken!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: So, what’s going on?
George: Siege mentality, Jerry. They really want me out of here. They’ve downgraded me to some sort of a bunker. I’m like Hitler’s last days here.
Jerry: So, are you going to leave?
George: Oh, no! I’m vigilant. They’ll never get me out. I’m like a weed, Jerry.
Jerry: I thought you’re like Hitler in the bunker?
George: I’m a weed in Hitler’s bunker.
Jerry: I’m getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff.
George: Siege mentality, Jerry. They really want me out of here. They’ve downgraded me to some sort of a bunker. I’m like Hitler’s last days here.
Jerry: So, are you going to leave?
George: Oh, no! I’m vigilant. They’ll never get me out. I’m like a weed, Jerry.
Jerry: I thought you’re like Hitler in the bunker?
George: I’m a weed in Hitler’s bunker.
Jerry: I’m getting a little uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Frank: Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say "Serenity now!"
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
George: What is that?
Frank: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say "Serenity now!"
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, no, I do not want to stop over in Cincinnati. Well, then you upgrade me. That's right, you should thank me. Goodbye. [Hangs up] Hey, I'm flyin' first class.
Elaine: Where did that come from?
Jerry: Patty showed me how to get mad. You gotta problem with that?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Good.
Elaine: Where did that come from?
Jerry: Patty showed me how to get mad. You gotta problem with that?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Good.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: What is this?
Kramer: We're making sausages.
Jerry: I thought you were gonna watch a video.
Kramer: Well, yeah... An instructional video on how to make your own sausages.
Kramer: We're making sausages.
Jerry: I thought you were gonna watch a video.
Kramer: Well, yeah... An instructional video on how to make your own sausages.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Woman: [indicating Kramer's dummy] Why is the mailman wearing a bucket?
Kramer: Because we are blind to their tyranny.
Woman: Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?
Kramer: Because we are blind to their tyranny.
Woman: Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Hey, Jerry! Come in here a sec! Hey!
Jerry: Oh, my God!
Kramer: It's the Merv Griffin set!
Jerry: How did you get this in here?
Kramer: Oh, you just bring it in sideways and hook it.
Jerry: So where are you gonna sleep?
Kramer: Yeah... backstage.
Jerry: Oh, my God!
Kramer: It's the Merv Griffin set!
Jerry: How did you get this in here?
Kramer: Oh, you just bring it in sideways and hook it.
Jerry: So where are you gonna sleep?
Kramer: Yeah... backstage.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: [watching his home movies] Oh! Don't look. This is where they change me.
Jerry: Weren't you, like, eight years old?
George: I was seven and a half!
Jerry: Weren't you, like, eight years old?
George: I was seven and a half!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: I've sliced meat so thin, you couldn't see it.
Elaine: How did you know?
Kramer: I guess I just assumed.
Elaine: How did you know?
Kramer: I guess I just assumed.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: You went to the coffee shop without me? I told ya, I just wanted to hop in the shower.
Jerry: That was an hour ago. What were you doing in there?
Kramer: Showering. How long does it take you?
Jerry: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Ten minutes? That's kooky talk. Hey Elaine, how long do you spend in the shower?
Elaine: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Let me smell you.
Elaine: All right. Whiff away.
Kramer: [after delicately sniffing Elaine] Uh... that's not bad at all.
Jerry: That was an hour ago. What were you doing in there?
Kramer: Showering. How long does it take you?
Jerry: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Ten minutes? That's kooky talk. Hey Elaine, how long do you spend in the shower?
Elaine: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Let me smell you.
Elaine: All right. Whiff away.
Kramer: [after delicately sniffing Elaine] Uh... that's not bad at all.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: They're cloning sheep now.
Kramer: No, they're not cloning sheep. It's the same sheep! I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin show!
Kramer: No, they're not cloning sheep. It's the same sheep! I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin show!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Hey George, I'm buyin' this car!
George: Shh. What is wrong with you? You never tell them you like the car! You're not sure what you want. You don't even know why you're here!
George: Shh. What is wrong with you? You never tell them you like the car! You're not sure what you want. You don't even know why you're here!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: So, Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more "grease monkey".
David Puddy: I don't much care for that term.
Jerry: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know...
David Puddy: No, I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.
Jerry: I saw one once that could do sign language.
David Puddy: Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko.
Jerry: Yeah, Koko.
David Puddy: Right, Koko. That chimp's all right. High-five.
David Puddy: I don't much care for that term.
Jerry: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know...
David Puddy: No, I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector.
Jerry: I saw one once that could do sign language.
David Puddy: Yeah, I saw that one. Uh... Koko.
Jerry: Yeah, Koko.
David Puddy: Right, Koko. That chimp's all right. High-five.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Newman and I are reversing the peepholes on our door so you can see in.
Elaine: Why?
Newman: To prevent an ambush.
Kramer: Yeah, so now I can peek to see if anyone is waiting to jack me with a sock full of pennies.
Jerry: But then anyone can just look in and see you.
Kramer: Our policy is, we're comfortable with our bodies. You know, if someone wants to help themselves to an eyeful, well, we say "Enjoy the show."
Elaine: Why?
Newman: To prevent an ambush.
Kramer: Yeah, so now I can peek to see if anyone is waiting to jack me with a sock full of pennies.
Jerry: But then anyone can just look in and see you.
Kramer: Our policy is, we're comfortable with our bodies. You know, if someone wants to help themselves to an eyeful, well, we say "Enjoy the show."
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: You've been hiding her from us. you must really like her?
George: Ah! the minute I saw this girl, we just clicked. She's got such a nice face... hmm, her eyes, her mouth, nose...
Elaine: We know what a face consists of.
George: Ah! the minute I saw this girl, we just clicked. She's got such a nice face... hmm, her eyes, her mouth, nose...
Elaine: We know what a face consists of.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: What's that?
Jerry: It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm going to Florida for his birthday.
George: How much was it?
Jerry: Two hundred, but I'll tell him it's fifty. He doesn't care about the gift; he gets excited about the deal.
George: Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars?
Jerry: Eh, I'll tell him I got it on the street. Maybe it's hot — that's his favorite.
Jerry: It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm going to Florida for his birthday.
George: How much was it?
Jerry: Two hundred, but I'll tell him it's fifty. He doesn't care about the gift; he gets excited about the deal.
George: Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars?
Jerry: Eh, I'll tell him I got it on the street. Maybe it's hot — that's his favorite.
TV Show: Seinfeld