Seinfeld Quotes
Elaine: It's the pinky toe, what do we need it for?
Jerry: But Elaine, it's the one that goes wee wee wee all the way home!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Jerry, Brett said you ran away from him as if he were the Boogedyman!
Jerry: Boogeyman.
Elaine: Boogey?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Jerry, it's B.O.
Jerry: But the whole car smells.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: So when somebody has B.O., the "O" usually stays with the "B". Once the "B" leaves, the "O" goes with it.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Married women don't "get together". They have affairs.
George Costanza: Oh my God, an affair. That's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis, and William Holden. On the other hand it probably wouldn't cost me any money.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you can't leave
J. Peterman: I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.
Elaine: Burma?
J. Peterman: You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: My father thought George was gay.
Jerry: It must have been the singing.
Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everybody's gay.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Okay, what's your answer to number 74?
Ben: Uh, metabolic acidosis.
Elaine: No! Hypokalemia! Not metabolic acidosis! Duh!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Well, you know, I... I have watched Peterman run the company.
Cosmo Kramer: Sure you have.
Elaine: I know how to do it. Pair of pants, a stupid story, a huge markup. I can do that.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Why does everything have to be so... jokey with you?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high.
Jerry: I went out with you.
Elaine: That's because my standards are too low.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: You know, just admitting that another man is attractive doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.
George Costanza: Doesn't help.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: You were born in Italy?
Frank Costanza: Yeah, that's why I could never become president. That's also why, from an early age, I never had any interest in politics. I refuse to vote. THEY DON'T WANT ME, I DON'T WANT THEM.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [about David Puddy] Elaine, you always care when an ex-girlfriend dates. You don't want it to be someone you know and you don't want it to be someone better than you. While the latter is obviously impossible, the former still applies.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [about Newman] He lives down the street from my home. MY HOME, ELAINE. Where I sleep, where I come to play with my toys...
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [about to go watch an operation] Let's watch them slice this fat bastard up.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [as Kramer is miming emotions] Well, what does this mean?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, it's Frank and Estelle's reaction of hearing George's man-love towards She-Jerry.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [George comes out of the doctor's office looking puzzled] So how was it?
George Costanza: I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything: touch this / feel that, 75 bucks.
Jerry: Well, its a first visit.
George Costanza: Well, its 75 bucks. What, am I seeing Sinatra in there? Am I being entertained? I don't understand this. [long pause]
George Costanza: I'm only paying half.
Jerry: You can't do that.
George Costanza: Why not?
Jerry: He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says.
George Costanza: Oh no, no, no, no, no. I pay what I say.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [George plans to name his first child "Seven"] Awright, let's see. How about Mug? Mug Costanza, that's original. Or uh, Ketchup? Pretty name for a girl.
George Costanza: Alright, you having a good time there?
Jerry: [Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard] I got fifty right here in the cupboard. How about Bisquik? Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.
George Costanza: Awright already! This is a very key issue with me, Jerry. I had this name for a long time.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [Kramer enters] Hey, Jughead.
Cosmo Kramer: Hi, Archie. [to Elaine]
Cosmo Kramer: Veronica. [to George]
Cosmo Kramer: Mr. Weatherbee.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [Kramer has just returned from baseball fantasy camp] I thought you weren't coming back till Monday.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, the camp ended a few days early.
Jerry: Why?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, there was an incident.
Jerry: What happened?
Cosmo Kramer: I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [to Elaine] And yet, we've discovered another talent - posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [to Elaine] See... I have two friends. You were up, he was down. Now he's up and you're down. See how it all evens out for me?
TV Show: Seinfeld