Seinfeld Quotes
Elaine: [jokingly] Jerry, I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake... Ooooooooooha ,oooooohaaaa...
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: [after convincing his girlfriend to get a nose job] I'm going to Hell. It's that simple
Jerry: Maybe not Hell, but you're gonna run into some bad dudes
Jerry: Maybe not Hell, but you're gonna run into some bad dudes
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: It's like my brain and my penis are locked in a chess match, and I'm letting him win
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: [referring to a nose job]Peter Jennings had one.
Audrey: Really?
George: Probably. They all do. In my high school, half my graduating class had them. Of course, I'm from Long Island, so...
Audrey: Really?
George: Probably. They all do. In my high school, half my graduating class had them. Of course, I'm from Long Island, so...
TV Show: Seinfeld
Ava: Are you a vegetarian?
Jerry: Here we go...
Elaine: Yeah, I eat fish occasionally.
Ava: So you're a hypocrite.
George: Hey, I've eaten frogs, so nobody's perfect.
Jerry: Here we go...
Elaine: Yeah, I eat fish occasionally.
Ava: So you're a hypocrite.
George: Hey, I've eaten frogs, so nobody's perfect.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Oh yeah, that's right. Go ahead, go ahead, maybe you can run over a squirrel!
George: That's why we're here in America.
George: That's why we're here in America.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Agent: Unfortunately we ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don't think you do. If you did, I'd have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Sid: Moving cars from one side of the street to the other don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. My question to you is, who's putting your pants on?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Mr. Lippman: It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to plead ignorance on this thing, because if I had known that sort of thing was frowned upon...
George: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to plead ignorance on this thing, because if I had known that sort of thing was frowned upon...
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: George, this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever given me!
George: Well, good, good. Take it off. You're going to wear it out already. It's for special occasions this thing.
Kramer: What's that red dot on your sweater?
George: Well, good, good. Take it off. You're going to wear it out already. It's for special occasions this thing.
Kramer: What's that red dot on your sweater?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: All right, Coney Island. Okay, you can take the B or the F and switch for the N at Broadway Lafayette, or you can go over the bridge to DeKalb and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue, then switch to the IRT 2, 3, 4 or 5, but don't get on the G. See, that's very tempting, but you wind up on Smith and 9th street, then you got to get on the R.
Elaine: Couldn't he just take the D straight to Coney Island?
Kramer: Well, yeah...
Elaine: Couldn't he just take the D straight to Coney Island?
Kramer: Well, yeah...
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Remember, don't whistle on the elevator.
George: Why not?
Jerry: That's what Willy Loman told Biff before his interview in Death of a Salesman.
George: What, you are comparing me to Biff Loman? Very encouraging: the biggest loser in history of American literature.
George: Why not?
Jerry: That's what Willy Loman told Biff before his interview in Death of a Salesman.
George: What, you are comparing me to Biff Loman? Very encouraging: the biggest loser in history of American literature.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
Elaine: Well, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.
Jerry: Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.
Elaine: Well, maybe some mental defective put something stupid on her leg.
Jerry: Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg, she's still the one who laughed.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: By the way, how do you warm up before you play?
Noel: I just crack my knuckles and go.
Noel: I just crack my knuckles and go.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: But here it was, mountains of duck. And not fatty duck, either, but juicy, tender breasts of duck.
Jerry: Wow, she is really hungry!
Jerry: Wow, she is really hungry!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Are there terrorists on the plane? A hotel fire — is that it? Typhus? Malaria? Yellow fever? Lupus? Is it lupus?!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Aren't [postal workers] the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: [ominously] Sometimes...
George: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops! It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up! It's relentless! Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out! But the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in! And then the bar code reader breaks, and it's Publisher's Clearing House day...!
Newman: [ominously] Sometimes...
George: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops! It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up! It's relentless! Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out! But the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in! And then the bar code reader breaks, and it's Publisher's Clearing House day...!
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Is there a pinkish hue?
Jerry: A pinkish hue?
George: Yeah, a rosy glow.
Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows; women kill to have her eyebrows.
George: Who cares about eyebrows?
Jerry: A pinkish hue?
George: Yeah, a rosy glow.
Jerry: There's a hue. She's got great eyebrows; women kill to have her eyebrows.
George: Who cares about eyebrows?
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: What kind of hair?
Jerry: You know: long, dark hair.
George: Flowing?
Jerry: Flowing?
George: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.
Jerry: "Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me." Is that what you said?
George: Yeah, that's right.
Jerry: Just clarifying.
Jerry: You know: long, dark hair.
George: Flowing?
Jerry: Flowing?
George: Is it flowing? I like flowing, cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.
Jerry: "Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me." Is that what you said?
George: Yeah, that's right.
Jerry: Just clarifying.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: According to your story, Hernandez passes you and starts walking up the ramp. Then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple, striking Newman between the third and fourth rib. The spit then came off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist, causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses — in mid air, mind you — makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic loogie.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: I'm saying that the spit could not have come from behind, that there had to have been a second spitter, behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claim, that would've caused your head to pitch forward.
Elaine: So the spit could've only come from the front and to the right.
Jerry: But that's not what they would have you believe.
Newman: I'm leavin.' Jerry's a nut!
Kramer: [to Newman] Wait, wait, wait.
Jerry: The sad thing is that we may never know the real truth.
Elaine: So the spit could've only come from the front and to the right.
Jerry: But that's not what they would have you believe.
Newman: I'm leavin.' Jerry's a nut!
Kramer: [to Newman] Wait, wait, wait.
Jerry: The sad thing is that we may never know the real truth.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Keith Hernandez: [thinking] Come on, I won the MVP in '79. I can do whatever I want to.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: [Kissing Keith, thinking] Who does this guy think he is?
Keith Hernandez: [Thinking] I'm Keith Hernandez.
Keith Hernandez: [Thinking] I'm Keith Hernandez.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Did you see the way she was looking at me?
Jerry: She's a Nazi, George, a Nazi!
George: Kind of a cute Nazi, though.
Jerry: She's a Nazi, George, a Nazi!
George: Kind of a cute Nazi, though.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Eva: What was that you said about the myth of the Holocaust?
George: Oh, I said so many things. I- [a loud blast is heard] They're shooting! They're shooting!
George: Oh, I said so many things. I- [a loud blast is heard] They're shooting! They're shooting!
TV Show: Seinfeld