Seinfeld Quotes
George: Right now, I sit around pretending that I'm busy.
Jerry: How do you pull that off?
George: I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. Think about it... [puts on an annoyed face]
Elaine: Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!
Jerry: Yeah, he looks busy! Yeah!
George: I know what I'm doin.' In fact Mr. Wilhelm gave me one of those little stress dolls. All right, back to work. [puts on the annoyed face]
Jerry: How do you pull that off?
George: I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. Think about it... [puts on an annoyed face]
Elaine: Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!
Jerry: Yeah, he looks busy! Yeah!
George: I know what I'm doin.' In fact Mr. Wilhelm gave me one of those little stress dolls. All right, back to work. [puts on the annoyed face]
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Hey, you bastards.
Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?
George: I really like those sons of bitches.
Jerry: Sons of bitches?
George: Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like, uh... "Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, huh?"
Jean-Paul: Really?
George: Yeah, yeah. That's how they talk in the Major League.
Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?
George: I really like those sons of bitches.
Jerry: Sons of bitches?
George: Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like, uh... "Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, huh?"
Jean-Paul: Really?
George: Yeah, yeah. That's how they talk in the Major League.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I didn't get any bread.
Soup Nazi: Bread, two dollars extra.
George: But everybody in front of me got free bread.
Soup Nazi: You want bread?
George: Yes.
Soup Nazi: THREE dollars!
George: What?!
Soup Nazi: No soup for you!
Soup Nazi: Bread, two dollars extra.
George: But everybody in front of me got free bread.
Soup Nazi: You want bread?
George: Yes.
Soup Nazi: THREE dollars!
George: What?!
Soup Nazi: No soup for you!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Pacino? You know, Scent of A Woman? Who-ah! Who-ah!
Soup Nazi: Very good. Very good.
Elaine: Well, I—
Soup Nazi: You know something?
Elaine: Hmmm?
Soup Nazi: No soup for you!
Elaine: What?
Soup Nazi: Come back one year! Next!
Soup Nazi: Very good. Very good.
Elaine: Well, I—
Soup Nazi: You know something?
Elaine: Hmmm?
Soup Nazi: No soup for you!
Elaine: What?
Soup Nazi: Come back one year! Next!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Hello.
Soup Nazi: You. You think you can get soup? Please. You're wasting everyone's time.
Elaine: I don't want soup. I can make my own soup. "Five cups chopped Porcine mushrooms, half a cup of olive oil, three pounds celery."
Soup Nazi: [aghast] That is my recipe for wild mushroom [tries to grab the recipe].
Elaine: Yeah, that's right. I got 'em all. Cold cucumber, corn and crab chowder, mulligatawny..
Soup Nazi: Mulliga... tawny?
Elaine: You're through, Soup Nazi. Now pack it up. No more soup for you. NEXT!
Soup Nazi: You. You think you can get soup? Please. You're wasting everyone's time.
Elaine: I don't want soup. I can make my own soup. "Five cups chopped Porcine mushrooms, half a cup of olive oil, three pounds celery."
Soup Nazi: [aghast] That is my recipe for wild mushroom [tries to grab the recipe].
Elaine: Yeah, that's right. I got 'em all. Cold cucumber, corn and crab chowder, mulligatawny..
Soup Nazi: Mulliga... tawny?
Elaine: You're through, Soup Nazi. Now pack it up. No more soup for you. NEXT!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Well, you know the important thing is that you learned something.
Jerry: No, I didn't.
Jerry: No, I didn't.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Hello and welcome to Moviefone! Brought to you by the New York Times and HOT 97. Coming to theatres this Friday... [deep trailer voice-over]Kevin Bacon. Susan Sarandon. You've got to get me over that mountain! NOO! [imitates air raid effect and long scream] There's no higher place than... Mountain High. Rated R. If you know the name of the movie that you'd like to see, press 1.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Moviefone President: Hello. And welcome to your worst nightmare. I know you're in there, Cosmo Kramer, Apartment 5b. You're in big trouble now. You've been stealing my business. If you'd like to do this the easy way, open the door now. Or please select the number of seconds you'd like to wait before I break this door down. Please select now.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: She's too good.
George: Too good?
Jerry: I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
George: I see what you mean.
Jerry: I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
George: Too good?
Jerry: I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
George: I see what you mean.
Jerry: I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Frank: What is this thing, anyway?
Mrs. Ross: It's Cornish game hen.
Frank: What is that? Like a little chicken?
George: It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. [laughs] "Little chicken." It's a game bird.
Frank: Game bird?
George: Yeah.
Frank: What do you mean? Like, you hunt it?
Mr. Ross: Yes...
Frank: How hard could it be to kill this thing?
Mrs. Ross: It's Cornish game hen.
Frank: What is that? Like a little chicken?
George: It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. [laughs] "Little chicken." It's a game bird.
Frank: Game bird?
George: Yeah.
Frank: What do you mean? Like, you hunt it?
Mr. Ross: Yes...
Frank: How hard could it be to kill this thing?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Frank: Let me understand. You got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?
George: Why don't we talk about it another time?
Frank: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.
Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank: That's perverse!
George: Why don't we talk about it another time?
Frank: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.
Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank: That's perverse!
TV Show: Seinfeld
[Message on Jerry's answering machine after being informed of George's death]
Frank Costanza: Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Steinbrenner's here. George is dead. Call me back.
Frank Costanza: Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Steinbrenner's here. George is dead. Call me back.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: All right, I tell you what. You look like nice people. I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.
Ken: What?
George: Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
Carrie: I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
George: All names sound strange the first time you hear 'em. What, you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?
Ken: What?
George: Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
Carrie: I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
George: All names sound strange the first time you hear 'em. What, you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jack: I don't feel like taking a ride. Do I have to take a ride?
Jerry: He doesn't wanna take a ride.
Morty: Uh-huh.
Jack: What d'you think? I've never ridden in a Cadillac before? Believe me, I've ridden in a Cadillac hundreds of times. Thousands!
Morty: Thousands?
Jack: What? D'you think you're such a big shot now because you got a Cadillac?
Morty: [dissmissive] Ahh!
Jack: [dissmissive] Ahh!
Morty: Do you beleive that guy?
Jerry: [sarcastically] Ahh!
Jerry: He doesn't wanna take a ride.
Morty: Uh-huh.
Jack: What d'you think? I've never ridden in a Cadillac before? Believe me, I've ridden in a Cadillac hundreds of times. Thousands!
Morty: Thousands?
Jack: What? D'you think you're such a big shot now because you got a Cadillac?
Morty: [dissmissive] Ahh!
Jack: [dissmissive] Ahh!
Morty: Do you beleive that guy?
Jerry: [sarcastically] Ahh!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Newman: Look, sister, go get yourself a cup of coffee, all right? Beat it! [pushes Elaine out the door and closes it] All right, now here's the lowdown. Through a certain connection, I've been able to locate some black market shower heads. They're all made in the former Yugoslavia. And from what I hear, the Serbs are fanatic about their showers.
Jerry: Not from the footage I've seen.
Jerry: Not from the footage I've seen.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Peterman: I know what you're going through. I too once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was traveling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown. All of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste" he said. That was all it took.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I don't know what's going on here. I am not addicted to anything.
Peterman: Oh, Elaine, the toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have till 5: 00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I don't know what's going on here. I am not addicted to anything.
Peterman: Oh, Elaine, the toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have till 5: 00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Susan has this doll collection, and one of the dolls looks exactly like my mother. She likes to sleep with it.
Jerry: Wow. You were in bed with your mother last night?
George: Felt like it. I tell you, this doll is pretty spooky. It's freakin' me out, man.
Jerry: Wow. You were in bed with your mother last night?
George: Felt like it. I tell you, this doll is pretty spooky. It's freakin' me out, man.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Frank here, he's got his own billiard room.
Frank: Yes, It's, uh, it's... uh, uh... What do you call it, Kramer?
Kramer: A billiard room.
Frank: No, not billiard. Not billiards. It was... come on, already. Come on...
Kramer: What?
Frank: We call it... the, uh...
Kramer: [snaps fingers] "The Place To Be!"
Frank: "The Place To Be!" Yes! It's the place to be.
Frank: Yes, It's, uh, it's... uh, uh... What do you call it, Kramer?
Kramer: A billiard room.
Frank: No, not billiard. Not billiards. It was... come on, already. Come on...
Kramer: What?
Frank: We call it... the, uh...
Kramer: [snaps fingers] "The Place To Be!"
Frank: "The Place To Be!" Yes! It's the place to be.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Frank: It's him! It's Carlo Costanza!
Kramer: Come on. Are you sure?
Frank: I'd know him anywhere.
Maestro: I've seen that man in Tuscany. Eccentric fellow. Reputation of being kind of a village idiot.
Frank: I still say we're related.
Kramer: Come on. Are you sure?
Frank: I'd know him anywhere.
Maestro: I've seen that man in Tuscany. Eccentric fellow. Reputation of being kind of a village idiot.
Frank: I still say we're related.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out?
Jessie: Yeah... I guess you could say that..
Jerry: Right in front of me! How do you know we're not together? Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking "Champagne Coolies."
Jessie: Yeah... I guess you could say that..
Jerry: Right in front of me! How do you know we're not together? Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking "Champagne Coolies."
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: I'm telling you right now, Elaine, this guy's gonna dangle that dress in front of you like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Steinbrenner: [after smelling the calzones] Constanza is in the building! And he's not in his office! Constanza! He's got the calzone! I've got you! [runs out of his office]
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Hey, buddy. I am waiting for my shirt.
Jerry: You got your shirt in my oven?
Kramer: I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. Anyway, this is better. And it's more convenient.
Jerry: For both of us.
Kramer: And I have a lot more control. I have one shirt going for ten minutes at 325 degrees.
Jerry: What's wrong with your oven?
Kramer: I am baking a pie!
Jerry: You got your shirt in my oven?
Kramer: I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. Anyway, this is better. And it's more convenient.
Jerry: For both of us.
Kramer: And I have a lot more control. I have one shirt going for ten minutes at 325 degrees.
Jerry: What's wrong with your oven?
Kramer: I am baking a pie!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Farmer's daughter: No, Daddy, don't hurt him! I love him! Goodbye, Norman! Goodbye!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: [fixing up his pants] Yeah... Look at this, Mickey. These pants are fallin' apart, huh?
Jerry: You know, when I first met you, Kramer, you used to wear jeans all the time.
Kramer: Yeah, well, I was a different man then.
Jerry: With a different body.
Kramer: Hey, I got the body of a... taut, preteen Swedish boy.
Jerry: You know, when I first met you, Kramer, you used to wear jeans all the time.
Kramer: Yeah, well, I was a different man then.
Jerry: With a different body.
Kramer: Hey, I got the body of a... taut, preteen Swedish boy.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Susan: Since when do you smoke?
George: [coughs] I've always smoked.
Susan: I've never seen you smoke.
George: Oh, yeah? Well, I quit smokin.' I [coughs] gave it up for a w- [cough] while, but it was too tough. Y' know, [cough] I got no will power.
Susan: I don't like this one bit.
George: Well[coughs] I can't stop now [coughs] I'm addicted... [coughing, wretching] they got a hold of me.
Susan: Well, you are gonna have to quit.
George: Oh, God! [runs to the bathroom]
George: [coughs] I've always smoked.
Susan: I've never seen you smoke.
George: Oh, yeah? Well, I quit smokin.' I [coughs] gave it up for a w- [cough] while, but it was too tough. Y' know, [cough] I got no will power.
Susan: I don't like this one bit.
George: Well[coughs] I can't stop now [coughs] I'm addicted... [coughing, wretching] they got a hold of me.
Susan: Well, you are gonna have to quit.
George: Oh, God! [runs to the bathroom]
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I put a lot of thought into this, and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
Susan: A pre-nup?
George: Yeah. [Susan laughs] What's so funny?
Susan: Hahahaha... You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Haha. Yeah, give me the papers. I'll sign 'em.
Susan: A pre-nup?
George: Yeah. [Susan laughs] What's so funny?
Susan: Hahahaha... You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Haha. Yeah, give me the papers. I'll sign 'em.
TV Show: Seinfeld