South Park Quotes
Karate Instructor: Kaa-tuman-san! What are you doing?
Cartman: I'm doing some sweet banzai moves. I'm a little better than everyone else here.
Karate Instructor: Eriku-san, you must follow direction! You raku disciprine!
Cartman: Nuh-uh, I don't raku disciprine!
Cartman: I'm doing some sweet banzai moves. I'm a little better than everyone else here.
Karate Instructor: Eriku-san, you must follow direction! You raku disciprine!
Cartman: Nuh-uh, I don't raku disciprine!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Dad, aren't you supposed to, like, not drink and drive?
Randy: I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving while I'm drinking, right, boys?
Cartman: Sure, whatever, dude.
Randy: I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving while I'm drinking, right, boys?
Cartman: Sure, whatever, dude.
TV Show: South Park
Randy: How did I manage to raise such a smart kid?
Stan: I have a great teacher.
Randy: Thanks son.
Stan: No not you, my karate teacher. He's really smart.
Stan: I have a great teacher.
Randy: Thanks son.
Stan: No not you, my karate teacher. He's really smart.
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Garrison: Well I think we have all learned an important lesson, haven't we, class: if you don't make the right choices in life, you can end up being a big loser like Stan's dad.
[silence]
Mrs. Garrison: Drinking and driving is for idiots. Nobody wants to end up like Stan's dad, do they?
[silence]
Mrs. Garrison: I want you all to take a good look at Stan's dad, and say: "Is that who I wanna be in 30 years? Getting tickets and having to go to elementary-school classrooms and talk about how pathetic I am?" Thank you, Mr. Marsh, I think you have made your point.
[silence]
Mrs. Garrison: Drinking and driving is for idiots. Nobody wants to end up like Stan's dad, do they?
[silence]
Mrs. Garrison: I want you all to take a good look at Stan's dad, and say: "Is that who I wanna be in 30 years? Getting tickets and having to go to elementary-school classrooms and talk about how pathetic I am?" Thank you, Mr. Marsh, I think you have made your point.
TV Show: South Park
Field Reporter: And the Pope said, quote, "A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle. Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time."
TV Show: South Park
Randy: Well how about 4?
Stan: I think you're pushing it.
Randy: How 'bout 20?
Stan: That's not disciprine.
Randy: Right, right. Does vodka count?
Stan: Dad!
Stan: I think you're pushing it.
Randy: How 'bout 20?
Stan: That's not disciprine.
Randy: Right, right. Does vodka count?
Stan: Dad!
TV Show: South Park
Randy: Let me handle this. What seems to be the officer, problem?
Officer: ...Step out of the car, please.
Officer: ...Step out of the car, please.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? ...Joobs!
TV Show: South Park
Clyde: You guys...something's wrong with Chef. He's saying some really weird stuff.
Kyle: Like what?
Clyde: I think... I think he wants to have sex with me.
Kyle: Like what?
Clyde: I think... I think he wants to have sex with me.
TV Show: South Park
Chef: [in sound clips of his voiced mixed together] I want to stick my balls inside your rectum, Kyle. I'm gonna make love to your asshole, children. Kenny, how would you like to sodomize my black ass?
TV Show: South Park
Butters: [after seeing a police detective perform a rim job on a doll] My Uncle Bud did that to me once!
TV Show: South Park
Chef: [after meeting a large dancer at a strip club Chef's trance begins to waver] Wait a minute...
Stan: He's remembering!
Chef: Children! What have I done?
Cartman: It's okay, Chef. Go on, remember!
Chef: [singing] I'm gonna-- I'm gonna...
Kyle: Come on Chef, you can do it.
Chef: [singing] I'm gonna make love to you, woman! Gonna lay ya down by the fiyah!
The boys: YAY!
Stan: He's remembering!
Chef: Children! What have I done?
Cartman: It's okay, Chef. Go on, remember!
Chef: [singing] I'm gonna-- I'm gonna...
Kyle: Come on Chef, you can do it.
Chef: [singing] I'm gonna make love to you, woman! Gonna lay ya down by the fiyah!
The boys: YAY!
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Connolly: [about the Super Adventure Club's founder] And he lived for eternity, until he was hit by a train in 1892.
TV Show: South Park
[after hearing the Super Adventure Club's story]
Kyle: Do you realize how retarded that sounds?
Mr. Connolly: Is it any more retarded than the idea of God sending his only son down to die for our sins? Is it any more retarded that Buddha sitting beneath a tree for twenty years?
Stan: Yeah, it's way, way more retarded.
Kyle: Do you realize how retarded that sounds?
Mr. Connolly: Is it any more retarded than the idea of God sending his only son down to die for our sins? Is it any more retarded that Buddha sitting beneath a tree for twenty years?
Stan: Yeah, it's way, way more retarded.
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Connolly: If you choose not to leave, then we will have to...call security and make you leave. It will be super-embarrassing and everyone here will see!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [upon seeing Chef fall down a mountain then get torn to pieces by a mountain lion and a bear] Hey maybe he's ok, I heard the last thing you do before you die is cra-- [Chef voids bowels] Oh, nevermind.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Oh my God. They killed Chef.
Kyle: You bastards! YOU BASTARDS!
Mr. Connolly: Pity. He would've made an excellent child molester.
Cartman: Maybe he's not dead, you guys. [the others look at him] No seriously, the last thing you do before you die is crap your p-[Chef's body voids its bowels] Oh never mind.
Kyle: You bastards! YOU BASTARDS!
Mr. Connolly: Pity. He would've made an excellent child molester.
Cartman: Maybe he's not dead, you guys. [the others look at him] No seriously, the last thing you do before you die is crap your p-[Chef's body voids its bowels] Oh never mind.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: We're all here today because Chef has been such an important part of our lives. A lot of us don't agree with the choices Chef has made in the past few days. Some of us... feel hurt... and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the last week take away the memories of how much Chef made us smile. I'm gonna remember Chef as the jolly old guy who always broke into song. I'm gonna remember Chef... as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us. We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.
Randy: Yeah.
Mr. Mackey: He's right.
Kyle: And in the end, I know that somewhere out there... there's the good part of Chef...that's still alive in us all.
Randy: Yeah.
Mr. Mackey: He's right.
Kyle: And in the end, I know that somewhere out there... there's the good part of Chef...that's still alive in us all.
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Connolly: Chef, can you hear me? Say something.
Darth Chef: Hello there, children. How would you like some Salisbury steak?
Mr. Connolly: Yes, go on.
Darth Chef: And for dessert, how would you children like to suck on my chocolate salty balls?
Mr. Connolly: Oh? You mean like a chocolate candy?
Darth Chef: No, I mean my balls.
Mr. Connolly: Yes, YESS! Hahahahahahaaa!
Darth Chef: Hello there, children. How would you like some Salisbury steak?
Mr. Connolly: Yes, go on.
Darth Chef: And for dessert, how would you children like to suck on my chocolate salty balls?
Mr. Connolly: Oh? You mean like a chocolate candy?
Darth Chef: No, I mean my balls.
Mr. Connolly: Yes, YESS! Hahahahahahaaa!
TV Show: South Park
Gerald: Which cartoon is it? What cartoon'll be so insensitive as to have Muhammad as a character?
Randy: Who do you think? The cartoon that's always pushing buttons with their careless toilet humor... Family Guy!
Randy: Who do you think? The cartoon that's always pushing buttons with their careless toilet humor... Family Guy!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: That's different! I'm just a little boy! That's a cartoon! Millions of people watch it! How would you feel, Kyle, if there was a cartoon on television that made fun of Jews all the time?! Huh?!
TV Show: South Park
Chris: Freedom of speech is at stake here, don't you all see? If anything, we should all make cartoons of Muhammad, and show the terrorists and the extremists that we are all united in the belief that every person has a right to say what they want! Look, people, it's been real easy for us to stand up for free speech lately. For the past few decades we haven't had to risk anything to defend it. But those times are going to come! And one of those times is right now. And if we aren't willing to risk what we have, then we just believe in free speech, but we don't defend it!
TV Show: South Park
Mrs Garrison: Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!
Cartman: Mr. Garrison, that is ignorant and racist! Muslims are mad because of Family Guy, not because they can't jack off! Right, Wendy? [Wendy is surprised]
Wendy: ...Yeah.
Cartman: Mr. Garrison, that is ignorant and racist! Muslims are mad because of Family Guy, not because they can't jack off! Right, Wendy? [Wendy is surprised]
Wendy: ...Yeah.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Don't you ever, ever compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it's like? Everywhere I go: 'Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?' 'Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!' I am NOTHING like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangable joke after another!
TV Show: South Park
Closing voiceover: Will networks executives stand up for free speech? Or will Comedy Central puss out?
TV Show: South Park