South Park Quotes
Big Gay Al: Say, are you parents gonna stand around here all night? This meeting is for scouts only you silly gooses.
TV Show: South Park
Butters: [talking on a walkie-talkie] Just walk away! You can put a stop to all this! Just walk away and we will spare your lives! Just walk away!
TV Show: South Park
Butters: Will I eventually get to South Park if I follow this road?
Hick Gas Station Mechanic: Dat road leads to Conifer. You want ta go to South Park you gotta go down dat road. [scary road, lighting, ominous music]
Hick Gas Station Mechanic: Course I ain't never seen anyone go up that road. Six years ago a group of campers went out dere and got lost, had to eat each other to stay alive. Used to be da way to da O'Reilly house, he butchered over 50 children and kept der bodies in his cellar. But you should find an old bridge 'bout half way up. Dat bridge is cursed, ya know. Dey built it with the bones of 200 Chinese laborers who were massacred in '34. Ya, a lot of history on dat road.
Butters: Well, it's my parents' anniversary tomorrow, and they're gonna be awful sad if I'm not there with them.
Hick Gas Station Mechanic: Well, good luck den. [Butters walks away]
Butters: Oh, jeez.
Hick Gas Station Mechanic: ...or is South Park down dat road?
TV Show: South Park
Jesus: [to an old Rod Stewart in a wheel chair] Hey, Rod, great to see you. Uh, the folk are sure glad you're playing. It's giving them a lot of faith in me again. I'm sure together we can make this millennium party the best New Year's bash ever!
Rod Stewart: Poop pants.
Jesus: What?
Rod Stewart: Poop pants.
Jesus: You pooped your pants? Nurse, Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants.
Nurse: Again? Now, Mr. Stewart, what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?
TV Show: South Park
Jimmy: Knock, knock.
Cartman: Who's there?
Jimmy: Interrupting cow.
Cartman: Interrupting cow wh...
Jimmy: [interrupting] Mooo!
TV Show: South Park
Kenny: MMffm mmfmm mmmfmmm.
Stan: You can say that agian, Kenny.
Kenny: MMffm mmfmm mmmfmmm.
TV Show: South Park
Kenny: Mmmmf mmmf mmmmmf mmmmmmm mmmmf mmmmf mmmmmmmmf mmmf.
Stan: Totally, dude.
Kyle: Good point, man.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: [about Butters' cutouts of the boys] Of course, Stan's got blue eyes and I have a sharper nose, but these are pretty close!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: [after learning of Cartman's plan to destroy Family Guy] You unbelievable son of a bitch!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: All animals kill, and the animals that don't kill are stupid ones like cows and turtles and stuff.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: I've learned something today. You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
Cartman: [astonished] Tits.
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: [Cartman tries to get invited to the girls' party] [in a false girl's voice]
Eric Cartman: "Oooh, there's Cartman, we should invite him to the party for sure... " [as himself]
Eric Cartman: Fuck you, May, fuck you, Annie, fuck you, BeBe, fuck you, whatever your name is, and fuck you, bitch!
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: [waking up and walking across the hallway to the bathroom just before he discovers he's a "ginger" Cartman] [sings]
Eric Cartman: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille...
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: Come on Kyle. Just because your mom is a bitch doesn't mean that we all have to suffer.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Kyle, I told you, all kids in Colorado play hide and seek at the airport.
Stan: Yeah, as soon as we get to the concourse you'll see how much fun it is.
Kyle: This is taking too long. That flight to Connecticut is gonna leave. Hey! Can we speed things up here?
Security Officer George: Duh sorry, but ever since that It thing came out, the airlines have had to cut back on employees.
Kyle: Dude, we're the only ones here. How long does it take to get five people through security?
Security Officer George: Let's see... Five people plus times, divided... Two hours domestic, three hours international.
Kyle's Cousin: Can't we just play hide and seek at home?
Kyle: No!
Security Officer George: Aha! What's this? [removes toe nail clipper from Kenny's coat]
Security Officer George: A toe nail clipper! Die, terrorist! [shoots Kenny in the head]
Security Officer George: See, we do these checks for a reason.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: We need to go to Canada, as soon as possible.
City Wok Owner: [mock Chinese accent] Ooh, Canada, okay, that's pretty far. Gonna cost you a rot of money. Ret's see... How many people?
Kyle: Four.
City Wok Owner: Four people, Canada, cost a rot of money. Gonna be about 6,500 dorrar.
Kyle: How about 50 dorrar?
City Wok Owner: Fity dorrar? You fly to Canada cost you at-reast 3,000 dorrar.
Kyle: 55 dorra.
City Wok Owner: Hey, stop wasting my time with 55 dorrar. No way I take my plane to Canada for less than a thousand dorrar!
Kyle: Okay... Sixty dorrar.
City Wok Owner: Sixty two dorrar.
Kyle: Okay.
City Wok Owner: Okay, meet me Park County Air field, yellow sesnut, tail number 432-G. [Hangs up phone]
City Wok Owner: Hee hee. Never try to barter with a Chinese man.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Well, are there any chores I can do?
Mrs. Broflovski: Sure, Kyle. You can go to the concert after you clean your room, shovel the driveway, and bring democracy to Cuba!
Kyle: What's Cuba?
Gerald Brofloski: It's a communist country.
Kyle: Okay. Do I have to shovel the whole driveway, or just the side with the car?
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich for the same reason we rip on Butters for being wimpy.
Stan: And we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.
Kyle: And Stan for being in love with Wendy. And Cartman for being fat. And Cartman for being stupid. And Cartman for having a whore for a mom. And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Cartman: Hey. You did me already.
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: Wow, that's a lot of semen Cartman.
Eric Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Eric Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is; the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck it out of a hose.
TV Show: South Park
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [Butters is holding a Barbie doll] "Hey there, Butters, wanna slap my titties around?" Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I might get in trouble again. [he puts the doll away and begins whistling]
TV Show: South Park
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Everything is back to normal. I-I think... I think I can go back to trying to destroy the world again.
TV Show: South Park
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: Yeah, I could use some goddamn poontang, myself, right now.
TV Show: South Park
Mr. McCormick: [explaining to Kyle why he isn't as successful as Kyle's father] And do you know why? Because your Dad's Jewish!
Cartman: I heard that!
TV Show: South Park