Spaced Quotes
Agent: Don't even think about leaving the country.
Daisy: I won't... I can't afford it.
Daisy: I won't... I can't afford it.
TV Show: Spaced
[To a Star Wars: The Phantom Menace fan]
Tim: You are so blind! You so do not understand! You weren't there at the beginning. You don't know how good it was! How important! This is it for you! This jumped-up firework display of a toy advert! People like you make me sick! What's wrong with you?! Now, I don't care if you've saved up all your fifty 'p's, take your pocket money and get out!
[The little boy runs off, crying]
Tim: What a prick.
Tim: You are so blind! You so do not understand! You weren't there at the beginning. You don't know how good it was! How important! This is it for you! This jumped-up firework display of a toy advert! People like you make me sick! What's wrong with you?! Now, I don't care if you've saved up all your fifty 'p's, take your pocket money and get out!
[The little boy runs off, crying]
Tim: What a prick.
TV Show: Spaced
Bilbo Bagshot: I was like you once. Blonde hair. Scraggly little beard. Childlike ears. Full of beans, and spunk. I let my principles get in the way of things. I punched a bloke in the face once for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish.
Tim: Good for you.
Bilbo Bagshot: Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity, when what I should have said was "Dad, you're right - but let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later." [pause]The Phantom Menace was eighteen months ago, Tim!
Tim: I know Bilbo, but... it still hurts, you know? I mean, that kid wanted a Jar Jar doll!
Bilbo: Kids like Jar Jar!
Tim: Why?
Bilbo Bagshot: What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish. You don't complain about them.
Tim: Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... fuckin'... Shaft.
Tim: Good for you.
Bilbo Bagshot: Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity, when what I should have said was "Dad, you're right - but let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later." [pause]The Phantom Menace was eighteen months ago, Tim!
Tim: I know Bilbo, but... it still hurts, you know? I mean, that kid wanted a Jar Jar doll!
Bilbo: Kids like Jar Jar!
Tim: Why?
Bilbo Bagshot: What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish. You don't complain about them.
Tim: Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like... fuckin'... Shaft.
TV Show: Spaced
DSS Woman: How long have you been unemployed, Mr Bisley?
Tim: [checks watch] About an hour and a half.
DSS Woman: Have you been looking for work?
Tim: [laughs, then sees she's serious] Um, no.
DSS Woman: Why did you leave your last job?
Tim: Got fired.
DSS Woman: Why?
Tim: [nonchalantly] Uh, a difference of opinion...
DSS Woman: The Phantom Menace?
Tim: [pauses, then, surprised] Yeah...
DSS Woman: Didn't you like it?
Tim: [cautiously] No...
DSS Woman: Well, [taps nose conspiratorially] you leave this with me. I'll get you some money out in the next few days.
Tim: [checks watch] About an hour and a half.
DSS Woman: Have you been looking for work?
Tim: [laughs, then sees she's serious] Um, no.
DSS Woman: Why did you leave your last job?
Tim: Got fired.
DSS Woman: Why?
Tim: [nonchalantly] Uh, a difference of opinion...
DSS Woman: The Phantom Menace?
Tim: [pauses, then, surprised] Yeah...
DSS Woman: Didn't you like it?
Tim: [cautiously] No...
DSS Woman: Well, [taps nose conspiratorially] you leave this with me. I'll get you some money out in the next few days.
TV Show: Spaced
Twist: So, don't forget to wash your sheets...
Brian: Right.
Twist: ...and your penis.
Brian: Okay.
Brian: Right.
Twist: ...and your penis.
Brian: Okay.
TV Show: Spaced
Daisy: What are we going to do? You're unemployed. I've got no money coming in. How am I going to afford aspirational magazines?!
TV Show: Spaced
[After Tim has found a new job in a rival comic shop; Bilbo has come in]
Bilbo: [Sniffy] He should store his special editions behind the counter, not hide them away at the back of the shop. Man's insane.
Bilbo: [Sniffy] He should store his special editions behind the counter, not hide them away at the back of the shop. Man's insane.
TV Show: Spaced
Bilbo: [Stand-offish] What's Derek like as a boss?
Tim: [Stand-offish] He's okay. Don't fully agree with his policy on vintage comic display.
[Pause]
Bilbo: [Desperate] Look, Tim, I'm sorry I fired you. It was a mistake! Will you come back?
Tim: Oh, why? Things not working out with the new guy?
Bilbo: [Sheepish] You could say that.
[Flash cut to Bilbo's shop]
Tim's Replacement: Hawk the Slayer's rubbish!
[Bilbo punches him; cut back to the rival comic shop]
Tim: [Stand-offish] I see.
Bilbo: Will you come back?
Tim: Well, I like it here, Bilbo. What makes you think I want to come back?
Bilbo: This.
[Bilbo produces an answering machine from nowhere and presses play]
Tim: [On machine; sobbing] Look, B-Bilbo, t-this is Tim. Please can I come back?! I don't like it here!
Tim: [Sheepish] You got that, did you?
Bilbo: I would have come in anyway. The place just isn't the same without you there.
Tim: [Warmly] I'm already there.
Bilbo: [Alarmed] What?!
Tim: I mean I'll come back.
Bilbo: Oh, right. Frightened me for a moment there.
Tim: [Stand-offish] He's okay. Don't fully agree with his policy on vintage comic display.
[Pause]
Bilbo: [Desperate] Look, Tim, I'm sorry I fired you. It was a mistake! Will you come back?
Tim: Oh, why? Things not working out with the new guy?
Bilbo: [Sheepish] You could say that.
[Flash cut to Bilbo's shop]
Tim's Replacement: Hawk the Slayer's rubbish!
[Bilbo punches him; cut back to the rival comic shop]
Tim: [Stand-offish] I see.
Bilbo: Will you come back?
Tim: Well, I like it here, Bilbo. What makes you think I want to come back?
Bilbo: This.
[Bilbo produces an answering machine from nowhere and presses play]
Tim: [On machine; sobbing] Look, B-Bilbo, t-this is Tim. Please can I come back?! I don't like it here!
Tim: [Sheepish] You got that, did you?
Bilbo: I would have come in anyway. The place just isn't the same without you there.
Tim: [Warmly] I'm already there.
Bilbo: [Alarmed] What?!
Tim: I mean I'll come back.
Bilbo: Oh, right. Frightened me for a moment there.
TV Show: Spaced
[Tim wants to get fired from his new job]
Tim: Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.
Derek: Get out!!
Bilbo and Tim: [Joyfully] Hooray!
Tim: Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.
Derek: Get out!!
Bilbo and Tim: [Joyfully] Hooray!
TV Show: Spaced
Tim: I got me job back.
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Mike: I got me own room.
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Tim: Where's Brian?
Mike: He's standing in the garden with no clothes on.
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Mike: I got me own room.
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
Tim: Where's Brian?
Mike: He's standing in the garden with no clothes on.
Tim and Mike: [Joyfully] Ayyyeee!
TV Show: Spaced
Dexter: Have you thought any more about that rematch, Michael?
Mike: Yes and no.
Dexter: What does that mean?
Tim: It means 'yes, he's thought about it' and 'no, he doesn't want one'. [To Mike] Doesn't it?
Mike: Yes.
Dexter: So that's a 'no', is it?
Tim and Mike: [Momentarily uncertain] ... Yes.
Mike: Yes and no.
Dexter: What does that mean?
Tim: It means 'yes, he's thought about it' and 'no, he doesn't want one'. [To Mike] Doesn't it?
Mike: Yes.
Dexter: So that's a 'no', is it?
Tim and Mike: [Momentarily uncertain] ... Yes.
TV Show: Spaced
[Daisy pretending to be Philippa Forrester to interview Tim]
Daisy: This is a very large machine Tim. Take you long?
Tim: No, not really.
Daisy: Hm, fast worker?
Tim: Well why don't you come on back to my flat and we'll find out.
Daisy: I think you've already answered my question [laughs].
Tim: So you like my robot then.
Daisy: I love it. [gasp] What's this?
Tim: It's an axe. Feel the weight.
[Daisy lifts the axe. Both draw in a breath.]
Daisy: There's nothing more devastating than a big chopper.
Tim: Shhh...[places a finger over Daisy's lips] Don't cheapen this. [moves the hair from her face]
[Daisy and Tim move closer, apparently about to kiss, when Mike opens the front door.]
Mike: [suspicious] What's going on?
Tim: Uh, I was just coming - to the pub, with you.
Mike: Yeah, I think we should take the Private down to the shed.
[Mike goes to another room.]
Daisy: Hmm, what's up with Mike?
Tim: Nothing, he just, he usually likes to be Philippa.
Daisy: This is a very large machine Tim. Take you long?
Tim: No, not really.
Daisy: Hm, fast worker?
Tim: Well why don't you come on back to my flat and we'll find out.
Daisy: I think you've already answered my question [laughs].
Tim: So you like my robot then.
Daisy: I love it. [gasp] What's this?
Tim: It's an axe. Feel the weight.
[Daisy lifts the axe. Both draw in a breath.]
Daisy: There's nothing more devastating than a big chopper.
Tim: Shhh...[places a finger over Daisy's lips] Don't cheapen this. [moves the hair from her face]
[Daisy and Tim move closer, apparently about to kiss, when Mike opens the front door.]
Mike: [suspicious] What's going on?
Tim: Uh, I was just coming - to the pub, with you.
Mike: Yeah, I think we should take the Private down to the shed.
[Mike goes to another room.]
Daisy: Hmm, what's up with Mike?
Tim: Nothing, he just, he usually likes to be Philippa.
TV Show: Spaced
[Talking about the robot's axe, both covered in plasters and bruises]
Tim: I think we should lose the axe.
Mike: I like the axe.
Tim: I like my face.
Mike: I like your face.
Tim: Let's keep the axe.
Tim: I think we should lose the axe.
Mike: I like the axe.
Tim: I like my face.
Mike: I like your face.
Tim: Let's keep the axe.
TV Show: Spaced
[Trying to figure out who destroyed 'Private Iron']
Tim: I think I can guess.
Mike: This isn't the work of amateurs, Tim. Private Iron was taken apart by someone who knew what they were doing.
Tim: Right, and what happens now?
Mike: Well, if we can't fix him in time, we're automatically disqualified. Runners-up go through.
Tim: And they are?
Mike: [Gasps, as if realizing] Dexter and Cromwell!
Tim: Right.
Mike: ... So who did this?
Tim: They did!
Tim: I think I can guess.
Mike: This isn't the work of amateurs, Tim. Private Iron was taken apart by someone who knew what they were doing.
Tim: Right, and what happens now?
Mike: Well, if we can't fix him in time, we're automatically disqualified. Runners-up go through.
Tim: And they are?
Mike: [Gasps, as if realizing] Dexter and Cromwell!
Tim: Right.
Mike: ... So who did this?
Tim: They did!
TV Show: Spaced
[After having smashed Tim and Mike's robot]
Dexter: Ah, Michael. Heard about your robot. Crying shame.
Tim: What do you mean, 'crying shame'? You did it, you... fucking plum.
Dexter: Ah, Michael. Heard about your robot. Crying shame.
Tim: What do you mean, 'crying shame'? You did it, you... fucking plum.
TV Show: Spaced
Robot Club Leader: Gentlemen, welcome to Robot Club. The first rule of Robot Club is, you do not talk about about Robot Club. The second rule of Robot Club is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT Ro… wait, I… got that wrong. [Unfolding a crumpled up piece of paper and pushing up his glasses] The second rule is, no smoking.
Tim: Why aren't we allowed to smoke?
Mike: We're not allowed to talk about it.
Tim: Why aren't we allowed to smoke?
Mike: We're not allowed to talk about it.
TV Show: Spaced
Tim: Could you go and tell Mike that I need him, please?
Daisy: What for?
Tim: No reason, I just... I need him.
Daisy: What for?
Tim: No reason, I just... I need him.
TV Show: Spaced
Daisy: [To Mike working out with Marsha] Tim wants you.
Mike: Does he want me or need me?
Daisy: Needs you.
Mike: Ok then.
Mike: Does he want me or need me?
Daisy: Needs you.
Mike: Ok then.
TV Show: Spaced
Tim: You ready, Mike?
Mike: I was born ready, Timmy.
Tim: Yeah, but are you ready now?
Mike: Ummm... yeah.
Mike: I was born ready, Timmy.
Tim: Yeah, but are you ready now?
Mike: Ummm... yeah.
TV Show: Spaced
[After Sophie has recovered Tim's unflattering portrait of Damien Knox, thus saving his job interview]
Tim: How are you, Sophie?
Sophie: Fine thanks.
Tim: [Playing it cool] Good. Forgot you worked here.
Sophie: Really? [Places down another, extremely flattering, portrait of Sophie, surrounded by a love heart]
[Tim giggles nervously]
Mike: [Via walkie-talkie] Tim! That girl you fancy's coming into the office!
Tim: [Into walkie-talkie, sheepishly] Thanks, Mike.
Tim: How are you, Sophie?
Sophie: Fine thanks.
Tim: [Playing it cool] Good. Forgot you worked here.
Sophie: Really? [Places down another, extremely flattering, portrait of Sophie, surrounded by a love heart]
[Tim giggles nervously]
Mike: [Via walkie-talkie] Tim! That girl you fancy's coming into the office!
Tim: [Into walkie-talkie, sheepishly] Thanks, Mike.
TV Show: Spaced
Tyres: Are we happy?
Tim: Are we happy.
Tyres: Excellent. Mine's a pint of the black stuff.
Mike: (scoffs) You can't drink a pint of Bovril.
Tim: Are we happy.
Tyres: Excellent. Mine's a pint of the black stuff.
Mike: (scoffs) You can't drink a pint of Bovril.
TV Show: Spaced
Mike: Right, I'm off for a night of running about in the dark with a gun, so you've got to stay here and be good for your Uncle Michael. [To Colin, while polishing his glasses] So sit back, relax and get comfy, because you my friend... are going nowhere. [Looks down to see that Colin is gone; in a whimpering tone: ] Oh, bollocks!
TV Show: Spaced
[On realizing who Duane is]
Daisy: You're Duane. Duane Duane. The Duane who...
Tim: Stole my girlfriend.
Duane Benzie: That depends on how you look at it.
Daisy: I think that's how Tim looks at it.
Tim: Yes, I do.
Daisy: You're Duane. Duane Duane. The Duane who...
Tim: Stole my girlfriend.
Duane Benzie: That depends on how you look at it.
Daisy: I think that's how Tim looks at it.
Tim: Yes, I do.
TV Show: Spaced
Duane Benzie: I haven't seen you since...
Tim: Yeah, well. No hard feelings, eh?
Duane Benzie: You shot me in the bollocks, Tim.
Tim: Yeah, well, like I say. No hard feelings.
Tim: Yeah, well. No hard feelings, eh?
Duane Benzie: You shot me in the bollocks, Tim.
Tim: Yeah, well, like I say. No hard feelings.
TV Show: Spaced
[Having stolen Tim's house keys]
Duane Benzie: At last, I shall emerge the victor. At last, I shall have... revenge.
Duane Benzie: At last, I shall emerge the victor. At last, I shall have... revenge.
TV Show: Spaced
Romford Thug: This ain't grass.
Romford Thug Leader: What?
Romford Thug: It's oregano.
Romford Thug Leader: How can you tell?
Romford Thug: I'm a catering student.
Romford Thug Leader: What?
Romford Thug: It's oregano.
Romford Thug Leader: How can you tell?
Romford Thug: I'm a catering student.
TV Show: Spaced
[After crashing with the Romford thugs]
Duane Benzie: [To the leader] You bloody idiot! Do you have any idea how much this car costs? Why don't you piss off back to Romford where you belong, eh? Eh?
[He turns; the others have sneaked up behind him, like the Raptors inJurassic Park.]
Duane Benzie: [Darkly] Clever boys.
[The thugs give Duane a good kicking]
Duane Benzie: [To the leader] You bloody idiot! Do you have any idea how much this car costs? Why don't you piss off back to Romford where you belong, eh? Eh?
[He turns; the others have sneaked up behind him, like the Raptors inJurassic Park.]
Duane Benzie: [Darkly] Clever boys.
[The thugs give Duane a good kicking]
TV Show: Spaced
[Discussing Twist]
Tim: She's shallow, Brian. She's like Cordelia out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and latterly Angel, the spin off series which is set in LA.
Brian: Don't know what you're talking about.
Tim: Brian, you're such a square!
Tim: She's shallow, Brian. She's like Cordelia out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and latterly Angel, the spin off series which is set in LA.
Brian: Don't know what you're talking about.
Tim: Brian, you're such a square!
TV Show: Spaced