SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Realistic Fishhead: We interrupt this can-can to bring you this important message.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Why, that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned!
SpongeBob: I call it...the Nasty Patty!
SpongeBob: I call it...the Nasty Patty!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Realistic Fishhead: We interrupt your laughing at other people's expense to bring you this important news bulletin.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Now SpongeBob, when we get to the Krusty Krab I want you to take that shovel and stuff-I mean stow it in the freezer. Understand?
SpongeBob: I understand Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo--
Mr. Krabs: [clamps his claw over SpongeBob's mouth] Bottles of soda! Bottles of soda, same thing, put 'em in the freezer.
SpongeBob: I understand Mr. Krabs, but what do you want me to do with the bo--
Mr. Krabs: [clamps his claw over SpongeBob's mouth] Bottles of soda! Bottles of soda, same thing, put 'em in the freezer.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: [after the officer asks for ice] Ice?! There's never been any ice! Ice is just a myth!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Nancy O'Malley: You people act like you’ve committed a murder.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, I confess! SpongeBob killed him!
SpongeBob: What?! You can't pin this whole rep on me!
Mr. Krabs: He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along!
SpongeBob: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea!
Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!
SpongeBob: HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! It's not what you think!
Nancy O'Malley: What are you two talking about?
Mr. Krabs: We killed a health inspector!! Buried him, and then stuffed his body in the freezer!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, I confess! SpongeBob killed him!
SpongeBob: What?! You can't pin this whole rep on me!
Mr. Krabs: He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along!
SpongeBob: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea!
Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!
SpongeBob: HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! It's not what you think!
Nancy O'Malley: What are you two talking about?
Mr. Krabs: We killed a health inspector!! Buried him, and then stuffed his body in the freezer!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[After an imaginary avalanche]
Patrick: [weakly] Hold me.
SpongeBob: [sobbing] Hang in there, buddy, the chopper's on the way.
Patrick: SpongeBob, my legs are frozen solid. You'll have to cut them off with the saw.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I can't do that.
Patrick: Why not?
SpongeBob: [in anguish] Because I already cut off my own arms!
Patrick: NOOOOOOOOO!
Patrick: [weakly] Hold me.
SpongeBob: [sobbing] Hang in there, buddy, the chopper's on the way.
Patrick: SpongeBob, my legs are frozen solid. You'll have to cut them off with the saw.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I can't do that.
Patrick: Why not?
SpongeBob: [in anguish] Because I already cut off my own arms!
Patrick: NOOOOOOOOO!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: How are you doing that?
SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.
Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.
SpongeBob: And...imagination![forms a rainbow with his hands]
Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination?! I have more imagination in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies!
Patrick: That's good! Now all you need is a box.
SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet.
Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
Patrick: Well, that's easy. All you need is a box.
SpongeBob: And...imagination![forms a rainbow with his hands]
Squidward: Are you trying to say I have no imagination?! I have more imagination in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies!
Patrick: That's good! Now all you need is a box.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: All right, where is it?
Patrick: [head pokes out of the hat box] Here I am!
SpongeBob: Where's what, Squidward?
Squidward: Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
SpongeBob: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward.
Squidward: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward" me!
SpongeBob: But we don't.
Patrick: We have a tape recorder box.
Suidward: Alright, make way you 2, I am coming in.
Patrick: [head pokes out of the hat box] Here I am!
SpongeBob: Where's what, Squidward?
Squidward: Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
SpongeBob: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward.
Squidward: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward" me!
SpongeBob: But we don't.
Patrick: We have a tape recorder box.
Suidward: Alright, make way you 2, I am coming in.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Squidward turns on the television]
Narrator: ...it is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.
[Squidward changes the channel]
Professor: The equation is illustrated here by this box.
[Squidward changes the channel]
Male Fish: I couldn't afford you a present this year, so I got you this box. [shows her a box]
Female Fish: [joyfully] That's what I got you too!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on TV that isn't about boxes?
[Squidward changes the channel]
Announcer: ...and welcome back to Championship Boxing.
Squidward: [laughs] Well, I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not really about boxes.
[2 cardboard boxes start sliding at each other in the boxing ring]
Squidward: I give up.
Narrator: ...it is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.
[Squidward changes the channel]
Professor: The equation is illustrated here by this box.
[Squidward changes the channel]
Male Fish: I couldn't afford you a present this year, so I got you this box. [shows her a box]
Female Fish: [joyfully] That's what I got you too!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on TV that isn't about boxes?
[Squidward changes the channel]
Announcer: ...and welcome back to Championship Boxing.
Squidward: [laughs] Well, I guess this is okay. I mean, it's not really about boxes.
[2 cardboard boxes start sliding at each other in the boxing ring]
Squidward: I give up.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Can I be Mr. Krabs?
Squidward: No! Wait, why?
SpongeBob: He's a good leader.
Squidward: No! Wait, why?
SpongeBob: He's a good leader.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Squidward answers his door to find Patrick with a mouthful of snow trying to tell him something]
Squidward: Oh. Patrick. What an unpleasant surprise.
[Patrick tries to mime what he needs to Squidward]
Squidward: [with mock enthusiasm] Oh, boy, nothing like a game of charades.
[At last Patrick regains his ability to talk properly]
Patrick: [in one breath] I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow, but the snow melted and turned into water and I drank all the water, now I'm better.
[There is a brief moment of silence]
Squidward: [deadpan] Fascinating. [shuts the door in Patrick's face]
Patrick: [knocks on door again] Can I use your bathroom?
Squidward: Patrick, go use your own bathroom.
Patrick: I don't think I can make it, please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: PLEASE.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: PLEASE!
Squidward: All right, make it quick.
Patrick: ...That's okay.
Squidward: Oh. Patrick. What an unpleasant surprise.
[Patrick tries to mime what he needs to Squidward]
Squidward: [with mock enthusiasm] Oh, boy, nothing like a game of charades.
[At last Patrick regains his ability to talk properly]
Patrick: [in one breath] I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow, but the snow melted and turned into water and I drank all the water, now I'm better.
[There is a brief moment of silence]
Squidward: [deadpan] Fascinating. [shuts the door in Patrick's face]
Patrick: [knocks on door again] Can I use your bathroom?
Squidward: Patrick, go use your own bathroom.
Patrick: I don't think I can make it, please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: PLEASE.
Squidward: No.
Patrick: PLEASE!
Squidward: All right, make it quick.
Patrick: ...That's okay.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: Hey, that looks like the toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!
Mr. Krabs: Er... no! That's not a toilet plunger! It's an... ancient soup ladle! [Flips red part of plunger upside down.]
Patrick: Wow was I using mine wrong! How much?
Mr. Krabs: Five bucks.
Patrick: I've only got seven.
Mr. Krabs: Deal.
Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.
Mr. Krabs: Er... no! That's not a toilet plunger! It's an... ancient soup ladle! [Flips red part of plunger upside down.]
Patrick: Wow was I using mine wrong! How much?
Mr. Krabs: Five bucks.
Patrick: I've only got seven.
Mr. Krabs: Deal.
Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Mr. Krabs draws a picture of a ghost on a piece of notebook paper. Attaching it to a piece of string, he dangles it over SpongeBob's bed, through an adjacent window]
Mr. Krabs: [in a haunting manner] OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!
SpongeBob: OH MY GOSH! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!
[Mr. Krabs, remembering that the opposite page was recently used as list of groceries, flips the page over]
Mr. Krabs: I'M NOT A SHOPPING LIST, I'M A GHOOOOOOOOOOSTT!!
SpongeBob: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mr. Krabs: [in a haunting manner] OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!
SpongeBob: OH MY GOSH! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!
[Mr. Krabs, remembering that the opposite page was recently used as list of groceries, flips the page over]
Mr. Krabs: I'M NOT A SHOPPING LIST, I'M A GHOOOOOOOOOOSTT!!
SpongeBob: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Mr. Krabs sees Squidward place a bouquet of flowers on a grave. After Squidward walks away, Mr. Krabs moves closer and reads what's on the headstone]
Mr. Krabs: "Here Lies Squidward's Hopes and Dreams." What a baby.
Mr. Krabs: "Here Lies Squidward's Hopes and Dreams." What a baby.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Just think about what Spongebob said-- what was it?
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Mr. Krabs: No...not that...
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] You'll never guess what I found in my sock last night! Go ahead, guess!
Mr. Krabs: No, no, no, no, no!
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] It was his hat, Mr. Krabs! HE WAS NUMBER 1!
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Mr. Krabs: No...not that...
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] You'll never guess what I found in my sock last night! Go ahead, guess!
Mr. Krabs: No, no, no, no, no!
SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] It was his hat, Mr. Krabs! HE WAS NUMBER 1!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs, Pearl, & Squidward: [singing] The Krusty Krab! Come spend your money here!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Next thing you know people'll start opening doors for me!
[A man opens a door to go inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob thinks that the man is holding the door open for him]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Why sir, I'm flattered!
Man: [smells the air] Really? I don't smell anything.
Spongebob: [laughs] You're on your way kid!
[A man opens a door to go inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob thinks that the man is holding the door open for him]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Why sir, I'm flattered!
Man: [smells the air] Really? I don't smell anything.
Spongebob: [laughs] You're on your way kid!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Old Man Jenkins: Hey, I saw you on TV last night.
SpongeBob: You did?
Old Man Jenkins: Yeah, you were in a commercial!
[Match-cut to a commercial for "Bran Flakes" that Old Man Jenkins saw]
SpongeBob: You're right, I was! Wow, he recognized me! Well, I have to go to work. See you later, old man!
Old Man Jenkins: Yep, see you later Bran Flakes! What a nice cereal box...
SpongeBob: You did?
Old Man Jenkins: Yeah, you were in a commercial!
[Match-cut to a commercial for "Bran Flakes" that Old Man Jenkins saw]
SpongeBob: You're right, I was! Wow, he recognized me! Well, I have to go to work. See you later, old man!
Old Man Jenkins: Yep, see you later Bran Flakes! What a nice cereal box...
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Spongebob: Remember, if you need anything, i'm here for you, because you and me? We're like brothers, only closer....
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it. Two, you stole it. And three, YOU STOLE IT!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary! Squidward is not a free-loader! And he'd never take advantage of me!
SpongeBob: Gary! Squidward is not a free-loader! And he'd never take advantage of me!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[After Squidward has stayed with them for quite a while]
Gary: [wearily] Meow, meow.
SpongeBob: I KNOW HE STILL ISN'T LOOKING FOR WORK! DON'T RUB IT IN!!
Gary: [wearily] Meow, meow.
SpongeBob: I KNOW HE STILL ISN'T LOOKING FOR WORK! DON'T RUB IT IN!!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [presenting a glass of lemonade to Squidward] Here you are, Your Majesty.
Squidward: I can't drink this!
SpongeBob: Why not?
Squidward: Are you blind? Just look at it!
SpongeBob: What about it?
Squidward: That lemon has three seeds in it! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd-numbered!
SpongeBob: Fine, I'll take it out!
Squidward: It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!
SpongeBob: [muttering] That makes two things in this house that won't work.
Squidward: Then go fix them.
SpongeBob: [louder] Two things that won't...work!
Squidward: I can't drink this!
SpongeBob: Why not?
Squidward: Are you blind? Just look at it!
SpongeBob: What about it?
Squidward: That lemon has three seeds in it! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd-numbered!
SpongeBob: Fine, I'll take it out!
Squidward: It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!
SpongeBob: [muttering] That makes two things in this house that won't work.
Squidward: Then go fix them.
SpongeBob: [louder] Two things that won't...work!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob is putting on a puppet show through his TV unbeknownst to Squidward]
Puppet #1: Hey, where you goin'?
Puppet #2: To my job!
Puppet #1: You have a job?
Puppet #2: Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day!
Puppet #1: Say, where can I find one of these...jobs?
Puppet #2: Oh, they're everywhere. They'll even hire you if you're green and have six tentacles!
Puppet #1: Thanks! I'm gonna get one so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!
Puppet #1: Hey, where you goin'?
Puppet #2: To my job!
Puppet #1: You have a job?
Puppet #2: Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day!
Puppet #1: Say, where can I find one of these...jobs?
Puppet #2: Oh, they're everywhere. They'll even hire you if you're green and have six tentacles!
Puppet #1: Thanks! I'm gonna get one so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants