SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Patrick: [after SpongeBob refuses to leave his house] I guess I'll have to find a new best friend... Hey Squidward--
Squidward: No! [slams window shut]
Squidward: No! [slams window shut]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: I don't need the wish, Penny. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joy of staying indoors: [singing] I know of a place... where you never get harmed... a magical place... with magical charms... Indoors! Indoors! [sustained] Iiiindoooors~! [normal voice] Take it away, Penny!
[A brief pause, showing his personified Penny clearly not doing anything.]
Patrick: [shedding a tear] That Penny has the most beautiful voice.
[A brief pause, showing his personified Penny clearly not doing anything.]
Patrick: [shedding a tear] That Penny has the most beautiful voice.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Land: Where a kid can have fun...for the right price!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: You said you would bring Krabby the Clown. But all I saw out there was...Cheapy the Cheapskate!
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! [rubs the clown nose on his shirt, which turns out red] Now, put this tomato in the oven before it spoils.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! [rubs the clown nose on his shirt, which turns out red] Now, put this tomato in the oven before it spoils.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Ah, Squidward, you've waited a long time for this. A soft bed, warm tea, a good book, and two whole days with no [imitates SpongeBob's laugh].
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Squidward starts playing sour notes on his clarinet]
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [takes a marshmallow and a slingshot and takes aim] I'll save you, Squidward!
[SpongeBob fires the marshmallow into Squidward's clarinet. It goes all the way into the back of Squidward's throat. At once the music stops and Squidward falls over backward. SpongeBob rushes over and kneels at Squidward's side]
SpongeBob: [frantically] Squidward, are you all right? [guides Squidward's jaw up and down] That's it, chew, chew! Now swallow. [Squidward swallows, and gasps loudly for air] There, better?
Squidward: [angrily] Better?! I was just fine until you launched that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [takes a marshmallow and a slingshot and takes aim] I'll save you, Squidward!
[SpongeBob fires the marshmallow into Squidward's clarinet. It goes all the way into the back of Squidward's throat. At once the music stops and Squidward falls over backward. SpongeBob rushes over and kneels at Squidward's side]
SpongeBob: [frantically] Squidward, are you all right? [guides Squidward's jaw up and down] That's it, chew, chew! Now swallow. [Squidward swallows, and gasps loudly for air] There, better?
Squidward: [angrily] Better?! I was just fine until you launched that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Patrick's right, Squidward. Sea bears are no laughing matter. Like, once, I met this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin--
Squidward: You're right! I should be more careful.
Squidward: You're right! I should be more careful.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: I call this one "The Campfire Song" song.
Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
Patrick: BUM BUM BUM...
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song [Patrick not keeping up]
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, PATRICK!
Patrick: Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E!
SpongeBob: Squidward!
[Squidward says nothing]
SpongeBob: Good!
It'll help...
It'll help...
If you just sing along![SpongeBob screams and breaks his guitar; Patrick slams a drum over his head]
SpongeBob: OH, YEAH!! Now, wasn't that relaxing?
Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song
Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
Patrick: BUM BUM BUM...
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song [Patrick not keeping up]
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, PATRICK!
Patrick: Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E!
SpongeBob: Squidward!
[Squidward says nothing]
SpongeBob: Good!
It'll help...
It'll help...
If you just sing along![SpongeBob screams and breaks his guitar; Patrick slams a drum over his head]
SpongeBob: OH, YEAH!! Now, wasn't that relaxing?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Well, you two astronauts can eat marshmallows. I'm going to have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls, just as soon as I can get my can opener.
SpongeBob: But Squidward, didn't you take a can opener with you when you hiked out here?
Squidward: Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house.
SpongeBob: But Squidward, didn't you take a can opener with you when you hiked out here?
Squidward: Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Why don't you tell me all the things I shouldn't do, if I want to keep the sea bears away?
SpongeBob: Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.
Squidward: Okay. And?
SpongeBob: Never wave a flashlight back and forth really fast.
Patrick: Flashlights are their natural prey.
Squidward: You're kidding.
SpongeBob: Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
Squidward: [jotting down notes onto a pad of paper] Go on!
SpongeBob: Never eat cheese.
Squidward: Sliced, or cubed?
[Patrick and SpongeBob have a quick discussion]
SpongeBob: Cubed. Sliced is fine.
Squidward: Yeah? Yeah?
SpongeBob: Never wear a sombrero--
Patrick: --in a goofy fashion.
SpongeBob: Or clown shoes.
Patrick: Or a hoop skirt.
SpongeBob: And never--
Patrick: --ever--
SpongeBob: --EVER--
Patrick: GUH!
SpongeBob & Patrick: --screech like a chimpanzee!
Squidward: Wow! It's amazing how so many things can set a sea bear off.
SpongeBob & Patrick: [hugging each other] They're horrible!
Squidward: And, all of a sudden, I have the sense we're all in danger.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Why?
Squidward: I don't know. [disappears and returns two seconds later wearing a sombrero, a hoop skirt, clown shoes, and holding a flashlight in one hand and a platter of cubed cheese in the other] Just a feeling!
SpongeBob: No.
Squidward: Yes.
SpongeBob: No!
[Squidward starts screeching like a chimpanzee]
SpongeBob & Patrick: SQUIDWARD, PLEASE DON'T!
[Squidward screeches like a chimpanzee louder, leaning left and r
SpongeBob: Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.
Squidward: Okay. And?
SpongeBob: Never wave a flashlight back and forth really fast.
Patrick: Flashlights are their natural prey.
Squidward: You're kidding.
SpongeBob: Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
Squidward: [jotting down notes onto a pad of paper] Go on!
SpongeBob: Never eat cheese.
Squidward: Sliced, or cubed?
[Patrick and SpongeBob have a quick discussion]
SpongeBob: Cubed. Sliced is fine.
Squidward: Yeah? Yeah?
SpongeBob: Never wear a sombrero--
Patrick: --in a goofy fashion.
SpongeBob: Or clown shoes.
Patrick: Or a hoop skirt.
SpongeBob: And never--
Patrick: --ever--
SpongeBob: --EVER--
Patrick: GUH!
SpongeBob & Patrick: --screech like a chimpanzee!
Squidward: Wow! It's amazing how so many things can set a sea bear off.
SpongeBob & Patrick: [hugging each other] They're horrible!
Squidward: And, all of a sudden, I have the sense we're all in danger.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Why?
Squidward: I don't know. [disappears and returns two seconds later wearing a sombrero, a hoop skirt, clown shoes, and holding a flashlight in one hand and a platter of cubed cheese in the other] Just a feeling!
SpongeBob: No.
Squidward: Yes.
SpongeBob: No!
[Squidward starts screeching like a chimpanzee]
SpongeBob & Patrick: SQUIDWARD, PLEASE DON'T!
[Squidward screeches like a chimpanzee louder, leaning left and r
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Squidward has just been pummeled by a vicious sea bear]
SpongeBob: Quick, jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back!
Patrick: Yeah, sea bears often attack more than once!
Squidward: Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!
SpongeBob & Patrick: No!
[The sea bear comes back and starts mauling Squidward again]
SpongeBob: Don't run! Sea bears hate that!
Squidward: Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then.
SpongeBob & Patrick: No!
[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up even more]
SpongeBob: They hate limping more than running!
Squidward: Well, maybe I'll just...
[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up again]
SpongeBob: I should have warned you about crawling.
[The sea bear attacks Squidward yet again]
Squidward: What'd I do that time?
SpongeBob: I don't know. I guess he just doesn't like you!
Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else!
[SpongeBob throws Squidward a stick]
SpongeBob: Here, draw a circle!
Squidward: Okay.
[The sea bear comes back and attacks once more]
SpongeBob: That was an oval. It has to be a circle!
Squidward: Move over!
[Squidward, bruised and bandaged, joins SpongeBob and Patrick inside their anti-sea-bear circle. The sea bear comes back, but then notices the circle, so he cannot attack. Instead, he merely growls angrily at Squidward, and leaves]
Squidward: It worked! You guys saved my life! [They cheer]
SpongeBob: Yeah. Good thing it was just a sea bear. This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros.
Squidward: What attracts those?
Patrick: The sound of a
SpongeBob: Quick, jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back!
Patrick: Yeah, sea bears often attack more than once!
Squidward: Are you crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!
SpongeBob & Patrick: No!
[The sea bear comes back and starts mauling Squidward again]
SpongeBob: Don't run! Sea bears hate that!
Squidward: Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then.
SpongeBob & Patrick: No!
[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up even more]
SpongeBob: They hate limping more than running!
Squidward: Well, maybe I'll just...
[The sea bear comes back and beats Squidward up again]
SpongeBob: I should have warned you about crawling.
[The sea bear attacks Squidward yet again]
Squidward: What'd I do that time?
SpongeBob: I don't know. I guess he just doesn't like you!
Patrick: Pretend to be somebody else!
[SpongeBob throws Squidward a stick]
SpongeBob: Here, draw a circle!
Squidward: Okay.
[The sea bear comes back and attacks once more]
SpongeBob: That was an oval. It has to be a circle!
Squidward: Move over!
[Squidward, bruised and bandaged, joins SpongeBob and Patrick inside their anti-sea-bear circle. The sea bear comes back, but then notices the circle, so he cannot attack. Instead, he merely growls angrily at Squidward, and leaves]
Squidward: It worked! You guys saved my life! [They cheer]
SpongeBob: Yeah. Good thing it was just a sea bear. This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros.
Squidward: What attracts those?
Patrick: The sound of a
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Oh no, Squidward, sea bears are all too real! It says so in the Bikini Bottom Inquirer! (holds up the magazine)
Squidward: (reads cover) "I Married a Sea Bear?
Patrick: Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly! (holds up the magazine)
Squidward: (reads cover) "Sea Bears and Fairy Tales Are Real?" That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!
Squidward: (reads cover) "I Married a Sea Bear?
Patrick: Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly! (holds up the magazine)
Squidward: (reads cover) "Sea Bears and Fairy Tales Are Real?" That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Let me guess. It's at home. Under your mattress.
[Mr. Krabs gasps, then runs home at top speed]
Mr. Krabs: Curse you, Squidward!
[Mr. Krabs gasps, then runs home at top speed]
Mr. Krabs: Curse you, Squidward!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, why don't you hose out the men's room?
SpongeBob: With pleasure, sir!
SpongeBob: With pleasure, sir!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You knew I would never distrust a dollar!
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. Now hand over the secret krabby patty formula!
Mr. Krabs: Or what?
Plankton: I don't know. I'd never thought I'd get this far.
Mr. Krabs: Well, then, allow me to suggest your next move.
Plankton: [while being flushed down a toilet] YEEEEOOOOOOWWWW! Curse you, Krabs!
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. Now hand over the secret krabby patty formula!
Mr. Krabs: Or what?
Plankton: I don't know. I'd never thought I'd get this far.
Mr. Krabs: Well, then, allow me to suggest your next move.
Plankton: [while being flushed down a toilet] YEEEEOOOOOOWWWW! Curse you, Krabs!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Karen: It's not that big a deal. You just require a little help. Maybe some henchmen?
Plankton: Henchmen?
Karen: Yes. All you need to do is surround yourself with muscular tough guys that will do whatever you say.
Plankton: I like the sound of that. I'll canvass all the seediest lowbrow dives in town to find my minions. And I know just how to speak their language. [to some big guys playing pool] Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropiate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles! WHO WILL JOIN ME?!
Plankton: Henchmen?
Karen: Yes. All you need to do is surround yourself with muscular tough guys that will do whatever you say.
Plankton: I like the sound of that. I'll canvass all the seediest lowbrow dives in town to find my minions. And I know just how to speak their language. [to some big guys playing pool] Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropiate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles! WHO WILL JOIN ME?!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr Krabs: Curse you, Plankton, and your ability to join together to form a working human ear!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Plankton: Victory, thy name is Plankton! [turns around, revealing a paper taped to his back which says "SHELDON"]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: Wait! You can't look at the formula!
Plankton: Begging won't help.
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you! You won't be able to handle the truth! There are some things in this world that weren't meant for mortal eyes!
Plankton: Eye.
Mr. Krabs: Eye.
Plankton: I don't care! Drumroll, please! [taps a snare drum] Finally, after all these years, I'm about to find out what makes a krabby patty taste so good! The secret recipe for one krabby patty is a pinch of salt...
Mr. Krabs: No, Plankton!
Plankton: ...three teaspoons of chopped onions...
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning you!
Plankton: ...a cup of love...
Mr. Krabs: Don't do it!
Plankton: ...mixed together with the most important ingredient of all...four heaping pounds of freshly ground...plankton? [looks at Mr. Krabs in shock]
Mr. Krabs: I warned ya.
Plankton: Begging won't help.
Mr. Krabs: I'm telling you! You won't be able to handle the truth! There are some things in this world that weren't meant for mortal eyes!
Plankton: Eye.
Mr. Krabs: Eye.
Plankton: I don't care! Drumroll, please! [taps a snare drum] Finally, after all these years, I'm about to find out what makes a krabby patty taste so good! The secret recipe for one krabby patty is a pinch of salt...
Mr. Krabs: No, Plankton!
Plankton: ...three teaspoons of chopped onions...
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning you!
Plankton: ...a cup of love...
Mr. Krabs: Don't do it!
Plankton: ...mixed together with the most important ingredient of all...four heaping pounds of freshly ground...plankton? [looks at Mr. Krabs in shock]
Mr. Krabs: I warned ya.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Plankton: Can I have the secret formula?
Mr. Krabs: No.
Plankton: Okay. (walks away)
Mr. Krabs: (voiceover) But he was persistent!
Plankton: (comes back) Pretty please?
Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh.
Mr. Krabs: No.
Plankton: Okay. (walks away)
Mr. Krabs: (voiceover) But he was persistent!
Plankton: (comes back) Pretty please?
Mr. Krabs: Uh-uh.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Plankton: Attention, Krusty Krab management. This is your better speaking.
Mr. Krabs: What?!
Plankton: I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: ZOMBIE!
Plankton: Zombie! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Mr. Krabs: What?!
Plankton: I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: ZOMBIE!
Plankton: Zombie! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: The most important meal of the day; serving it up Gary's way! BAA! Enjoy buddy. Hmm, you know, I've been feeding this to Gary for years and I don't even know what it tastes like. [tastes the snail food; his face turns green] BLEHHHHHHHH!*Echos*
[In snail food headquarters]
Woman: What is it, Peterson?
Peterson: I don't know, I feel...a disturbance.
[In snail food headquarters]
Woman: What is it, Peterson?
Peterson: I don't know, I feel...a disturbance.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Old Man Jenkins: I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Spongebob: Why am I doing this? I don't even know you.
Dennis: We went to elementary school together.
Spongebob: Dennis!?
Dennis: We went to elementary school together.
Spongebob: Dennis!?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Another day, another migraine. [laughs] Mi--
Computer Voice: On Time Percentage: 12%
Squidward: --graine.
Computer Voice: On Time Percentage: 12%
Squidward: --graine.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Tattle-tale Strangler: For all we know, he could be the Strangler.
Patrick: I'm the Strangler? I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! Aaah! [runs out to the police station, smashing though SpongeBob's house's wall on the way]
Spongebob So Patrick's the Strangler. [the Strangler starts fuming] Gee, ya think you know a guy-
Strangler: HE'S NOT THE STRANGLER!!!!
Spongebob: He's not?
Strangler: [tears off phoney moustache]I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spongebob: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?
Strangler: Aw, it's a fake you idiot! I bought it at the party store!!!!!!
Squidward: Did somebody say party?
Patrick: I'm the Strangler? I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! Aaah! [runs out to the police station, smashing though SpongeBob's house's wall on the way]
Spongebob So Patrick's the Strangler. [the Strangler starts fuming] Gee, ya think you know a guy-
Strangler: HE'S NOT THE STRANGLER!!!!
Spongebob: He's not?
Strangler: [tears off phoney moustache]I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spongebob: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?
Strangler: Aw, it's a fake you idiot! I bought it at the party store!!!!!!
Squidward: Did somebody say party?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Hmm, let's see, paper towels. [takes a roll off the shelf] This one says "best paper towel around." [takes another roll off the shelf] This one says "best paper towel in town." Hmm. [comparing the two] In town, around, in town, around. [turns to the Tattletale Strangler] What do you think bodyguard?
Tattle-tale Strangler: [irritated] Whichever gets us to your house quicker!
SpongeBob: I'll take both!
Tattle-tale Strangler: [irritated] Whichever gets us to your house quicker!
SpongeBob: I'll take both!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Clerk: [gives Spongebob his dry cleaning] Here you go Mr. Squarepants.
SpongeBob: Hmm...
Clerk: Is there something wrong?
SpongeBob: I'm not sure these are my pants.
SpongeBob: Hmm...
Clerk: Is there something wrong?
SpongeBob: I'm not sure these are my pants.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants