SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Barnacle Boy: Time to come out of retirement! There's evil afoot!
Mermaid Man: EVIL! Where is it?
Barnacle Boy: [pointing to SpongeBob and Patrick] There it is! You know what this means? [opens box containing their rings]
Mermaid Man: Donuts!
Mermaid Man: EVIL! Where is it?
Barnacle Boy: [pointing to SpongeBob and Patrick] There it is! You know what this means? [opens box containing their rings]
Mermaid Man: Donuts!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Let me guess, Tiny. A small salad?
Bubble Bass: I'll take a double triple barfy deluxe, on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease. Make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
[Squidward stops writing the order after Bubble Bass begins to say "Make it cry"]
Squidward: We serve food here, sir.
Bubble Bass: I'll take a double triple barfy deluxe, on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease. Make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
[Squidward stops writing the order after Bubble Bass begins to say "Make it cry"]
Squidward: We serve food here, sir.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Bubble Bass: I believe you owe me two bucks.
Mr. Krabs: TWO BUCKS?!
Bubble Bass: Your guarantee.
[the camera zooms in on the Krusty Krab's menu and shows in microscopic print "money back guarantee"]
Mr. Krabs: TWO BUCKS?!
Bubble Bass: Your guarantee.
[the camera zooms in on the Krusty Krab's menu and shows in microscopic print "money back guarantee"]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Twelve Krabby Patties on wheat buns.
[SpongeBob whips up a dozen Krabby Patties at top speed]
SpongeBob: One dozen cryin' cows on the farm, up!
Squidward: [flatly] Thanks, Farmer Brown.
[SpongeBob whips up a dozen Krabby Patties at top speed]
SpongeBob: One dozen cryin' cows on the farm, up!
Squidward: [flatly] Thanks, Farmer Brown.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: It's been a thrill serving you.
Customer: Could I get some extra salt?
Squidward: We're all out.
Customer: Could you check?
Squidward: No.
[Customer walks away offended]
Customer: Could I get some extra salt?
Squidward: We're all out.
Customer: Could you check?
Squidward: No.
[Customer walks away offended]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Wait a minute![seizes Bubble Bass' tongue and holds it up for all to see] Look, he's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!
Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!
Lady: And there's my car keys!
[The angry crowd surrounds Bubble Bass on every side]
Bubble Bass: [nervously] And...there's my ride!
[Bubble Bass bolts out of the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!
Lady: And there's my car keys!
[The angry crowd surrounds Bubble Bass on every side]
Bubble Bass: [nervously] And...there's my ride!
[Bubble Bass bolts out of the Krusty Krab]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Narrator: Mrs. Puff's Boating School, where diligent students learn the rules of the road.
[The class is seen snoozing except for SpongeBob, who is drawing something.]
Mrs. Puff: Everyone, put down your books, because it's time to pick out the hall monitor of the day!
[SpongeBob drops his pencil in anticipation.]
Mrs. Puff: Let's see here. This week's hall monitor will be, uh,...[goes through list and finds everyone's name but SpongeBob's has a check mark by it]...gasp! SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob's desk moves into the center isle.]
Mrs. Puff: It's Jimmy! Jimmy's the hall monitor.
Jimmy: Mrs. Puff, I've done it already!
[SpongeBob's desk moves closer.]
Mrs. Puff: Oh. Bill?
Bill: No way, Mrs. Puff!
[SpongeBob's desk closes in again.]
Mrs. Puff: Uh, Tina! You're the hall monitor.
Tina: Hey! I've done it 3 times already!
[SpongeBob's desk closes in again, and continues to do so with every bit of Mrs. Puff's dialouge.]
Mrs. Puff: Beth?
Bill: She graduated!
Mrs. Puff: Henry? [desk moves] Mira? [desk moves] Clayton? [desk moves multiple times, then camera fades out to reveal SpongeBob pressing repeatedly against Mrs. Puff's body] All right. I guess I have no choice. The hall monitor of the day is...[sighs with grief]...oh...SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob skyrockets with joy and lands beside Mrs. Puff. He salutes.]
SpongeBob: Hall Monitor SpongeBob reporting for duty, ma'am! I'm ready to assume my position IN THE HALL! I will protect all that are weak IN THE HALL! All rules to be enforced IN THE HALL!
Mrs. Puff: ALL RIGHT! Just take the hat and belt!
SpongeBob: I can't accept that yet, ma'am. First I have to make my speech.
M
[The class is seen snoozing except for SpongeBob, who is drawing something.]
Mrs. Puff: Everyone, put down your books, because it's time to pick out the hall monitor of the day!
[SpongeBob drops his pencil in anticipation.]
Mrs. Puff: Let's see here. This week's hall monitor will be, uh,...[goes through list and finds everyone's name but SpongeBob's has a check mark by it]...gasp! SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob's desk moves into the center isle.]
Mrs. Puff: It's Jimmy! Jimmy's the hall monitor.
Jimmy: Mrs. Puff, I've done it already!
[SpongeBob's desk moves closer.]
Mrs. Puff: Oh. Bill?
Bill: No way, Mrs. Puff!
[SpongeBob's desk closes in again.]
Mrs. Puff: Uh, Tina! You're the hall monitor.
Tina: Hey! I've done it 3 times already!
[SpongeBob's desk closes in again, and continues to do so with every bit of Mrs. Puff's dialouge.]
Mrs. Puff: Beth?
Bill: She graduated!
Mrs. Puff: Henry? [desk moves] Mira? [desk moves] Clayton? [desk moves multiple times, then camera fades out to reveal SpongeBob pressing repeatedly against Mrs. Puff's body] All right. I guess I have no choice. The hall monitor of the day is...[sighs with grief]...oh...SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob skyrockets with joy and lands beside Mrs. Puff. He salutes.]
SpongeBob: Hall Monitor SpongeBob reporting for duty, ma'am! I'm ready to assume my position IN THE HALL! I will protect all that are weak IN THE HALL! All rules to be enforced IN THE HALL!
Mrs. Puff: ALL RIGHT! Just take the hat and belt!
SpongeBob: I can't accept that yet, ma'am. First I have to make my speech.
M
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Mrs. Puff walks over to SpongeBob, who is lying on the ground after the class tramples him while running out the door at the 3: 00 bell.]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob! Are you okay?
SpongeBob: I overdid the speech again, didn't I?
Mrs. Puff: I'm afraid so.
SpongeBob: [gets up] Aw, tartar sauce! I guess I won't be needing this. [takes off uniform] I hardly knew you.
[Spongebob frowns and begins to walk away. Mrs. Puff shows sadness on her face.]
Mrs. Puff: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow.
SpongeBob: [flies back into the uniform with a shout of joy] Thanks, Mrs. Puff! [He walks away.]
Mrs. Puff: [to herself] What are the consequences of what I've just done? [She sighs to herself, thinking tragic thoughts, as she walks back into her classroom.]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob! Are you okay?
SpongeBob: I overdid the speech again, didn't I?
Mrs. Puff: I'm afraid so.
SpongeBob: [gets up] Aw, tartar sauce! I guess I won't be needing this. [takes off uniform] I hardly knew you.
[Spongebob frowns and begins to walk away. Mrs. Puff shows sadness on her face.]
Mrs. Puff: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow.
SpongeBob: [flies back into the uniform with a shout of joy] Thanks, Mrs. Puff! [He walks away.]
Mrs. Puff: [to herself] What are the consequences of what I've just done? [She sighs to herself, thinking tragic thoughts, as she walks back into her classroom.]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: SpongeBob! I see him!
SpongeBob: Where is he, Patrick?
Patrick: At the intersection of Conch and Coral. [SpongeBob turns to see the street signs "Conch" and "Coral"]
SpongeBob: That's where I am! He's right on top of me, but I can’t see him! What's he doing?
Patrick: Um, he's just standing there...menacingly! [over walkie-talkie] GET OUT OF THERE, SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob: YYYYAAAAAHHHHH!
Patrick: That's his maniac screech. He's going to attack! [SpongeBob is running around in circles crying] He's actin' all crazy! Run! Hide behind that building! [SpongeBob does so] No, he's behind that building! Quick, hide behind that street sign! [SpongeBob does] No wait! The maniac just went behind that sign! Quick! Get under the street light! [SpongeBob does] No wait, he's there too! Run for your life! [SpongeBob jumps inside a mailbox. Relieved, he relaxes. He hears interference on his walkie-talkie, and answers it]
SpongeBob: Say again, deputy?
Patrick: The maniac's in the mailbox!
SpongeBob: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! [runs around in the mailbox, demolishing some buildings]
[A "Wanted Sign" with SpongeBob's picture on it falls in SpongeBob's hands]
SpongeBob: Huh... This guy’s not half-bad-looking for a maniac... wait a minute, Patrick. I'm the maniac! [holds up wanted sign]
Patrick: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[police show up]
Officer: We'll take that as a confession!
[Mrs. Puff shows up and pushes some of the cops out of the way.]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob SquarePants! There you are! I turn my back on you for one minute and you destroy half the city! You should be ashamed of yourself!
Officer: You know this guy?
Mrs. Puff: Of course I do. I'm
SpongeBob: Where is he, Patrick?
Patrick: At the intersection of Conch and Coral. [SpongeBob turns to see the street signs "Conch" and "Coral"]
SpongeBob: That's where I am! He's right on top of me, but I can’t see him! What's he doing?
Patrick: Um, he's just standing there...menacingly! [over walkie-talkie] GET OUT OF THERE, SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob: YYYYAAAAAHHHHH!
Patrick: That's his maniac screech. He's going to attack! [SpongeBob is running around in circles crying] He's actin' all crazy! Run! Hide behind that building! [SpongeBob does so] No, he's behind that building! Quick, hide behind that street sign! [SpongeBob does] No wait! The maniac just went behind that sign! Quick! Get under the street light! [SpongeBob does] No wait, he's there too! Run for your life! [SpongeBob jumps inside a mailbox. Relieved, he relaxes. He hears interference on his walkie-talkie, and answers it]
SpongeBob: Say again, deputy?
Patrick: The maniac's in the mailbox!
SpongeBob: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! [runs around in the mailbox, demolishing some buildings]
[A "Wanted Sign" with SpongeBob's picture on it falls in SpongeBob's hands]
SpongeBob: Huh... This guy’s not half-bad-looking for a maniac... wait a minute, Patrick. I'm the maniac! [holds up wanted sign]
Patrick: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[police show up]
Officer: We'll take that as a confession!
[Mrs. Puff shows up and pushes some of the cops out of the way.]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob SquarePants! There you are! I turn my back on you for one minute and you destroy half the city! You should be ashamed of yourself!
Officer: You know this guy?
Mrs. Puff: Of course I do. I'm
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[As SpongeBob's walking down the street]
SpongeBob: I'm on patrol, I'm on patrol, I'm on patroooll. [stops as he sees puddle of ice cream on the ground] Vandals! Another crime. [scoops up a glob of ice cream with his finger and tastes it] Hmmm...strawberry. I must act! [ice cream falls on his head. Patrick is sitting on the wall above him eating ice cream] Patrick! [Patrick looks around confused] Patrick! [He then looks at his ice cream] Patrick!
Patrick: My ice cream! It's alive! AAAAHHHHHHH! [drops ice cream onto SpongeBob's face]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Down here!
Patrick: Oh! SpongeBob! It's you!
SpongeBob: Patrick! Get down here now!
[Patrick jumps down and flattens SpongeBob.].
Patrick: SpongeBob? SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: (mumbling) I'm down here.
[Patrick walks off of SpongeBob then picks him up and sees him wearing the Hall Monitor uniform.]
Patrick: You look funny! [laughs as he peels SpongeBob off]] Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: That's "Hall Monitor" to you!
[Patrick drops SpongeBob.]]
Patrick: Sorry, officer!
SpongeBob: Sorry is not good enough, Patrick. You've just committed a crime, and I'm taking you in!
Patrick: What crime? [SpongeBob gestures toward the ice cream on the ground]] I'm a bad person! [starts crying]
SpongeBob: I'm on patrol, I'm on patrol, I'm on patroooll. [stops as he sees puddle of ice cream on the ground] Vandals! Another crime. [scoops up a glob of ice cream with his finger and tastes it] Hmmm...strawberry. I must act! [ice cream falls on his head. Patrick is sitting on the wall above him eating ice cream] Patrick! [Patrick looks around confused] Patrick! [He then looks at his ice cream] Patrick!
Patrick: My ice cream! It's alive! AAAAHHHHHHH! [drops ice cream onto SpongeBob's face]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Down here!
Patrick: Oh! SpongeBob! It's you!
SpongeBob: Patrick! Get down here now!
[Patrick jumps down and flattens SpongeBob.].
Patrick: SpongeBob? SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: (mumbling) I'm down here.
[Patrick walks off of SpongeBob then picks him up and sees him wearing the Hall Monitor uniform.]
Patrick: You look funny! [laughs as he peels SpongeBob off]] Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: That's "Hall Monitor" to you!
[Patrick drops SpongeBob.]]
Patrick: Sorry, officer!
SpongeBob: Sorry is not good enough, Patrick. You've just committed a crime, and I'm taking you in!
Patrick: What crime? [SpongeBob gestures toward the ice cream on the ground]] I'm a bad person! [starts crying]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob runs off imitating a siren, then a real siren sounds as a squad boat pulls up next to Patrick.]
Officer #1: Afternoon, son.
Patrick: [salutes] Hello, brothers! [points towards the cone that's on his head]
Officer #1: [ignoring Patrick's gesture] Son, we're looking for the maniac.
Officer #2: Have you seen this man? [holds up poster]
Patrick: AAAAAAAH! It's the maniac! Take him away! Take him away!
[Officer #2 removes the poster.]
Officer #1: Calm down, son. It's just a drawing, not the real thing. Now we are going to show you this picture again, and you tell us if you've seen this guy, understand?
Patrick: Uh-huh.
Officer #1: Okay.
[Officer #2 holds up the poster again.]
Patrick: AAAAAAAH! Horrible!
[Officer #2 removes the poster, shocked at Patrick, then holds it up again. Patrick screams again. The officer removes the poster, looks at the other officer, and both smile at the idea. Officer #2 then goes through a series of showing the poster and removing it, and each time he holds up the poster, Patrick lets out a scream. Officer #2 finally stops.]
Officer #1: Stay indoors, son.
Officer #2: And take that cone off your head!
[Both officers laugh as they drive away.]
Officer #1: Afternoon, son.
Patrick: [salutes] Hello, brothers! [points towards the cone that's on his head]
Officer #1: [ignoring Patrick's gesture] Son, we're looking for the maniac.
Officer #2: Have you seen this man? [holds up poster]
Patrick: AAAAAAAH! It's the maniac! Take him away! Take him away!
[Officer #2 removes the poster.]
Officer #1: Calm down, son. It's just a drawing, not the real thing. Now we are going to show you this picture again, and you tell us if you've seen this guy, understand?
Patrick: Uh-huh.
Officer #1: Okay.
[Officer #2 holds up the poster again.]
Patrick: AAAAAAAH! Horrible!
[Officer #2 removes the poster, shocked at Patrick, then holds it up again. Patrick screams again. The officer removes the poster, looks at the other officer, and both smile at the idea. Officer #2 then goes through a series of showing the poster and removing it, and each time he holds up the poster, Patrick lets out a scream. Officer #2 finally stops.]
Officer #1: Stay indoors, son.
Officer #2: And take that cone off your head!
[Both officers laugh as they drive away.]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mrs. Puff: Remember class, red means stop, and green means go. And SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: I'd like to see you after class, six months from now!
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: I'd like to see you after class, six months from now!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. How can you be so naive? There's evidence all around us. How do you explain Atlantis? Cowlicks? 99 cent stores? And how about those mysterious circles that show up in Kelp Fields over night? [circles her, drawing a circle with his shoes, then points at it] DAAH! There's one now!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Stop, Patrick! Can't you see this is all a trick? The aliens are projecting our memories onto the environment. They're trying to confuse us, Patrick.
Patrick: So you mean to say that they've taken what we thought we think and are making us think our thoughts we've been thinking the thoughts we think that we thought...I think?
Patrick: So you mean to say that they've taken what we thought we think and are making us think our thoughts we've been thinking the thoughts we think that we thought...I think?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Patrick: [points at Squidward's hot water bottle] SpongeBob, what's that thing? [SpongeBob pulls it out; Patrick holds his nose] I think I'm gonna be sick!
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you know what this thing is?
Patrick: Stinky!
SpongeBob: No, it's an egg sac. Let's look at the embryo. [Patrick shines a flashlight on it; SpongeBob's hands are illuminated]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Twins...
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you know what this thing is?
Patrick: Stinky!
SpongeBob: No, it's an egg sac. Let's look at the embryo. [Patrick shines a flashlight on it; SpongeBob's hands are illuminated]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Twins...
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: So, you were an alien all the time, and you didn't even tell me!
Patrick: I didn't even know!
SpongeBob: Yeah? Well I got you now!
Patrick: Oh, but it's not you that's got me, it's-- [popping noise; Patrick has captured himself] ...me that's got me!
Patrick: I didn't even know!
SpongeBob: Yeah? Well I got you now!
Patrick: Oh, but it's not you that's got me, it's-- [popping noise; Patrick has captured himself] ...me that's got me!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: The moon! Can I go?
Sandy: No way, SpongeBob. Especially with your little mishap with my whirlybird. [gestures towards a graveyard of dead animals]
Sandy: No way, SpongeBob. Especially with your little mishap with my whirlybird. [gestures towards a graveyard of dead animals]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: It's not the boots, it's the bootee! Err, um, the person in the boots! You're a great fry cook, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I do, son. [gives SpongeBob money] Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. [gives more money] Plus, a bonus! [takes bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway... I need a vacation.
SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I do, son. [gives SpongeBob money] Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. [gives more money] Plus, a bonus! [takes bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway... I need a vacation.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Squidward storms out of the Krusty Krab, accidentally hitting Mr. Krabs in the face as he bursts through the front doors]
Squidward: That's it, Mr. Krabs! I'm taking my vacation now!
Mr. Krabs: [with his face pressed against the glass of the door] What's wrong, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: I can't take The World's Greatest Fry Cook anymore! I'll see you in a week.
Squidward: That's it, Mr. Krabs! I'm taking my vacation now!
Mr. Krabs: [with his face pressed against the glass of the door] What's wrong, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: I can't take The World's Greatest Fry Cook anymore! I'll see you in a week.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: What would you like?
Tom: I'll take a [squeak].
Mr. Krabs: What did you say?
Tom: I said, I'll take a [squeak].
SpongeBob: I heard his order, Mr. Krabs, he said he wants the [squeak].
Mr. Krabs: Huh?! [montage which leads to Krabs going insane]
Tom: I'll take a [squeak].
Mr. Krabs: What did you say?
Tom: I said, I'll take a [squeak].
SpongeBob: I heard his order, Mr. Krabs, he said he wants the [squeak].
Mr. Krabs: Huh?! [montage which leads to Krabs going insane]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Sandy, I think you'd better take me to the doctor...
Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August.
Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August.
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Sandy: Don't you worry, Patrick, I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the--
Patrick: Yeah, yeah, the rabbit! And don't bother, Sandy!
Patrick: Yeah, yeah, the rabbit! And don't bother, Sandy!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs: (noticing burnt patties on the grill) SpongeBob...SpongeBob? Wake up, boy! You're burning me money!
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants