Squidbillies Quote
Melissa: Mr. Halen, take a look at this. (Turns on TV showing a police riot) The Chicago Democratic Convention in 1968.
Dan Halen: Ah, the '60s. I'll never forget them.
Melissa: I believe that's you in the upper-left corner hitting someone with a chain.
Dan Halen: (laughing) I remem-- I remember I made that guy taste the chain. "Taste the chain," I said again and again, long after he was incapable of tasting anything.
Melissa: We found this in the archives after the invasion of Poland. (Plays stock footage of Halen alongside Adolf Hitler, saluting in full uniform and shouting, "Heil Hitler! Sieg Heil!")
Dan Halen: We belonged to the same gym. I suppose you'll take that image out of context and make it into something.
Melissa: Here you are in Berlin in 1926.
Dan Halen: So I used to be a transvestite cabaret host. You have a point with this?
Melissa: According to our research, Dan Halen has apparently existed throughout recorded history.
Dan Halen: (against a montage featuring him in a direct capacity, starting with...)Everyone tortured political prisoners during the medieval era. (Atop a Mayan pyramid, pulling out a heart) This sacrifice led to plenty of rain. The maize crop that year was wonderful. (At the feet of the Crucifixion, wooden hammer in hand) I was taking the nail out. I was trying to help the man. (Cave painting of a body struck by three arrows and Halen with lit torch, dragging woman by the hair) Well, it's not like I invented fire. (As a monk holding a rat over a body) So I spread some of the Black Plague. (Whipping Egyptian slaves) Those Egyptians were trying to steal precious artifacts from the British museum. (Atop a unicorn, close to a Tyrannosaurus) Well, that-- that was just an accident.
Melissa: Mr. H
Dan Halen: Ah, the '60s. I'll never forget them.
Melissa: I believe that's you in the upper-left corner hitting someone with a chain.
Dan Halen: (laughing) I remem-- I remember I made that guy taste the chain. "Taste the chain," I said again and again, long after he was incapable of tasting anything.
Melissa: We found this in the archives after the invasion of Poland. (Plays stock footage of Halen alongside Adolf Hitler, saluting in full uniform and shouting, "Heil Hitler! Sieg Heil!")
Dan Halen: We belonged to the same gym. I suppose you'll take that image out of context and make it into something.
Melissa: Here you are in Berlin in 1926.
Dan Halen: So I used to be a transvestite cabaret host. You have a point with this?
Melissa: According to our research, Dan Halen has apparently existed throughout recorded history.
Dan Halen: (against a montage featuring him in a direct capacity, starting with...)Everyone tortured political prisoners during the medieval era. (Atop a Mayan pyramid, pulling out a heart) This sacrifice led to plenty of rain. The maize crop that year was wonderful. (At the feet of the Crucifixion, wooden hammer in hand) I was taking the nail out. I was trying to help the man. (Cave painting of a body struck by three arrows and Halen with lit torch, dragging woman by the hair) Well, it's not like I invented fire. (As a monk holding a rat over a body) So I spread some of the Black Plague. (Whipping Egyptian slaves) Those Egyptians were trying to steal precious artifacts from the British museum. (Atop a unicorn, close to a Tyrannosaurus) Well, that-- that was just an accident.
Melissa: Mr. H
TV Show: Squidbillies
