Stargate SG-1 Quotes
Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can't be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Lt. Col. Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.
[What they are attempting suddenly works.]
Lt. Col. Carter: Next up, parting the Red Sea!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: Well, we have no idea how this Ancient device works or what the effects will be, but since Anubis has no real corporeal form it's likely he would survive it.
Jacob: He'll have no one left to rule.
Lt. Col. Carter: For now. Time may not even be an issue for someone like him. He could essentially start over, re-populate the galaxy to his own specifications.
Gen. O'Neill: A little ambitious.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
RepliCarter: I could help you. We could unlock the knowledge of the Ancients, the secrets of the Universe, together.
Dr. Jackson: I have to admit it does sound interesting... On the other hand you're an evil killing machine so no, pass.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Replicator Carter has been trying to tap into Dr. Jackson's subconscious]
Dr. Jackson: You can't handle it, can you?
RepliCarter: I can. I just need time to process...share it with the others...
Dr. Jackson: Like the universe, it's infinite. It's not just knowledge and information; it's understanding on a level that you will never reach.
RepliCarter: Why do you think that?
Dr. Jackson: Because you're a machine.
RepliCarter: So are you; just of weaker construction.
Dr. Jackson: And that's where you're wrong.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Discovering that Jackson has been probing her mind, RepliCarter tries to disengage. Jackson catches her hand.]
Dr. Jackson: Trying to leave? Sorry. A little more time in Danny's world.
RepliCarter: [angrily] My brethren will not stop. You cannot control them.
Dr. Jackson: Not yet, but I'm learning.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Col. Reynolds has just attached a C-4 charge to a blast door]
Gen. O'Neill: Use two of those things.
Col. Reynolds: Sir?
Gen. O'Neill: [using quotation fingers] It's a "blast" door!
[After setting off C4 to destroy a blast door trapping Siler and five other men]
Gen. O'Neill: Siler?
Sgt. Siler: Thank you, sir.
Gen. O'Neill: I expect to be put in your will.
Sgt. Siler: Already in it, sir.
Gen. O'Neill: Okay, that's… weird.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: Oh, I heard from Thor.
Gen. O'Neill: How's he doing?
Lt. Col. Carter: Great. He sends us all his congratulations and says that he'll drop by for a visit as soon as his consciousness has been downloaded from the ship's computer into a new body.
Gen. O'Neill: That just never gets old, does it?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Jackson has been missing for a week, and Carter thinks he ought to be declared MIA. O'Neill refuses.]
Gen. O'Neill: All we know for sure is that he's missing.
Lt. Col. Carter: Sooner or later --
Gen. O'Neill: Forget it! I'm not fallin' for it this time.
Lt. Col. Carter: "Falling for it"?
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah! How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up, in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead. [to the room] You hear that? I'm not buyin' it!
[They look around the empty room. Carter is exasperated]
Gen. O'Neill: What? He's just waitin' for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing you know, he'll come waltzin' through that door, [gestures at the closed door] like, right now.
[O'Neill and Carter both look at the door, O'Neill hopefully and Carter skeptically.]
Gen. O'Neill: Waltzing… now.
[Nothing happens.]
Gen. O'Neill: All we know for sure is that he's missing.
Lt. Col. Carter: Sooner or later --
Gen. O'Neill: Forget it! I'm not fallin' for it this time.
Lt. Col. Carter: "Falling for it"?
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah! How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up, in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead. [to the room] You hear that? I'm not buyin' it!
[They look around the empty room. Carter is exasperated]
Gen. O'Neill: What? He's just waitin' for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing you know, he'll come waltzin' through that door, [gestures at the closed door] like, right now.
[O'Neill and Carter both look at the door, O'Neill hopefully and Carter skeptically.]
Gen. O'Neill: Waltzing… now.
[Nothing happens.]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: Dad, this is Pete.
Pete: [shocked] Dad?
Jacob: Not quite yet. You have to actually marry my daughter before you can call me that.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Pete: You really got one of those things in your head?
Jacob: If by one of those things, you mean a 2000 year old Tok'ra symbiote, yes.
Pete: Seriously. Come on. That has got to freak you right out sometimes. It's weird.
[Pete grins at Jacob. Jacob gives Sam a questioning look, she looks awkward in response]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[In an Ascended-plane "waffle house", "waitress" Oma chats with Daniel.]
Dr. Jackson: Menus?
Oma Desala: We don't need them here; just order what you'd like.
Dr. Jackson: Okay. I'll have the truth with a side-order of clarity, please.
Oma Desala: The replicator version of Sam was in your head, trying to access the knowledge buried in your subconscious, but you gained control of her instead. She killed you to stop you. That's where I stepped in. How's that?
Dr. Jackson: Pretty clear.
Oma Desala: Well, we aim to please! Customer comes first, you know!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: It's been two hours since Pete left. You haven't said a word.
Jacob: I did so.
Lt. Col. Carter: "He seems nice?"
Jacob: I believe that's three words.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. O'Neill: So, we're all in agreement. One way or another, it's gotta go. Correct?
Teal'c: Indeed
Gen. O'Neill: Thank you
Bra'tac: If you are suggesting we destroy this device against the wishes of the High Council, I must point out that would not be a good first step in relations between the Tau'ri and the newly formed Free Jaffa Nation.
Gen. O'Neill: [to Jacob] Why don't you do it? They already hate the Tok'ra.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Jim: What do I have to do to get a coffee around here?
Oma Desala: [sharply] Find true enlightenment.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: Can you tell me why you stopped me from killing Anubis the last time I was Ascended?
Oma Desala: Because if I didn't stop you, the others would have, and they wouldn't have been as nice about it.
Dr. Jackson: You mean, they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
[He gives her a look. She grins.]
Oma Desala: Okay. Maybe not the naked part.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: Thank you, sir.
Gen. O'Neill: For what?
Lt. Col. Carter: For being here for me.
Gen. O'Neill: Always.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Jackson, alive and well, suddenly appears in O'Neill's office, stark naked.]
Dr. Jackson: It's, uh, a long story.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[SG-1 is fishing at O'Neill's cabin]
Lt. Col. Carter: This is great.
Gen. O'Neill: I told you.
Lt. Col. Carter: I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.
Gen. O'Neill: Well, lets not dwell.
Lt. Col. Carter: ...There are no fish in this pond, are there?
Gen. O'Neill: Nope.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Workers are delivering stacks of boxes to Jackson's lab, much to his surprise]
Dr. Jackson: Jack?
Gen. O'Neill: Daniel.
Dr. Jackson: What's goin' on?
Gen. O'Neill: [as he receives a clipboard from Siler] You been shoppin' online lately?
Dr. Jackson: What are you talkin' about?
Gen. O'Neill: [as he hands clipboard to Daniel] Well, you've got a little delivery here.
Dr. Jackson: [looks at clipboard] It's from Catherine's estate.
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah – kinda looks like she sent the whole thing.
Dr. Jackson: [as he enters his office] Holy ... buckets! Looks like her entire collection!
Gen. O'Neill: [pats Daniel on the shoulder] I prefer stamps.
Dr. Jackson: Jack?
Gen. O'Neill: Daniel.
Dr. Jackson: What's goin' on?
Gen. O'Neill: [as he receives a clipboard from Siler] You been shoppin' online lately?
Dr. Jackson: What are you talkin' about?
Gen. O'Neill: [as he hands clipboard to Daniel] Well, you've got a little delivery here.
Dr. Jackson: [looks at clipboard] It's from Catherine's estate.
Gen. O'Neill: Yeah – kinda looks like she sent the whole thing.
Dr. Jackson: [as he enters his office] Holy ... buckets! Looks like her entire collection!
Gen. O'Neill: [pats Daniel on the shoulder] I prefer stamps.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Dr. Balinsky is enthusiastically showing rocks to a clearly bored O'Neill.]
Dr. Balinsky: Now, in addition, we discovered several grains of troilite and a mesostasis phase which contained micrometer crystals.
Gen. O'Neill: Hmm.
Dr. Balinsky: Now it's undergoing further testing, but we hope to have the results on your desk first thing tomorrow morning.
Gen. O'Neill: [sarcastic] Don't you keep me waiting!
Dr. Balinsky: [missing the sarcasm] No, sir! Now here's where things get really interesting, because you will notice in this fissure—
[Dr. Jackson runs into the room]
Dr. Jackson: Jack! We need—we need to talk. Oh, sorry for interrupting.
Gen. O'Neill: [desperately grabbing Jackson's arm] No, it's okay! If it's important, you must interrupt. You must!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: We don't know where it is now. But we do know where it was... Giza, 3000 B.C.
Lt. Col. Carter: [shaking her head] You can't be serious.
Gen. O'Neill: What?
Dr. Jackson: It's the only way.
Gen. O'Neill: What?
Lt. Col. Carter: No, we agreed
Gen. O'Neill: If I have to say "what" one more time, heads are gonna roll!
Dr. Jackson: We have a time machine. We can go back and get the ZPM.
Gen. O'Neill: She wouldn't let me go back and watch the Cubs win the World Series.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[After arriving in Ancient Egypt c. 3000 B.C.]
Dr. Jackson: [excitedly] I can't believe I'm finally gonna prove that the Great Pyramids predate the 4th dynasty.
Lt. Col. Carter: So, what are you gonna do? Stand in the picture holding a newspaper with today's date?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Carter: I'm sorry, I keep thinking I'm gonna step on a bug and change the future.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Teal'c has disguised himself as one of Ra's Jaffa in order to steal the ZPM from Ra's treasure room]
Gen. O'Neill: Do you really think they're just going to let him waltz in and take it?
Dr. Jackson: Like I said, they don't even know what a ZPM is. To them it's like any number of dozens of ritualistic objects they pull out for any number of occasions. Besides, he's wearing the shiny suit.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[In an alternate time line, Carter is practicing what she wants to say to her male boss.]
Alt. Dr. Carter: Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't— God that's horrible! Who would ever say that?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[In an alternate time line, Daniel Jackson teaches English as a second language.]
Alt. Dr. Jackson: Okay, uh, let's start with a simple greeting. Often the best way to begin interacting with someone is to find a topic of common interest. Everyone can relate to the weather, so let's start with that, shall we? Introduce yourself... and talk about the weather.
[A student raises his hand.]
Alt. Dr. Jackson: [pointing at the student] Yes.
Carlos: [standing up] Hello, my name is Carlos. You make me so hot.
[pause]
Alt. Dr. Jackson: [smiling uncomfortably] Okay, uh, not quite right, but the introduction part was good.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Alt. Gen. Hammond: Okay, people. Let me remind you. This mission is recon only. Do not engage the enemy. I'm allowing the use of this ship because of the obvious tactical advantage it provides you. Under no circumstances is it to be used to travel through time. (beat) Never in my life did I imagine ever giving that order.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Alt. Dr. Jackson: Wait a minute. I thought the reason we brought the ship was so we didn't have to walk.
Alt. Dr. Carter: We can't just fly into an alien city. The mission is stealth recon. Meaning undetected.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: Meaning shut up.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[In the alternate time line, Daniel Jackson is brought before Apophis.]
Alt. Teal'c: He claims he is of the Tau'ri.
Alt. Dr. Jackson: [to Teal'c] You weren't supposed to tell him that.
Alt. Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chappa'ai.
Alt. Dr. Jackson: Oh, sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm sure your information is correct. In fact, I'm usually quite wrong—quite unreliable, actually. To be honest with you, I'm insane.
Alt. Apophis: Speak!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Alt. Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.
Alt. Dr. Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlers of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert—
Alt. Col. O'Neill: [hands a gun to Dr. Jackson] Safety off, point and shoot.
[Jackson points gun towards O'Neill]
Alt. Col. O'Neill: [pushes gun away] Not at me.
Alt. Dr. Carter: [grimacing as she's being handed a gun] I don't really like guns.
Alt. Col. O'Neill: [sarcastically] Neither do I. How do you feel about explosives?
Alt. Dr. Carter: [brightening] Those I like a little better.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1