Strangers with Candy Quotes
Chuck Noblet: [Noblet realizes Jerri has been watching him cry] Jerri, hi! I was just looking for my classroom! Is this it? Nope! This is Mr. Jellineck's class! Hmm!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Coach Cherri Wolf: Today we're gonna be talking about reproduction and its consequences. In order for you to learn what it's like to take care of a ten pound [makes finger quotes]
Coach Cherri Wolf: baby, each of you will be taking care of... a ten pound baby. First up, Jerri Blank.
Jerri Blank: But I've had plenty of babies. Just none I've carried to full term.
Coach Cherri Wolf: Come get the baby, Jerri.
Jerri Blank: I don't understand the point of this.
Coach Cherri Wolf: The point, Jerri, is for you to learn a valuable lesson.
Jerri Blank: Which is?
Coach Cherri Wolf: Well, if I told you the lesson, you wouldn't be learning it. I'd be teaching it.
Coach Cherri Wolf: baby, each of you will be taking care of... a ten pound baby. First up, Jerri Blank.
Jerri Blank: But I've had plenty of babies. Just none I've carried to full term.
Coach Cherri Wolf: Come get the baby, Jerri.
Jerri Blank: I don't understand the point of this.
Coach Cherri Wolf: The point, Jerri, is for you to learn a valuable lesson.
Jerri Blank: Which is?
Coach Cherri Wolf: Well, if I told you the lesson, you wouldn't be learning it. I'd be teaching it.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri Blank: Why do we have to car pool with the Fagonokolises? They smell like feta cheese!
Orlando Pinatubo: I like the car pool. The Fagonokolises are good people.
Jerri Blank: Good people? They're Greeks, and Greeks are just Jews without money.
Orlando Pinatubo: I like the car pool. The Fagonokolises are good people.
Jerri Blank: Good people? They're Greeks, and Greeks are just Jews without money.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Poppy Downes: And meanwhile, our brothers from the east were eating bowls of rice safely nestled in their internment camps.
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara Blank: How was school today, Derrick?
Derrick Blank: The coach made me co-captain of the junior varsity squat thrust team!
Jerri Blank: Way to go, faglick.
Sara Blank: Jerri, language!
Derrick Blank: I'll have you know, stump, that the varsity squat thrust team took third in all conference.
Jerri Blank: And how does that make you not gay?
Derrick Blank: What are you talking about, troll? We squat together, we spot each other on the workout mat, and we play grab-ass in the showers. How is that gay?
Derrick Blank: The coach made me co-captain of the junior varsity squat thrust team!
Jerri Blank: Way to go, faglick.
Sara Blank: Jerri, language!
Derrick Blank: I'll have you know, stump, that the varsity squat thrust team took third in all conference.
Jerri Blank: And how does that make you not gay?
Derrick Blank: What are you talking about, troll? We squat together, we spot each other on the workout mat, and we play grab-ass in the showers. How is that gay?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Jerri attempts to extinguish a fire with the contents of Sara's mug, but instead ends up fueling the flames.]
Jerri: What was in that?!
Sara: Breakfast!
Jerri: Well, what kind of breakfast was that?
Sara: A cup of rum cake... We just ran out of flour.
Jerri: What was in that?!
Sara: Breakfast!
Jerri: Well, what kind of breakfast was that?
Sara: A cup of rum cake... We just ran out of flour.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Craig: You need to face the fact that your mother is an alcoholic. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.
Jerri: No, I've heard her say plenty of times that she doesn't love me.
Craig: She was probably drunk.
Jerri: No, I'm pretty sure she was sober.
Jerri: No, I've heard her say plenty of times that she doesn't love me.
Craig: She was probably drunk.
Jerri: No, I'm pretty sure she was sober.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri Blank: Hello, I'm Jerri Blank. Thirty-two years ago I dropped out of high school and ran away from home. Oh, I made a lot of friends... did a lot of time. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. I stole the TV... Did some more time. But now I'm back in school! And though the faces may have changed, the hassles are just the same.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Hello. I'm Jerri Blank, and I'm a forty-six year-old high school freshman. For thirty-two years I was a teenage runaway. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. My friends were dealers, cons and eighteen-karat pimps. But now, I'm out of jail, picking up my life exactly where I left off. I'm back in high school, living at home and discovering all sorts of things about my body. I'm finding out that though the faces have changed, the hassles are just the same.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Poppy Downes: And meanwhile, our brothers from the east were eating bowls of rice safely nestled in their internment camps.
Chuck Noblet: Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
Chuck Noblet: Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: [standing in front of the class] History has taught us many things. For example: I can't smoke one stick of pot or take one needle of coke. One night – I'll make this quick – one night, I was thrown by a horse and I had to have a laminectomy...
Noblet: Thank you, Jerri.
Jerri: ...now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Well, you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of scag or a snort of horse...
Noblet: Really, Jerri, that's fine. What was your report on again?
Jerri: Brazil.
Noblet: Thank you, Jerri.
Jerri: ...now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Well, you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of scag or a snort of horse...
Noblet: Really, Jerri, that's fine. What was your report on again?
Jerri: Brazil.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: If I don’t graduate by the time I'm 50, I'll be the laughingstock of Flatpoint High!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: Jerri, let me give you a little advice: No one makes friends with a failure. Okay? Understand? Now you run along and have fun. Bye-bye. Lock the door.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I’d wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara Blank: Poppy Downes is in a coma? What a shame. You know, if she doesn't pull through, I’ll have the Widows' League send over some casseroles. They need comfort food.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: But I've had plenty of babies! Just none I've carried to full term.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Geoffrey Jellineck: It doesn't matter when you get here - just what time.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Orlando Pinatubo: Mr. Jellineck! I can't form the pot!
Jellineck: Easy there. OK, look... Grasp the pot like you would a mischievous child's neck. Go on, dig your thumbs in there like you're gouging out the eyes of an enemy.
Jellineck: Easy there. OK, look... Grasp the pot like you would a mischievous child's neck. Go on, dig your thumbs in there like you're gouging out the eyes of an enemy.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: It was a lot easier being a single mother when I was the father.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed... really hard.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[On Sara's alcoholism.]
Jerri: I'm dealing with this the same way I dealt with my own alcoholism and drug addiction: With lies and delusion.
Jerri: I'm dealing with this the same way I dealt with my own alcoholism and drug addiction: With lies and delusion.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara: But I'm not an alcoholic! I can stop whenever I want! What, you don't believe me? Well, if you're such a good listener, why don’t you watch this? Say goodbye to my mixers!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Packing a Musket, by Jerri Blank. When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you're a call girl. When you walk till you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you're a street whore. When they're begging ya "please," to get down on your knees, near their groinage, 'scusa me, but ya see, don't ya touch where they pee, without coinage.
Noblet: Thank you, Jerri, that'll be...
Jerri: When I straddle and squat, to show you my... [bell rings, drowning Jerri's voice out]
Noblet: Thank you, Jerri, that'll be...
Jerri: When I straddle and squat, to show you my... [bell rings, drowning Jerri's voice out]
TV Show: Strangers with Candy