Strangers with Candy Quotes
Jerri: [to hot dog vendor] Drown it in salt, and don't skimp on the bacon bits. [pause] Today.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Tammi: I don't mean to seem insensitive, but wasn't your father torn to shreds by wild dogs?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: [on her father's death] Maybe I am in denial... unless of course, he's alive!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara: I do appreciate your lovely sentiments, Mr. Blackman, but I should tell you that Guy’s last wish was that "no darkies" attend his wake.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jellineck: I was just pawing at your dead father a moment ago and it really helped.
Jerri: You know, I think I saw him today. He was waiting for a bus and I screamed, "Daddy! Daddy! You're not dead!" But I think he had to go somewhere, because he ran away really fast.
Jerri: You know, I think I saw him today. He was waiting for a bus and I screamed, "Daddy! Daddy! You're not dead!" But I think he had to go somewhere, because he ran away really fast.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Cassie Pines: Naturally, as student counselor my first responsibility is to the teachers.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Cassie Pines: Just because your dad was killed in some freak accident nobody can have one!? Well, I'll tell you something. My daddy's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothing gonna change that!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: [upon walking into the cafeteria] Good Lord! Is this where they eat?! Tell me this is some kind of holding cell for miscreants.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: Noblet... why are you crying? It's only a melon. Just a lonely melon... no other melons around, not a patch in sight. What's it doing out here? And why is it carrying a picnic basket with two of everything: two portobella mushroom sandwiches, two maccaroons... Who would abandon a faceless melon? Can you imagine how that melon must've felt Noblet? Can you imagine?
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: [excusing himself from Jellineck's bedside in the hospital] I've got to go see a student in the maternity ward.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: [to students visiting Jellineck] Do not cry out in terror if you gaze upon the grossly misshapen mass that was once his head. Act natural. No matter how strongly your monkey reflexes might kick in telling you to flee in terror. Now, I'll go see if he's ready. [Blackman goes into Jellineck's ward] Sweet Jesus, protect me!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Noblet: All right, anyone who doesn't not want to avoid passing the midterm exam, raise your hand now. [Pause. Several hands go up hesitantly.] Okay. Those of you who raised your hands will fail, as you requested.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Maybe it's time to stop not doing what you pretended you can do and can't, and start doing the thing that you can't do, but can no longer pretend that you can.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Blackman: I'm an obtuse man, so I'll try to be oblique. Your illiteracy has made me the whipping boy of this school district. I attended the school board meeting this morning, and they all had their little laugh. It was a feeding frenzy of cackling hyenas, and I was the wildebeest carcass.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: [to her pretend husband] You don't wanna beat me or screw me!? What kind of marriage is this? Bring a book.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Hello, ladies, what are you doing?
Popular girl: We were just wondering why you'd come talk to us.
Jerri: I want to know what plans you have for Fri-Sat-Sund.
Popular girl: Well, first we're going to avoid you. Then after that we thought we'd shun you and then we're going to a party. Hey! Why don't you not come with us!
Popular girl: We were just wondering why you'd come talk to us.
Jerri: I want to know what plans you have for Fri-Sat-Sund.
Popular girl: Well, first we're going to avoid you. Then after that we thought we'd shun you and then we're going to a party. Hey! Why don't you not come with us!
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Sara: Oh Jerri, I didn't know you were coming home this early. We would've left sooner.
Jerri: Where are we going?
Sara: Well, if by "we" you mean Derrick and I, the answer is a family getaway to Good Time Island!
Jerri: [excited] Good Time Island?!
Sara: Oh, did I remember not to tell you?
Derrick: Check it out, troll--An all-access pass with full release!
Jerri: I'll go pack my things!
Sara: Oh, I'm sorry, Jerri, you know the car only has room for four and we already have two. Oh and if you get hungry later, um, eat something.
Jerri: Where are we going?
Sara: Well, if by "we" you mean Derrick and I, the answer is a family getaway to Good Time Island!
Jerri: [excited] Good Time Island?!
Sara: Oh, did I remember not to tell you?
Derrick: Check it out, troll--An all-access pass with full release!
Jerri: I'll go pack my things!
Sara: Oh, I'm sorry, Jerri, you know the car only has room for four and we already have two. Oh and if you get hungry later, um, eat something.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
[Jerri is puzzling over what to do next.]
Jerri: I know! I'll feed my baby... Oh, that's right. My baby's an imaginary creation to fight the ravages of loneliness.
Jerri: I know! I'll feed my baby... Oh, that's right. My baby's an imaginary creation to fight the ravages of loneliness.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Rebecca: My name's Rebecca. What's yours, Jerri?
Jerri: Jerri. What's yours, Rebecca?
Rebecca: Rebecca.
Jerri: Jerri. What's yours, Rebecca?
Rebecca: Rebecca.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: What kind of place is this?
Rebecca: Oh, it's just a collective cooperative community service operation outreach program project.
Jerri: Okay, as long as you’re not a cult.
Rebecca: Oh, it's just a collective cooperative community service operation outreach program project.
Jerri: Okay, as long as you’re not a cult.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: So where are we? I must've fallen asleep after you slipped me those pills and put on that blindfold.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: Maybe I should head home.
Rebecca: Home to what, Jerri? A family that doesn't care and friends who don't love you?
Jerri: Well, technically, it's my friends who don't care and my family that doesn't love me.
Rebecca: Home to what, Jerri? A family that doesn't care and friends who don't love you?
Jerri: Well, technically, it's my friends who don't care and my family that doesn't love me.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy
Jerri: I wanna go home!
Father: Fine. You're not a prisoner here. There are no bars on our electrified fences. We don't have attack dogs in our alligator-infested swamps surrounding this compound.
Father: Fine. You're not a prisoner here. There are no bars on our electrified fences. We don't have attack dogs in our alligator-infested swamps surrounding this compound.
TV Show: Strangers with Candy