Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Quotes
Cal Naughton, Jr.: There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I... I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Texas Ranger: [after Reese getting in an argment with an aplebees waitress] Please let us not resolve our problems with fighting.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Please don't let the invisable fire burn my friend!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I... I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: By the way, I watched the Highlander movie, It was ****!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: By the way, I watched the Highlander movie, It was shit!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Lucius Washington: Okay, we have got to get that car back onto the race track or our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken. Now I'm gonna ask you: do any of you guys wanna go fast?
Ricky Bobby: I wanna go fast!
Ricky Bobby: I wanna go fast!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... new born infant jesus,don't even know a word yet.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I'm embarrassed. I really thought I could feel it.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula Un. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexican.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naught
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexican.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naught
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I get emotional. You guys are workin' so hard, and I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you,jesuz, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: mmm...
Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny infant Jesus...
Carley Bobby: Hey, um... you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: mmm...
Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny infant Jesus...
Carley Bobby: Hey, um... you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: [television commercial] This is Ricky Bobby.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: And I'm Cal Naughton Junior.
Ricky Bobby: Urging you not to go to Tijuana.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: And I'm Cal Naughton Junior.
Ricky Bobby: Urging you not to go to Tijuana.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
[from the unrated version]
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I got my license taken away. That's why I'm delivering pizzas on the bus.
Man on the Subway: Motha****a, what makes you think I care? Shut the **** up!
Ricky Bobby: I- I've just been having a lot of problems lately.
Man on the Subway: Problems? Don't nobody want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up somebody's finger! That's a problem!
Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I got my license taken away. That's why I'm delivering pizzas on the bus.
Man on the Subway: Motha****a, what makes you think I care? Shut the **** up!
Ricky Bobby: I- I've just been having a lot of problems lately.
Man on the Subway: Problems? Don't nobody want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up somebody's finger! That's a problem!
Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?
Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
[Chip is starled]
Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
[Chip is starled]
Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake 'n Bake!
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No, never again.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.
Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like... Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No, never again.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.
Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like... Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: [television commercial] Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner. And what better gift to give a loved one,
[pulls out a huge camping axe]
Ricky Bobby: than the Jackhawk 9000. Avaible at Wal-Mart.
[pulls out a huge camping axe]
Ricky Bobby: than the Jackhawk 9000. Avaible at Wal-Mart.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Chip: [to Ricky Bobby] Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Lucy Bobby: [in the beginning of the movie and Reese is speeding] Reese, you just passed the hospital!
Lucy Bobby: [They keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something. Ready? One, two, three!
[He slams the brakes and we hear ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy.
Lucy Bobby: [They keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something. Ready? One, two, three!
[He slams the brakes and we hear ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard: It's a sign of affection in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: It is not sexual in any way. My erection has nothing to do with you.
Jean Girard: It's a sign of affection in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: It is not sexual in any way. My erection has nothing to do with you.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I will not shake your hand, but I will give you this
[kisses Jean Girard]
Jean Girard: You taste of America.
Ricky Bobby: Thank you.
[kisses Jean Girard]
Jean Girard: You taste of America.
Ricky Bobby: Thank you.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: You sick, sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs... all fat and cocky and lookin at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did he just say "husband"?
Herschell: Wow... Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate!
Ricky Bobby: The room's startin to spin real fast... cause of... cause of all the gayness. Cal... I love you
[Ricky faints]
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Ricky!Ricky! OH GOD!
Herschell: Wow... Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate!
Ricky Bobby: The room's startin to spin real fast... cause of... cause of all the gayness. Cal... I love you
[Ricky faints]
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Ricky!Ricky! OH GOD!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Lucy Bobby: [in the beginning of the movie and Reese is speeding] Reese, you just passed the hospital!
Lucy Bobby: [they keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something. Ready? One, two, three!
[He slams the brakes and we hear Ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy.
Lucy Bobby: [they keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something. Ready? One, two, three!
[He slams the brakes and we hear Ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: From now on, it's Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Hi. I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then **** you.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby