Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Quotes
Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
Classmates: [they all cheer]
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
Classmates: [they all cheer]
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [On the telephone] Ricky, I think your house is haunted.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it!
[pauses]
Ricky Bobby: Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it!
[pauses]
Ricky Bobby: Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I hope you have sons. Beautiful, handsome boys. Articulate, educated, and athletic. And I hope they have their legs taken from them, so you can know what this pain is like.
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! You are NOT paralyzed!
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! You are NOT paralyzed!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I wanna thank little baby Jesus, who's sittin' in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: [running around on the track in his underwear] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Hey, when you have the stereo and TV on, how do you change the volume on the stereo?
Ricky Bobby: "If you have the stereo on..." Why do you have the stereo on while you're watching TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: 'Cause I like to party.
Ricky Bobby: "If you have the stereo on..." Why do you have the stereo on while you're watching TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: 'Cause I like to party.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: Ricky... I watched the Highlander movie. It was shit!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Texas Ranger: Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula Un. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the Ménage à Trois.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughton, Jr.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the Ménage à Trois.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughton, Jr.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: Bon. So, what if you just said: I love really thin pancakes? That is a fair compromise, no?
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crepes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepe Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crepes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepe Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I'm going fast again!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: How fast is he going?
Lucius Washington: 26 miles per hour.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: How fast is he going?
Lucius Washington: 26 miles per hour.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said No, you're wrong. I said You got a lumpy butt. She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said No, you're wrong. I said You got a lumpy butt. She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Texas Ranger: [complaining about doing community service] When do we get to stop doing this, Grandma?
Lucy Bobby: Well, I don't know, honey. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?
Lucy Bobby: Well, I don't know, honey. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet the bed until I was 19. There's no shame in that.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Bill Weber: We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NASCAR. Coming up next, it's Ice Dancing to the hits of Motown.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Schoolteacher: Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?
10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
Classmates: [Laugh at what Ricky said]
Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.
10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
Classmates: [Laugh at what Ricky said]
Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.
10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
[repeated line]
Ricky Bobby, Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake and bake!
Ricky Bobby, Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake and bake!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I've sent in my application to the Real World. So I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, hey, what's up guys? Want some crack? I'm just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake and bake!
Jean Girard: Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?
Jean Girard: Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love fig newtons.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I came here to tell you one thing. Come race time tomorrow I'm coming for you.
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the academy award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the academy award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I'm just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said..."I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Wow. I feel like I'm Highlander!
Jean Girard: [Jean chuckles, confused] What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made.
Jean Girard: [Jean chuckles, confused] What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Dear little baby Jesus, who's sittin' in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my moma together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby