Ted 2 Quotes
Tami-Lynn: [Unrated version]Teddy, I got a really good feeling about this.
Ted: I know. Me too. I mean, adoption's great. Right?
Tami-Lynn: Oh, yeah. I mean, Steve Jobs was adopted.
Ted: Yeah! Yeah. And also a million kids who did nothin'.
Tami-Lynn: You know, Teddy, this has been nice, you and me doing this together. It's like we have a common goal or somethin'. Right?
Ted: I love hearing you say that, 'cause I feel exactly the same way.
Tami-Lynn: And we ain't fought in, like, a week.
Ted: I know! We haven't! Hey, you know what, if the baby works out, we should get a dog.
Tami-Lynn: Oh, my God. A German shepherd.
Ted: A German shepherd and a baby, together.
Tami-Lynn: It's, like, the perfect family.
Ted: And a gun to protect us all!
Tami-Lynn: Yes! Okay, as soon as we get the baby, we get the gun.
Ted: I love our gun-dog-baby family!
Ted: I know. Me too. I mean, adoption's great. Right?
Tami-Lynn: Oh, yeah. I mean, Steve Jobs was adopted.
Ted: Yeah! Yeah. And also a million kids who did nothin'.
Tami-Lynn: You know, Teddy, this has been nice, you and me doing this together. It's like we have a common goal or somethin'. Right?
Ted: I love hearing you say that, 'cause I feel exactly the same way.
Tami-Lynn: And we ain't fought in, like, a week.
Ted: I know! We haven't! Hey, you know what, if the baby works out, we should get a dog.
Tami-Lynn: Oh, my God. A German shepherd.
Ted: A German shepherd and a baby, together.
Tami-Lynn: It's, like, the perfect family.
Ted: And a gun to protect us all!
Tami-Lynn: Yes! Okay, as soon as we get the baby, we get the gun.
Ted: I love our gun-dog-baby family!
Movie: Ted 2
Joy: Look at that! You see them two white niggers over there?
Ted: Yeah, what?
Joy: Look at them! They so happy, because they got that little baby keeping them together. If they didn't have that baby, they'd just be two sad-ass white niggers waiting for Downton Abbey to come on.
Ted: Yeah, what?
Joy: Look at them! They so happy, because they got that little baby keeping them together. If they didn't have that baby, they'd just be two sad-ass white niggers waiting for Downton Abbey to come on.
Movie: Ted 2
John: You piece of shit. Killing him at Fenway Park wasn't enough for you, huh? Huh, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW?
Donny: You don't deserve him, John. You never did. YOU NEVER DID!
John: I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
Ted: Aha! I fucking knew it!
Donny: You don't deserve him, John. You never did. YOU NEVER DID!
John: I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
Ted: Aha! I fucking knew it!
Movie: Ted 2
Frank: [to Ted in his office]I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go.
Ted: [Taken aback]What? Why? I've been bursting my ass at this job for three years!
Frank: I just got a call from the Labor department. I can't legally keep you on as an employee... because I've been informed that you're technically...
Ted: [Finishing the sentence]Technically not a person. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Frank: I'm sorry. But as of today you 're fired.
Ted: [Taken aback]What? Why? I've been bursting my ass at this job for three years!
Frank: I just got a call from the Labor department. I can't legally keep you on as an employee... because I've been informed that you're technically...
Ted: [Finishing the sentence]Technically not a person. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Frank: I'm sorry. But as of today you 're fired.
Movie: Ted 2
[Donny and Jessup leave the Hasbro panel with an unconscious Ted] Donny: Come on, there's an empty supply room downstairs.
Tom Jessup: Is that him?
Donny: Uh, yeah, there was an issue, so he's unconscious now. This is him.
Tom Jessup: Jesus! Why did you bring him here?
Donny: Well, I've been following him around since yesterday. This was the only chance I could get him alone. I had to move fast. [Guy and Rick appear behind them]
Guy: Hey, Ted! [Donny and Jessup turn around]
Guy: Is that you?
Donny: Uh, yeah, he had a little too much to drink. He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a, in a stroller, so we're gonna take him back and sober him up.
Guy: [pointing at them]Ah, rock on, Ted.
Donny: [pointing back]Eff yeah. [Donny and Jessup proceed down the hallway]
Rick: Hey guys, be careful out there. Some nerd spilled his lunch. [Guy trips a Starfleet Redshirt cosplayer]
Guy: Hey, watch that floor. Comes up fast, man.
Tom Jessup: Is that him?
Donny: Uh, yeah, there was an issue, so he's unconscious now. This is him.
Tom Jessup: Jesus! Why did you bring him here?
Donny: Well, I've been following him around since yesterday. This was the only chance I could get him alone. I had to move fast. [Guy and Rick appear behind them]
Guy: Hey, Ted! [Donny and Jessup turn around]
Guy: Is that you?
Donny: Uh, yeah, he had a little too much to drink. He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a, in a stroller, so we're gonna take him back and sober him up.
Guy: [pointing at them]Ah, rock on, Ted.
Donny: [pointing back]Eff yeah. [Donny and Jessup proceed down the hallway]
Rick: Hey guys, be careful out there. Some nerd spilled his lunch. [Guy trips a Starfleet Redshirt cosplayer]
Guy: Hey, watch that floor. Comes up fast, man.
Movie: Ted 2
Ted: [At a Knight Rider Q&A panel, unrated version]I have a question. Exactly how many beers did you have before you got naked with that hamburger?
David Hasselhoff: You know, buddy, we all make mistakes. That was a long time ago and I'm a different guy now.
KITT: You know what, can I just jump in here for a second? You're a real scumbag for asking that question.
Ted: What? It's a fair question.
KITT: No, you know what? You know what? Let me tell you something about this man...
David Hasselhoff: KITT, it's all right, just let it go.
KITT: No, no! I want him to hear this. Let me tell you something, after the show ended, I got nothing but shit work, all right? I was playing snow plows, tractors, I was even cast as a lawnmower. Not that was a real low point for me and this man sitting next to me, at this very low point in my life wrote me a check.
David Hasselhoff: Aw, come on, pal.
KITT: No, no! I want everyone to hear this because you are a good man, David Hasselhoff! You are a good man. You saved me with your generosity. You are the most- [KITT's wiper fluid and windshield wipers start up]
KITT: I'm so sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional. I just love you, buddy. I just love you so much.
David Hasselhoff: I love you too, pal, I really do. I love you.
Ted: So, like twenty-five beers or what?
KITT: [rushing at Ted]You piece of shit! Get out of here!
Ted: Whoa, man! What the fuck?
KITT: You are not fit to breathe the same air as this man!
David Hasselhoff: KITT, he's not worth it!
KITT: Get out of here!
Ted: What? He's a celebrity. His personal life is our business.
KITT: Get the fuck out, you piece of dog shit! I will run you down like roadkill! <
David Hasselhoff: You know, buddy, we all make mistakes. That was a long time ago and I'm a different guy now.
KITT: You know what, can I just jump in here for a second? You're a real scumbag for asking that question.
Ted: What? It's a fair question.
KITT: No, you know what? You know what? Let me tell you something about this man...
David Hasselhoff: KITT, it's all right, just let it go.
KITT: No, no! I want him to hear this. Let me tell you something, after the show ended, I got nothing but shit work, all right? I was playing snow plows, tractors, I was even cast as a lawnmower. Not that was a real low point for me and this man sitting next to me, at this very low point in my life wrote me a check.
David Hasselhoff: Aw, come on, pal.
KITT: No, no! I want everyone to hear this because you are a good man, David Hasselhoff! You are a good man. You saved me with your generosity. You are the most- [KITT's wiper fluid and windshield wipers start up]
KITT: I'm so sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional. I just love you, buddy. I just love you so much.
David Hasselhoff: I love you too, pal, I really do. I love you.
Ted: So, like twenty-five beers or what?
KITT: [rushing at Ted]You piece of shit! Get out of here!
Ted: Whoa, man! What the fuck?
KITT: You are not fit to breathe the same air as this man!
David Hasselhoff: KITT, he's not worth it!
KITT: Get out of here!
Ted: What? He's a celebrity. His personal life is our business.
KITT: Get the fuck out, you piece of dog shit! I will run you down like roadkill! <
Movie: Ted 2
Samantha Jackson: [Alternate scene]Can either of you tell me what happened in World War I?
John: Yeah. I mean, the whole world was fighting.
Ted: It's a lot of anger. A lot of anger.
Samantha Jackson: Any specifics?
John: A lot of people died.
Ted: Too many, if you ask me.
Samantha Jackson: Where did it take place?
John: All over the world.
Ted: Thus, World War I.
John: And that was the first one.
Ted: Of many.
Samantha Jackson: You guys need to get fucking educated!
John: Yeah. I mean, the whole world was fighting.
Ted: It's a lot of anger. A lot of anger.
Samantha Jackson: Any specifics?
John: A lot of people died.
Ted: Too many, if you ask me.
Samantha Jackson: Where did it take place?
John: All over the world.
Ted: Thus, World War I.
John: And that was the first one.
Ted: Of many.
Samantha Jackson: You guys need to get fucking educated!
Movie: Ted 2
Jimmy Fallon: [Unrated version]So, the big story out of Boston is that Ted, the bear, is suing to prove that he's a person. Legal experts are closely watching this case. They said if Ted wins, Donald Trump's hair would look to quickly file a similar lawsuit.
Movie: Ted 2
Bill Maher: [Unrated version]This sounds like a silly case, but this is actually a really big case. The last time someone named Ted made this much news in Massachusetts, he drove a chick into a lake.
Movie: Ted 2
Shep Wild: Where did they get him? [Ted]
John: [Mutters]Child-World Toy Store.
Shep Wild: I'm sorry I couldn't hear that, could you repeat that please?
John: Child-World Toy Store, you fuckin' heard me!
John: [Mutters]Child-World Toy Store.
Shep Wild: I'm sorry I couldn't hear that, could you repeat that please?
John: Child-World Toy Store, you fuckin' heard me!
Movie: Ted 2
Ted: Right. You see the thing is, we don't wanna take any chances, because the stakes are so significant.
John: We can't rush into anything. We got to make sure we're making the right decision.
Ted: We really appreciate your time, but what we're probably gonna do is... [Samantha takes a hit from bong]
Ted: just take a seat and get to work.
John: Trust you completely.
Ted: We really feel you got a lot to offer.
Samantha Jackson: Sorry you don't mind the pot,do you? I get migraines.
John: Oh absolutely. Me too.
Ted: That's fine. I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets.
John: We can't rush into anything. We got to make sure we're making the right decision.
Ted: We really appreciate your time, but what we're probably gonna do is... [Samantha takes a hit from bong]
Ted: just take a seat and get to work.
John: Trust you completely.
Ted: We really feel you got a lot to offer.
Samantha Jackson: Sorry you don't mind the pot,do you? I get migraines.
John: Oh absolutely. Me too.
Ted: That's fine. I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets.
Movie: Ted 2
[Samantha smokes weed on a penis-shaped bong] John: Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip.
Ted: Yeah, Sam. This, this puts us in a kind of awkward position here. I mean, we wanna get high too.
John: I don't have any papers or nothing.
Samantha Jackson: Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party. [giggles]
Samantha Jackson: It's so stupid. Here, try it.
John: Uh, no.
Samantha Jackson: Why?
John: I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.
Samantha Jackson: Oh, you think this is big?
Ted: [laughing]Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal.
Ted: Yeah, Sam. This, this puts us in a kind of awkward position here. I mean, we wanna get high too.
John: I don't have any papers or nothing.
Samantha Jackson: Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party. [giggles]
Samantha Jackson: It's so stupid. Here, try it.
John: Uh, no.
Samantha Jackson: Why?
John: I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.
Samantha Jackson: Oh, you think this is big?
Ted: [laughing]Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal.
Movie: Ted 2
Ted: [Unrated version, while listening to Electric Slide at the wedding afterparty]No! No! I said no Electric Slide! [Throws wine bottle at DJ]
Ted: God dammit, you will not wreck this night with your forced white people group fun!
Ted: God dammit, you will not wreck this night with your forced white people group fun!
Movie: Ted 2
[Sam J. Jones dresses as Flash Gordon sees that John and Samantha at Comic-Con] Sam J. Jones: Hey, Bennett!
John: [looks at Flash Gordon]Oh, shit.
Sam J. Jones: You messed up my car! What the hell is wrong with you?
John: Look, Sam. This is really a bad time, all right? Something happened to Ted.
Sam J. Jones: Oh! But, it's a good time for you to vandalize my Chrysler though!
John: Hey, fuck your Chrysler! [Sam Jones began to fighting John and all the people at Comic-Con]
John: [looks at Flash Gordon]Oh, shit.
Sam J. Jones: You messed up my car! What the hell is wrong with you?
John: Look, Sam. This is really a bad time, all right? Something happened to Ted.
Sam J. Jones: Oh! But, it's a good time for you to vandalize my Chrysler though!
John: Hey, fuck your Chrysler! [Sam Jones began to fighting John and all the people at Comic-Con]
Movie: Ted 2
[Ted and John roam around the forest to pick up firewood when John notices a marijuana leaf] John: What the hell? [John sniffs the leaf]
John: Holy shit! Hey, Ted! You know what this is? It's Super Lemon Haze. [Ted turns around and is amazed by what he sees while he walks towards John]
John: It's a really rare strain. It's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze. It's totally potent. I mean, I've only had it once in my life and it was one of the best highs I ever had. What the hell is a leaf of that stuff doing outin the middle of a... [Ted grabs John's head and has him look to the right. John gets up and is astonished by the sight of marijuana crops in front of him]
John: Dear God! Dear God in heaven!
Ted: So beautiful! [sobs]
Ted: It's so beautiful!
Samantha Jackson: No words. No words. They should've sent a poet.
Ted: They're moving in herds. They do move in herds.
John: Holy shit! Hey, Ted! You know what this is? It's Super Lemon Haze. [Ted turns around and is amazed by what he sees while he walks towards John]
John: It's a really rare strain. It's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze. It's totally potent. I mean, I've only had it once in my life and it was one of the best highs I ever had. What the hell is a leaf of that stuff doing outin the middle of a... [Ted grabs John's head and has him look to the right. John gets up and is astonished by the sight of marijuana crops in front of him]
John: Dear God! Dear God in heaven!
Ted: So beautiful! [sobs]
Ted: It's so beautiful!
Samantha Jackson: No words. No words. They should've sent a poet.
Ted: They're moving in herds. They do move in herds.
Movie: Ted 2