The Andy Griffith Show Quotes
Andy Taylor: [to Emmett] You blew it. You stood right there and blew it.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Barney, you can't give Otis a sobriety test now; he's had all night to sleep it off. The time to give him a sobriety test was last night when you picked him up.
Barney Fife: I couldn't give him the test last night!
Andy Taylor: Why?
Barney Fife: He was too drunk.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Goob, did anybody ever tell you you've got a big mouth?
Goober Pyle: Yeah, but I don't pay no attention to 'em.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Opie! Time to come in, son.
Opie Taylor: Aw Pa, just a little while longer... please?
Andy Taylor: Well, OK. [to Barney]
Andy Taylor: Daylight's precious when your a youngen'.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Well, Barney, you know we always give the truck drivers an extra five miles an hour so they can make it up Turner's Grade.
Barney Fife: Now Andy, if you let them take thirty, they'll take thirty-five. If you let them take thirty-five, they'll take forty. If you let them take forty, they'll take forty-five. If you...
Andy Taylor: Uh, Barn.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Well, I caught him earlier on a 10-17.
Barney Fife: Hat in a horse trough?
Andy Taylor: Yeah.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: What are you doing?
Barney Fife: Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they respect me.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: Where can we find this Ernest T. Bass?
Dud Wash: Aww, he's a pestilence and a pestilence will find *you*... you just wait.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Andy Taylor: You date one woman all the time and pretty soon people start taking you for granted. They don't say, "Let's invite Andy," or "Let's invite Elly." No, they say. "Let's invite Andy and Elly!" See, then it's "Andy and Elly"; "Elly and Andy". A then, that's when that woman gets her claws into you!
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Sheriff Andy Taylor: [reading a note tied to a rock Ernest T. Bass threw through the window] "Maybe you goin' to have a weddin', and maybe you goin' to have a preacher; but you might not have a bride. You ever think of that?" Mr. Darling, you don't think he'd try to kidnap Charlene before the wedding?
Briscoe Darling: He might. He's just crazy enough to do it.
Dud Wash: Well, you just let him try! I'll show him some things I learned in the army in jungle warfare! First, you grab the mouth and pull like this. [demonstrates by pulling his own mouth]
Dud Wash: Then you grade his nose and twist it like this. [twists his own nose]
Briscoe Darling: Stop that, boy! You want your face to freeze thatta' way?
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Sheriff Andy Taylor: Somewhere wandering loose around Mayberry is a loaded goat.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Dud Wash: Where's my 'darlin' person'? There she is! [grabs Charlene and begins hugging and kissing her]
Charlene Darling: Dud! Stop it!
Dud Wash: Aw. c'mon Charlene!
Briscoe Darling: Stop that, boy! We got other things to do. Try to control them hot flashes.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Ramona 'Romeena' Ankrum: It rained last week, ya know?
Ernest T. Bass: Yeah... yeah... I was right there in it.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [about Briscoe's decision not to kill Ernest T] It's a wise man who knows not to push the limits of the law.
Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] He arguin' with me?
Andy Taylor: No; he's agreein' with you.
Briscoe Darling: Just so I know where I stand.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [Andy and Barney are watching a sign painter] Ain't he got chicken spelled wrong?
Andy Taylor: No, it's right.
Barney Fife: You sure?
Andy Taylor: Yeah, it's "i before e except after c and e before n in chicken".
Barney Fife: [chuckles] Oh yeah, I always forget that rule.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [angry] Oh, you're just full of fun today, aren't you? Why don't we go up to the old people's home and wax the steps?
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [through a megaphone while directing the cave rescue] Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor! Repeat! Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor!
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [to a group of boys] Boys, when that steel door slams shut, that's the end of the happy days. No more fishin', no more ball playin', no more peanut butter sandwiches. [Door slams shut behind Barney]
Andy Taylor: [little boy holds out sandwich to Barney] No, No Leon; Barney can't have that.
Barney Fife: You're real funny, you know that. We ought to book you on one of those excursion lines.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: [while relaxing on the front porch after Sunday dinner] You know what I think I'm gonna' do?
Andy Taylor: What?
Barney Fife: I'm gonna' go home, have me a little nap, and then go over to Thelma Lou's and watch a little TV.
Andy Taylor: Mmm-hmm.
Barney Fife: Yeah, I believe that's what I'll do. Go home... have a nap... and then over to Thelma Lou's for TV.
Andy Taylor: Mmm.
Barney Fife: Yep, that's the plan. Home... little nap... then...
Malcolm Tucker: [interrupting] For the love of Mike *do* it! [shouts]
Malcolm Tucker: Do it! Just *do* it! Go take a nap, go to Thelma Lou's for TV, just *do it*!
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: Adios, amigo.
Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] He one of ours?
Andy Taylor: Oh, sure.
Briscoe Darling: [to Barney] More power to ya.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: All I'm saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn't be tampered with. We don't know everything, Andy. There's plenty going on right now in the Twilight Zone that we don't know anything about and I think we ought to stay clear.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: Andy, I've this one dead to rights! Otis was drunk. I even gave him a test. I drew a line on the sidewalk and told him to walk it. You know what he said?
Andy Taylor: What?
Barney Fife: He asked me what line. I've got this one right, Andy. Otis was drunk!
Andy Taylor: That right, Otis? Did you ask Deputy Fife what line?
Otis Campbell: Yeah; but I didn't have my specs on and drunk or sober, I can't see much without my specs.
Andy Taylor: Otis, three hours ago when Deputy Fife arrested you were you drunk?
Otis Campbell: I don't know; I wasn't wearin' my glasses.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: Fly away buzzard, fly away crow, way down south where the winds don't blow. Rub your nose and give two winks and save us from this awful jinx.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: Gentlemen, I give you science in action. Proof-positive the camera does not lie; it sees all, tells all.
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show
Barney Fife: Gomer, get down there with them spiders and start workin'!
TV Show: The Andy Griffith Show