The Apartment Quotes
C.C. Baxter: Ya know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe. I mean shipwrecked among 8 million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand and there you were.
Movie: The Apartment
C.C. Baxter: [Opens his bedroom door, tosses a pair of gloves in, and is about to step out, but he has seen Fran lying on the bed] All right, Miss Kubelik, get up. [No response from the unconscious Fran]
C.C. Baxter: It's past checking-out time. The management would greatly appreciate it if you would get the hell out of here! [Still no response]
C.C. Baxter: I used to like you. I used to like you a lot. But it's all over between us. So beat it! [No responss]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, you, tee, out! [No response]
C.C. Baxter: C'mon, wake up! [Tries to drag her out, and she falls limp. Then he catches sight of the bottle of sleeping pills]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, my God...!
C.C. Baxter: It's past checking-out time. The management would greatly appreciate it if you would get the hell out of here! [Still no response]
C.C. Baxter: I used to like you. I used to like you a lot. But it's all over between us. So beat it! [No responss]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, you, tee, out! [No response]
C.C. Baxter: C'mon, wake up! [Tries to drag her out, and she falls limp. Then he catches sight of the bottle of sleeping pills]
C.C. Baxter: Oh, my God...!
Movie: The Apartment
Doctor Dreyfuss: [music starts in Baxter's apartment while the doctor gets home] [yelling]
Doctor Dreyfuss: Mildred! He's at it again.
Doctor Dreyfuss: Mildred! He's at it again.
Movie: The Apartment
Dr. Dreyfuss: [entering his apartment, he suddenly hears loud music starting from next door] Mildred! He's at it again.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik: When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.
Movie: The Apartment
Kirkeby: Say, why don't we have ourselves a party, the four of us?
C.C. Baxter: No. [Kirkeby sees Ms. Kubelik sleeping in the bedroom]
Kirkeby: [laughs] Well, I don't blame ya. So you hit the jackpot, eh kid? I mean Kubelikwise. [Baxter pushes Kirkeby out of the door]
Kirkeby: Now don't worry, I won't say a word to anybody. [Door almost shuts, Kirkeby pushes in one last time]
Kirkeby: Stay with it, Buddy-Boy.
C.C. Baxter: No. [Kirkeby sees Ms. Kubelik sleeping in the bedroom]
Kirkeby: [laughs] Well, I don't blame ya. So you hit the jackpot, eh kid? I mean Kubelikwise. [Baxter pushes Kirkeby out of the door]
Kirkeby: Now don't worry, I won't say a word to anybody. [Door almost shuts, Kirkeby pushes in one last time]
Kirkeby: Stay with it, Buddy-Boy.
Movie: The Apartment
C.C. Baxter : Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake.
J.D. Sheldrake : What do you mean, sorry?
C.C. Baxter : You're not going to bring anybody to my apartment.
J.D. Sheldrake : I'm not just bringing anybody; I'm bringing Miss Kubelik.
C.C. Baxter : Especially not Miss Kubelik.
J.D. Sheldrake : How's that again?
C.C. Baxter : [ firmly ] No key.
J.D. Sheldrake : Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a very bright young man. Do you realize what you're doing? Not to me, but to yourself? Normally, it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor. But it only takes thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig?
C.C. Baxter : I dig.
J.D. Sheldrake : So what's it going to be? [ Baxter slowly reaches into his pocket for a key and drops it on Sheldrake's desk ]
J.D. Sheldrake : Now you're being bright.
C.C. Baxter : Thank you, sir. [ Baxter goes back into his office, looks around, then reaches into his closet for his coat and hat. Sheldrake comes in moments later ]
J.D. Sheldrake : Say, Baxter, you gave me the wrong key.
C.C. Baxter : No, I didn't.
J.D. Sheldrake : But this is the key to the executive washroom.
C.C. Baxter : That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it because I'm all washed up around here.
J.D. Sheldrake : What's gotten into you, Baxter?
C.C. Baxter : Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a "mensch". You know what that means? A human being.
J.D. Sheldrake : Now, hold on, Baxter...
C.C. Baxter : Save it. The old payola won't work anymore. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake.
J.D. Sheldrake : What do you mean, sorry?
C.C. Baxter : You're not going to bring anybody to my apartment.
J.D. Sheldrake : I'm not just bringing anybody; I'm bringing Miss Kubelik.
C.C. Baxter : Especially not Miss Kubelik.
J.D. Sheldrake : How's that again?
C.C. Baxter : [ firmly ] No key.
J.D. Sheldrake : Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a very bright young man. Do you realize what you're doing? Not to me, but to yourself? Normally, it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor. But it only takes thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig?
C.C. Baxter : I dig.
J.D. Sheldrake : So what's it going to be? [ Baxter slowly reaches into his pocket for a key and drops it on Sheldrake's desk ]
J.D. Sheldrake : Now you're being bright.
C.C. Baxter : Thank you, sir. [ Baxter goes back into his office, looks around, then reaches into his closet for his coat and hat. Sheldrake comes in moments later ]
J.D. Sheldrake : Say, Baxter, you gave me the wrong key.
C.C. Baxter : No, I didn't.
J.D. Sheldrake : But this is the key to the executive washroom.
C.C. Baxter : That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it because I'm all washed up around here.
J.D. Sheldrake : What's gotten into you, Baxter?
C.C. Baxter : Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a "mensch". You know what that means? A human being.
J.D. Sheldrake : Now, hold on, Baxter...
C.C. Baxter : Save it. The old payola won't work anymore. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : Shall I light the candles?
C.C. Baxter : It's a must! Gracious living-wise.
C.C. Baxter : It's a must! Gracious living-wise.
Movie: The Apartment
C.C. Baxter : The mirror... it's broken.
Fran Kubelik : Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.
Fran Kubelik : Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.
Movie: The Apartment
J.D. Sheldrake : Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?
C.C. Baxter : No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.
C.C. Baxter : No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : I never catch colds.
C.C. Baxter : Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik : That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter : Why?
Fran Kubelik : Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter : [ sheepishly ] Yeah... it's me.
C.C. Baxter : Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik : That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter : Why?
Fran Kubelik : Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter : [ sheepishly ] Yeah... it's me.
Movie: The Apartment
[ last lines ]
C.C. Baxter : You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
Fran Kubelik : Shut up and deal...
C.C. Baxter : You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
Fran Kubelik : Shut up and deal...
Movie: The Apartment
[ first lines ]
C.C. Baxter : [ narrating ] On November 1st, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company - Consolidated Life of New York. We're one of the top five companies in the country. Our home office has 31,259 employees, which is more than the entire population of uhh... Natchez, Mississippi. I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861.
C.C. Baxter : [ narrating ] On November 1st, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company - Consolidated Life of New York. We're one of the top five companies in the country. Our home office has 31,259 employees, which is more than the entire population of uhh... Natchez, Mississippi. I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861.
Movie: The Apartment
C.C. Baxter : Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise.
Movie: The Apartment
C.C. Baxter : Ya know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe; I mean, shipwrecked among 8 million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand, and there you were.
Movie: The Apartment
Margie MacDougall : [ outside Baxter's apartment on Christmas Eve, after leaving a bar ] Night like this, it sorta spooks you, walking into an empty apartment.
C.C. Baxter : I said I had no family; I didn't say I had an empty apartment.
C.C. Baxter : I said I had no family; I didn't say I had an empty apartment.
Movie: The Apartment
Kirkeby : Say, why don't we have ourselves a party, the four of us?
C.C. Baxter : No. [ Kirkeby suddenly sees Fran sleeping in the bedroom ]
Kirkeby : [ laughs ] Well, I don't blame ya. So you hit the jackpot, eh kid? I mean Kubelik-wise. [ Baxter pushes Kirkeby out the door ]
Kirkeby : Now don't worry, I won't say a word to anybody. [ with the door almost shut, Kirkeby pushes in one last time ]
Kirkeby : Stay with it, buddy boy.
C.C. Baxter : No. [ Kirkeby suddenly sees Fran sleeping in the bedroom ]
Kirkeby : [ laughs ] Well, I don't blame ya. So you hit the jackpot, eh kid? I mean Kubelik-wise. [ Baxter pushes Kirkeby out the door ]
Kirkeby : Now don't worry, I won't say a word to anybody. [ with the door almost shut, Kirkeby pushes in one last time ]
Kirkeby : Stay with it, buddy boy.
Movie: The Apartment
Kirkeby : Premium-wise and billing-wise, we are eighteen percent ahead of last year, October-wise.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : What's a tennis racket doing in the kitchen?
C.C. Baxter : Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner. [ Fran looks confused ]
C.C. Baxter : I use it to strain the spaghetti.
C.C. Baxter : Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner. [ Fran looks confused ]
C.C. Baxter : I use it to strain the spaghetti.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : He's a taker.
C.C. Baxter : A what?
Fran Kubelik : Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it.
C.C. Baxter : A what?
Fran Kubelik : Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it.
Movie: The Apartment
Margie MacDougall : 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... nothin'... no action... dullsville!
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : Would you mind opening the window?
C.C. Baxter : Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik.
Fran Kubelik : I just want some fresh air.
C.C. Baxter : It's only one story down. The best you can do is break a leg.
Fran Kubelik : So they'll shoot me - like a horse.
C.C. Baxter : Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish.
Fran Kubelik : Who'd care?
C.C. Baxter : I would.
Fran Kubelik : Why can't I ever fall in love with someone nice like you?
C.C. Baxter : Now don't go getting any ideas, Miss Kubelik.
Fran Kubelik : I just want some fresh air.
C.C. Baxter : It's only one story down. The best you can do is break a leg.
Fran Kubelik : So they'll shoot me - like a horse.
C.C. Baxter : Please, Miss Kubelik, you got to promise me you won't do anything foolish.
Fran Kubelik : Who'd care?
C.C. Baxter : I would.
Fran Kubelik : Why can't I ever fall in love with someone nice like you?
Movie: The Apartment
Sylvia : You mean you bring other girls up here?
Kirkeby : Certainly not! I'm a happily married man.
Kirkeby : Certainly not! I'm a happily married man.
Movie: The Apartment
Fran Kubelik : I was jinxed from the word go. The first time I was ever kissed was in a cemetery.
Movie: The Apartment
Dr. Dreyfuss : [ entering his apartment, he suddenly hears loud music starting from next door ] Mildred! He's at it again.
Movie: The Apartment