The Big Bang Theory Quotes
Howard: [checking an encyclopedia] Right here. See it? The common field cricket, a.k.a. Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for "Suck it. You lose."
Sheldon: Hang on. [Finds another page] Voila. The Snowy Tree Cricket, a.k.a. Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for "I'll suck nothing." Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is Nihil exsorbibo.
Sheldon: Hang on. [Finds another page] Voila. The Snowy Tree Cricket, a.k.a. Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for "I'll suck nothing." Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is Nihil exsorbibo.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
[after several scenes where Penny does something of which Sheldon approves, and gets a piece of chocolate in return]
Leonard: OK. I see what you're doing.
Sheldon: Really.
Leonard: Yes. You're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior.
Sheldon: Very good! Chocolate? [while offering the box to Leonard]
Leonard: No! [moves away]
Leonard: OK. I see what you're doing.
Sheldon: Really.
Leonard: Yes. You're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior.
Sheldon: Very good! Chocolate? [while offering the box to Leonard]
Leonard: No! [moves away]
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Leonard: I've always been a little confused about this -- why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism cattle are thought to be like gods.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture Sheldon! In the mood I'm in I'll take you out, I swear to cow!
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism cattle are thought to be like gods.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture Sheldon! In the mood I'm in I'll take you out, I swear to cow!
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Raj: [After Sheldon offers him a job] Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim butt-naked across the Ganges, with a papercut on my nipple, and then die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection, than work with you.
Sheldon: For me.
Sheldon: For me.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
[Howard's phone rings]
Howard: Damn, it's my mother.
Bernadette: Are you going answer it?
Howard: I'm torn. She might be dying. I wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
Bernadette: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
Howard: Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Bernadette: Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you're 9 years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That's the sad part.
Howard: Okay, check this out: my mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That's nothing! I couldn't ride a bicycle because my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry. [short pause]
Howard: Corolla! More wine?
Bernadette: I'd love some!
Howard: Listen, you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, a Catholic girl like you, wearing a big cross like that, might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
Howard: It's a date.
Penny: [aside to Leonard] Am I a matchmaker or what?
Howard: Damn, it's my mother.
Bernadette: Are you going answer it?
Howard: I'm torn. She might be dying. I wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
Bernadette: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
Howard: Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Bernadette: Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you're 9 years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That's the sad part.
Howard: Okay, check this out: my mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That's nothing! I couldn't ride a bicycle because my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
Bernadette: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry. [short pause]
Howard: Corolla! More wine?
Bernadette: I'd love some!
Howard: Listen, you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, a Catholic girl like you, wearing a big cross like that, might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
Howard: It's a date.
Penny: [aside to Leonard] Am I a matchmaker or what?
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: [after winning a card game match in a tournament] Now fetch me Wil Wheaton! [he looks at where Wil Wheaton and Stuart are playing their own match]bortaS bIr jablu’DI’ reH QaQqu’ nay’
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold' in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say 'Revenge is a dish best served cold' in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: Alright, Poindexter, sit down, shut up, and listen.
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Oh, that's how my father always began our football conversations, and if you'd like, after the game I'll take you outside and teach you to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Oh, that's how my father always began our football conversations, and if you'd like, after the game I'll take you outside and teach you to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Leonard: [watching football on TV] I think I'm starting to get this.
Raj: Really? The only thing I've learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often, and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.
Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.
Raj: Really? The only thing I've learned in the last two hours is that American men love drinking beer, pee too often, and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials, Raj.
Raj: I'm just saying, maybe if people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
[Howard and Raj are fighting. Eventually, Sheldon loses his nerve]
Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents! "Damn it, George, I told you if you didn't quit drinkin', I'd leave you!" "Well, I guess that makes you a liar, 'cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here!" "Stop yelling! You're making Sheldon cry!" "I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry! That I let you name him Sheldon!"
Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents! "Damn it, George, I told you if you didn't quit drinkin', I'd leave you!" "Well, I guess that makes you a liar, 'cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here!" "Stop yelling! You're making Sheldon cry!" "I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry! That I let you name him Sheldon!"
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Penny: Come on Sheldon, let's go home - we're done fighting.
Sheldon: I've heard that before. Then the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom blaring a Richard Feynman lecture while my mom is shouting that "Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf." And my dad's on the roof skeet shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.
Penny: There's gonna be no more shouting and no skeet shooting.
Sheldon: Really? Where's your friend Justin going to sleep?
Leonard: Yeah, where's he gonna sleep?
Penny: Oh, my God, would you let this go?!
Stuart: [walking by] I'd let it go.
Leonard: Why do I have to let it go, why can't you just tell the guy to find another place to sleep?! [Sheldon turns on a toy robot to drown out the arguing] Oh, for God's sakes! [turns off the robot] So, you have childhood issues - we all have childhood issues. At some point you just need to grow up and get past them.
[Sheldon turns on another robot]
Penny: Leonard, will you just let me handle this, please? [takes robot from Sheldon and turns it off] Sheldon, please, try and understand. Look, Leonard and I are in a relationship, and occasionally, we're gonna fight. But - no matter what happens between us, we'll always love you. Right, Leonard?
Leonard: Always is a long time. [both look at him] Sure, always.
Penny: You know, how 'bout we buy you this robot and we all go home?
Sheldon: I want that one.
Penny: Okay, we'll buy you that one.
Leonard: Ah, come on, he's just gonna play with it twice and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard. [Leonard walks off to buy the robot]
Sheldon: Can I get this comic book too?
Penny: [m
Sheldon: I've heard that before. Then the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom blaring a Richard Feynman lecture while my mom is shouting that "Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf." And my dad's on the roof skeet shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.
Penny: There's gonna be no more shouting and no skeet shooting.
Sheldon: Really? Where's your friend Justin going to sleep?
Leonard: Yeah, where's he gonna sleep?
Penny: Oh, my God, would you let this go?!
Stuart: [walking by] I'd let it go.
Leonard: Why do I have to let it go, why can't you just tell the guy to find another place to sleep?! [Sheldon turns on a toy robot to drown out the arguing] Oh, for God's sakes! [turns off the robot] So, you have childhood issues - we all have childhood issues. At some point you just need to grow up and get past them.
[Sheldon turns on another robot]
Penny: Leonard, will you just let me handle this, please? [takes robot from Sheldon and turns it off] Sheldon, please, try and understand. Look, Leonard and I are in a relationship, and occasionally, we're gonna fight. But - no matter what happens between us, we'll always love you. Right, Leonard?
Leonard: Always is a long time. [both look at him] Sure, always.
Penny: You know, how 'bout we buy you this robot and we all go home?
Sheldon: I want that one.
Penny: Okay, we'll buy you that one.
Leonard: Ah, come on, he's just gonna play with it twice and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard. [Leonard walks off to buy the robot]
Sheldon: Can I get this comic book too?
Penny: [m
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: The 'Check Engine' light is on; we need to find a service station.
Penny: No, the light's been on since I bought the car.
Sheldon: All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes!
Penny: It's not gonna explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.
Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise, he was a science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise's 'Check Engine' light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately!
Penny: No, the light's been on since I bought the car.
Sheldon: All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes!
Penny: It's not gonna explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.
Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise, he was a science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise's 'Check Engine' light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately!
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be see after the man who claims to be having a heart attack but appears well enough to be playing Doodle Jump on his iPhone. [Holding clipboard] We have to fill these out. Describe the illness or injury.
Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.
Sheldon: All right, and how did the accident occur?
Penny: You already know that.
Sheldon: [writing] Cause of accident- lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Kidney disease?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Migraines?
Penny: Getting one.
Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.
Penny: Change migraine to 'yes'.
Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh- Next question!
Sheldon: I'll put 'in progress'. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all behavioural diagnoses e.g. depression, anxiety etcetera.
Penny: Oh my god! What the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder!?
Sheldon: [Writing] Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.
Penny: Ass!
Sheldon: Possible Tourettes.
Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.
Sheldon: All right, and how did the accident occur?
Penny: You already know that.
Sheldon: [writing] Cause of accident- lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Kidney disease?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Migraines?
Penny: Getting one.
Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.
Penny: Change migraine to 'yes'.
Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh- Next question!
Sheldon: I'll put 'in progress'. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all behavioural diagnoses e.g. depression, anxiety etcetera.
Penny: Oh my god! What the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder!?
Sheldon: [Writing] Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.
Penny: Ass!
Sheldon: Possible Tourettes.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: [about his appearance on NPR] My mother is very excited. She's convening her Bible study group to listen in and then pray for my soul.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Howard: I just always thought when I finally settle down and do a relationship, it would be with someone... you know... different.
Penny: Different how?
Howard: Well, you know... more like Megan Fox from Transformers or Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica.
Penny: Are you high?
Leonard: You'd have a better shot with that three-breasted Martian hooker from Total Recall.
Howard: Okay now you're just being unrealistic. Anyway, that movie was like twenty years ago. Imagine how saggy those things would be.
Penny: Different how?
Howard: Well, you know... more like Megan Fox from Transformers or Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica.
Penny: Are you high?
Leonard: You'd have a better shot with that three-breasted Martian hooker from Total Recall.
Howard: Okay now you're just being unrealistic. Anyway, that movie was like twenty years ago. Imagine how saggy those things would be.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: Well, that's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: Well, that's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: All right, start taking notes. It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece. You've finished your shopping at the local market, when you look up at the sky and see the billions of stars and you name them planetae, or wanderers.
[Penny puts her hand up]
Sheldon: Yes Penny.
Penny: Does this have anything to do with the work Leonard's doing?
Sheldon: No. This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together.
Penny: Twenty six hundred?
Sheldon: Yes. From the ancient Greeks to Isaac Newton, to Albert Einstein to Niels Bohr and finally the Dutch scientists that Leonard's currently ripping off.
Penny: Can I go to the bathroom?
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years.
Sheldon: Alright go then.
[Penny goes off and Sheldon goes to his computer]
Sheldon: [voice-over] Project Gorilla: Entry Two. I am exhausted.
[Penny puts her hand up]
Sheldon: Yes Penny.
Penny: Does this have anything to do with the work Leonard's doing?
Sheldon: No. This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together.
Penny: Twenty six hundred?
Sheldon: Yes. From the ancient Greeks to Isaac Newton, to Albert Einstein to Niels Bohr and finally the Dutch scientists that Leonard's currently ripping off.
Penny: Can I go to the bathroom?
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years.
Sheldon: Alright go then.
[Penny goes off and Sheldon goes to his computer]
Sheldon: [voice-over] Project Gorilla: Entry Two. I am exhausted.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: I found the Grinch to be a relatable and engaging character, and I was really with him right up the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas. What a buzzkill that was.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera and a stolen hat—a crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera and a stolen hat—a crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Leonard: What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?
Howard: Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.
Leonard: Do me a favor: lean over and put your head right here [in front of a laser he'd been using to fry action figures].
Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.
Leonard: What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.
Howard: I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]
Leonard: What is that?
Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
Howard: Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.
Leonard: Do me a favor: lean over and put your head right here [in front of a laser he'd been using to fry action figures].
Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.
Leonard: What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.
Howard: I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]
Leonard: What is that?
Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Raj: Okay, let's check out the females.
Sheldon: Alright, there's a female.
Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife, she's like 80 years old!
Sheldon: But she's female, isn't that the game?
Raj: No, I'm looking for a hookup.
Sheldon: Oh. So the point of this exercise is to find someone for you to copulate with.
Raj Not so loud, but ideally yes.
Sheldon: And what is my function as wingman?
Raj: You help me run my game.
Sheldon: Alright, and what is your game?
Raj: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.
[Abby walks by and notices Sheldon's lantern]
Abby: Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
Sheldon: It's a limited addition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Abby: [laughs] You're very funny, I'm Abby.
Sheldon: I'm Sheldon.
Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.
Abby: Hey Raj, where are you from?
Raj: The mysterious, sub-continent of India.
Abby: Ooh, India.
Raj: You know India?
Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.
Raj: Well I'm a slumdog astrophysicist.
Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynecologist? [Raj looks at him] Sorry. [Smiles and nods]
Abby: Hey Martha, come over here. Meet Sheldon and Raj.
Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?
Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight. [Holds up his ring to the lantern and it lights up.]
Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.
Sheldon: Thank you. [To Raj] Have you chosen one to copulate with?
Sheldon: Alright, there's a female.
Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife, she's like 80 years old!
Sheldon: But she's female, isn't that the game?
Raj: No, I'm looking for a hookup.
Sheldon: Oh. So the point of this exercise is to find someone for you to copulate with.
Raj Not so loud, but ideally yes.
Sheldon: And what is my function as wingman?
Raj: You help me run my game.
Sheldon: Alright, and what is your game?
Raj: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.
[Abby walks by and notices Sheldon's lantern]
Abby: Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
Sheldon: It's a limited addition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Abby: [laughs] You're very funny, I'm Abby.
Sheldon: I'm Sheldon.
Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.
Abby: Hey Raj, where are you from?
Raj: The mysterious, sub-continent of India.
Abby: Ooh, India.
Raj: You know India?
Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire.
Raj: Well I'm a slumdog astrophysicist.
Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynecologist? [Raj looks at him] Sorry. [Smiles and nods]
Abby: Hey Martha, come over here. Meet Sheldon and Raj.
Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?
Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight. [Holds up his ring to the lantern and it lights up.]
Martha: Oh, that is so awesome.
Sheldon: Thank you. [To Raj] Have you chosen one to copulate with?
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
[After their apartment has been robbed]
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Howard: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?
Sheldon: Same thing I've been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when traveling through a graphene sheet.
Bernadette: With marbles?
Sheldon: I needed something bigger than peas now, didn't I?
Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
Sheldon: I don't know, two, three days? Not important. I don't need sleep. I need answers. I need to determine where, in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squateth the toad of truth.
Penny: [aside to Leonard] The toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.
Bernadette: [making her way to Sheldon] Okay, Sheldon, what happens to our neuro-receptors when we don't get enough REM sleep?
Sheldon: [looks at Bernadette] They lose their sensitivity to seratonin and norepinephrine.
Bernadette: Which leads to…?
Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function.
Bernadette: Right. [firmly, pointing at his bedroom] So march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed!
Sheldon: [in a childish manner] …But I don't wanna go to bed.
Bernadette: [firmly] I'm gonna count to three. One…
Sheldon: [exasperated] Oh, all right! [leaves]
Leonard: [shocked] That was amazing how you handled him.
Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal daycare center in our basement.
Sheldon: Same thing I've been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when traveling through a graphene sheet.
Bernadette: With marbles?
Sheldon: I needed something bigger than peas now, didn't I?
Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
Sheldon: I don't know, two, three days? Not important. I don't need sleep. I need answers. I need to determine where, in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squateth the toad of truth.
Penny: [aside to Leonard] The toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.
Bernadette: [making her way to Sheldon] Okay, Sheldon, what happens to our neuro-receptors when we don't get enough REM sleep?
Sheldon: [looks at Bernadette] They lose their sensitivity to seratonin and norepinephrine.
Bernadette: Which leads to…?
Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function.
Bernadette: Right. [firmly, pointing at his bedroom] So march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed!
Sheldon: [in a childish manner] …But I don't wanna go to bed.
Bernadette: [firmly] I'm gonna count to three. One…
Sheldon: [exasperated] Oh, all right! [leaves]
Leonard: [shocked] That was amazing how you handled him.
Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal daycare center in our basement.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Penny: [at the restaurant] What are you doing here?
Sheldon: A reasonable question. I asked myself, "What is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable?" and three answers came to mind: tollbooth attendant, Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word "genius", here I am.
Penny: So that's it? You just walked in and they hired you just like that?
Sheldon: Oh, heavens, no! Since I don't have to be paid, I didn't have to be hired. I just walked in, picked up a tray, and started working for the Man.
Sheldon: A reasonable question. I asked myself, "What is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable?" and three answers came to mind: tollbooth attendant, Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word "genius", here I am.
Penny: So that's it? You just walked in and they hired you just like that?
Sheldon: Oh, heavens, no! Since I don't have to be paid, I didn't have to be hired. I just walked in, picked up a tray, and started working for the Man.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Leonard: [About everyone's Valentines Day plans] Okay, to sum up, one giant marble horse [Howard], one...asinine comment [Sheldon], one lonely man and his chicken [Raj] and that leaves...oh that's right! My plans! [no one responds] Isn't anyone gonna ask?
Raj: Fine, tell us you're gonna have sex with Penny.
Leonard: No, that's not was I was going to say.
Raj: It's okay, I don't mind hearing about your sex life, it's his [Howard's] that bugs me.
Leonard: That's not what I was going to say. Guess who the university is sending to see the Hadron Collider in Switzerland?
Sheldon: Professor Norton, although God knows why. He hasn't published anything in years since he won that Nobel prize.
Leonard: Actually he can't go. He threw his back out rock climbing.
Howard: I heard he threw his back out climbing his new girlfriend.
Raj: The big boobed weather girl from Channel 2?
Howard: That's the one.
Leonard: Anyway, since he can't go, the university is asking me to fill in for him!
Sheldon: In Switzerland or on the big boobed weather girl?
Raj: Fine, tell us you're gonna have sex with Penny.
Leonard: No, that's not was I was going to say.
Raj: It's okay, I don't mind hearing about your sex life, it's his [Howard's] that bugs me.
Leonard: That's not what I was going to say. Guess who the university is sending to see the Hadron Collider in Switzerland?
Sheldon: Professor Norton, although God knows why. He hasn't published anything in years since he won that Nobel prize.
Leonard: Actually he can't go. He threw his back out rock climbing.
Howard: I heard he threw his back out climbing his new girlfriend.
Raj: The big boobed weather girl from Channel 2?
Howard: That's the one.
Leonard: Anyway, since he can't go, the university is asking me to fill in for him!
Sheldon: In Switzerland or on the big boobed weather girl?
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Leonard: [Who is trying to cheer up Sheldon] I have an idea, why don't we play one of your car games.
Sheldon: Alright, this game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures and you will name them in order of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Do you really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right. Judas had the courtesy to hang himself after what he did. OK, round two. Leonard Hofstadter, Darth Vader, Rupert Murdoch,
Leonard: Rupert Murdoch?
Sheldon: He owns Fox and they canceled Firefly. Hint: he and Darth Vader are tied for number two.
Sheldon: Alright, this game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures and you will name them in order of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Do you really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right. Judas had the courtesy to hang himself after what he did. OK, round two. Leonard Hofstadter, Darth Vader, Rupert Murdoch,
Leonard: Rupert Murdoch?
Sheldon: He owns Fox and they canceled Firefly. Hint: he and Darth Vader are tied for number two.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Penny: Well, here we are.
Sheldon: Oh my, we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Penny: Yep.
Sheldon: First we were at Stan Lee's curb, than we were at Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. We're going to have milk and cookies with Stan Lee. [Penny rings the doorbell]
Penny: Okay, sweetie I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi so let me do the talking and... [Stan Lee comes out]
Stan Lee: Yeah?
Penny: Are you Stan Lee?
Stan Lee: Aw, crap.
Penny: Hi, I'm Penny and this is my friend Sheldon...
Sheldon: We're not friends at the moment. It depends on how this goes.
Penny: Anyway,Sheldon is a huge fan and he was supposed to be at your signing but he kind of, ended up in jail, so we got your address and...
Stan Lee: Wait, so you just decided to come to my house, uninvited?
Sheldon: You said we were invited.
Penny: No Sheldon, I said, I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house.
Stan Lee: You know, you fan boys are unbelievable. You think you can just ring by doorbell anytime you want? [Sarcastically] I mean why don't you just come in and watch the Lakers game with me?
Sheldon: [comes inside] Alright, but I'm not a very much of a sports fan.
Sheldon: Oh my, we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Penny: Yep.
Sheldon: First we were at Stan Lee's curb, than we were at Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. We're going to have milk and cookies with Stan Lee. [Penny rings the doorbell]
Penny: Okay, sweetie I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi so let me do the talking and... [Stan Lee comes out]
Stan Lee: Yeah?
Penny: Are you Stan Lee?
Stan Lee: Aw, crap.
Penny: Hi, I'm Penny and this is my friend Sheldon...
Sheldon: We're not friends at the moment. It depends on how this goes.
Penny: Anyway,Sheldon is a huge fan and he was supposed to be at your signing but he kind of, ended up in jail, so we got your address and...
Stan Lee: Wait, so you just decided to come to my house, uninvited?
Sheldon: You said we were invited.
Penny: No Sheldon, I said, I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house.
Stan Lee: You know, you fan boys are unbelievable. You think you can just ring by doorbell anytime you want? [Sarcastically] I mean why don't you just come in and watch the Lakers game with me?
Sheldon: [comes inside] Alright, but I'm not a very much of a sports fan.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
[Sheldon comes in the apartment]
Leonard: Hey, where've you been?
Sheldon: I'll tell you where I've been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee, and gotten autographed comics, but I got to see the inside of his house, and got a signed form for a restraining order from him.
Howard: Sweet?
Sheldon: Plus I get to hang out with him again, at the hearing. [Walks off to his room] This will look great next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
Leonard: Hey, where've you been?
Sheldon: I'll tell you where I've been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee, and gotten autographed comics, but I got to see the inside of his house, and got a signed form for a restraining order from him.
Howard: Sweet?
Sheldon: Plus I get to hang out with him again, at the hearing. [Walks off to his room] This will look great next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?
Howard: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?
Howard: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon: Waterfalls!
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Waterfalls, crashing waves, babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets, leaky gutter, peeing.
Raj: It's not working, dude.
Sheldon: Oh it's working alright. I have to pee.
Raj: Then let go of the ring and go.
Howard: Well actually I wouldn't mind going either.
Raj: Well on the count of three. 1, 2...
Sheldon: Wait, just to be clear. When we get to three, do we stand up? Or do we pee?
Howard: We stand up.
Sheldon: Excellent choice.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Waterfalls, crashing waves, babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets, leaky gutter, peeing.
Raj: It's not working, dude.
Sheldon: Oh it's working alright. I have to pee.
Raj: Then let go of the ring and go.
Howard: Well actually I wouldn't mind going either.
Raj: Well on the count of three. 1, 2...
Sheldon: Wait, just to be clear. When we get to three, do we stand up? Or do we pee?
Howard: We stand up.
Sheldon: Excellent choice.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory
Penny: So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No. The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier. Since I'm Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
Howard: Oh, that's not a good name.
Sheldon: No. The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier. Since I'm Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
Howard: Oh, that's not a good name.
TV Show: The Big Bang Theory